INFJ children

[Untitled]

Here's a short description of INFJ children I found online:

Some Characteristics of the INFJ Child-Some Behaviors to Look For

INFJ children are intensely thoughtful, private young ones
Cuddly, happy, cheerful babies…at home; away from home they can be quiet/serious
INFJ children spend much of their time (all their lives!) inside their heads…very rich fantasy, imagination ability
the INFJ child can be extremely tuned in to the emotional reality of their family….don’t argue/fight in front of them
Most INFJ kids are naturally polite, obedient, gentle, patient, considerate kids
INFJ children are so into their heads they may lag behind mastering some outside physical, sports related activity…they will get it however if interested…just don’t rush them
INFJ children are naturally tuned into music, fantasy, literature and like to sit and engage in these things early on
In school INFJ children usually exhibit a love of learning, reading, stories, myths, fairy tales and are very creative
the INFJ child will easily excel in writing, music, painting, other fine artsy expressions
the INFJ can be very stubborn when their mind is made up
the INFJ may hang back from group activities of all kinds unless they know a few of the participants well…don’t push your INFJ into new group things too quickly
the INFJ will need to spend a lot of time alone…you guessed it….in their heads
the INFJ will show a marked tendency toward perfectionism
as they become adolescent their will exhibit more future concerns, future thinking
the INFJ penchant for future and perfectionist thinking can trouble them greatly as they consider operating in the outside world

from: http://www.personality-power-for-everyday-living.com/Parenting-skill-infj.html

For other types check the links at the bottom of this page: http://www.personality-power-for-everyday-living.com/Parenting.html

 

[5r6jhd]

Yup....that was me!

 

[CindyLou]

Yeah, sounds like me too. The perfectionism was disturbing. I was such a complaint, obedient, little girl and never got in trouble and couldn't make any mistakes. My poor teachers, if I even so much as casually got in trouble, just a little bit I would FREAK OUT. My name on the board...I would go into such hysterics. I would cry and they would have to get my sister out of her class to come calm me down.

.

 

[MissionHouse]

Link to "kill the INFJ". Wow, that's some link!!!!

I wouldn't wish INFJ preferences on any child. My niece is one, and I do feel for her.

 

[CindyLou]

Link to "kill the INFJ". Wow, that's some link!!!!

I wouldn't wish INFJ preferences on any child. My niece is one, and I do feel for her.

I left my computer to go blowdry my hair. I was thinking about this thread, and I had the same thoughts. My daughter is showing traits that are nothing like me...and I'm glad for it. Everyone says how much of a good little girl I was; so obedient, so sensitive, so content. Well, I don't want her to be like me. Childhood is difficult for an INFJ...or was it just me?

 

[Untitled]

Link to "kill the INFJ". Wow, that's some link!!!!

Yikes!!!!

 

[Billy]

I left my computer to go blowdry my hair. I was thinking about this thread, and I had the same thoughts. My daughter is showing traits that are nothing like me...and I'm glad for it. Everyone says how much of a good little girl I was; so obedient, so sensitive, so content. Well, I don't want her to be like me. Childhood is difficult for an INFJ...or was it just me?

I suppose it depends. Sometimes I am thankful for it, because a lot of my early life was severely fucked up. That whole thing about not arguing and fighting in front of INFJ children is right, they should also include, don't be heroin addicts, don't be criminals, and don't neglect them too. A lot of that shit changes the way a kid will see things. I know that I would ave probably been a lot different as a person otherwise. Perhaps I would believe in abstractions like love etc still. But my imagination was my only respite in life, until my 20s I spent the majority of my life inside my mind cut off from the people around me. A lot of people thought I was strange or scary because I am so often deep in thought that my face has a blank expression. And my blank expression is not very flattering people say it looks forlorn or angry.

