How often do you engage in self deception? | INFJ Forum

How often do you engage in self deception?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Jul 5, 2010.

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  1. Gaze

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    Something i'm noticing lately is that self deception never usually feels like a bad thing when it's happening. In many cases, it's often easier to ignore the truth and pretend the lie is the reality. You know the truth but it's easier to focus on the positive feelings of the moment or to delay consequences of acknowledging the truth - whether it's the realization that the reality is not what you want it to be, and that you've been comforting yourself with a life because the truth is either too embarrassing, too difficult or unbelievable.


    So, what's your experience with self deception?


    Even if you know the truth, how often do you delay thinking about it?


    What are the pros and cons of continued self deception?
     
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    #1 Gaze, Jul 5, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2010
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  2. Broken Beggar

    Broken Beggar Regular Poster

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    Never, because I know in my head at all time that I would be deceiving myself if I did.

    Self pity is much easier to maintain than self deception.
     
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  3. OP
    Gaze

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    I see both sides. I know self pity well and it really sucks, usually leading to depression. I'm not fond of self deception by any means, but i have to say that sometimes living in the shadow of the truth feels a little better than acknowledging it. Not that this is good or right. It's just that depending on the lie, it is sometimes quite painful to acknowledge the truth.
     
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  4. Broken Beggar

    Broken Beggar Regular Poster

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    I find it painful to not acknowledge the truth, and I've never been able to escape from that mindset. The moment I feel something is deceptive, I feel inclined to drag it back to reality, regardless of what it pertains to.
     
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  5. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    In my case, it's a proverbial elephant in the mental living room. I see it*, I know I've poked a bit with it, know what's the lie and what's the truth, but I can't register it in my head and ended up inactive until someone expose it for me, then I went "...damn. I should have done something."

    *it being a lot; truth, lies, secrets, deceptions, reverse deceptions, honesty, bluntness, etc.
     
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  6. klutzo

    klutzo Regular Poster

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    self-deception

    I have what shrinks call an "extreme realist personality type" and am incapable of self-deception.

    You are correct that a tiny bit (but only a little) of self-deception is considered healthy and can sometimes be the thing that pulls you through a bad period. People like me are much more prone to depression, and I am indeed depressed.

    klutzo
     
  7. INFected

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    The person a person lies to most often is themselves.

    I believe it's entirely impossible to be a human being and not self deceive.
    It's our nature.
    Deception happens on many levels and not all of them are conscious.

    Anyone who believes they are incapable of self deception is actually a poster child of the art.

    I mean no offense to those who make that claim. After all , we are all fighting some battle.
     
    #7 INFected, Jul 5, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2010
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  8. bagelriffic

    bagelriffic Community Member

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    until just recently i had deceived myself into thinking i had total control over my emotions and personality traits. after reading the recent thread on shadow functions i realized that acknowledgment, integration and compromise is key. i never had any more control over them than i did over the weather, i just thought i did because i was blind to their projection.

    feels very liberating to recognize they are merely a part of who i am and accept them, though now ive got some work ahead of me at recognizing what i once had turned a blind eye to.
     
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    Gaze

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    Yep, easy to think we can control our emotions. I know i've been trying and kinda sucking at it ;). Can't even rationalize them away. So, although i don't think we are helpless to manage our emotions, i don't think we have complete control of them all the time. This doesn't mean we can't and don't have self control or have the ability to restrain ourselves. But i think it means our emotions are natural and as unique as our personalities.
     
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    #9 Gaze, Jul 6, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2010
  10. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    It usually takes the form of me blaming someone else.


    I never delay thinking about it. I simply change how I think about it.

    I usually convince myself that someone is out to get me, unless they really are out to get me, which I usually find as amusing as hell because no living human could ever compare to the demons I create in my own mind.

    Pros: you can temporarily avoid reality.
    Cons: when you finally do have to face reality, you wonder whether it was worth the energy you expended to avoid it.
     
  11. sassafras

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    I deceive myself on a daily basis. I say I'm going to do one thing later, despite knowing that the longer I put it off, the chances of me getting around to it would make Kate Moss jealous. Or I pretend that I'm just doing something for the sake of a social experiment, knowing full well that I'm risking a lot by getting caught up in the wrong person or having ulterior, less than noble motives for my behavior.

    The pros are, this self-deception keeps me sane. The cons are, it drives me insane. The difference is short-term and long-term, and goodness knows, in-the-moment is always the sexier, more appealing pay-off.
     
