How often do you assert yourself?
- Thread starter Gaze
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being assertive is kind of my weak point. when im not doing something for myself its easy for me, like if its a cause or something i see as bigger than myself, bc at that point i see it as necessary and non negotiable. when it comes to things i Want on the other hand i can just as easily talk myself out of wanting something than aggressively pursue it, im kind of a minimalist.
yeah i do see it as necessary in life, i mean i think when you know you can go out and get stuff, you aren't so worried about holding on to what you have and i think its the direction i need to take. as far as training goes i dont see why not, i mean theres a right and wrong way to do just about anything, but i don't think you necessarily need it, its jut more of like follow your instincts type thing with me, well thats how i see it.
yeah i do see it as necessary in life, i mean i think when you know you can go out and get stuff, you aren't so worried about holding on to what you have and i think its the direction i need to take. as far as training goes i dont see why not, i mean theres a right and wrong way to do just about anything, but i don't think you necessarily need it, its jut more of like follow your instincts type thing with me, well thats how i see it.
- Nov 12, 2008
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It seems that as I get older being assertive becomes easier and more natural for me. It largely has to do with me being tired of being around "soft" people and it angers me in a sense, so I do what I can to go around that. One of the biggest caveats to this though is I have to be able to justify being assertive in some way. In essence I have to have a reason for it, and it can not cross a boundary that I have set, or that the overall group has set (except in rare cases where group boundaries need to be crossed). I understand that not everyone is confortable with being assertive. However if someone is so non-assertive that they actually get walked over by others and do nothing about it, well, those people are not worth my time at all and I want to smack them for it.
There is a fine line between assertive and aggressive that I think becomes easier to manage as you get older. In case you hadn't guessed, I have no trouble being assertive but try like heck to stay away from aggressive. I would think that the ultimate truth of my attempts lie with others rather than me though. I try not to steamroll people but if you don't want to step up and something has to be done, I will take on the task and complete it.
I've always been very assertive. I have no idea if I'm agressive or not. Probably. o_o
Yes it's useful of course, but at the same time if everyone was very assertive it would be kind of chaotic so a balance between people is good. But that doesn't mean that being zero assertive is good too.
Yes it's useful of course, but at the same time if everyone was very assertive it would be kind of chaotic so a balance between people is good. But that doesn't mean that being zero assertive is good too.
+1. I can't assert myself if it means arguing or having to fight someone to get it. I know that i may be robbing myself of something I need, want, or deserve but because of my anxiety, that I can't handle being too assertive if it makes me anxious; does more harm than good. I'm not good with tension or disagreement. I'd rather talk myself out of it than push to get what I want. May not be the best approach, but i'm less productive when I'm nervous or anxious, so it's easier to let go, although i usually end up being annoyed at myself for letting someone get away with something they shouldn't, especially at my expense.
- Aug 9, 2009
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Self assertion is uncomfortable, but I do it because I regret it if I don't. I have let people walk over me before and it feels very wrong. I think I could make it if I didn't, but I would bet money that being non-assertive is a real deterrent to getting into a relationship, especially for guys. For me it's simply a matter of deciding that I am more valuable than whoever I need to assert myself against, or whatever convention it is that might deter me from self-assertion.
It's simply a matter of stating what you think or what you want and allowing yourself to be wrong. My policy is simply to express how I feel in the way I feel like expressing it. Obviously this can be awkward or unwelcome for others, but I see that as a small price to pay. I err towards the side of being aggressive since I rarely actually fall to that side anyway.
When, where, how and why?
I'm usually not very assertive at all. I find that most of the time, I can get along quite nicely without needing to be assertive. I think it's mostly because I spend a lot of time with generally passive people. Also, most assertive people in my life have crossed the line into aggression, either out of inability to be tactful, or a need to be in control of others/ manipulative, so I try not to end up like that.
I find, though, that I become assertive mostly for the needs of others. For example, if someone is shooting down someone else's ideas, or ignoring them, without even taking the time to understand where the person is coming from, I often find myself compelled to step in and give the dominant personalities the big picture. I can't stand it when people aren't open to hearing people out, or when I feel someone is being unfairly ignored. Usually it helps the passive people to assert themselves more when someone is able to stand up for them.
I need to work on standing up for myself, though.
Does it usually feel comfortable, uncomfortable, neutral?
It often feels uncomfortable right after, because I often wonder if I came across too strong. Sometimes I feel it's a bit selfish, because the last thing I want to do is give people the impression I think I know best. This is mostly because I have a problem with that sometimes, and it makes me seem quite arrogant.
Do you think being assertive is necessary to get what you want or need in life? Why or why not?
Yes and no. The key is to have a good balance. If you become too assertive, you may seem unapproachable, and maybe run the risk of being too set in stone about things, even when you're wrong. Humble assertiveness, I think, is the key.
What do you think of assertiveness training?
I think it can be helpful, but it also runs the risk of being misunderstood/ creating a monster. A friend of a friend who always had trouble asserting herself went to a seminar type thing that included assertiveness training. She took some of it out of context, and went a bit too far with it sometimes. She eventually got things straightened out, but unfortunately did some damage along the way. I think the most important thing to know is that it takes time to develop a healthy level of assertiveness.
I'm usually not very assertive at all. I find that most of the time, I can get along quite nicely without needing to be assertive. I think it's mostly because I spend a lot of time with generally passive people. Also, most assertive people in my life have crossed the line into aggression, either out of inability to be tactful, or a need to be in control of others/ manipulative, so I try not to end up like that.