I dont know if it was INFJness that made me a survivor or what, but I had intense mental fortitude back then and now, I think perhaps as a result of these things.

and I focused much of my creativity and imagination onto my younger brothers whose care and safety I took on as a sacred charge, I enjoyed fulfilling roles. I would even say that most of my "friends" growing up were mostly outcasts, people who had no other friends and that always kind of touched me, so I would make it a point to pull them into my sphere and protect them like I protected my brothers. I think so much uncertainty as a kid with my folks and dad being in and out, and all that made me really crunch down on trying to control certain things and help the people around me because it helped me to get a grip. I remember one time, I couldn't have been more than 7 or 8 when some kid was pushing down a buddy of mine (Jay) and I raged out and grabbed him by the hair, put him up against the side of a brick wall and proceeded to smash his face in with my free fist. It was then that I learned to fear myself too, because I didn't know where that anger had come from, but it was there.

I had excessive martyr fantasies my whole life, thinking it was better to sacrifice my own self for the people who I cared about... I always felt more "mature" than the people around me, including a lot of adults. In a lot of ways I feel like I missed out on a childhood because of the circumstances surrounding my life at the time. And sometimes I feel bad for myself about it... but who else could I possibly be now if none of that had happened?

************

INFJ children are intensely thoughtful, private young ones
too true
Cuddly, happy, cheerful babies…at home; away from home they can be quiet/serious

This is partially true for me, all of it except the cuddly part, cuddles make me feel awkward and nervous.

INFJ children spend much of their time (all their lives!) inside their heads…very rich fantasy, imagination ability

the INFJ child can be extremely tuned in to the emotional reality of their family….don’t argue/fight in front of them

Most INFJ kids are naturally polite, obedient, gentle, patient, considerate kids

INFJ children are so into their heads they may lag behind mastering some outside physical, sports related activity…they will get it however if interested…just don’t rush them - This was not true for me. I quite enjoyed physical stuff, there was a lot of freedom and escape in it. I just didnt like the competitiveness in it, because as a perfectionist I wanted to win... but I hated seeing the emotional hurt it caused the people I beat.

INFJ children are naturally tuned into music, fantasy, literature and like to sit and engage in these things early on

In school INFJ children usually exhibit a love of learning, reading, stories, myths, fairy tales and are very creative
LOL I cant tell you how true this is for me, I was a big nintendo kid, and HUGELY into horror, fantasy, and greek mythology.

the INFJ child will easily excel in writing, music, painting, other fine artsy expressions

the INFJ can be very stubborn when their mind is made up
Stubborn? try immovable.

the INFJ may hang back from group activities of all kinds unless they know a few of the participants well…don’t push your INFJ into new group things too quickly

the INFJ will need to spend a lot of time alone…you guessed it….in their heads
the INFJ will show a marked tendency toward perfectionism
as they become adolescent their will exhibit more future concerns, future thinking
the INFJ penchant for future and perfectionist thinking can trouble them greatly as they consider operating in the outside world


Much of this describes me as a boy... very little of it is wrong (the red)

 

[Sriracha]

I left my computer to go blowdry my hair. I was thinking about this thread, and I had the same thoughts. My daughter is showing traits that are nothing like me...and I'm glad for it. Everyone says how much of a good little girl I was; so obedient, so sensitive, so content. Well, I don't want her to be like me. Childhood is difficult for an INFJ...or was it just me?

It wasn't difficult, but definitely not easy. If an INFJ is brought up in "normal" surroundings and supportive parents, of course they will always feel a bit misunderstood, but at least they are not in a situation where they would introvert totally inside themselves (as in abusive situations.) I'll try to note some things that may have been INFJish without the "sociology" aspect.

I know often I was thought of as "spacey." During times of intense stimuli I would tune everything out around me. Just a normal involuntary coping mechanism. I still do it, but am more aware of it and understand when I need to maintain my focus on the situation at hand. I was always in trouble in class for "daydreaming." I remember seeing that written on my progress reports time after time. Since my academics were fine, my parents were not as concerned ... I think they realized it was a pattern and there was nothing they could do about it. My mother's best friend once told me she always found it fascinating when our families would come together and when the chaos seemed to reach a peak I would sit quietly somewhere and observe.

