INFJ -- ESTJ relationship

[kitty125]

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum. I joined because I was doing a lot of research into MBTI types. I think I'm borderline INFJ/INTJ, slighty more INFJ. Recently, i've been dating an ESTJ or ESFJ (slightly more ESTJ imo) -- basically someone i NEVER would have ever imagined dating.

This guy is the polar opposite of me in some ways: he's into almost all sport and runs track; good at math/physics and science; and just like everyday kind of practical stuff. I shun all his interests to varying degree, mostly sports. Science and math are OK. I'm into classical music, learning stuff concerning ppl/culture i.e. the non-"scientific", fashion + makeup, etc.. The only piece of classical music he knows is Pachelbel's Canon. His intellectual weakness is written communication, while i'm finishing my MA in English LOL. He's more laid-back, social, loves meeting new people and is generally at ease socially; I have social anxiety. He's masculine and tall (6'4" hehe), which I find verrrrrry attractive; and of course, I'm feminine, but not that short.

I had tons of similarities and whatnot with previous bfs, but get alone with this guy better than anyone i've ever met. According to that socionics relations btwn personality types site, he's my "dual". http://www.socionics.com/rel/rel.htm . Their system was almost spot-on for my last relationship, my parents, and even some of my friendships...

I think we both could see ourselves getting married and starting a family in the future, but atm we're only 24, and I still want to do 3 more years of law school. Sadly, we've been fighting non-stop recently, because we'd been talking about future plans and there was an incident. Sometimes I'd just get really angry at him for what he did, and we'd get into big fights over text message -- never in person. To some degree, I can be emotionally unstable and evil when upset (borderline personality disorder). I was worse before, but I think I'm gradually improving... really want to start therapy in near future. He can be controlling and possessive. I don't mind either to a reasonable degree, but I do mind the fact that he thinks he's ALWAYS right, even when we'd just be debating about a neutral subject.

Anyway, I'm leaving our city, so our thing will just be like a long-distance ...? "friendship" or nothing. I'd really appreciate some advice or opinions on this type of relationship where people have almost nothing in common. Can it work, or should I just forget about him?

 

[Lexika]

If he is your dual, then he is ESTP.
Socionics duality is based on sharing all functions in common, which is true of INFJ & ESTP types.
ESTJ is actually conflictor of INFJ and ESFJ is supervisee.

Duality is cool, easy-going relationship but sometimes it seems too easy if you know what I mean. Most people expect that there will be something more to it, some more sparks or challenges to overcome, and it ends up being so smooth running (provided that neither of you has any deeper issues). Idk you might want to see some IEIs discussing their dual experiences with SLEs in this thread.

 

[knight in battle]

This guy is the polar opposite of me in some ways: he's into almost all sport and runs track; good at math/physics and science; and just like everyday kind of practical stuff. I shun all his interests to varying degree, mostly sports. Science and math are OK. I'm into classical music, learning stuff concerning ppl/culture i.e. the non-"scientific", fashion + makeup, etc.. The only piece of classical music he knows is Pachelbel's Canon. His intellectual weakness is written communication, while i'm finishing my MA in English LOL. He's more laid-back, social, loves meeting new people and is generally at ease socially; I have social anxiety. He's masculine and tall (6'4" hehe), which I find verrrrrry attractive; and of course, I'm feminine, but not that short.

I had tons of similarities and whatnot with previous bfs, but get alone with this guy better than anyone i've ever met. According to that socionics relations btwn personality types site, he's my "dual". http://www.socionics.com/rel/rel.htm . Their system was almost spot-on for my last relationship, my parents, and even some of my friendships...

I think we both could see ourselves getting married and starting a family in the future, but atm we're only 24, and I still want to do 3 more years of law school. Sadly, we've been fighting non-stop recently, because we'd been talking about future plans and there was an incident. Sometimes I'd just get really angry at him for what he did, and we'd get into big fights over text message -- never in person. To some degree, I can be emotionally unstable and evil when upset (borderline personality disorder). I was worse before, but I think I'm gradually improving... really want to start therapy in near future. He can be controlling and possessive. I don't mind either to a reasonable degree, but I do mind the fact that he thinks he's ALWAYS right, even when we'd just be debating about a neutral subject.

Anyway, I'm leaving our city, so our thing will just be like a long-distance ...? "friendship" or nothing. I'd really appreciate some advice or opinions on this type of relationship where people have almost nothing in common. Can it work, or should I just forget about him?

Your guy sounds ESFJ.

But if he's ESTJ, I can relate, in that I have had an ESTJ friend who would discuss but not argue. Sometimes, before a debate could possibly occur, even when it's in a fun, non-offensive way, he'd bail and shut it down.

People say you should give relationships a chance, but if it's giving you so many conflicts and objections, it's important to listen to your heart.