You say you're married. How about concentrating on your spouse and the reasons you fell in love and ended up marrying in the first place? Redirect your emerging feelings for another to your spouse instead and fall in love with them all over again, unless your marriage is basically over anyway.
Another thing I would try to figure out is why is this happening right now. What is missing in my life right now and why is this particular person causing such feelings to appear. To think rationally, I'd know that such feelings and thoughts would only complicate my life, so it's important to get to the bottom of it.
Another thing I would try to figure out is why is this happening right now. What is missing in my life right now and why is this particular person causing such feelings to appear. To think rationally, I'd know that such feelings and thoughts would only complicate my life, so it's important to get to the bottom of it.
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Maybe you should seek out marriage counseling.
You have been posting an awful lot about your relationship, how unhappy you are,
how you arent sexually satisfied, how he isnt willing to compromise, how you are
falling in love with someone else, etc...
How often do you talk to this other man?
You have been posting an awful lot about your relationship, how unhappy you are,
how you arent sexually satisfied, how he isnt willing to compromise, how you are
falling in love with someone else, etc...
How often do you talk to this other man?
I think that sometimes these things are harmless and short-lived. For me, a crush isn't always about wanting to date the person. Sometimes I just fixate on an interesting person and use it as creative fuel.
I think the real danger is in them finding out and reciprocating (even in the slightest). I believe that it takes two, for something to grow into love (at least usually).
I think the real danger is in them finding out and reciprocating (even in the slightest). I believe that it takes two, for something to grow into love (at least usually).
This perspective is not right or wrong. Just a separate perspective.
I think that if you are in a marriage it either works or it doesnt. You either work to make it work or you dont. If all fails, you stop being married to keep from keeping both parties from potentially finding real love should they encounter it. So, you dont become unmarried becaue you find someone you like better at the time, you become unmarried when you are no longer interested in being married to who you married. You dont just hang out with the person until something you like better comes along.
I think that if you are in a marriage it either works or it doesnt. You either work to make it work or you dont. If all fails, you stop being married to keep from keeping both parties from potentially finding real love should they encounter it. So, you dont become unmarried becaue you find someone you like better at the time, you become unmarried when you are no longer interested in being married to who you married. You dont just hang out with the person until something you like better comes along.
Its not your fault I misunderstood. Regardless my post still stands with what I thought it relevant to say.
Your defensiveness is interesting. Help was offered, but you don't seem willing to even consider it and read out things that weren't even mentioned. You can't expect some technique to work unless you figure out the reasons behind your feelings. It would be like burying your head in the sand. You said you almost never get such feelings. So, they're a reaction to something in you. Instead of focusing on how to get rid of the feelings, figure out why you're having such feelings in the first place. If your current relationship is unsatisfying, are you concentrating on this other man just because you're having trouble in your marriage? Is this other man appealing just because you know things wouldn't work out for you? Are you holding on to this man because you'd actually want to get out of your marriage and be with him (despite your reasoning against it)?
Here is what I usually consider:
Why do I want this person?
Am I creating a fantasy of this person to escape my reality?
Am I looking for an out or am I looking for something new and exciting to move into? Why?
How much do I know about this person to justify feeling "love" for them? Is it perhaps infatuation? Do we only have some chemistry that I want to explore? What intrigues me about this person?
What is it that I am lacking in my current life that makes me feel driven towards loving someone else? Is this something fresh and new I have never experienced? If so, can I continue on as I am not expressing my feelings? Should I engage and see if the grass is greener on the other side? Can I bring these feelings into my current situation?
What does this person REALLY represent to ME? Is it about HIM? Or is it about how I FEEL about myself and my own life and it's being focused through him?
The only way you can break out of that is turn that focus inward and seeing where needs and desires aren't being met with you, and why you may not be meeting them for someone else.
Why do I want this person?
Am I creating a fantasy of this person to escape my reality?
Am I looking for an out or am I looking for something new and exciting to move into? Why?
How much do I know about this person to justify feeling "love" for them? Is it perhaps infatuation? Do we only have some chemistry that I want to explore? What intrigues me about this person?
What is it that I am lacking in my current life that makes me feel driven towards loving someone else? Is this something fresh and new I have never experienced? If so, can I continue on as I am not expressing my feelings? Should I engage and see if the grass is greener on the other side? Can I bring these feelings into my current situation?
What does this person REALLY represent to ME? Is it about HIM? Or is it about how I FEEL about myself and my own life and it's being focused through him?
The only way you can break out of that is turn that focus inward and seeing where needs and desires aren't being met with you, and why you may not be meeting them for someone else.
lol
This is a good point well made!
(following ideas inspired by 'the perception deception'-Icke)
We know now that 'love' is often down to chemicals in the brain and that it is actually possible to give people love potions that create the effect of 'love'
Relationships are usually conditional and are therefore 'give and take'
In that sense freindships are often a purer form of love because there are no conditions...no expectations...we are simply fiends because we like each others company
Relationships often begin with this rush of chemicals (known as 'lust') and when these chemicals subside the previously exciting emotions sometimes transmute into negative loathing
Indeed some people become adicted to these chemicals in their brain and as someone said above they serially date people constantly seeking that high they get at the beginning of a relationship
hence the saying: 'addicted to love'
They are really getting off on the lust chemicals
Stop seeing that person.
Spending time together creates a bond. Don't want to create a bond? Don't spend time together.
Love is addiction. The more you are with that person the more you'll be addicted. Either stop before you are addicted or go cold turkey on your addiction. It'll hurt, but you'll get over it.
Spending time together creates a bond. Don't want to create a bond? Don't spend time together.
Love is addiction. The more you are with that person the more you'll be addicted. Either stop before you are addicted or go cold turkey on your addiction. It'll hurt, but you'll get over it.
I would consider the wider implications very carefully in my own space away from my husband, who I would tell of my plans so he could make an informed decision whether to stay with me or not.
The other person cannot count as he is not in the marriage, unless agreed to be so.
You need to be ok with you first.
.. but your husband must be told the truth without involvement by an outsider imo.. Well, that's what I would do. My husband stepped up his game big time when I was thinking about leaving due to differences but I couldn't in the end. Only ever involve counsellors and very trusted persons into a marriage, never another person, unless agreed.
I hear you but please be careful x
The other person cannot count as he is not in the marriage, unless agreed to be so.
You need to be ok with you first.
.. but your husband must be told the truth without involvement by an outsider imo.. Well, that's what I would do. My husband stepped up his game big time when I was thinking about leaving due to differences but I couldn't in the end. Only ever involve counsellors and very trusted persons into a marriage, never another person, unless agreed.
I hear you but please be careful x
Five star advice. Falling in love begins with the psyche.
Give yourself room to process this; remove yourself from the situation if you think a little distance might help you get a better grip on it.
You could become an intj, that should solve it. Of course then you would have this ever present annoying drive to solve all of the worlds problems single handedly but I guess you have to give something right?