Even though I had many kids in the neighborhood with which to play, I found I played most often within my own imagination. I was in my closet for hours (I think I was playing house.) My parents scoured the neighborhood trying to find me and were about to call the police when they heard a "thunk" in my room. They found me contently playing alone. I remember having my favorite spots in the yard and pretending to ride horses. I loved spending time by myself exploring the bugs under rocks.

It was difficult for me to retain friendships. I always sought out one or two good friends. As a threesome, I often found myself left out and then eventually discarded. To be honest, I'm not so sure why. After the hurt wore away the first several times, its almost as though I expected that I was a "disposable" friend to others ... which created more insecurity as I got into my teens. In order to make more friends I made the horrible mistake of becoming a cheerleader in the 9th grade. Omg. I was pretty much black balled by the others. Why? I don't know. I remember the coach yelling at the other girls at one point b/c of what she observed (the poking fun, etc.) I remember coming up with a skit for a pep rally, when no one else put forth the effort. I presented it (being proud of myself) only to find myself laughed at by everyone. I do remember the coach being furious. So after cheerleading ... I decided the art and theatre crowd is where I needed to be. Where the commonality is that everyone marches to the beat of their own drum and is not shunned for it.

It's strange looking back. When I went to my 20 year reunion, some of those cheerleading girls were there. They had not changed a bit. Still anorexic skinny, "princesses", almost robotic .... and I realized why I never fit in.

 

[Billy]

I am curious how many other INFJs would consider themselves as children the loner dog / shepherd of those who could not defend themselves. I loved this role, I lived it fiercely.

 

[Sriracha]

It was then that I learned to fear myself too, because I didn't know where that anger had come from, but it was there.

I had excessive martyr fantasies my whole life, thinking it was better to sacrifice my own self for the people who I cared about

I can relate to this. I've always been fiercely protective of the people I care for. Even after they may have forgiven someone for the way they were treated, I will want nothing to do with that person. I often remember standing up for my friends and them thinking "where in the hell did this come from?" All the anger that has been building up expelled.

Now I'm a mother bear.

 

[Jana]

Well, that was me as well...

 

[this is only temporary]

I can relate to this. I've always been fiercely protective of the people I care for. Even after they may have forgiven someone for the way they were treated, I will want nothing to do with that person. I often remember standing up for my friends and them thinking "where in the hell did this come from?" All the anger that has been building up expelled.

Now I'm a mother bear.

Well, yes, I supppose that's the way I was and am. I have a written report from Kindergarten where the teacher commented on how I was extremely protective of the smaller children. Not that they were a whole lot smaller, I was 5 at the time. And I never needed to punch anyone, but I would have.

I have a little introvert who I suspect may be INFJ, and he loathes when I put his brother in time out. He is visibly distressed, even if I am putting his brother in time out for having bitten him 2 seconds ago, and he himself was ready to punch his brother. Still, he gets upset. We are not harsh disciplinarians, but I won't allow them to harm each other, and have no problem doling out "logical" consequences, though I have no idea what the logical consequence of biting is, or why sitting on the bottom step for five minutes makes any sense at all; half the time I make this shit up as I go.

And we've had to talk to our INFJ about how half the house is not his own personal "Private Space" as he's proclaimed it to be. We had to tell him he has his room for that and cannot kick people out of half the house so he has his privacy.

The whole "in his head" thing is very true. I can tell when he is living out some fantasy -- partly because he makes sound effects (PEW! Shhhhhhhh PEW!! PEW!!!!! booosh bam....) and paces.

In school INFJ children usually exhibit a love of learning, reading, stories, myths, fairy tales and are very creative (True for me and my son)
the INFJ child will easily excel in writing, music, painting, other fine artsy expressions (Yep)
the INFJ can be very stubborn when their mind is made up (ohhh good gawdalmighty, in the worst way. )

P.S. And he's extremely affectionate, sensitive and smart, I would not change a thing about him at all.

