[INFJ] - INFJ and youthful naivety. Confessions? | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] INFJ and youthful naivety. Confessions?

CosmicINFJ

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A sentence? A paragraph? An essay, if you wish. I'll start.

"I didn't know enough to be devastated at the time." A self defense mechanism? Self preservation? I don't know. So often with the benefit of hindsight, I have realized, so many years later, just how powerful some of the events of my life have been. Have you experienced this?
 
Somewhere on here I once commented on the compatibility between the classical temperaments and MBTI. INFJ corresponds with the melancholic-phlegmatic (primary-secondary) blend. Those with a melancholic temperament emotionally experience things deeply and intensely over a long duration, and react slowly to such stimuli. This describes the dominant aspect in the INFJ. Those with a phlegmatic temperament emotionally experience things not so deeply and intensely, and are slow to be affected, with the effect lasting over short duration, and responding slowly too. Put them together and in the INFJ you have someone who feels deeply and intensely, yet at once is somewhat disembodied from their emotions in the short term - with such emotions welling up, and pouring forth, in the long term - sometime after the emotional stimuli which in and of itself may have been forgotten by this time! This is a generalisation of course.

Yesterday I went to visit some local caves. Amazing really. Intellectually I was aware how great it was, but emotionally I was almost 'empty' in regards to what I was sensing. The impression goes deep but I usually only feel this impression after the event - i.e. the grandness and mystery of the cave is unfolding emotionally more so today after the event, than yesterday! I find this the case namely if I'm in a group experiencing things with them, as opposed to being by myself.

This particular dimension of delayed appreciation (registered emotionally) I think has to do with personality, and is realised more acutely through introspection. An introspection which will likely, and hopefully, mature with age, and thus lead to a deeper 'sense' of one's life events, relationships and encounters. Perhaps youthful naivety (not synonymous with youth, but an almost inevitable companion of it) may lend itself towards being unable to as effectively introspect, and so hampering a 'sense' of the value/significance of a past event.

Hindsight is a gift given with the passing of time. Bestowed more graciously as time extends - usually quantitatively, but namely qualitatively - which often goes hand in hand with time in quantity, but doesn't have to. As the heart often matures with the experience of corporeal age, but the heart can mature with the experience of few events deeply felt. However it comes, hindsight is the binoculars of introspection. It's 20/20 vision as they say. I suppose some form of naivety is ever with us in the present, in comparison to the clarity hindsight often (but not always) brings.

Wordsworth speaks on all of this, in Daffodils - especially the last stanza:

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Outdid the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:


For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
 
Definitely so but I may need to come back to this as it triggers too much in me at first glance.
 
Post Taumatic Stress Syndrome. At the time of incident a sense of detatchment occurs. The stressors or triggers follow throughout life. Even a similar smell associated with the original event can trigger the stress response leaving one confused as to the source of angst in that moment. It is much different than Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or Compound PTSD.
 
I have that delayed response to traumatic events as well. I get through it because I have to and then realize much later how bad it really was.

I also tend to stay in relationships, platonic or romantic, for much longer than any reasonable person would.
 
I also tend to stay in relationships, platonic or romantic, for much longer than any reasonable person would
Yep...this is an INFJ trait for sure. I believe it is because of our harmonious nature. To avoid conflict or discord we "hang around" so not to upset ourselves or others.
 
@Night Owl
That was great. Thanks for sharing this here. What you are describing is what I was talking about. I'll have to think of some examples to share.​
 
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Post Taumatic Stress Syndrome. At the time of incident a sense of detatchment occurs. The stressors or triggers follow throughout life. Even a similar smell associated with the original event can trigger the stress response leaving one confused as to the source of angst in that moment. It is much different than Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or Compound PTSD.

Hello Sandie
I wasn't thinking of Post Traumatic Stress specifically, but it also fits. For 30 years I unconsciously blocked out something that happened to me as a teenager and then something prompted me to go back and re live it in my mind. My memory of the event was limited because during the traumatic event I was black out drunk. I processed this for about a week one summer so many years later. It was painful, but therapeutic. The interesting thing to me was that I thought I had told my wife about this, but she had no recall of me telling her this. It's not the kind of thing someone would forget, so maybe all those years I had protected myself with some form of self delusion.

My late Mother in Law did suffer from PTSD as her Childhood Home in Belfast was destroyed by Bombs in WWII. Her older Brother was killed that day.

I'm interested to hear more about the difference between the Disorder and the Syndrome, if you have anything else to share.
Thank you.
 
I have that delayed response to traumatic events as well. I get through it because I have to and then realize much later how bad it really was.

I also tend to stay in relationships, platonic or romantic, for much longer than any reasonable person would.

I have a history of staying in platonic relationships until the other person gets too uncomfortable and disappears. I don't think most people can handle opposite sex platonic relationships. It seems to be an INFJ specialty. INFP too.
 
Hello Sandie
I wasn't thinking of Post Traumatic Stress specifically, but it also fits. For 30 years I unconsciously blocked out something that happened to me as a teenager and then something prompted me to go back and re live it in my mind. My memory of the event was limited because during the traumatic event I was black out drunk. I processed this for about a week one summer so many years later. It was painful, but therapeutic. The interesting thing to me was that I thought I had told my wife about this, but she had no recall of me telling her this. It's not the kind of thing someone would forget, so maybe all those years I had protected myself with some form of self delusion.

My late Mother in Law did suffer from PTSD as her Childhood Home in Belfast was destroyed by Bombs in WWII. Her older Brother was killed that day.

