INFJs and Jealousy?

[Little Dove]

Curiosity killed the cat.... So be it I will take my chances.

What are your thoughts on INFJs and the tendency to be "jealous". Comparatively to the other 15 types are they more or less likely to be "the Jealous Type"?

Although I would much prefer an objective point of view, opinions subjective in nature are also welcome.

 

[Ryanbutler]

I don't have much to contribute except to say that if I see a girl I like and perceive as "mine" with someone else (even with fictional characters sometimes!) I will get pretty insanely jealous. That said if INFJ's do get jealous they hide it very, very well (like with everything else)

 

[idealisticdreamer]

I am not a very jealous person. However, if there's a reasonable suspicion to believe that something is "off," that would make me jealous.

 

[infjenny]

Jealousy is one of my greater flaws, though I try very hard not to show it. It has less to do with objects, and more to do about jealousy surrounding people.

For example, I see two of my friends hanging out together (via social media) and I instantly get jealous as to why they picked the other to hang out with and not me.
Or, someone I have a crush on is interested in someone else, and suddenly I tell myself I dislike everything about that person, when really I am jealous of what they have that makes my crush like them more than me.

I doubt this is true for all INFJs, but I identify as a strong INFJ and that is my reaction.

 

[maxtazm]

Jealousy isn't really related to your personality type. It actually depends a lot on your confidence.

Check out this article on how to maintain a healthy relationship with your girlfriend.

It says basically jealosy comes from fear you aren't good enough to keep your partner. But you should be confident that you are the best. Period. Jealosy comes from insecurity and makes you extremely unnatractive. It pushes people away. Given the choice between displaying jealousy and not, always choose to not show it.

 

[Molvas]

I get very jealous of people, I usually feel like people don't pay attention to me or I get jealous of people in relationships, or people with a lot of money and a good job.im trying to work on it now though,and now instead of getting jealous and mad I repeat to myself think about how good it is that they have things that make them happy and ,that another human being is enjoying there life and all the joy they spread to those around them,its working slowly as im being to feel less jealous of other lately.

 

[BrokenDaniel]

Jealousy is high when it comes to romantic partners. I recognize myself as a possessive person unfortunately. There are lots of reasons for that, and i don't feel like talking much about it.
As for other kinds of jealousy, not too much. I'm competitive in what i do, but not the kind of person who's gonna get all bitter and grumpy to see others doing good in life.

 

[Dave Fallon]

I think I would say the same as many people here already have, at least when I was younger. I can remember being very jealous, hating the feeling, and doing everything possible to hide it. But as I got older, I think it abated much. Part of it was that I came to realize that everyone deserves to choose their own group to hang around with, and if I do not want to hang around with the same group as a significant other then it is fine for her and I to do different things. I still would feel extremely bad if I felt I was cheated on, but I wouldn't jump to that conclusion just because some of my SO's attention was given to someone else.

I think of the poem by Emily Dickinson, The Soul selects her own society. Such is true of all souls, and if you can't respect that of your SO, you shouldn't get involved, IMO.

If this is an INFJ thing, it makes sense. Just like so many of the strong feelings that clash with our ethics and logic behind our stoic faces...

 

[SilverSkies]

Argh I am SO jealous! I can't stand it about myself. In most situations I'll find myself comparing myself to someone that is more successful, earning more, doing more etc. Its really bad because I'll always come off second best and judge myself harshly because of it. For example yesterday I had an appointment and the girl was telling me of her friend in Perth who's dad had just died. Even tho i felt instant compassion, this changed to jealousy as I was told this girl was a model with guys drooling all over her, glamour and trips everywhere ets. If I knew her name I would have gone home to google and see how pretty and awesome she really is. And this is someone I don't even know. I realise this is ridiculous behaviour but you think I can change it? I guess half of it lies in the fact that I don't feel life is going well for me at the moment, and I don't have much to brag about. It feels like everyone else my age is really getting on in life (even tho I know this is not true). Even trying to be happy for these people seems a wasted effort for me! I just got home from an extended family party and of course my focus was on how successful everyone else was. I always notice that one on one situations we end up talking far more about the other person, perhaps because I don't like to talk about myself as I feel I haven't achieved much, but also because I probably want enough information to be able to think "ok well things arent going SO great for them", I'm still ok. Pretty sad huh

 

[Dave Fallon]

Pretty sad huh

Oh, I think I can relate. It's not necessarily sad (although it may make you feel sad), but it is a hardship. You just can't reason your feelings away, and that is like torture to many.

