I'm an ENFJ (again) | INFJ Forum

I'm an ENFJ (again)

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by VH, Jun 11, 2010.

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  1. VH

    VH Variable Hybrid

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    Well, I'm back to it. I've decided I'm an ENFJ. (Again)

    Here's why...

    1. I have a well developed Ni, but my Fe takes precedence over it if the two come into conflict. The definition of personality isn't how strong your functions are, but in which order you prefer them. In my case, I reflexively give preference to Fe over Ni. If there is a conflict between how I feel things should be and my intuitions, I will reflexively side with how I feel things should be. At my normal, healthy, functioning state I use my intuition to support how I feel things should be, rather than the other way around. This means I'm Fe > Ni, even if my Ni is more developed than my Fe.

    2. I gain more energy from being around people than being alone. I get over things faster by talking them out with someone than trying to figure them out on my own. I love people. I'm an extrovert.



    3. A few years ago I lost my wife, and then I lost my job. I've been extremely depressed, withdrawn, and otherwise more emotionally unhealthy than I've ever been in my life. I'm just now starting to get healthy again, and looking back, it's really clear that when I am in my shadow mode I'm an INFP, strongly Fi and Ne influenced. The only thing I can do is focus on my own pain, feelings, and have a hard time letting them out. In fact, I'm sure a lot of you will be surprised to find out that I've felt this way for the past three years. My cognitive function scores have reflected this, with my Fi having been really high in the past, and my Ne fairly elevated.

    4. When I wasn't in shadow mode through the course of this dark phase in my life, I was most often in my long term stress mode, which for ENFJs is INFJ. The long term stress mode is the one your mind goes to when it cannot solve the current stresses, and they are long term. This makes perfect sense, and was reflected in my test scores with INFJ being such a common result for me.

    5. Every now and then, I would 'flip out' and drop into ESTP mode, which is the ENFJ's reactive stress mode. This is when the mind is faced with extreme stress and cannot solve it with either the inherent mode or the long term stress mode. I'm one harsh bastard when I'm in this mode. I take no prisoners, and I often feel terrible about the things I've done when I'm in it. However, I've not gone into ISTP mode very often, if at all - which is the ENFJ absolute stress mode - the life or death stress mode.

    6. When I'm in Fe dominant mode, I feel GREAT! It's really that simple. I love digging deep into my introspection and Ni, but what really fulfills me is helping, protecting, and caring about people. This feels healthy and just plain awesome.

    7. All of my friends (except the few that I have who have met me while I've been going through all of this) scoff when I tell them I'm an introvert. The friends I've made since then are all convinced I'm an introvert, and have been encouraging me to self identify as INFJ (which are mostly my two INTJs, and their INTJ buddy from out of town). Everyone else just can't fathom it.

    And finally, I found this list...

    You might be an ENFJ if...

    1. Everyone knows you around town to the point where friends of friends will recognize your name and introduce themselves to you. Your name precedes you.
    2. People yell your name when they spot you in crowds.
    3. You're told that you are so inspiring and how you have changed the lives of others. You however, feel like you did nothing big.
    4. The fact so many people see you as a leader puzzles you as you simply go for things in life without fear and this is why you are succesful. Others actually fear taking the same risks you did and this puzzles you.
    5. Even when you don't want to lead, people vote you class President, Board Member, or Team Leader. Maybe its because you are outspoken and opinionated and charming, but you don't realize this.
    6. You can't simply quietly fit in and go unnoticed, sometimes you envy the types that can as they don't create waves, but you are always noticed even when you're not trying.
    7. People can talk to you for hours, and you adore in-depth conversations.
    8. People say they admire how you are always helping others...and this surprises you as you just don't see your impact on others and have a hard time believing that statement, it makes you blush.
    9. You have a hard time saying no, even to the detriment of yourself.
    10. You're a hopeless romantic and can fall in love at the drop of a hat, as you always see the potential in others, but have a hard time seeing the reality.
    11. When you find out someone has a crush on you, you are in shock and wonder are they sure? Really? If you like them back you become a shy, introvert, the complete opposite of your ENFJ self.
    11. You hate conflict and will avoid it at all costs, but fortunately you're really good at it.
    12. You can be very intellectual and bookish, even nerdy at times, but you show this side to only a select few.
    13. You feel people don't always know the real you and you let your guard down to only a select few.
    14. You connect well with people from other cultures.
    15. You are charming and charismatic according to others, but think you are a complete dork.
    16. People tell you you're brilliant, but you can't remember where you parked your car, and can't spell your way out of a wet paper bag without spellchecker.
     
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  2. 88chaz88

    88chaz88 Back for a limited time only
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    /golfclap.
     
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  3. OP
    VH

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    Actually, I'm going to go with

    ΩNFJ

    Ω = Omega, which means all inclusive. I'm very much both, even though I lean very slightly ENFJ, I've developed my Fe, Ni, Se, and Ti to such a degree that I think I've sort of transcended the type model. I can switch from ENFJ to INFJ to ESTP and ISTP rather fluently. So, since I'm pretty much a universal NFJ, I'm going to make up my own symbol.

