INFJs and fits of guilt
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Fits of guilt, huh..
Yeah, I have those. Looking back on my mistakes, whether people have forgiven me and moved on means nothing. I can't seem to move beyond my mistakes and failures and end up blowing things way out of proportion.
Suddenly, what should be as easy as scaling a 6-ft wall becomes climbing Mount Everest.
I don't know how to stop feeling guilty about things.
I wouldn't be the person I am today... if there weren't for the tons of guilt that shaped me from my first breathing moments.
Baby Moxie: "Oh, Mom, I can't believe I hurt you so much coming out of you like that! Oh, no! Dang, I should have been even more premature!! I feel so terrible!" *sniff, sniff*
I'm good at making fun of my guilt complex. But yes, it's true, and it always works on me - once.
Baby Moxie: "Oh, Mom, I can't believe I hurt you so much coming out of you like that! Oh, no! Dang, I should have been even more premature!! I feel so terrible!" *sniff, sniff*
I'm good at making fun of my guilt complex. But yes, it's true, and it always works on me - once.
So... I was raised Catholic. I've got more than a little guilt, I'd say. I know joking about Catholics and guilt is way beyond cliche at this point, but for me the cliche is absolutely accurate. I'm an INFJ with an under-developed F, which has caused me, mostly in the past, to be emotionally impotent in my relationships. I attribute this character flaw to never having to "feel" my way through situations during my formative years because right and wrong was always dictated to me with the threat of eternal damnation...
Unfortunately, I can relate to the being raised Catholic with chronic neurotic guilt syndrome. And I might actually be an INFJ, which would explain why I seemed more remorseful of my
LOL! Oh my goodness, that's funny.
Unfortunately, it's not so funny when it's really true. I can relate to this Moxie. Fits of guilt are terrible, but it's worse when you just don't have 'fits of guilt', you have it constantly.
Thanks. 
It's fun making fun of yourself.
Fighting guilt is such a chore. I've learned that I am easily manipulated by it, but now I recognize that it also makes me really angry - that's why I say I will fall for it once. After that I won't let myself have anything to do with that person anymore!
It's fun making fun of yourself. Fighting guilt is such a chore. I've learned that I am easily manipulated by it, but now I recognize that it also makes me really angry - that's why I say I will fall for it once. After that I won't let myself have anything to do with that person anymore!
...daily?
I tend to ascribe it to the fact that INFJs can see the ideal in nearly any situation. Then being so focused on growth, we aim that spotlight towards ourselves (being introverted and all), and everywhere we've failed to meet said ideal is illuminated like tinsel under a flashlight in a dark room.
That said, most of the things I guilt about tend to be incredibly minor. So minor that when I actually do address them with those who I've wronged, 98% of the time the answer I get back is "You did that? I had completely forgotten."
Go figure.
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...So minor that when I actually do address them with those who I've wronged, 98% of the time the answer I get back is "You did that? I had completely forgotten."
Go figure.
Ha, ha, that's so true, so true, so true...
I was raised Catholic, too, but somehow avoided the whole guilt thing. In spite of this, I used to have some bouts of guilt here and there, but not so much now. Not sure why. Maybe I got so old that I saw some futility in the exercise of guilt-riddenness....like it was really all about me? I know realizing that the meaning of life was about connection...not performance....helped a lot, too.
I came to see my journey to God in a very different way. Over time I had adjusted my lifestyle/decisions/longings to be more harmonious with the Divine Vision, but I found that, rather then me actually getting closer to God, that instead something very strange was happening. The closer I got, the more I began to see with clarity the object of my quest. I saw that the entire horizon was opening up and the vastness of the cosmos...of God...of Love...could be more readily seen. The vista was truly immense, mind-numbing, spectacular!!! That changed all my efforts, simply because I perceived everything differently. From then on I realized it was only about connection to this wondrous reality, not "getting every behavior right." There was no way I was going to actually, somehow, attain what I was beholding before me....in this case my only response could be nothing but humility and gratitude and deep connection. "I" was loved, that was it...and that was everything.
