INFJs and Passive-Aggressiveness

[SpilledMilk]

I wonder if INFJs (or Is, or Fs) are more prone than other types to passive-aggressiveness?

For example, see the confessional thread and its related anonymous confessions (but perhaps the second may not be a representative sample, since you don't know if it's most/all INFJs making anonymous confessions). I also noticed it a lot in other posts here, and have experienced first-hand rather infantile passive aggressive behavior from INFJs.

I don't mean to be insulting or rude. I just want to know how people and types tick.

As a secondary topic, I'd like to also ask: Do INFJs see their baseline passive aggressiveness change towards more or less when in a loving, healthy relationship?

 

[arbygil]

Well...I think one thing you may need to remember is not everyone on here is an INFJ, and those confessional posts weren't necessarily written by INFJs. I wouldn't call F-types any more or less PA than any other type; I'd call folks who don't have the ability to express themselves emotionally any other way immature but that has nothing to do with typology.

That being said, F-types can express their emotional sensitivity differently from other types. T-types may simply try to make their opponents look dumb when they're hurt; NF-types may look for the emotional weak spot.

 

[This]

I would be willing to bet a large number of the posters in that confessional are the same handful of people, and there is no guarantee that that handful is INFJs. That being said passive aggressiveness can happen, especially in instances where one feels repressed or controlled.

 

[oddgirlout]

I personally work very hard at avoiding passive aggressiveness, but agree it is a stereotype for us INFJs. Perhaps with me I have become used to practicing assertiveness in my day to day due to my job and therefore successfully avoid (most of the time) said passive aggressiveness. I am often frustrated with this opinion/stereotype not only as an INFJ but as a woman.

I find if you mean anything to me in the slightest, I will be up front and forthcoming with you as I find value in the relationship. This is true in general for every type of interaction/realationship. If I have made the determination that you are not worth my time and energy I will be perplexed, try to figure it out and then I may be passive in limiting the interaction with you depending on the circumstances. I don't know if that helped at all....

 

[Nixie]

@SpilledMilk
Did you also wonder if E types were more prone to interpret passive agressive behavior when none was present?

Perhaps E types may be more likely to see PA behavior or interpret it because their orientation is outward--they see everybody else as the problem first. No? Just a thought.

Fe doms in general are usually pretty concerned with not hurting someone's feelings. "Group Hug"!!

 

[Feelings]

I have heard that INFJ can be bad motherfuckers if they wanna fuck with you emotionally. That is, if you really piss them off. I mean, the intelligent INFJs that is. Which most aren't. Sorry LOL, but the same is true of any type. Anyhow, biting judgementalism aside, I suppose I haven't pissed anyone off enough to eat their manipulative wrath.

Correction: I pissed Sandra the fuck off recently, but she didn't try to make me kill myself or anything. She was very controlled actually. She loves me or some shit.

 

[Jana]

Guilty!
But I try to control it...I manage from time to time...I am growing

 

[roxtehproxy]

I have heard that INFJ can be bad motherfuckers if they wanna fuck with you emotionally. That is, if you really piss them off. I mean, the intelligent INFJs that is. Which most aren't. Sorry LOL, but the same is true of any type. Anyhow, biting judgementalism aside, I suppose I haven't pissed anyone off enough to eat their manipulative wrath.

What? No such thing. If both Ni and Fe are developed well, where neither overshadows the other, obviously they can potentially harm someone. Especially other feelers.

 

[TheFoolishOwl]

My INFJ friend consider herself to be passive agressive when crossed with someone for making noise for example, I use this example because I think that in many circumstances most people will be agressive, and I am more manipulative (making people feel pity for my poor state so they will stop on their own to make so much noise) so I was wondering the same thing. I thought, perhaps, it was more of an individual thing than a type thing as we progressively learn how to deal with our environment and other people through different methods as we grow up but perhaps NF are more likely to become agressive when it is time to accept a conflict.

It may as well depend on your very nature, some people are naturally less agressive and let themselves be controled by people, no matter what their type is.

 

[MadiEve]

I wonder if INFJs (or Is, or Fs) are more prone than other types to passive-aggressiveness?

For example, see the confessional thread and its related anonymous confessions (but perhaps the second may not be a representative sample, since you don't know if it's most/all INFJs making anonymous confessions). I also noticed it a lot in other posts here, and have experienced first-hand rather infantile passive aggressive behavior from INFJs.

