How Much Time is Too Much | INFJ Forum

How Much Time is Too Much

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Fuyuko, Nov 16, 2019.

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  1. Fuyuko

    Fuyuko Newbie

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    How much time with someone you love is too much? Do you need time apart to fan the flame? Has overexposure (or whatever) been the cause of any of your break ups?



    Is it okay if I create threads?
     
  2. David54

    David54 David
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    I think that is very individual. for me, the more time together the better and the last thing I want is time away, but I am quite sure others will feel differently. Now having said that, I do think that time apart to process the relationship and may actually be a good thing in the long run. . so I guess I can discuss both extremes, and agree with both extremes.
    and yes, thread away. .
     
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  3. java

    java Community Member

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    Absolutely! That's what forums are for. :D

    Yes, there are no right answers. Some people need to be close, others need more space. Best is probably to know what you want and communicate about it.
     
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  4. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    When it starts to impact my productivity.
    Yeah.
    Nope, I don't really date. The occasional bit of feelings comes up but it's nothing major.

    The more, the merrier.
     
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  5. dragulagu

    dragulagu Galactic Explorer

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    How much time with someone you love is too much? Do you need time apart to fan the flame? Has overexposure (or whatever) been the cause of any of your break ups?
    Yes

    Is it okay if I create threads?
    Yes
     
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  6. I think that a relationship ought to cultivate both the 'we' and the 'I'.

    The 'we' can be a beautiful, transcendent thing, and it needs time and intimacy to grow. At the same time, however, it shouldn't have so much time devoted to it that the 'I' is neglected in either partner.

    This isn't just because there is inherent worth in cultivating the 'self', but also because it's ultimately nourishing to the 'we', too. Each partner works on themselves and feeds the partnership with new food for growth, while also taking succour from the partnership itself.

    This can become a virtuous circle, where the growth of the 'we' gives energy to the work on the 'I', and vice versa, and you both ascend together.

    This virtuous cycle can be interrupted by an overbalance in either area, but the key to maintaining it will always be communication and the openness to adjustment.

    Hmm... like I say, in the context of the virtuous cycle I described above, time to ourselves is necessary, but it's a bit different when this time apart is being used to try to artificially generate some longing.

    No.
     
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  7. JustPhil

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    @Deleted member 16771

    Re


    Do you feel that perhaps INFJs or even perhaps other groups can give so much of themselves that they forget about the "I" though?

    I read somewhere that INFJs can be people-pleasers (as can other types) often forgetting their own needs in trying to please their partners.

    I certainly see myself in this category. A need to please, a need also to have the perfect relationship. Perhaps negating my own need to take time for myself, which in turn only ends up causing problems in itself.

    I think the other comment of time apart to fan the flames could be in my case time apart to assess the relationship more objectively rather than being there on the front line. Then I am taking time out to work on those little thoughts that otherwise would get buried in that people pleasing need I have and never get addressed and resolved.
     
  8. OP
    Fuyuko

    Fuyuko Newbie

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    Feel like this is real wisdom. Thank you very much for sharing.
     
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  9. G4RiiM

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    no such thing as too much time with someone you truly love
     
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  10. slant

    slant Anti gum-putter
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    I haven't ever been in a relationship, but based on my friendships, I need a lot of time to myself to recharge and also to do hobbies and fulfilling things. I'd say if you live together a lot of time apart might be healthy. But if you don't live together, for me, my ideal time spent with partner would probably be a couple evenings a week. Enough to feel loved but also enough to do my own shit.
     
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    #10 slant, Dec 8, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2019
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