    Yeah.
     
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  4. 88chaz88

    88chaz88 Back for a limited time only
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    ESTP and ISTP... :m083:

    Not sure about that... I've always felt that you have a strong Fe.
     
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  5. OP
    VH

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    Thanks. The traits attributed to Fe are the ones I aspire to most.

    As for ESTP and ISTP, these are my stress modes. I have to have a reason to get into them, so they're not common, but I do well when I am in them. My Ti and Se are pretty solid.

    Edit: For example, I have developed the ability to say things to people that might hurt their feelings, and speak unpleasant truths, and be downright raunchy, crass, and otherwise jackasserous. This is Se and Ti in action. I try to be more 'professional' and academic on the forums, so I don't show this part of myself very often. But, my rowdy side rivals all but the ESTPs I know. Even my ISTP friends can't keep up with me... though they are always encouraging me when I'm at it. I'm one funny mother fucker, and I will rip someone a new ass verbally if they get in my path while I'm on a jack ass roll, and people are laughing about it. You can't imagine how bad my potty mouth is in real life because I take it WAY past dirty words in order to keep people in stitches laughing. That's not an inherent ENFJ or even INFJ trait, nor is it one I was born with. I had to learn it, and hone it over the years.

    But...

    I only use these traits in order to make people laugh and have fun, and I always do these things with the intention of showing people a good time, not to be mean. I feel really bad when I actually hurt someone's feelings. Where as my STP friends will say something like "What? If they're too much of a vagina to handle a joke, then fuck em", I'm always very quick to apologize and console. So, I'm not saying I am an ESTP or ISTP... just that I can pretend to be one when I need to because I've developed my Se and Ti. Normally, I just draw upon my Se and Ti to a fair extent. However, when I am really stressed and need to actually switch, I can do it, and it's not pretty. I scare myself with how harsh I can be when I drop into these modes. I still care about people... kinda... somewhere in there, but it's just not driving anymore. Fortunately, when that part of myself is no longer needed, I usually slide back out of it pretty quickly.
     
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    #5 VH, Jun 12, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2010
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  6. sassafras

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    Should I set the watch on this one? I am so tempted.
     
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  7. OP
    VH

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    Sure, let's see if I can set a record.

    It started 06.10 @ 22:22. Currently about 14 hours. What's my personal best, like 3 days?
     
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  8. OP
    VH

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    06.16 @ 08:37... starting to doubt ENFJ (again)

    New personal best... almost a full week.

    This chick is starting to push me over the edge. (Not Vicky Jo, but the other one)

    [youtube]QRj8at1wytM[/youtube]

    And while this guy has certain similarities in body language and seems much more INFJ than me... his words are a lot like me when I was younger.

    [youtube]6m83kD6VoA0[/youtube]

    I'm starting to think I might have to accept that I'm very much in the middle of INFJ and ENFJ... but my J won't let me.
     
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  9. 88chaz88

    88chaz88 Back for a limited time only
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    You're ENFJ with a weak E preference. Just give it up already, you're too outgoing to be an "I".
     
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  10. Ecton

    Ecton Community Member

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    I'm sorry to read about your recent struggles. I sort of inferred them from some of your other posts and responses, but it still aches to see you come out and state them in a direct manner, but I think it probably helps to do that and I appreciate you presenting yourself directly to us.

    Losing your wife can be heart breaking to a point that I'm not sure we can fully understand. My previous boss lost his wife and he also eventually lost his job. He was and is a good guy, and being a classic INTP with a 13 year old daughter, he had his own unique challenges to confront. Our company did not treat him well, although they think they did.

    I don't know what type you are, and I don't know how often you change your mind :), but thank you for sharing yourself openly.
     
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  11. OP
    VH

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    Start your watch again.

    You've convinced me.

    I've been talking to some ENFJs on another forum, and I've come to some conclusions that surprised me and have removed most of the counter arguments I had against being an ENFJ.

    1. I had assumed that the fact that I have no desire to talk to anyone until I've 'gotten awake' was proof that I do not have Fe dominance. I assumed Fe dominant people are chatty in the morning. I've since gotten an almost unanimous and adamant reaction from the other ENFJs that this is not the case and they share the 'not talking until awake' trait with me.
    (Warning - I'm about to get technical) This is very likely to do with the fact that the F functions (or specifically - the emotions and emotional centers) burn the most energy in the brain (glucose, hormones, etc). F dominant types (ENFJ, ESFJ, INFP, and ISFP) use the most energy, and require the most rest to recover. Feelings are 'inefficient' according to brain chemistry, and this is also why F types begin to get 'stupid' when tired more quickly than T types, and also why F types are prone to having more trouble 'waking up' as they need to generate more biochemical resources than Ts.
    Therefore, my assumption about functions shutting down and starting up in order of preference is actually false. The brain functions according to biology and chemistry. Once it's up and running properly, then personal preferences come into account. Therefore, this objection to being an ENFJ is shot down.

