INFJ and Anger

[Bellosome]

I'm not sure if i had put it in the right category, please relocate if it's wrong heh

anyway, i was wondering, given that we feel things strongly, are INFJs capable of doing bad things? like, being vindictive or something of some sort. have you ever been angry that you wanted to just hurt the person whose hurt you or had angered you?

reason i asked is because... there had been so many instances that i should've been mad or rage in anger but i often feel disappointed more.. i can't remember a time where i have been angry.. lol i just feel it isn't normal when people around me is telling me that i should be fuming... you know?

 

[cptawesome]

I'm not sure if i had put it in the right category, please relocate if it's wrong heh

anyway, i was wondering, given that we feel things strongly, are INFJs capable of doing bad things? like, being vindictive or something of some sort. have you ever been angry that you wanted to just hurt the person whose hurt you or had angered you?

reason i asked is because... there had been so many instances that i should've been mad or rage in anger but i often feel disappointed more.. i can't remember a time where i have been angry.. lol i just feel it isn't normal when people around me is telling me that i should be fuming... you know?

I guess its our nature to accept human nature for what it is rather overrule it by acknowledging what comes out of people's mouths rather than hearts. When I was angry once I broke the water hose valve in half + on accident

 

[Elis]

People interpret MBTI very different here. While some people say feeler = more emotional, there is also the idea that those with undeveloped feeling functions would be more emotional due to not being able to handle emotional situations as well. Personally I don't think MBTI really cover topics like anger that well, other than maybe some broader strokes of conflicting issues. I think anyone, of any type, can get mad given some bad circumstances.

 

[cptawesome]

People interpret MBTI very different here. While some people say feeler = more emotional, there is also the idea that those with undeveloped feeling functions would be more emotional due to not being able to handle emotional situations as well. Personally I don't think MBTI really cover topics like anger that well, other than maybe some broader strokes of conflicting issues. I think anyone, of any type, can get mad given some bad circumstances.

Perhaps its because people don't know themselves as well as think they do. Yeah, MBTI does a great job but it can be a bad tool for ppl who need personal assistance

 

[Flavus Aquila]

INFJ anger is a particular type of anger. The most common type of expressed anger seems to be a type of conceptual Fe destructive action. Often times it seems that the goal of INFJ anger is to separate a person from social harmony. Two approaches are taken to the same end:
1. Painting conceptually a picture in which the target of their anger cannot fit into social harmony: "the world has advanced beyond having a place for people like...."
2. Projecting a pariah, or socially defective archetype onto the target of their anger: "you are an intolerant....", or "your immaturity/lack of...../etc.... makes it impossible for..."

I get the impression that INFJ anger involves a Ti construct; a thought construct, which is generally closed to contradictory evidence. It sees the angering person within a repulsive conceptual category, when the person might actually have only a fleeting/rare/occasional connection with that category. For example, if a person in a moment of irritation says something racist, like calling a coworker a "black bastard", an INFJ may never be able to see that person as anything other than racist, and may judge any behavior which does not fit this category as deliberate deception.

In short, INFJ anger to me is about painting people as pariahs.

 

[cptawesome]

INFJ anger is a particular type of anger. The most common type of expressed anger seems to be a type of conceptual Fe destructive action. Often times it seems that the goal of INFJ anger is to separate a person from social harmony. Two approaches are taken to the same end:
1. Painting conceptually a picture in which the target of their anger cannot fit into social harmony: "the world has advanced beyond having a place for people like...."
2. Projecting a pariah, or socially defective archetype onto the target of their anger: "you are an intolerant....", or "your immaturity/lack of...../etc.... makes it impossible for..."

I get the impression that INFJ anger involves a Ti construct; a thought construct, which is generally closed to contradictory evidence. It sees the angering person within a repulsive conceptual category, when the person might actually have only a fleeting/rare/occasional connection with that category. For example, if a person in a moment of irritation says something racist, like calling a coworker a "black bastard", an INFJ may never be able to see that person as anything other than racist, and may judge any behavior which does not fit this category as deliberate deception.

In short, INFJ anger to me is about painting people as pariahs.