It seems to me that guilt has a rightful place....the interior equivalent to taking our hand out of a flame because it hurts us. However, when it becomes a debilitating barrier (shame) then we probably need to see reality with more clarity. This generally requires a journey...most of us don't get this all at once, only because it is not merely an idea....it is a transformation.
I came to see my journey to God in a very different way. Over time I had adjusted my lifestyle/decisions/longings to be more harmonious with the Divine Vision, but I found that, rather then me actually getting closer to God, that instead something very strange was happening. The closer I got, the more I began to see with clarity the object of my quest. I saw that the entire horizon was opening up and the vastness of the cosmos...of God...of Love...could be more readily seen. The vista was truly immense, mind-numbing, spectacular!!! That changed all my efforts, simply because I perceived everything differently. From then on I realized it was only about connection to this wondrous reality, not "getting every behavior right." There was no way I was going to actually, somehow, attain what I was beholding before me....in this case my only response could be nothing but humility and gratitude and deep connection. "I" was loved, that was it...and that was everything.
It seems to me that guilt has a rightful place....the interior equivalent to taking our hand out of a flame because it hurts us. However, when it becomes a debilitating barrier (shame) then we probably need to see reality with more clarity. This generally requires a journey...most of us don't get this all at once, only because it is not merely an idea....it is a transformation.
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...daily?
I tend to ascribe it to the fact that INFJs can see the ideal in nearly any situation. Then being so focused on growth, we aim that spotlight towards ourselves (being introverted and all), and everywhere we've failed to meet said ideal is illuminated like tinsel under a flashlight in a dark room.
That said, most of the things I guilt about tend to be incredibly minor. So minor that when I actually do address them with those who I've wronged, 98% of the time the answer I get back is "You did that? I had completely forgotten."
Go figure.
+1
So true.Oh my goodness, yeah! Otherwise, I'd develop such a burning resentment towards that person. Bad relationships are not worth pursuing. :mfly:
I can completely relate to this, CP, except that for me the reasons were my family dynamics and my reaction to that. It was really hard to figure it out at first, but it gets easier and is very rewarding the further along you get.
I'm not sure if I go through fits of guilt. I suspect I do.
I hate guilt, I used to like that I had it, but then it started getting to the point where I was self sacrificing to hide form guilt. Sometimes guilt is better to bare then staying in a shitty situation.
Once I started accepting that guilt seemed more or less inconsequential to me, but I still feel it.
Once I started accepting that guilt seemed more or less inconsequential to me, but I still feel it.
I'm definitely guilty (no pun intended) of pushing myself into a lot of guilt for what's probably no real reason. It's something that seems to be pretty readily apparent to others which when pointed out makes me stupidly feed into feeling bad about showing it that much, rather than do enough to stop it.
That said, I've been working my butt off over the past year or so to get over focusing that much of a guilt feeling onto myself, especially when it's either incredibly minor, or there was nothing within my ability that I could have done to prevent something that I had no connection to. I just feel like I'm getting to the point where it's probably annoying to others, and that any authentic apologies get lost in a sea of useless ones that don't end up mattering in the end.
That said, I've been working my butt off over the past year or so to get over focusing that much of a guilt feeling onto myself, especially when it's either incredibly minor, or there was nothing within my ability that I could have done to prevent something that I had no connection to. I just feel like I'm getting to the point where it's probably annoying to others, and that any authentic apologies get lost in a sea of useless ones that don't end up mattering in the end.
So many posts here are helpful to me. That makes sense, Introspiritual.
I like this too. It is hard to keep in mind that everyone is loveable, but it helps when I can feel that (like the things about the cosmos you wrote). Helps to remember the difference between guilt and shame too.
I like this too. It is hard to keep in mind that everyone is loveable, but it helps when I can feel that (like the things about the cosmos you wrote). Helps to remember the difference between guilt and shame too.
