INFJ's and phone conversation?

[nyc bred]

I have a close INFJ friend and I was wondering if you guys like talking on the phone?

I'm not all up in her business and she isn't in mine, we can talk once every two weeks and we just continue on as if no time has passed but I realized that she is much more talkative through text (online messaging and texting) and in person than she is on the phone. Online we can talk for over 2 hours and time flies by. In person is the same, we have our talkative moments and blissful silence, and hours will pass by like nothing. But when it comes to the phone, it's completely different. We don't last more than 5-10 minutes before one of us cuts the conversation, and there's lulls here and there. Not really awkward, just less intimate. I can't tell if the phone just isn't her thing or if it's me making it weird for her. She'll still call me if I tell her to and vice versa. I love the fact that she follows up on "I'll call you later/tomorrow" among other things instead of forgetting. The only times our phone conversations are smooth and jolly is when we're drunk dialing each other.

Thoughts?

 

[eloquent_leo]

Mm.. I only like talking on the phone if its something that needs to be talked about right away. Such as - making plans to do something together, they need a listening ear, to grab some item at a store, etc. Or catching up with someone I haven't talked to in a long time will last an hour or longer.. But as in just chit chatting... nah, not really. Only people I talk to on the phone for more than an hour is my mom, my dad, my sister, and my significant other. My brother lives with me, so I just talk to him in person..
Online chatting, texting, and talking in person is pretty much like how you described your friend. Talkative moments, and blissful silence.. Hours passing by like nothing.

It's probably just not her thing in my opinion.

 

[endersgone]

I personally like to text /type more than speak... gives me time to think about what I'm saying. I've never been very good on the phone, or just talking/chatting in general... I think way too much about how my speech/words are being perceived. If I'm allowed the time to type and edit my answers/words I feel more confident in how my response will come across.

...I've just never really enjoyed phone conversations (reasons listed above). I tend to have them only when it's absolutely necessary.

 

[jimtaylor]

I am the same way. I only pick up the phone if I have a purpose which I realize probably hurts some people. Because I only call people when I want to ask them something or plan something out. Otherwise it is just easier to text and I really don't like being called either. I don't like my silence being broken and then I really don't want to talk. I rather have somebody text or email me so I can decide when I want to respond. Or if they text me, telling me when they will call so I can prepare what I want to talk about. I have been told I have an incredible gift for rushing people off the phone.

 

[David54]

well. . um... I spent 3 hours on the phone last night . .I can talk on the phone all day long .. .

 

[Bird]

I like to listen. People are always asking me to repeat myself
and I find this tedious at times.

 

[eloquent_leo]

[MENTION=2710]jimtaylor[/MENTION]

I don't like my silence being broken and then I really don't want to talk. Or if they text me, telling me when they will call so I can prepare what I want to talk about. I have been told I have an incredible gift for rushing people off the phone

I can relate to having them let me know when they are going to call, so I can prepare myself in a sense. Make time for their call, even if I'm not doing anything physically busy, the idea of setting a time for them so my minds not wondering off elsewhere. But yeah, my phone calls generally last 1 to 5 minutes when I call someone, unless I'm talking to my kids. I will talk to them as long as they want. My mother and sister love to talk on the phone. So when they tell me beforehand they are going to call, I make sure I have time to talk to them, or else I have to cut them off, or they won't end the conversation. My sister ends up getting sad when I say I need to go, and continues to talk for another 30 minutes. My mother ends up calling me for updates, and when she wants someone to talk to. My dad will call and talk about plans and more plans, possibilities. Suggestions. That keeps me talking longer with him, or else we both grow silent after whats said and done, say our I love you's and hang up.

 

[Vicarious]

Well, I'm not an INFJ, but I wholeheartedly prefer text or online chatting over the phone. I have several reasons: I have a very hard time understanding people on the phone unless they speak very clearly and I hate having to ask them "what?" constantly. I pretty much never call anyone unless there's a purpose AND they don't text (like my mom, she has no clue how to text or where to see anything I text to her) or if I need an immediate response to something. Another reason is my kids are constantly interrupting and I spend more time trying to shoo them or answer their nosy questions than I spend actually talking to the person on the line. I am also what I consider to be an extreme introvert, and I don't like to interact with people unless I feel completely up to it...that might have something to do with constantly being surrounded by people, either my kids or people at work/school and just really want my time to myself to actually BE by myself...who knows.