I knew a girl named mariah once she was great haha

 

[Elis]

Perhaps its because people don't know themselves as well as think they do. Yeah, MBTI does a great job but it can be a bad tool for ppl who need personal assistance

Perhaps, but I do thinks there is an innate vagueness to it.

 

[cptawesome]

Perhaps, but I do thinks there is an innate vagueness to it.

Well of course there's 7 billion ppl in the world and so far we try to put them in 16 boxes.. its not that easy

 

[La Sagna]

I also feel disappointed, or hurt, rather than angry when people have done things that would cause anger in most people I know (if not all). Anger doesn't feel comfortable to me. If I get angry it's very short and mild, but the hurt is deep. I never want to hurt anyone, even if they somehow deserve it, so I am not vindictive at all. Yes, disappointment is mostly what I feel, because I think people should treat each other with love and respect and so few seem to do that. I also see many people get angry at others for things that were not done on purpose or malicious and I can't get angry for that because I know people are flawed and I feel for them.

I think it's more difficult to be angry at people if you're a very empathetic person.

I'm also an enneagram 9 which seeks inner peace at all times and anger disturbs that peace more than anything else so I don't want it.

 

[Bellosome]

INFJ anger involves a Ti construct; a thought construct

i was supposed to put this earlier. but i do not know how to elaborate it more.

If I get angry it's very short and mild, but the hurt is deep. I never want to hurt anyone, even if they somehow deserve it

i am also like this, upset and then hurt. and then i'll detach myself to this person.

 

[Dear imperfect]

Well of course there's 7 billion ppl in the world and so far we try to put them in 16 boxes.. its not that easy

Yes. It's like the box introvert and the box extrovert. I'm sure everybody fit in one of those, and then, may have some similarities but that does not means that everybody is the same.
It's exactly what happen with this time 16 boxes. We are sure the same in some points but extreamely on others.

I guess because we feel so glad to find people like us, we forget that we still humain being and so diferent.

 

[cptawesome]

Yes. It's like the box introvert and the box extrovert. I'm sure everybody fit in one of those, and then, may have some similarities but that does not means that everybody is the same.
It's exactly what happen with this time 16 boxes. We are sure the same in some points but extreamely on others.

I guess because we feel so glad to find people like us, we forget that we still humain being and so diferent.

Every personality test will tell you your information processing but it won't relate that to each person's morality and convictions. In fact, some infjs dont have the weaknesses basic websites say they have. But we can give it credit for acknowledging how we can all similarly take in the world. It's intense at times

 

[Soulfire]

Im prone to doing the famous doorslam when someone is poisonous in my life.
Of course, i always try my best to communicate with the person and try to balance everything out and make sure harmony is restored. But if the person is agressive verbally or physically or simply closed to any type of resolution, i just close the book on that relationship and move on to other things.

Like many others stated above, I feel mostly hurt and disappointed. Alone. Misunderstood...instead of being "mad".

I don't believe in staying "mad" for very long because it's just a dark veil that brings nothing but negativity in our life. I believe more in feeling whatever I should be feeling in that moment and then moving on. To accept whatever I cannot change and not let it ruin my life or state of mind. But i do have strong urges to communicate and try to fix problems that are unfixable. It's the wishful thinker in me

 

[La Sagna]

INFJ anger is a particular type of anger. The most common type of expressed anger seems to be a type of conceptual Fe destructive action. Often times it seems that the goal of INFJ anger is to separate a person from social harmony. Two approaches are taken to the same end:
1. Painting conceptually a picture in which the target of their anger cannot fit into social harmony: "the world has advanced beyond having a place for people like...."
2. Projecting a pariah, or socially defective archetype onto the target of their anger: "you are an intolerant....", or "your immaturity/lack of...../etc.... makes it impossible for..."

I get the impression that INFJ anger involves a Ti construct; a thought construct, which is generally closed to contradictory evidence. It sees the angering person within a repulsive conceptual category, when the person might actually have only a fleeting/rare/occasional connection with that category. For example, if a person in a moment of irritation says something racist, like calling a coworker a "black bastard", an INFJ may never be able to see that person as anything other than racist, and may judge any behavior which does not fit this category as deliberate deception.

In short, INFJ anger to me is about painting people as pariahs.