Argh I am SO jealous! I can't stand it about myself.

Yeah, what makes it worse is you know it is you, not them, but you can't seem to change it.

In most situations I'll find myself comparing myself to someone that is more successful, earning more, doing more etc. Its really bad because I'll always come off second best and judge myself harshly because of it. For example yesterday I had an appointment and the girl was telling me of her friend in Perth who's dad had just died. Even tho i felt instant compassion, this changed to jealousy as I was told this girl was a model with guys drooling all over her, glamour and trips everywhere ets. If I knew her name I would have gone home to google and see how pretty and awesome she really is. And this is someone I don't even know. I realise this is ridiculous behaviour but you think I can change it? I guess half of it lies in the fact that I don't feel life is going well for me at the moment, and I don't have much to brag about. It feels like everyone else my age is really getting on in life (even tho I know this is not true). Even trying to be happy for these people seems a wasted effort for me! I just got home from an extended family party and of course my focus was on how successful everyone else was. I always notice that one on one situations we end up talking far more about the other person, perhaps because I don't like to talk about myself as I feel I haven't achieved much, but also because I probably want enough information to be able to think "ok well things arent going SO great for them", I'm still ok.

I feel like that too. The same thing: I'm intensely aware of the "success delta" in one-on-one interactions. I had posted in a similar thread (Lives of the rich and shameless) that it both bothers me that I'm jealous of others for their success, quite out of my own control, but I'm also fearful of those who may be jealous of mine. My sole recompense is in carefully thinking of what I have achieved (to feel less jealous of others), and what I have yet to achieve (to feel less anxious of those who also have things to achieve). Ultimately, you can't affect how others feel about you and you know that there will always be people better off and worse off then you at any single point, so I think the only solution is to turn the conversation inwards, and that's really tough for INFJs, I think. Just like you said, you tend to talk more about the other person and think more about their position in life than your own. Maybe daily affirmations or private expressions of gratitude for what you do have would help you?

 

[trifire]

I try not to be jealous.
If I am jealous though, it might be because I liked a girl and she didn't like me back, or if someone gets along with other people better than I do, someone knows more than I do, someone has a higher chess rating than me etc.
If I am jealous, I become sad really easily. So, I try and avoid jealousy. Jealousy often stems from greed, and lust. Jealousy causes people to do immoral things.
I do not like Jealousy. I prefer contentment and service.
But I do not think that INFJs are going to be jealous (or any NF for that case), because they will often view Jealousy as a bad thing.

 

[Quiet]

I dont relate to jealousy. I dont understand it.

I thought that perhaps this was related to being a ni-dom. For me, there is a certain self absorbtion with introverted intuition. Its easy to get immersed in the inner space. I enjoy my own company, rarely feel lonely, never get bored. I function much better when i get plenty of alone...down time. I want my friends to have as many other interests and friends as possible. I dont like the idea of being limited, or restricted and certainly would want anyone else to feel that way. Theres a lot of interesting people out there... it doesnt make my current friends less interesting if i meet more interesting people. I like independant and flexible people that arent needy or clingy. As much as i love people, i dont like being around anyone all the time..sometimes i just need space. Really, it'd make me so happy if all my friends were friends with each other..that would absolutely make life easier...if everyone were friends. ELE!

 

[Eventhorizon]

Have not been jealous in a very long while. Experienced some when much younger though.
Edit: Where I once long ago may have been jealous I generally only find happiness now. This life is not easy for anyone. Everyone has their battles they are fighting. That anyone has something more that what it takes to survive by itself makes me happy. Unless that person is an ass and then it makes me annoyed.

 

[Umbriel]

I would not say I'm a jealous person, though I could see why INFJ's may be prone to jealousy. Perfectionistic nature + not always being very outgoing = feeling jealous and inadequate
In a situation where others might feel jealous, I am usually indifferent, or maybe sad. If a person who I had feelings for had feelings for someone else I would undoubtedly be sad, but not immediately jealous. It depends on what this other girl is like and the situation. Jealousy is normal, and a little is probably healthy, but it's an ugly feeling and has caused me a lot of grief. I can think of quite a few times when other people have treated me like garbage for no reason other than jealousy. I don't like to think of myself as better than others, so it's somewhat surprising to find out when someone is jealous of me (and usually someone else has to point this out.)