I don't mean to be insulting or rude. I just want to know how people and types tick.

As a secondary topic, I'd like to also ask: Do INFJs see their baseline passive aggressiveness change towards more or less when in a loving, healthy relationship?

I'm passive aggressive because I don't like conflict and I don't feel like I can say what I think without being judged.

 

[Scientia]

If it's something small or just annoying, I am definitely passive aggressive. I will store the slight in an invisible pile of slights and emotionally withdraw a bit each time the person offends me.

If it's something big or particularly egregious, I will confront the person regarding the behavior straight on without aggression but directly stated. No passive anything at that point.

 

[Littlelissa]

I think I read that INFJ's come under the 'avoidant' personality category. Anyone know about this?
Might explain passive aggressive behaviour?

 

[Littlelissa]

I also noticed it a lot in other posts here, and have experienced first-hand rather infantile passive aggressive behavior from INFJs.

I don't mean to be insulting or rude. I just want to know how people and types tick.

I wonder if I have come across that way in a few instances, but think it's also to do with an ironic sense of humour, and teasing. What I think is funny, I'm realising may not be perceived that way, and is there a bit of spite underneath, I hadn't thought so but should maybe pay more attention to that, as a possible underlying factor. In any case I'm realising that very 'dry' humour can come across not so well, especially in writing.

 

[Asa]

Hmmm, no. I either let the behavior go or face it. I do not admire passive aggressiveness.
INFJs are known for being non-confrontational, and I would certainly rather be non-confrontational, but I recognize it is my decision to avoid facing issues, and if I choose that route releasing my anger in a slow, passive leak is not a good way to deal with it.


PS: There are a lot of traits that immature INFJs use more than mature INFJs, and over time we all learn traits from our social circles. I'm aware that my direct way of dealing is a learned trait, but before that I was just the type to hide from all confrontation.

 

[highlighter]

I think one could say that INFJs are passive aggressive, but I think this is a good thing well a good thing for others...
I think INFJs are just too intense, like myself if you piss me off, I will bottle it up and than in my solitude i will curse your name. write it out and than expel it all. Than I return to that person with a somewhat empty tank. This is not the most effective but honestly I dont think people can take it. INFJ rage is off the scale, and it cuts very deep. because we know what they have done we know their sins, and whats all the worse is that the people who hurt us KNOW we are right, thats why it cuts thats why its too much TRUTH. INFJ expressing their hurt feelings is just too much truth for most people to take. so we INFJs do the passive aggressions thing mainly because we know what we are wielding and we use extreme caution in this regard.

IN general i believe most all people lie to themselves, all day every day about their motivations, their morality, their faith and their self centered nature. its all lies, they lie to themselves, INFJs in my experience dont do this at all. They live in their own darkness and face their mirror every moment of the day. You cant show an INFJ their, SINs....it they already know it. they live it. they fight it.

INFJ is the type that can walk right into hell, look around and than walk out. its an thin vale for us INFJs.

Most people cant take INFJ airing their grievances. they will need a box of tissues.

 

[t5juyt]

I wonder if I have come across that way in a few instances, but think it's also to do with an ironic sense of humour, and teasing. What I think is funny, I'm realising may not be perceived that way, and is there a bit of spite underneath, I hadn't thought so but should maybe pay more attention to that, as a possible underlying factor. In any case I'm realising that very 'dry' humour can come across not so well, especially in writing.

I have a considerable history of being sharp witted and very dry. As I got older, I began to see that it could be pretty hurtful, so I've worked on myself a lot to quell the sarcasm. But during that period, being PA was also a frequent way of behaving - especially in the presence of people to whom I could overly sensitive, and them taking advantage of it.

 

[Deleted member 10171]

IN general i believe most all people lie to themselves, all day every day about their motivations, their morality, their faith and their self centered nature. its all lies, they lie to themselves, INFJs in my experience dont do this at all. They live in their own darkness and face their mirror every moment of the day. You cant show an INFJ their, SINs....it they already know it. they live it. they fight it.

Most people cant take INFJ airing their grievances. they will need a box of tissues.

I like - thank you.

 

[Littlelissa]

Just say what you mean.

 

[hush]

Just say what you mean.

And mean what you say.

 

[Littlelissa]

And mean what you say.

yes exactly.