There is something to what you say here. The anger I do feel is almost exclusively towards people who say things that are harmful to marginalised or vulnerable people. The empathy I feel for them is trumped by the empathy I feel for more vulnerable individuals. However, I don't think it's making people pariahs for me but it is putting people in certain categories (like racist...or ignorant...or someone not worth talking to). It is not impossible to convince me that they are not in that category but it would be very difficult to do and depending on the circumstances I may not deem them worthy of listening to what they have to say. I wouldn't do anything to make them societal pariahs because I still would see them as a flawed human beings and feel sad for them. Not associating with certain people because of these reasons I wouldn't see as stemming from anger or be any form of revenge, but more as a self-protection tactic and a way to not waste my time with people who would upset me.

 

[La Sagna]

However I do remember twice being truly angry to the point of rage and it was to do with someone trying to undermine my own reality. It was when I was being gaslighted and manipulated by my husband at the time to try to make me think that I was crazy and that his twisted conception of me was my reality too. In those moments I exploded in a way that would probably have made me unrecognisable to people who know me. So, I am capable of extreme anger but it took quite a lot to get there, and I still didn't exact revenge but just took steps to protect myself and detached.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

There is something to what you say here. The anger I do feel is almost exclusively towards people who say things that are harmful to marginalised or vulnerable people. The empathy I feel for them is trumped by the empathy I feel for more vulnerable individuals. However, I don't think it's making people pariahs for me but it is putting people in certain categories (like racist...or ignorant...or someone not worth talking to). It is not impossible to convince me that they are not in that category but it would be very difficult to do and depending on the circumstances I may not deem them worthy of listening to what they have to say. I wouldn't do anything to make them societal pariahs because I still would see them as a flawed human beings and feel sad for them. Not associating with certain people because of these reasons I wouldn't see as stemming from anger or be any form of revenge, but more as a self-protection tactic and a way to not waste my time with people who would upset me.

I think internalised anger involves negative categorising. If the anger reaches the threshold of expression, the first thing out of an INFJ's mouth/facial expression is: you are a .......

(Perhaps seeing INFJ anger as "painting a pariah" is my reading intention into what is probably more about expression).

 

[cptawesome]

However I do remember twice being truly angry to the point of rage and it was to do with someone trying to undermine my own reality. It was when I was being gaslighted and manipulated by my husband at the time to try to make me think that I was crazy and that his twisted conception of me was my reality too. In those moments I exploded in a way that would probably have made me unrecognisable to people who know me. So, I am capable of extreme anger but it took quite a lot to get there, and I still didn't exact revenge but just took steps to protect myself and detached.

Were either warm sweethearts or fudging effing cold blooded hulk like satanic people hahahah

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

i just feel it isn't normal when people around me is telling me that i should be fuming... you know

I don't get angry at things people expect me to be angry at. I think intent has a lot to do with it. One time, some lady wrecked into my new car. I responded by giving her a hug. My mom on the other was pissed and saying I needed to sue that stupid bitch, yada yada yada...

There has been only one time that my anger has manifested physically on a person and it wasn't because I was slighted (though it did hurt) but because people I care about were impacted. In this case, what Flavus said is accurate. In my mind, they became less than human. And what transpired was not something I did, but something they did to themselves. Whether that's right or wrong...meh...

 

[cptawesome]

Im prone to doing the famous doorslam when someone is poisonous in my life.
Of course, i always try my best to communicate with the person and try to balance everything out and make sure harmony is restored. But if the person is agressive verbally or physically or simply closed to any type of resolution, i just close the book on that relationship and move on to other things.

Like many others stated above, I feel mostly hurt and disappointed. Alone. Misunderstood...instead of being "mad".

I don't believe in staying "mad" for very long because it's just a dark veil that brings nothing but negativity in our life. I believe more in feeling whatever I should be feeling in that moment and then moving on. To accept whatever I cannot change and not let it ruin my life or state of mind. But i do have strong urges to communicate and try to fix problems that are unfixable. It's the wishful thinker in me

What if its your sister?

 

[invisible]

I can get very angry about being taken for granted and used without consideration. I can also get angry when I see other people treated badly.