 

[CindyLou]

I suppose it depends. Sometimes I am thankful for it, because a lot of my early life was severely fucked up. That whole thing about not arguing and fighting in front of INFJ children is right, they should also include, don't be heroin addicts, don't be criminals, and don't neglect them too. A lot of that shit changes the way a kid will see things. I know that I would ave probably been a lot different as a person otherwise. Perhaps I would believe in abstractions like love etc still. But my imagination was my only respite in life, until my 20s I spent the majority of my life inside my mind cut off from the people around me. A lot of people thought I was strange or scary because I am so often deep in thought that my face has a blank expression. And my blank expression is not very flattering people say it looks forlorn or angry.


I dont know if it was INFJness that made me a survivor or what, but I had intense mental fortitude back then and now, I think perhaps as a result of these things.

and I focused much of my creativity and imagination onto my younger brothers whose care and safety I took on as a sacred charge, I enjoyed fulfilling roles. I would even say that most of my "friends" growing up were mostly outcasts, people who had no other friends and that always kind of touched me, so I would make it a point to pull them into my sphere and protect them like I protected my brothers. I think so much uncertainty as a kid with my folks and dad being in and out, and all that made me really crunch down on trying to control certain things and help the people around me because it helped me to get a grip. I remember one time, I couldn't have been more than 7 or 8 when some kid was pushing down a buddy of mine (Jay) and I raged out and grabbed him by the hair, put him up against the side of a brick wall and proceeded to smash his face in with my free fist. It was then that I learned to fear myself too, because I didn't know where that anger had come from, but it was there.

I had excessive martyr fantasies my whole life, thinking it was better to sacrifice my own self for the people who I cared about... I always felt more "mature" than the people around me, including a lot of adults. In a lot of ways I feel like I missed out on a childhood because of the circumstances surrounding my life at the time. And sometimes I feel bad for myself about it... but who else could I possibly be now if none of that had happened?

I'm sorry to hear/read that you experienced a difficult childhood. In my experience, the people that can't admit that their parents were fvcked up are the ones that have the most work to do. So, those strategies you used...would you say they have stuck around into adulthood? Do they still help or do they hinder you now, in your 30's?

Funny, a lot of people thought I was strange or scary for a long time too. I often got asked why I never smiled. My blank expression tends to be one of disgust and its not very flattering for me either. Haha.

I don't think I was as protective like you guys have described yourselves being. I wish I was. However, I was a caregiver from the beginning. Always attracted to the wounded. Wounded animals, wounded people, but I couldn't protect anyone. Hell, I couldn't protect myself. Lol. I never remember being angry until I got to my late 20s. I am a giver and always had that same...martyr complex. I still have it, and it goes to the extreme. Like somehow if I give myself to my own betrayers, the earth would start spinning backwards and death would release her souls and the scales would balance. Its so messed up. Lol. For me, I don't consider that stuff "part" of my personality, or just a quirk as its caused me major problems. I'm compensating. I still believe in love.
[MENTION=4423]Sriracha[/MENTION] Friends. I was the same, only one friend at a time. Its all I could handle. If a threesome was starting to form, I'd silently give up on the friendship. I never went and will never go to any of my reunions. I don't care what any of them are doing.

Anyone else having a somatic response to reading through this thread? I feel icky... (an not for lack of a better term, I wanted to use the word icky) so it must have meaning for me. I just need to work so I'm going to take a break. Lol! Good thread though.

 

[MindYourHead]

I can see a lot of my childhood self in that description.

"the INFJ will need to spend a lot of time alone…you guessed it….in their heads"

In looking back, I feel fortunate that my Sister is 14 years older than me. She was off to college by the time I was 5. Since I have no other siblings, I could go off and be In my head and alone most anytime I wanted.
While I had a lot of neighborhood friends, I was just as happy being by myself doing my own thing.

 

[Billy]

I'm sorry to hear/read that you experienced a difficult childhood. In my experience, the people that can't admit that their parents were fvcked up are the ones that have the most work to do. So, those strategies you used...would you say they have stuck around into adulthood? Do they still help or do they hinder you now, in your 30's?

