How important is relationship experience when choosing a partner? | INFJ Forum

How important is relationship experience when choosing a partner?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, May 9, 2010.

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  1. Gaze

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    I wonder, how important is dating or relationship experience when choosing a partner?

    Does someone need to have relationship experience for you to consider them a viable partner?

    How do you view inexperience or someone with little relationship history?

    Does your perception of their relationship history depend on age?

    Do you view someone much differently if they have much more or much less experience than you do?
     
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  2. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    Little to none is my preference. Otherwise I wonder why they aren't still with one of them. Perhaps they habitually make bad choices, in which case possible emotional damage or an STI check is necessary.

    I don't mind teaching, quite enjoy it... What I dislike is a girl who has dated many and thinks of men as having to be a certain way. Girls who have dated many and are still able to see with fresh eyes though... Phwooaarr... Intriguing, I want one.
     
  3. OP
    Gaze

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    bump!
     
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  4. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    I don't think it's important.

    No. And if people do use this as an excuse- then most INFJs are... pretty screwed? But this is coming from a 20 year old. If I was older, say, late 20's or 30's I'd want someone to match my maturity but that doesn't necessarily equate to experience. If you've never been in an intimate relationship or had sex, that doesn't mean you're not as mature as the next person. It's about how you deal with those things once they hit you.

    Of course you'd view someone differently, but not much. It wouldn't change the way I treat them.

    It's funny answering this because my second voice is telling me what the majority of the world would say (basically non-INFJs/NF's in general) and it would totally find all my views weird/ridiculous. *Sigh* I'm surrounded my SP's...
     
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  5. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    None whatsoever. I don't call myself very relationship-savvy, so how could I poke someone else for not being relationship-savvy?

    Not at all. In fact, I say the less the better - less chance of them comparing me to their ex.

    No differently from anyone else.

    Not really. We all come from different walks of life. I admit I might be a little more judgmental on someone who is young with multiple partners (say, high school serial dating) but I respect those who have been more selective.

    No. I just care if we share similar interests and have similar life goals.
     
  6. Skoffin

    Skoffin <font color=#00EE99>She Whose Name We Do Not Speak

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    Experience generally doesn't matter to me, however too much might put me off. I'll wonder what they've done, why it didn't work out with all the others and if they have any infections.
    Oddly, I think I may have an attraction to virgins.
    :m122:
     
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  7. Ecton

    Ecton Community Member

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    I don't think these matter much. Its all about the person: who they are, why they are. If experience is intimidating, that can be an exciting thing. If its underwhelming, well, maybe its time to take the lead. I don't think any of these things are any more than texture in real life, and are a good thing.
     
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  8. SweetDreams

    SweetDreams Regular Poster

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    I don't think that I would mind either way. If they've had experience, then I guess it would be less awkward for me. However, if they hadn't had any experience, then I guess we could both be awkward together!

    No, because that would make me a hypocrite.

    Well, this applies to me-and I do view myself as a little bit of a weirdo to be honest. But it's just that I'm not really actively looking for a relationship. I'm a very, "It'll happen when it's meant to happen" kind of person and it just hasn't happened yet. That, combined with high standards (especially with the emotional connection part) can make life a little lonely sometimes.

    Yes, I'm only 18 at the moment with no relationship experience. So yes, I guess it would change with time.

    Probably the first one. If they've had a lot of experience then it would probably make me a bit suspicious, and make me wonder why they've dated so many people. It would also make me question whether or not they're interested in having serious relationships.
     
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    #8 SweetDreams, May 14, 2010
    Last edited: May 14, 2010
  9. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Very.

    We learn about ourselves through interacting with other people, being the social creatures that we are. Communication and relationships are not univocal or one dimensional, people co-create meaning and identity. There is not a thing you regard yourself for that didn't come from someone else's perception of you. You just choose to agree or disagree.

    There are so many things I have learned about myself through dating the people I have dated that I might otherwise not have known about myself. I've discovered so many issues I had and then discovered the dormantstrength in me to work through them. Any relational experience helps us evolve.

    We don't have just one identity. There is a friend acd, a relative acd, a coworker/career acd, a romantic partner acd, etc. etc.

    I learn to be a better friend though maintaining friendships. I learn to be a better daughter by being there for my mom. I'm a better girlfriend by learning from past mistakes with exes.


    Yes.

    I begin to wonder about possible reasons why someone has never been romantically involved with someone. I used to like someone who at 24, had never even dated anyone. I didn't really try to pursue anything (ie. put the moves on him) because I figured there was a reason why he had never and wasn't dating anyone and that I should just leave him be. Not saying that's fair of me, but that's my perspective on it.
     
    #9 acd, May 15, 2010
    Last edited: May 15, 2010
  10. NiennaLadyOfTears

    NiennaLadyOfTears Goth Hobbit Lass
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    I was my husband's first, and I only had one boyfriend prior to him, so I prefer little to no experience.
     
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  11. That Girl

    That Girl Do you have my answers?
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    I have this tendency to date boys who haven't had very many relationships. It's annoying when they decide they love me and have no idea what that actually means. They put me on this pedestal and think I'm perfect. I'm not perfect. I want someone who has been with enough people to have knowledge of what they want out of a relationship. I want someone who has fooled around enough to not want to fool around anymore.
     
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