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  12. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    I do this to myself all the time...weather it be procrastinating on a project, or an agressive bugeting tactic...i tell myself I will do it...when I know I wont...I tell myself my budget will work even as I spend 50 dollars I shouldnt have...

    There are more examples...but this comes to mind easily.
     
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  13. Roger

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    I think truth becomes unbelievable to believe when people asked evidence for it. Ask to prove it and we don't know how to do this. We know only truth.
     
  14. jyrffw54

    jyrffw54 שכינה עוֹלֶה

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    Ahhh self-deception

    I will admit that I also am readily guilty of this as well, especially when it comes to falsly convincing myself that I am going to do something. Being intuitive, I find that self-deception has a horrible back lash, because my intition will nag me constantly untril I either, own up to the truth or...make the false true, ie, getting what I said I would do done.
     
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  15. Phoenix Down

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    Never... on purpose... ever

    It's one thing to decieve another... to justify somthing to another to rationalize, but its not okay to justify things to yourself. No growth can come from that.

    So I try not to. :m027:
     
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  16. Broken Beggar

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    Yes, but I'm completely aware of the battles that I'm fighting. I'm acutely aware of all my problems, and I've never been able to deny them to myself. I try to work within them instead of trying to ignore them.

    I would sooner compromise my career and the important things in my life for the conviction of my beliefs than deceive myself regarding the conviction and justification for my own actions. I don't know how to ignore it, and the few times that I've tried to it's made me feel extremely uncomfortable.

    I will also gladly admit every single neurotic flaw to anyone who asks me, online or off. If someone doesn't like it, they're not required to socialise with me.

    It's not always a successful approach, but its the only approach I feel comfortable taking.
     
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    #16 Broken Beggar, Jul 6, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2010
  17. VH

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    If I'm doing it then I'm so good at it that I don't realize it.

    Seriously.

    I've realized a few times in life that the way I truly felt things were, was not even close, and wondered how in the world I could have misunderstood things to such a degree... then realized it was because I wanted to. The best example would be dating someone, and because I wanted them to be what I wanted, I somehow convinced myself that they were. Only later did I realize I had deceived myself... though I'd swear a few of these girls helped a lot.

    I know I have the capacity to self deceive, but I never do it on purpose, and when I realize I have, I really bust my own chops for it.

    As someone above mentioned... self pity is much easier than self deception. I can choose to pity myself, my circumstances, etc. I can't choose to self deceive. I just can't, not even if I wanted to, on purpose.
     
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  18. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    I deceive myself when it is necessary to deceive others. -I am not refering to lying about objective things, but about my subjective state -

    If I need others to feel that I am confident or in control, I'll fool myself into thinking that I am, so that I better project the necessary air of confidence/control. I think this is better termed self-manipulation than self-deception.
     
  19. VH

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    I agree, and I do this myself to great effect and have all my life, whether to blend in or stand out.

    I also realized many years ago that this helped me learn things. I convinced myself not only that I was good at something, but that I had the same presence, perspective, attitude, etc as someone who I was learning from, and really 'absorbed' them. I can develop skill so quickly by using this method that I'm not even aware what it is I'm learning, and have to consciously deconstruct it later.

    Edit: I think the first time I did this... as in was fully aware of it and did it on purpose... was a martial arts tournament when I was young. I decided to convince myself that I was a complete master of everything I needed to do and 'absorbed' everything I needed from the top guys. I fought exponentially better than I ever had, and everyone was really surprised and started saying things like "wow, he holds back in practice". It was at that point that I really saw the power of this ability. The only drawback is that I can only hold one 'imprint' at a time, though I can edit the 'imprint' on myself to suit the situation so long as I've known people who've had the traits I need.

    I always used the term method acting, but I think self manipulation is much more accurate. I used method acting because when I imprinted myself with a full personality, I could convince anyone of it. Even people that knew me very well will stare at me in confusion and tell me how weird it is to see me with a completely different set of body language, mannerisms, and vibe.

    The problem with this is that I've used it so often, I have a little trouble seeing who I really am. I'm not confused about who I am or unable to see myself. My ability to see myself has gotten fuzzy because of this... if that makes any sense.
     
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    #19 VH, Jul 6, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2010
  20. invisible

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    we are countless selves. they're heaps bitchy and they don't communicate that well. at times they think we must get off on deceiving one another. the selves have come to terms with our fractured nature however. we don't think it's possible for all of us to always know each other all of the time so they think it's alright to have some fun with it.
     
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