The strategy was to never let them see that they affected me, I became a champ at holding it all in. And as a consequence I developed a really really calm exterior with minimal facial expressions, opting more to use my mind like a lens and focus all I felt through words and actions. Im still like that, but I have come a long way at breaking free of some of that stuff.


Funny, a lot of people thought I was strange or scary for a long time too. I often got asked why I never smiled. My blank expression tends to be one of disgust and its not very flattering for me either. Haha.

I don't think I was as protective like you guys have described yourselves being. I wish I was. However, I was a caregiver from the beginning. Always attracted to the wounded. Wounded animals, wounded people, but I couldn't protect anyone. Hell, I couldn't protect myself. Lol. I never remember being angry until I got to my late 20s. I am a giver and always had that same...martyr complex. I still have it, and it goes to the extreme. Like somehow if I give myself to my own betrayers, the earth would start spinning backwards and death would release her souls and the scales would balance. Its so messed up. Lol. For me, I don't consider that stuff "part" of my personality, or just a quirk as its caused me major problems. I'm compensating. I still believe in love.
@Sriracha Friends. I was the same, only one friend at a time. Its all I could handle. If a threesome was starting to form, I'd silently give up on the friendship. I never went and will never go to any of my reunions. I don't care what any of them are doing.

My protective streak is absolute. I have no problem bringing all my strength, and power to bear to protect someone I think needs protecting. Again, this was something that was literally pounded into my head as a child. One of my fathers famous lessons "if your brothers come home with a black eye, and you don't give one to the kid who did it, you're gonna get one". "No problem Dad!". I only had to make a few examples to keep my brothers safe. I had no problem with using violence as a means to an end... what can I say I wasn't told it was wrong. I was only told it was wrong to hit my brothers, so I didn't. (he didn't say anything about wrestling though ) Dont get me wrong... I do not condone violence, and I feel terrible after I hurt anybody... but... if I have to choose between the right thing and the emotional thing, I choose the right thing. In that case being, using violence to defend my loved ones from harm despite the emotional cost I endure later. I was lucky, I was blessed with a powerful body and strength, I was natural athletic and strong. And Physical pain is nothing for me. I can deal with physical pain, its the emotional pain that gets to me. Its funny, I remember snapping my thumb in half... legit in half but it was still held together by the skin. In a football practice... it was excruciating, but I managed to finish off practice and wait a few hours for my mother to pick me up. (that was 2 years before that football picture I posted on my blog lol, # 75 by the way.) Not a tear was shed, not a wince, nothing. I could tell it was broken but didnt want to alarm everyone. But emotional pain... oy vey... My Dog being put down even so recently. Wow...could not stop the tears from flowing, and refused to leave the room, in fact I made them do it while I was holding him because I didnt want him to be afraid or alone... that sucked. Wow that sucked. And over a dog? heh... I cant even talk about my Uncle Chuck dying, suffice to say I got a tattoo of his name on my wrist. My eyes well up with tears every time I look at it... :/ like a deluge of guilt and grief washed down with anger and loss. Actually I should probably stop talking about this I am rambling and now im working myself up.

 

[jimtaylor]

“INFJ children are intensely thoughtful, private young ones”
Yes and no. I could be very private and hidden in some ways but be the exact opposite in other ways.

“Cuddly, happy, cheerful babies…at home; away from home they can be quiet/serious”
Very very true in most respects but since both of my parents where workaholics this applied to a work environment as well. They would bring me into the office and I would sit in my little chair and just watch the world. They always said it seemed like I enjoyed watching hectic things going on around me.

“INFJ children spend much of their time (all their lives!) inside their heads…very rich fantasy, imagination ability”
Again true.

“the INFJ child can be extremely tuned in to the emotional reality of their family….don’t argue/fight in front of them”
True.

“Most INFJ kids are naturally polite, obedient, gentle, patient, considerate kids”
Yes and no. I was in a lot of fights in my younger years because any other kid making fun of my natural sensitivity set me off and I had a short fuse. This wasn’t often and normally kids didn’t do it again after that but it still happened from time to time. The problem was that I had two older brothers who I fought constantly so I was a dirty and experienced fighter. For the most part though, I was all these things until a certain point. If I felt like I wasn’t being treated right or someone I cared about was being treated unfairly, I liked to get even.