    2. Big crowds are apparently unappealing to again an almost unanimous number of ENFJs, and for the exact same reasons they are unappealing to me. Too much overload. Too many people to have to pay attention to. Again, this was a surprising realization as I assumed that this was an 'introverted' trait. However, I'm finding that Fe has a strong need for harmony, and because it cares deeply about others and wants to form bonds and connections with others, crowds of strangers are rather toxic to it. The confusion causes distractions from paying attention to specific people, and the 'chaos' is the antithesis of harmony. Again, I assumed my aversion to crowds was a sign of introversion.

    3. I noticed that ENFJs are not especially common online, and assumed that this was another strike against me being an ENFJ. However, if I wasn't going through this phase in my life, I wouldn't be spending so much time online, actually. Not because I don't want to be here, but because so many other things would be demanding my time. The ENFJs who do have the time (aka don't have a group of real life people demanding their attention) often develop very deep connections to their online friends. I also assumed that ENFJs don't have a need to withdraw from people, and again I found out that I was wrong. ENFJs commonly 'reach a limit' and have to go recharge, especially when they feel unwelcome in a group. When Fe gets hurt, it hibernates.

    4. They ain't rocket scientists... well, actually some of them are. One of my biggest objections to my being an ENFJ was the fact that a lot of them seem to have really weak Ti (and mine's not great but it's solid enough). While this is frequently the case, especially in younger ENFJs, I am finding that it is certainly not always the case. In fact, weak Ti in an ENFJ is as common as weak Se in an INFJ, which I'd say is about half. However, just as some INFJs have really well developed Se, so too do some ENFJs have really well developed Ti. In fact, I was kind of amazed at some of them. Here's what I noticed that really struck home. INFJs tend to have very specialized Se (even when well developed). For instance, there will be a few areas where INFJs have just as good Se as an Se dominant person. However, despite that, there will be a lot of 'holes' in their Se. The same is true of ENFJs and Ti, and I'm no exception. I've always been the type to learn just enough of the intricate details and inner workings of something to get by, and don't really bother with anything that I can use my Fe and Ni on to understand in a general sense - with the understanding that I could quickly figure out the details later. I'm a jack of all trades and master of some... but I won't bother engaging my Ti unless something compels me to (proof it is inferior), however I'll jump to Se in a heartbeat when threatened (proof that it's tertiary). For example, I'm always scanning my environment, looking at people, sizing them up, etc. when I'm any place I don't feel extremely safe and 'home territory'. When I find something new that I don't understand, I don't have a reflex to understand it any further than a basic understanding that makes me comfortable that I could fill in the details later. For example, a new piece of technology gets installed where I work. I ask what it is and does. Once that is explained to me, I don't really care how it works unless it's important that I do... at which point I trust my ability to figure it out with my Ni, Fe, Fi, and Ti combo.
    The IQ range of ENFJs seems to span 100 to 140, while the IQ range of INFJs seems to span 120 to 160. I assumed that my 140 (to 150 depending on the test) IQ was proof that I wasn't an ENFJ, but it seems I'm just at the upper end of the curve. Just because this puts me in the INFJ range doesn't mean I'm an INFJ any more than it means I'm any other type that has an average IQ around the same score as mine.

    5. It's not uncommon for ENFJs to think they are INFJs. I'm no exception, and the reasons I thought I was an INFJ apply to them as well. However, because I am so much like these mistyped ENFJs, I assumed this was proof that I was also an INFJ.

    6. Chaz said so, and his dad's an ENFJ, and he knows two ENFJ males very well. Nuff said. Well, actually this brings up a point. I have far more people adamantly argue that I'm an ENFJ than I do INFJ. In fact, the people who claim I'm an INFJ have more of a 'yeah, I could see that' stance than an argument. The people who claim I'm an ENFJ are much more insistent.
     
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    #11 VH, Aug 16, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2010
  12. DevilDoll

    DevilDoll Beware! I Bite...

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    Again? *sigh*
     
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  13. bs98r3kjf

    bs98r3kjf Well-known member

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    This makes so much sense.
     
  14. OP
    VH

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    Chaz did it.
     
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  15. DevilDoll

    DevilDoll Beware! I Bite...

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    *shakes head* Bad [MENTION=2495]88chaz88[/MENTION]!!

    I kid. You know I can see it.
     
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  16. 88chaz88

    88chaz88 Back for a limited time only
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    There is no doubt in my mind. He acts so much like a male ENFJ that there's no chance VH could be any other type.
     
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  17. OP
    VH

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    I find this kind of confidence in my type comforting (as I obviously teeter a great deal). Thank you.
     
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  18. DevilDoll

    DevilDoll Beware! I Bite...

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    Yeah, you need this kind of certainty.

    So, how long will it last this time? hmmm? :p
    :m075:
     
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  19. OP
    VH

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    We'll stat the clock at say 15:00 GMT 2010-08-16?
     
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  20. DevilDoll

    DevilDoll Beware! I Bite...

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    Ok. Sounds good.
     
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