All I know of ESFP is that they banter a lot. (banter: an exchange of light, playful, teasing remarks; good-natured raillery.) Sure they whine a lot about grass as greener attitudes, doesn't mean they have that. I think your boyfriend views you as some sort of authority on all things feminine so he runs everything by you first to see what role he is to play in the relationship. To compliment you would be to make a distinction of improvement, yet in his eyes you are never tarnished but rather immortalized as an integral part of him.
To simply accept and be aware that anger resides in you is not cause to fight and yell. This is a common trend among xxFP types and how they ascertain their environment. In my experience INFJ often embrace even the darker notions of love as an integral measure of one's feelings. In this regard you feel as if he is holding back from you, perhaps even he too feels the same.
I would suggest looking at your relationship like a play or piece of artwork. Try establishing a dialogue of names to call each other with their own figurative quotes, it can be as cutesy as you like. To answer your question I would say in a formal situation ESFP + INFJ work well however in a personal situation things are very different. What I have noticed to always be true of INFJ is their unwillingness to call out a bluff or turn the tables in a conversation. And this trait is something that many admire about you. You don't seem to gamble when feelings are involved. Maybe you two should play a few simple card games to talk things over.
I read a post elsewhere on the forums about an INFJ enneagram that seems to be more in touch with their shadow/dual functions so perhaps you could consult such a person for a better understanding.