INFJ Who dislikes people

[Baccal]

Hi I am new here and have tested as an INFJ on many different tests.

My question is - is it possible to be an INFJ who dislikes/hates people?

I read somewhere that Fe can both be a means to connect with others and a means to disconnect.

 

[Lucifer]

Is it really hated or self preservation?

Like Holden Caulfield

 

[SeriosityOverflow]

do you hate all people? Or just some? I, personally truly hate about 5%, really like about 35%, kind of like 30%, and just have to tolerate about 30%

 

[Rudy]

My question is - is it possible to be an INFJ who dislikes/hates people?

Is this a general misanthropy, or a genuine and specific hatred for each and every person.

 

[Raccoon Love]

Hating people is not a characteristic of any type in my opinion, if you hate people then I think this is more characterized as anti-social personality disorder, INFJ's like other I types can appear to be cold, avoidant of social situations, dislike small talk etc etc but we certainly do NOT hate people. We just have our own special ways of befriending someone, we might typically have fewer friends because people might see us as deep or complex but I think once we get to know the person we can be very warm and loyal.

 

[Ria]

I would tend to agree... I come across as cold and unaproachable and I am used to others acting like I just came in and rained on the party that was going on... I hate this, it's just hard for me to get thru to others that I am just shy, and sometimes I am uncomfortable with being around lotsa jovialness and rauchus activity, it just shuts me down. Yea, unfortunately tho, my presence just shuts everyone else down too at times and I feel bad about it.

I would have to say that I honestly feel more of this scenario: 'I wish u well in yr life, I'll help if I can, just do yr best yrself, I'm generally indifferent, I don't hate u, now off u go, there's a good human'... lol

Am I the only one this way? lol, I'm willing to bet I'm not!!

 

[Soulful]

Is it really hated or self preservation?

Like Holden Caulfield

Hmm I should read Catcher in the Rye again.

Welcome! :wave: Do you really mean hate?
I'm inclined to say I probably relate with what SeriosityOverflow wrote.
Well hopefully you'll find yourself a cozy spot

 

[Raccoon Love]

I would tend to agree... I come across as cold and unaproachable and I am used to others acting like I just came in and rained on the party that was going on... I hate this, it's just hard for me to get thru to others that I am just shy, and sometimes I am uncomfortable with being around lotsa jovialness and rauchus activity, it just shuts me down. Yea, unfortunately tho, my presence just shuts everyone else down too at times and I feel bad about it.

I would have to say that I honestly feel more of this scenario: 'I wish u well in yr life, I'll help if I can, just do yr best yrself, I'm generally indifferent, I don't hate u, now off u go, there's a good human'... lol

Am I the only one this way? lol, I'm willing to bet I'm not!!

I hate this too, often people will find me weird, avoid me completely..they don't understand how I feel..they don't get my personality..they think I might have even problems. There's also those who take advantage of me and only use me for their purposes such as copying homework and then later they back stabbed me. I just sometimes wish I could go run and isolate myself from the world..but I know I can't live this way..I really don't have any friends however this does not mean I hate people...My intentions are good,just misunderstood and it annoys me when people make such negative comments about me.

Though life is hard, I still manage to keep a ''nice'' attitude which I think is important to all human beings.

 

[Ria]

I hate this too, often people will find me weird, avoid me completely..they don't understand how I feel..they don't get my personality..they think I might have even problems. There's also those who take advantage of me and only use me for their purposes such as copying homework and then later they back stabbed me. I just sometimes wish I could go run and isolate myself from the world..but I know I can't live this way..I really don't have any friends however this does not mean I hate people...My intentions are good,just misunderstood and it annoys me when people make such negative comments about me.

Though life is hard, I still manage to keep a ''nice'' attitude which I think is important to all human beings.

yes I know what u mean. I thought about checking how old u r, I figured that when I was yr age, I felt that way too about keeping a 'nice' attitude and offering that to people... I guess now that I am almost 40, I have felt esxausted from that too, after a few more yrs of feeling jaded I guess I come across as more just distant now. One of my closest friends is INFJ too, and she is in her 20's, so it's funny wher we're together, we feel comfortable in our silence together, then all of a sudden, one of us will start talking about something deep and meaningful and it's relaxing for us, where as when we r like this out together in public, we know that others must think we r both really bored when we're not actually, lol.

As for being taken advantage of by others, yes I remember my school yrs were spent pretty much daily fighting tears back throughout the day. (not saying that u fight tears back each day), but just that I can remember feeling used for whatever my talents were back then academically (which I'm sure was never for my spelling)

 

[transcendentalethos]

Absofrigginlutely. I loathe most people... and feel like everyone is out to zap me dry of my vitality. I have yet to meet a real life person that truly enriches my existence. But being 21 and not having had A SINGLE real life friend in several years, I'm getting desperate.

 

[transcendentalethos]

I would tend to agree... I come across as cold and unaproachable and I am used to others acting like I just came in and rained on the party that was going on... I hate this, it's just hard for me to get thru to others that I am just shy, and sometimes I am uncomfortable with being around lotsa jovialness and rauchus activity, it just shuts me down. Yea, unfortunately tho, my presence just shuts everyone else down too at times and I feel bad about it.