 

[Sriracha]

It depends on the person. For family and for my closest friends ... absolutely. Otherwise, I think I'm prone to divulging too much information ... and I hate that feeling.

 

[Radiantshadow]

Hand-written letters > email > texts/online chatting > in-person > phone calls

I'm hyper-aware of how I may come off to others, so situations where I can frame and edit my thoughts before sharing are wonderful. Expression is always more powerful when I can analyze and make every word count. I rarely make phone calls; when I do, they are typically less than five minutes long and business-like regardless of who is on the other end. I am fairly passive in-person actually, listening is easier for me than being the spotlight. And...my voice is basically a whisper and repeating myself becomes tedious.

 

[grt$5vb]

I think this is specific to each individual INFJ, and it depends on the person on the other end. I almost never answer my phone, because I don't want to get stuck talking to some long-winded person who just wants an ear because they are totally bored, and everyone else is busy. I work really long hours so my private time is precious to me, and I usually spend it on the phone with my long-distance love. I would prefer people text me, then I can decide whether or not the situation warrants a phone call. If I connect well with a good friend we can talk for hours, but one or both of us usually don't care to frequently. If I am in love with someone I can talk to them as little or as much as they like, but I definitely do prefer hearing their voice, so maybe that's what it is. It's a way to stay connected, so if I feel the friend is using it for that purpose, I can genuinely appreciate, and enjoy that.

Then again, I really don't prefer messenger, either.

 

[Norton]

I hate the phone and I'm not even an INFJ.

 

[bickelz]

I like speaking better than texting most of the time. Using text message takes way too long to talk about something. Come on people! I have a bunch of shit that I don't have to do!

 

[AUM]

I hate, scratch that...I loathe the phone.

If it's inevitable, I will let the person leave a voicemail and then prepare myself for what I'm going to say and call them back. Ideally, I won't even have a phone on the first place and pretend I'm so broke that I can't pay my bill, but alas, phone is so cheap nowadays that that can hardly pass as an excuse

 

[Annabreher]

I agree Sriracha. I don't mind talking on the phone, in fact I look forward to talking to close friends and family, but I find that when I talk to new people I am with one ear listening, and the other putting them through a screening process. My brain: What are your motives, why are we talking, and do I think I can possibly form a solid friendship.

-Anna

 

[Lerxst]

Unless you like 1 word conversations, you probably wouldn't want to talk to me over the phone. "Uh huh" "Yep" "No" "Ok"... My African Grey actually does a little phone conversation with himself whenever the phone rings. Not that it's hard to do one of my conversations by memory!

I hate not being able to see the person, hear the little nuances of their voice, pick up on their body language and just that overall feeling that we're both in the middle of doing something other than talking to each other.

 

[CAptain]

No.

Reasons why I don

 

[JGirl]

perhaps she is like me, in that she prefers to take her time forming thoughts, ideas or responses. texting or instant messaging gives me the little bit of time i need to form my responses. i hate talking on the phone mostly because it's a right now thing. lulls in conversation can be completely natural in person, but the phone demands an ongoing dialog to justify using it. lol at least that's my take on it.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

I use a blue-tooth earpiece. This means I can do either work or home chores while speaking.

I don't mind the phone at all in this sense. However, I don't like people trying to have long conversations with me by phone - I don't have a lot of free time; and I'd rather spend it doing something productive.

 

[kw134]

I absolutely hate talking on the phone and I avoid it as much as I can. There are always awkward silences whenever I talk to a friend on the phone and it's usually because I stop for a while to think about what to say next and formulate my responses. I hate text messaging as well as it's harder to type as much as I want to say. I'd much rather email or message people so I have time to think about what I want to say carefully.