 

[LucyJr]

Curiosity killed the cat.... So be it I will take my chances.

What are your thoughts on INFJs and the tendency to be "jealous". Comparatively to the other 15 types are they more or less likely to be "the Jealous Type"?

Although I would much prefer an objective point of view, opinions subjective in nature are also welcome.

According to my judgement and as far as I've seen from my observations, INFJs hit by far the highest score of the most jelous type.
There are some reasons for this: jelousy comes from pride and need for power, a kind of narcissism, a thirst to be the first, a vanity.
Naturaly INFJs are like that: instinctual tendency to manipulation, cunningness, and egocentrism.

Of course, this is not the INFJs we are used to hear, but if you see a INFJ growing himself up, without any positive influence, the kind of character they have is repelling.
And this can be seen in their actions, not in their faces, where they seem like little angels.

Even the "save the world" type of INFJs are not exactly manipulative (because they are supposed to be the good guys), but there is no real action there. They like to think they are saving the world, they are someone special and caring, that they have "depthness" of fellings and other majestic stuffs like that, but there is no real moral material there, just moral fantasies, of how good they are, and how much they want to save the world and all that non-sense, but look at their actions, and you will see the true colors of INFJs.
And if you are smart enough, look at the motivations behind actions, and you can see exactly wether they are doing it for real or they are not. And I'm saying this because there are alot of INFJs who beside their moral fantasies, they back that up with some real action, but there is no moral motivations there, just shit and interest, althought they are not able to face it.
I'm not saying this in a meany way, but you wanted a objective view.
I pity many INFJ.

On the good side, there are of course INFJs who are really nice and beautiful people, because good moral decisions can change any soul. They've made the right decisions, and they've changed.

 

[Average]

We dont get jealous, we stay envious lol just a joke. Not everyone determines jealousy particularly in human connection to be a bad thing, who's to say...whats being possesive? ?......where do we draw the line between someone being insecure and/or actual events occuring.
If anything its in all of us. Theres no reason to suspect the guardian of being more jealous than other types, as suggestive as the thought sounds intially in some regards....i mean. Protective-jealous.

 

[Reanbell]

Jealousy is my weakness... I don't often act on it, but when I do it ends up devastating for my emotions. I usually just glower in silence and have this ache inside of me which I tend to keep quiet besides to close friends where I tend to rant on and on about what precisely is bothering me. I usually find myself jealous of my best friend (though we aren't close anymore, so ex best friend really). Even when we were close - she was so talented, lovely, beautiful, open minded and I just wanted to be as talented and amazing as she was. Seeing her interact with others made me jealous and upset because I wanted to be the center of her world and attention. It is not just her though. In my relationships in general when I see other friends interacting I get annoyed. And I really dislike that part of me. I should be able to look at them and be happy for them. Instead I'm wondering why I don't have a best friend anymore and why people are including me in their lives and their groups and sharing deep things with me.

It sucks because I feel like I need to have constant attention. I need some sort of weird void filled in. I instantly feel lonely if no one is talking to me which is why I interact so much either only or in person with friends as soon as I am able.

 

[Chalti]

I've had light moments of being jealous where I would openly show it if it involved my siblings. In public, I'd try not to think so much about it or show it, so a lot of people and friends are surprised when I finally confess after a long time of just...hoping it'd leave. There was this one time where my jealousy was extreme, and it was kind of frightening because I've never been so frustrated with someone in my entire life. I was unnaturally possessive, and when it comes to that, I make sure people know it.

 

[Delta]

Only ever been jealous over my husband and had good right to be - a so called friend was trying to entice him. So, I don't count that experience as really I was being alerted to something being off kilter.

My other frustrations in social settings are due primarily to having to care about scenarios I would never intentionally create and having to do so repeatedly. I can't be jealous over pointless manifestations.

 

[Scientia]

I am not jealous at all, ever. I think my philosophy on relationships is that the person doesn't belong to me but lets me "borrow" him for as long as it works for both of us. I might be shocked by certain behavior but not jealous. I have, however, caused jealousy by not paying enough attention to what was going on around me, though. I count myself as a social idiot in that area.