I find, though, that I become assertive mostly for the needs of others. For example, if someone is shooting down someone else's ideas, or ignoring them, without even taking the time to understand where the person is coming from, I often find myself compelled to step in and give the dominant personalities the big picture. I can't stand it when people aren't open to hearing people out, or when I feel someone is being unfairly ignored. Usually it helps the passive people to assert themselves more when someone is able to stand up for them.
I need to work on standing up for myself, though.
Does it usually feel comfortable, uncomfortable, neutral?
It often feels uncomfortable right after, because I often wonder if I came across too strong. Sometimes I feel it's a bit selfish, because the last thing I want to do is give people the impression I think I know best. This is mostly because I have a problem with that sometimes, and it makes me seem quite arrogant.
Do you think being assertive is necessary to get what you want or need in life? Why or why not?
Yes and no. The key is to have a good balance. If you become too assertive, you may seem unapproachable, and maybe run the risk of being too set in stone about things, even when you're wrong. Humble assertiveness, I think, is the key.
What do you think of assertiveness training?
I think it can be helpful, but it also runs the risk of being misunderstood/ creating a monster. A friend of a friend who always had trouble asserting herself went to a seminar type thing that included assertiveness training. She took some of it out of context, and went a bit too far with it sometimes. She eventually got things straightened out, but unfortunately did some damage along the way. I think the most important thing to know is that it takes time to develop a healthy level of assertiveness.
Assertiveness is my weak point. I can be very passive, but I have been working on it. Being assertive is sort of a necessity as you need to be confident in yourself, otherwise like Indy said people can walk all over you. I have experienced this myself. I also think being too assertive can come off as aggressive though, so one must find the balance. I usually find myself very uncomfortable expressing it but as I am growing older and learning to have more self-confidence in myself, I am learning to be more assertive. It has however not been easy, I have always been subjected to various psychological trauma, making me have a sense of inferiority. I think its a great idea to practice in becoming more assertive, it really is a booster. I am hoping to reach a balance point soon.
When, where, how and why?
All day, every day. I have no problems with being assertive. I know what I want and I make it pretty clear. I usually have things clearly defined in my mind before I open my mouth though. I like a well formulated plan before asserting myself. It makes things nice and easy.
does it usually feel comfortable, uncomfortable, neutral? It feels like a breath of fresh air.
Do you think being assertive is necessary to get what you want or need in life? Why or why not? I don't believe that sitting back and doing nothing will bring anything my way, and if it does, I certainly don't have the patience to sit and wait for it when I can do something to speed up the process.
What do you think of assertiveness training?
I think people need it. But I don't have too much of a problem with passive people. Eventually they become so passive and so unwilling to do anything to stand up for themselves and what they want that I will gladly steamroll them for my own benefit. I try to encourage people to take a stand but if they don't, well... That's certainly not my problem.
All day, every day. I have no problems with being assertive. I know what I want and I make it pretty clear. I usually have things clearly defined in my mind before I open my mouth though. I like a well formulated plan before asserting myself. It makes things nice and easy.
does it usually feel comfortable, uncomfortable, neutral? It feels like a breath of fresh air.
Do you think being assertive is necessary to get what you want or need in life? Why or why not? I don't believe that sitting back and doing nothing will bring anything my way, and if it does, I certainly don't have the patience to sit and wait for it when I can do something to speed up the process.
What do you think of assertiveness training?
I think people need it. But I don't have too much of a problem with passive people. Eventually they become so passive and so unwilling to do anything to stand up for themselves and what they want that I will gladly steamroll them for my own benefit. I try to encourage people to take a stand but if they don't, well... That's certainly not my problem.
I'm only assertive very occasionally... when people push me too far or there's something I feel I absolutely have to do.
It makes me feel a mixture of proud for standing up for myself and terrible because I might have upset someone else in the process of doing so.
I think people can get by without being assertive, just not in certain professions - business, for example, needs you to push yourself out. So do customer service jobs.
I think the training would be okay, only so long as the person who did it felt they really needed it themselves and weren't pushed into it by others - because that would be kind of ironic...
It's a shame this society relies so heavily of assertiveness to get anything done. If everyone sat down and talked it through as equals.... naw, it'd never work XD
It makes me feel a mixture of proud for standing up for myself and terrible because I might have upset someone else in the process of doing so.
I think people can get by without being assertive, just not in certain professions - business, for example, needs you to push yourself out. So do customer service jobs.
I think the training would be okay, only so long as the person who did it felt they really needed it themselves and weren't pushed into it by others - because that would be kind of ironic...
It's a shame this society relies so heavily of assertiveness to get anything done. If everyone sat down and talked it through as equals.... naw, it'd never work XDI'm only assertive very occasionally... when people push me too far or there's something I feel I absolutely have to do.
It makes me feel a mixture of proud for standing up for myself and terrible because I might have upset someone else in the process of doing so.
I think people can get by without being assertive, just not in certain professions - business, for example, needs you to push yourself out. So do customer service jobs.
I think the training would be okay, only so long as the person who did it felt they really needed it themselves and weren't pushed into it by others - because that would be kind of ironic...
agreed.
There is nothing more frustrating than feeling pressured to behave a certain way, just because others press you into doing it. Life is complicated and we are all different, although that fact alone makes your last point sad but true, lol.
I have been practicing it, but only using it with extreme politeness and tact (which has always been one of my strengths). I am appreciative of the fact that I care about what and how I say, can affect others around me. Tact comes in wonderfully, when trying to get my point across with grace and understanding of others involved, otherwise it becomes all about what works for me, and I'm not the only person in the world. (don't expect the world to cater to me). Assertiveness does feel good though; I do appreciate the pride I feel within myself for having done it.
