INFJ and ISFP | INFJ Forum

INFJ and ISFP

namiasdf

Newbie
Dec 14, 2011
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INFJ
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Social Type 3
I'm an INFJ, my girlfriend is an ISFP.

She's a very emotional, needy and broken girl (Her past is not boring to say the least).
She's been cheated on by all her ex-boyfriends.
And her personality type makes her become extremely addicted to those she trusts (They're very closed people unless they think they can trust that person to not objectify everything they do).

i.e. When we first met, she was quiet, "no what you want", etc. type of person, and now she's super silly, always wants what she wants.
Not that it's bad, I'm just iterating the change.

But anyhow, because of her damage, she controls her surroundings to ensure that she'll be fine (i.e. ISFP do things in a very unique (not always best) way. But they're serious and passionate about what they do. I see it in her eyes, how genuinely she believes her system/way to be the best way. (It makes her love so honest. I feel like I can't breathe when I imagine it haha). (Also reason why majority artists are ISFP type.)

Things like going out to parties, or seeing my friends was something she never really wants. She won't explicitly state that her day is free for me, she'll tell me that she'll see for later if she has time. When I make other plans, she always ends up in this "make-him-feel-guilty" mood, and it always works. I love her, the thought of disappointing her hurts more than ditching my friends (sad, but what can an INFJ do, this is my first love as well).

My friends all understand, and rationally/logically I understand my mistakes (in that I'm being unfair to my friends) but love isn't really fair.

My best friend's mom then put this idea in my head. Am I feeding a life long addiction; her need to control her surroundings due to her past? I'm an engineering student, so my entire life style has been tweeked to my own subjective perfection. But her control is out of necessity, not out of principle. She doesn't want me to be anything but hers, and I understand. But by being the "good" boyfriend am I just going to cause us pain in the future. It's very draining to always have to deal with this social/moral conflict where you lose either way. (There are benefits, but you know what I mean. Disappointing friends or girlfriend is very stressful for an INFJ). One day I will snap, and I realize that I will. I always put my best foot forward giving her the benefit of the doubt, in that she'll return those steps later on in my life.

I just want some ideas/input/commenting on my thoughts here. It's very important that I focus on trying to get to the core root of the problem instead of listening to subjective and surface level ideas. (Which I hope I don't get too much of here haha. I'm not saying don't share your experience, but I understand the surface level rational that is obvious to the rational mind)