I find it hard to date.... | INFJ Forum

I find it hard to date....

dvdt24

dvdt24

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Jun 8, 2011
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I find it really really difficult to date, and often i end up feeling disspointed when an interest doesn't turn out well.
I'm rather the patient type who doesn't mind waiting to know someone first before committing however it isn't really working out that well in this modern fast paced world. I find it nostalgic to be old fashioned, to be slow and steady and to be patient but at times it hurts on the inside as it feels rather lonely too..

I've not met an INFJ other than my self either, and i've always wondered what would it be like to meet a "better half" who's from the same MBTI. How can i find one? Any suggestions?

Seems like my rather archaic methods of pursuance no longer work on women. The whole be your self and be your best you can be and pray to god that someone along the way will see the beauty in you, doesn't seem to work so well nowadays does it? :/
 
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In my experience, the xSxx type women were usually my best option. Introverts or extroverts, it didn't matter that much. I find when I'm around another Intuitive type of person, any little difference of opinion can be disastrous over time, on the other hand, when we agree, it can mean a strong friendship (until we disagree again)_.

Two of my past girlfriends and my wife are Si/Se types. There's something about that "here and now" attitude that compliments the Ni thinking process. I know there have been times my wife has initiated a lot of good ideas in our house and there are other times she'll admit that I've talked her out of a bad idea once I've had a chance to run it by my brain.
 
Then don't?
If you don't find something easy or worth doing, why bother with it al all?
 
But then where's he gonna put all that sexual energy, Melky? House pets??
 
dvdt24 said:
I find it really really difficult to date, and often i end up feeling disspointed when an interest doesn't turn out well.
I'm rather the patient type who doesn't mind waiting to know someone first before committing however it isn't really working out that well in this modern fast paced world. I find it nostalgic to be old fashioned, to be slow and steady and to be patient but at times it hurts on the inside as it feels rather lonely too..

I've not met an INFJ other than my self either, and i've always wondered what would it be like to meet a "better half" who's from the same MBTI. How can i find one? Any suggestions?

Seems like my rather archaic methods of pursuance no longer work on women. The whole be your self and be your best you can be and pray to god that someone along the way will see the beauty in you, doesn't seem to work so well nowadays does it? :/
Click to expand...

Hey - I think I'm a lot like you. I'm an INFJ too and just turned 30 this year.

My dating experience is very limited and what I have has been short and disappointing. I too don't like rushing into things but staying that way usually winds up in me missing opportunities to ask someone out (because someone else asks them out first) or I wait so long, I find a way to talk myself out of doing it.

Yes, it can be very lonely.

I'm not sure what the "best" approach is. I don't think there is or that there can be a best approach for everyone since we're all different (personalities, preferences, backgrounds etc..). Everyone is going to have a different path and story.

I hate this cliche, but it's true:
What it's time, it'll happen.



And now I'm already wondering what I need to do differently to make it "the time". lol
 
Lol, it would seem so, [MENTION=2635]Melkor[/MENTION]... it would seem so.
 
purplecrayons said:
Lol, it would seem so.
Click to expand...

Joo could send us nood pics for to fap!

(There was no emotimonkey goofy enough for the face I'm making)

Edit: It looks something like this...

1265022697902.jpg


...I now return you to your regularly scheduled INFJ thread about being lonely.
 
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@VH, if you are an INFJ your imagination should provide all the material you need...
 
@ slaps VH hahahaha...... damn thread jacker... hehe....

my first relationship lasted 2 and half years. what hurt me was when she left, she said something like me being the type that can't be left alone. well i've been alone for the last 3 years now. along the way... i made some mistakes too so i gotta be honest.

but what's consistent is that my waiting pattern is somewhere between 6-12 months and i constantly talk my self out of taking risks and then finally when it warms up and my feelings towards someone mellows then i get serious and really consider putting effort.

i suppose they say that u are made the way u are because the puzzle piece that fits you will be able to see what you're worth and will appreciate u, and only the one that is meant for u will see u when the time is right. what a cliche but then... it makes sense to me..

what you guys think?
:m027:
 
I really wish I could help you, man...