I'm interested to hear more about the difference between the Disorder and the Syndrome, if you have anything else to share.
Thank you.
Hello too you too @CosmicINFJ :)
I have some sites on PTSS, PTSD AND C-PTSD saved on my pc I'm on my phone they are quite good. I'll scare them up if you are interested.

My thoughts on your point here:
It's not the kind of thing someone would forget, so maybe all those years I had protected myself with some form of self delusion.

I am sorry to hear that you experienced such an event. I would like to offer a thought for your consideration..."self-delusion"...often our body and mind will stow away a particularly traumatic event. When your mind thinks you are strong enough it will bring the event to the forefront so you can process the details and begin the healing process. The unfortunate part is while you are recalling the details mentally your body will recall the sensations involved at the time of the actual event...but you are feeling them in the present moment. These thoughts and feelings are the "triggers" which keep the suffer of PTS related illness tied up in knots. For many afflicted with PTS learning their triggers helps to remove them from the cylic nature of the dis-ease.

Another point to consider is "are you a highly sensitive person?" If so you may 'see and feel' events differently from someone who is not HSP. Meaning what one person may shrug off as much to do about nothing, to a sensitive person may be highly stressful, even traumatic...and this causes a build up of stressful responses of which if you keep stuffing them away they build to a breaking point. Learning to process events in the moment the event occurs is best.
Not processing things and stuffing them is sort of like stuffing two pounds of sugar into a one pound sack...the sides will eventually burst and you'll have to clean up a mess.
 
Post Taumatic Stress Syndrome. At the time of incident a sense of detatchment occurs. The stressors or triggers follow throughout life. Even a similar smell associated with the original event can trigger the stress response leaving one confused as to the source of angst in that moment. It is much different than Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or Compound PTSD.

I have never heard of PTSS. What are the differences between that and PTSD?
 
Lately as a new Grandparent, I have been thinking about my Dad's Mom who died when the Small Plane that her second Husband (We were told to call him Uncle) was flying, crashed in the Rocky Mountains. This happened when I was 17. What I have been thinking about specifically is how she and her 2nd Husband moved 800 miles away when I was about 9 years old. I've asked my Mom and Dad about it. We were going through boxes of old pictures that belonged to my Dad's Dad and this sparked lot's of conversation. My Aunt (My Dad's Sister) and Uncle moved to the same farm as my Grandma. My Aunt, who had a very good relationship with her Mom, became estranged from the family for decades when My Grandma died. Later she and her husband reconnected with us. Now her husband is dying. (Sheesh, long story)
Any way I phoned my Aunt yesterday and we talked for about 45 minutes. Then she called back later because she had more thoughts about some of the questions I had asked her, and we talked again for about half an hour. I'm really glad that I reached out to her for a variety of reasons, but the main reasons are that she has unique memories and knowledge of my Grandma and Grandpa.
 
@Sandie33 Yes I am HSP. I feel like I am very well adapted to this though. Journaling has helped me process life 'Sooner' As I "Free Associate" :) Write about current thoughts, feelings, events. Yes, if you have more information I would be interested. You are welcome to post links on this thread.
 
OK, sometimes I do recognize powerful events in my life while I'm living them. A living witness. These tend to be feeling events. Like becoming a new grandpa. Like those Reiki healing days. Like being in new places that give me a sense of awe. So maybe it's the negative events that I have shielded myself from unconsciously. So my brain must conspire with me to blunt pain and accentuate bliss.
 
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No matter how conscious and aware you are, Is it possible that you may not realize the significance of what you are living through right now for several years? Maybe even a decade?
I'm sorry for your troubles. I remember the devastation of losing my Dad, and at the time I was a little numb in disbelief it was happening. It was a period of profound personal transformation for me and some things I learned at the time have had deeper meaning over the years as lessons spiral forwards. Sometimes I experience events as time capsules. Kind of like synchronicities that would not have significance in the present if the past hadn't played out the way it did. Or sometimes a glimpse of the future I didn't realize at the time in past events. Does that make sense or speak to your inquiry in some way?
 
I'm sorry for your troubles. I remember the devastation of losing my Dad, and at the time I was a little numb in disbelief it was happening. It was a period of profound personal transformation for me and some things I learned at the time have had deeper meaning over the years as lessons spiral forwards. Sometimes I experience events as time capsules. Kind of like synchronicities that would not have significance in the present if the past hadn't played out the way it did. Or sometimes a glimpse of the future I didn't realize at the time in past events. Does that make sense or speak to your inquiry in some way?
Yes, I think that you've captured a sense of the dimensionality of it all. Thank you.
 
I have never heard of PTSS. What are the differences between that and PTSD?

@Sandie33 Yes I am HSP. I feel like I am very well adapted to this though. Journaling has helped me process life 'Sooner' As I "Free Associate" :) Write about current thoughts, feelings, events. Yes, if you have more information I would be interested. You are welcome to post links on this thread.
@CosmicINFJ ...Hi:) I attached those links here. There are many wonderful articles about PTSD, PTS-S and C-PTSD within these site links. I'm hoping they prove helpful to you....peace of mind can be fleeting, however, it is a comfort to have. Enjoy your day!

http://psychcentral.com/lib/understanding-the-effects-of-trauma-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/

https://www.elementsbehavioralhealth.com/trauma-ptsd/ptsd-2/

Re: Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome( @CindyLou )
http://www.apa.org/research/action/ptsd.aspx

Re: Compound Post Traumatic Stress
http://m.brainlinemilitary.org/content/content.php?id=9418