I would have to say that I honestly feel more of this scenario: 'I wish u well in yr life, I'll help if I can, just do yr best yrself, I'm generally indifferent, I don't hate u, now off u go, there's a good human'... lol

Am I the only one this way? lol, I'm willing to bet I'm not!!

*high five* You are not alone.

 

[VChosenOne]

I really dislike the stupid people. (the ones who do stupid things)
I really dislike people who lie,cheat,and steal
I really dislike people who intentionally hurt others
I really dislike people who assume they know me by the things I say or do when I will say things so people will have no clue who I am or what I am about. If I trust you,you will have a good idea who I am or what I am about.
I really dislike people who dislike me because they heard something about me...if you want to know if this is true then ask me...more than likely not true!

*sigh* I dislike ignorant people

Um so to answer this question I seem to have trained myself to be like a light switch. I can connect with some people like I have known them all my life...others I reject because I see their black soul and want no part of them what so ever.

If you can't enrich my life in any way,then off you go. I will gladly hold open a door for a stranger. My heart is wide open to those I let in. Most people will see me as a cold heartless bitch....see they assume. I am not..but can be when necessary. I give and give,but need to crawl into my comfy morgue when feeling overwhelmed. I just sit and wait for someone to hold me up at times...I wonder what it feels like...

 

[Faye]

Yes, any type can dislike people.

 

[IndigoSensor]

To dislike all people? I don't think so. That is much more a T thing. Fe is a used function by us, and Fe likes people.

While I am rather picky and only like some people, I sure don't like all people.

 

[v.shadow]

well, I do hate people sometimes (most of the times, actually) and no, I don't think it is related to INFJs (I'd say most INFJs tend to "let people be", that means they will accept you just as you are even if you're a total dick. but again, everyone's different. MBTI or not)

 

[Baccal]

This connection just popped into my head.

I have created a thread on INFJs and Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) and a central theme that seems to be coming out is that INFJs can tend to avoid people.

http://forum.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=4836

On this thread this trend seem reversed with the sense that people avoid them not the other way around.

I wonder who is avoiding who?
Paradox of reaching out with Fe and avoiding with Fe too.

 

[James]

Is it really hated or self preservation?

Like Holden Caulfield

do you hate all people? Or just some? I, personally truly hate about 5%, really like about 35%, kind of like 30%, and just have to tolerate about 30%

I really try to go the MLK route on this, 'hate the sin, not the sinner' and NOT in a religious context. Really loved the Catcher in the Rye post, and the numbers division. Personally ? I'd say about 5% of people just can't lie, about 90% tell a 'moralized' version of the truth, and 5% outright lie.

I try not to see them as bad people, very often close study of those who do terrible things etc show brain impairment in the prefrontal cortex. Not everyone who has such damage does bad things, those who have had loving empathetic childhoods seem to do much better. To a degree those people probably have very limited (if any) ability to restrain themselves. As such laws, and rules are unlikely to really make them adjust to better behavior. I hope over time we find a better way to adjust and deal with people who really need help to not hurt/damage others.

I think as INFJ I know I'm somewhat vulnerable to others and I'm cautious in accepting people into my social circle, or becoming too close. I've often kept my distance with people until I have seen their behavior long enough to get a good 'bead' on their personality. I don't think INFJ's hate people at all, it's the total opposite, we just have to be careful.

 

[Baby]

A lot of people say “hate is such a strong word, I could never hate anyone”. However I truly feel hate from deep within my soul. It has gotten to the point where it “leaks out” onto most of humanity, including the innocently dumb and selfish. But I know the root of it was early and ongoing circumstances in which I was trapped with and somewhat destroyed by soulless, malevolent, manipulative evil people. And saw other loved ones destroyed too. Many people in this world commit terrible acts out of their own wounding and I have compassion for this type of victim. However once you have known and lived intimately with this other type of malevolent person, and seen how they operate over a period of 20 years, seen how their loved and privileged children are born just as inherently evil and not damaged but smug, happy, well, popular, admired, destroying others lives without a care in the world as if it’s their birthright, you understand. And this type of person is NOT RARE in this world, NOT RARE AT ALL! So this is where my deep hatred comes from. Hatred for those malevolent people, which extends to hatred for the people who support and surround them oblivious to the truth, and hatred for people who don’t understand. Which is everyone. So it’s an INFJ reaction to abuse. My sister who is ESFJ went through the same experience but is the opposite of me in this way - LOVES people and people love her. She has low self-esteem and sadness from the abuse but no hatred.

 

[David54]

I do not hate anyone. . but I nothing several people. . .they are irrelevant and hold no place in my thoughts. . they are gone and do not exist for me.

 

[MoonFlier]

Shaking the dust off this thread I see.

One has to earn their right to be disliked by me, and even then that is more like "just please go away" than detest or hatred.

We are all born pretty much the same: two eyes, ears, a heart and lungs that breathe the same exact air as everyone else. We all start off innocent. My feeling: Why not just give everyone a chance.