“INFJ children are so into their heads they may lag behind mastering some outside physical, sports related activity…they will get it however if interested…just don’t rush them”
Nope, not true for me. I started playing team sports around 5 years old because of my older brothers and was always ahead of my peers, I didn’t fall behind until High School when I decided books, writing and academics entertained me more.

“INFJ children are naturally tuned into music, fantasy, literature and like to sit and engage in these things early on”
Another one that is partially true. I disliked reading mostly because I thought it was nerdy and my older brothers and I where always outside being active in some way. It wasn’t until we got separated that I realized how much I truly enjoyed reading and then I became addicted to it. It was true about the music thing and the fantasy part. Most of our things involved a lot of acting and imagination.

“In school INFJ children usually exhibit a love of learning, reading, stories, myths, fairy tales and are very creative”
Partially true and I loved learning but I disliked anything that had to do with reading unless I was being read to. This changed but they debated holding me back many times until they tested me and realized I could actually read very well, I just didn’t have any desire too. I enjoyed using my imagination to instead create the multiple worlds I would pretend existed during recess.

“The INFJ child will easily excel in writing, music, painting, other fine artsy expressions”
Writing came in my later years like reading and music never came but I did enjoy all other types of art. When I was left alone to design as I pleased, I did very well but sometimes the restrictions of teachers would frustrate because I didn't want to go at their pace. I wanted to go at my own pace and I was mad that I couldn't do the best job because they wanted me just to be done instead of being done to the best of my ability.

“The INFJ can be very stubborn when their mind is made up”
As my above answers, demonstrate without a doubt, yes.

“The INFJ may hang back from group activities of all kinds unless they know a few of the participants well…don’t push your INFJ into new group things too quickly”
Indeed but I had no control over the being pushed into it thing so I always was and eventually adapted to find my niche in such situations.

“The INFJ will need to spend a lot of time alone…you guessed it….in their heads”
A family of 7 kids, you never have time alone but I still found a way. Hiding in closets, under the bed, climbing trees, in a neighbors back yard or tree house, etc..

“The INFJ will show a marked tendency toward perfectionism”
In some ways yes. I didn’t have to be perfect in every way, just the ways that mattered to me. I wanted to be perfect at the sports I played; I wanted to be the perfect brother and the perfect friend and things like that.

“As they become adolescent their will exhibit more future concerns, future thinking”
This is about the time I actually started caring about school and started reading. From here on my perfectionism was applied to academics and I was the 4.0gpa perfectionist.

“The INFJ pnchant for future and perfectionist thinking can trouble them greatly as they consider operating in the outside world”
Yup, no question

 

[Sai]

being an INFJ suxs.

 

[Rferraris]

Outside of answering a bunch of questions over and over and having it tell me I'm INFJ, I haven't tried to really understand the dominant and I guess secondary functions. Just sounds boring. But what I do find interesting is not how INFJs are, cause that part I get. It's how other people are and how they are different.


Let me say it like this. I'm hungry, so I eat. Now that makes sense to me. Somehow a none INFJ is hungry, and they get in the car and park under a bridge. That I don't get.

I'm tired, so I go to sleep. A non INFJ is tired and they go to a tanning salon. I don't get it.

Obviously not to be taken literally, but a non INFJ is just that bazaar.

So as kids. That just sucks.

 

[CindyLou]

^^ Oh, well that settles it; I'm not INFJ. ^^ I make no sense.

 

[Lemonworld]

Sounds like me, although I was probably on the more extreme end of the introversion scale. I sincerely believed I could telepathically communicate with animals until age nine and used to memorise and recite dozens of fairy tales and poems. I was a strange, happy, delighted child, albeit overly sensitive and serious-minded at times.

If you have a supportive environment, I would not agree that INFJ childhoods are bad. Not at all. Mine was full of joy and adventure.