I always thought someone would come along & see the gold buried in the mud, but... then you have to both be attracted to each other at the same time, both be available at the same time, both be willing to commit at the same time... GAH!
 
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[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_81AQDSao4"]YouTube - ‪Big Bang Theory speed date‬‏[/ame]

:m052:
 
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roflol... wth does this gotta do with my situation lol!...
 
I would match INFJs with INTJs. And of course ENFJs are always a good choice for any type :) I would caution against an INFJ-INFJ pairing. It would be comfortable, but there would be no synergy in the way of complements. You would have the same shortcomings. You wouldn't balance each other out. And be careful with INTJs, you have to pick a well balanced one although female INTJs are more likely to be balanced.
 
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Hey, I read your post and I thought you might like this video. It's really uplifting, warm, and inspiring... Kind of long but worth the watch. :) It's also kind of mushy and sentimental so if that sounds like something you avoid, feel free to do so. :p Hope you like it!

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCmZ2jrQooE"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCmZ2jrQooE[/ame]

By the way, what part of asia are you from? :3
 
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dvdt24 said:
@ slaps VH hahahaha...... damn thread jacker... hehe....

my first relationship lasted 2 and half years. what hurt me was when she left, she said something like me being the type that can't be left alone. well i've been alone for the last 3 years now. along the way... i made some mistakes too so i gotta be honest.

but what's consistent is that my waiting pattern is somewhere between 6-12 months and i constantly talk my self out of taking risks and then finally when it warms up and my feelings towards someone mellows then i get serious and really consider putting effort.

i suppose they say that u are made the way u are because the puzzle piece that fits you will be able to see what you're worth and will appreciate u, and only the one that is meant for u will see u when the time is right. what a cliche but then... it makes sense to me..

what you guys think?
:m027:
Click to expand...

again... i'm almost EXACTLY the same as you, so i probably won't be much help. but the more i've been thinking about it... just going for it seems good. you know, when you're thinking.. "nah..that'll never work.." GO FOR IT!
 
dvdt24 said:
I find it really really difficult to date, and often i end up feeling disspointed when an interest doesn't turn out well.
I'm rather the patient type who doesn't mind waiting to know someone first before committing however it isn't really working out that well in this modern fast paced world. I find it nostalgic to be old fashioned, to be slow and steady and to be patient but at times it hurts on the inside as it feels rather lonely too..

I've not met an INFJ other than my self either, and i've always wondered what would it be like to meet a "better half" who's from the same MBTI. How can i find one? Any suggestions?

Seems like my rather archaic methods of pursuance no longer work on women. The whole be your self and be your best you can be and pray to god that someone along the way will see the beauty in you, doesn't seem to work so well nowadays does it? :/
Click to expand...
like most other aspects of oneself, your N is genetic. In my experience, they're just not a lot of Asians that have it. My X GF infp (Korean) is the only intuitive Asian I've met. I don't know what country your in but Asia signifigantly reduces your chances of finding another intuitive. Most intuitive people are Jewish or German, and few English. So you wont find many in Asia.
If your trying to meet another INFJ, remember what your hidden agenda is. To understand and to be healthy. Every INFJ shares this same subconscious need that they need met. If you have a need to understand, where is one place that you could go to understand things? If you have a need to be healthy, where would you go to be healthy? Most of the inf's I met were at health food/natural health stores.
to your last statement always be yourself, nobody is worth hidding/changing yourself to be with. Some people wait 30-50yrs to find the one. Your a dreamer! DREAM!
 
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCEZNbwQVy8"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCEZNbwQVy8[/ame]

Put yourself out there. Just try to mingle in different places you think you might find your type. A library, a club, a class, a show, a museum, anywhere. Just go meet people and have an adventure. The more you interact with people, the more likely you will be able to bump into the right match. :) And hey! It helps the loneliness.
 
I think you are misinterpreting things. First, I think INFJs prefer the slow dating style. They don't want to rush things. INTJs as well, by the way.

Second, you don't have to play the fast dating style. You could as well just do the old way. Meeting someone from your work environment is one example. Joining some special interest club is another.

Generally, I think the old way happens in the context of an institution; where the romantic interest is not so apparent and can develop slowly. And when you get the feeling that it might not work, you can always fall back to just sharing the same interest.
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