Ignoring Friends

I've been hurt so many times by friends who suddenly decide to ignore me for no specified reason.

It happened to me with 3 friends:

The first: had a crush on me since middle school & when I found out later on, I actually developed feelings for him (but we never really go out because I wasn't really convinced with him romantically or having him be more than a friend for me). I ended the friendship because all of a sudden he became "busy" with non sense stuff and made excuses that he had stuff to do, but it was actually him choosing to do things like facebooking rather than talk to me. I found it to be obvious that he's ignoring me and I told him I've had enough of his attitude, he told me that he cares so much about our friendship and that he would want us to stay friends. I ended it my way, which was to block him from any communication he had with me (facebook, msn, etc.)

The second: I thought she was one of my closest friends, but I guess I was totally wrong. I've known her since I was in my 3rd year of college, which was almost 5 years ago. We've been going out a lot with my friends who I introduced to her this past year. Then all of a sudden, we went out one time (it was me, her, 3 of my guy friends - 2 who she knew from before and third didn't know her). The third guy who didn't know her stayed and talked to me the whole time we were out because he didn't find himself getting along with her that much, which apparently pissed her off. The next day, I sent her a message saying that I'm sorry if I seemed like ignoring you (because that's what she thought I was doing, since I was talking to the guy who didn't get along with her) and thanked her for coming out with us. What's her reply?! All of a SUDDEN, she tells me I don't want to talk about it. Then I try to call her, she cancels on me, then I sent her a message saying what happened, I have no clue what's going on! She was like you know what's going on, you ignored me the whole time, and I've went out with you before, clearly if a guy friend of yours asked me out, I wouldn't ignore you like you did to me. I was like WHAT?!! I asked my other 2 guy friends, what the hell did it seem I was doing with the guy?!! All we did was TALK, I never did anything that would seem to make us more than friends. I didn't ignore anyone else there, so why all of a SUDDEN is she acting like this? My best friend told me something very similar happened to her and she told me it's clear that she's jealous you're getting all the attention and she was pissed off that no one gave her any attention. Another thing that SHOCKED me was that she ADDED on facebook ANYONE from my friends she saw or we hanged out right when we finished our outing. Another shocking thing I found out was that she sent a message to one of my friends "she heard of" but never saw and told her that she's my friend and asked her if she could add her on facebook. I ended that friendship the day she sent me all the hurtful sms' then later on, on my birthday she sent me a message saying "despite anything, I cannot not say happy birthday, so happy birthday, have a good one." I didn't reply and I haven't had any connections with her ever since that day we fought after our outing together. Then last week, I noticed that one of my friends (one of the guys we went out with that day) wrote on her wall on facebook asking about her. Then she replied thanks a lot for asking about me, it's clear to me now who my real and fake friends are"...that hurts a lot and then yesterday I decided to block her off my facebook because I know I don't want to see any more of her hurtful messages again.

The third: He's actually the guy who talked to me the whole time we were out and didn't get along with my other friend while we were out. He's 3 years younger than me. We went out a couple of times with our friends and after a couple of outings, he told me he wants to know everything about me and tell me everything, thus being closer friends. I told him I don't mind at all, but I'm afraid of one and only thing. That thing was if one of us falls for the other person and he said well I didn't think you would think of it that way, so we became closer friends. I shared a lot of things with him, same with him, whenever he had any problems, I would find him call me or even sending me a message asking if he could see me. Then recently, he just disappeared, so I called him, he picked up really fast and told me there's something horrible that happened and that I should call him in an hour, so I told him ok, sure. Then I called him SO many times for the past 2 weeks, nothing, he doesn't call back, replies to my messages...so I decided to send him a message on facebook, telling him that I'm worried about him and how he's not picking up...then all of a sudden I find him online, talked to him, he didn't talk back, so I decided I should end this friendship as well. A week before he told me something horrible happened, I stopped calling him, so he sent me a message saying "so you've decided to never call me again?!" I was like why would you say that, so he was like because you stopped calling me. So, I was like well how come you didn't call? Why is it me that always asks about you? I was a bit depressed and I told him that I tend not to talk to anyone when I'm depressed, but I was hoping for him to call and ask about me, but instead it was MY fault for not calling and asking about him. So, all of a sudden he got mad and told me I got your point. Anyway, LOOOOOOOONG story, but I ended it yesterday with again, deleting him off my facebook, msn and I will try my best not to call him and see what's going on and if he really meant it when he said I'm one of his closest friends and that he would never want us apart or end our friendship in any way. Oh by the way, he's an ENFJ

Anyway, after these 3 hurtful experiences, I've decided I shouldn't care so much, but it's SO hard because as an INFJ I tend to care so much and then when I'm hurt, I tend to block everything and everyone who got me hurt this badly.

What do you guys think? I really really care for my ENFJ friend and I don't want to lose him as a friend because I'm sure something came up and that's why he disappeared, but I HATE it that he's not replying to anything when I know he sees my missed calls, my messages and everything else.



Thanks a lot for reading this looooooong thread

 

Yeah, isn't it sad though?! I mean I tend to have a feeling when I'm with them that tells me there's something wrong and that the friendship will end somehow really bad. I try not to get too close with them, but it never works and I end up being hurt in the end. I keep telling myself it's going to work out and there's no such thing as feeling something bad will happen, but my intuitive feelings are always right, sadly.

 

I know what you mean. What hurts me the most is how nice, caring I am and how I keep myself last when it comes to friends (no matter what, close or just friends), yet I still end up getting hurt and blamed for things that don't make sense. This teaches me a lesson that I've been thinking of lately, I should be more self centered, think of myself more rather than care for others so much and end up getting hurt.

 

Well that's one problem with my 3rd friend, whenever he wanted to talk to someone, I was there for him when he needed me, but when I was depressed and I needed someone then, he blamed me for not calling him! I really really want to learn how to be self centered because I hate being there for people and really at end ignoring myself and my needs towards that friend.

 

Same here. How could you go on with a friendship without caring when you actually cared so much for that person? My solution was to move on and forget about them! That's because if they can't make the time to know what's wrong or what's bothering you, then they don't deserve you as a friend. I was doing a bit of research on that when I had some free time today and I noticed that people advised other people with telling them to move on because when they think about the past, they're wasting their future rather than enjoy it by making new friends and finding people who really care for who you are, not what you are to them. I think what's meant by that is people who don't really matter are really using you whenever they feel down or in need of talking to someone, while the ones who matter, don't ever mind being there whenever you need them no matter if you've done so little or so much for them.

I believe this quote is true, "Do whatever you believe because those who matter, don't mind and those who mind, don't matter"

 

Thanks a lot All of your replies are making me feel better already

 

That's exactly what I'm going through right now. I'm trying to ignore my 3rd friend because the friendship isn't really over yet, so I'll see if he tries to reach anytime soon, if not, then the friendship isn't really worth it any more. I just don't understand how people could be so cruel for no reason and here I am being so kind to sacrifice my time to care for them when they're clearly not worth it!

 

Thanks a lot I hope I can sort it out soon too.

 

I know what you mean...like they look at your gestures & listen to your tone of voice rather than focus on what you're saying. That's true, but it's really hard to control when you're mad at someone and you just want to explode everything out in the open. I know it's wrong, but I'm afraid of it happening when I get to talk to my 3rd friend when he decides "we need to talk".