*is summoned*
In high school I wasn't one of the *most* "popular" people, but our school was kind of weird; there was a pretty big divide between academic and non-academic students, and transfer people. Also in many areas in Canada, we don't have middle and high school separated--the 5 years of 8-12 are combined into "secondary school", which people just refer to as "high school". Basically it was a very big school compared to what many are probably used to and there wasn't really any sort of social hierarchy in the same way.
I can say that I have always had a big network of people that I know as I was generally always pretty outgoing and non-discriminatory with people I would talk to. I did cheerleading for a year (not that it was extremely indicative of popularity at my school), was probably considered one of the more attractive females relative to the whole population, and was somewhat more iconic than average because of my race. Thus it made it easy for others to want to talk to me and include me into things. I knew many people from surrounding highschools from the past and from extracurriculars and life. I liked performing and was a bit of an attention whore at times; I remember getting voted top actress in my drama class. My moral judgment slipped because of this stuff getting to my head when I was younger, in 7th grade, so I vowed to not repeat my mistakes when I went to high school. I learned early. Still, sometimes I would feel uncomfortable associating with "less popular" people. My focus on academics slipped a lot in high school because I wanted to have fun and skip school with people. My pride took a nosedive because I was involved in the more academic program and I was not used to being surpassed by others academically as well as athletically.. I was extremely ashamed of myself and that hindered me from socializing with people in this program, especially in later years. I remember though, when we had our graduation ceremony, even after I had been going through severe depression and had become extremely withdrawn the last two years in high school, my dad telling me how surprised he was about all the cheering and applause I received when I came out on stage to receive my diploma. It seems that to my family and some people's perceptions, I was quite popular.
Strangely, I feel more popular now than I did during high school. I think it may be partially because I have become more in touch and accepting of myself, which has made me more socially adept, relatable, and empathetic. I'm more like my early self and less like how I was when I was very withdrawn. Mostly though, it's because I bump into people daily who express a desire to drink and hang out with me. People who "know me" say hello to me when I'm out all the time, and I only have vague guesses of who they might be, or they have to re-introduce themselves to me or say they've seen me around high school, but I do not recall their existence. Or I get texts from numbers I do not have on my phone saying they saw me. Or I hear that people have talked about me or been telling their friends/family about me even if I never in a million years thought my existence would be that significant to them. It's downright creepy and I feel like I can never go off guard when I exit my house. I can't freely pick a wedgie as I'm walking down the street lest I receive a text later hearing all about it. It's made me much more conscious and worried of the way I am perceived by others than I used to be. I hate it. Social media and technological advancement has played a huge part in it. Often I just want to take a walk alone downtown and admire the scenery, but then I bump into like 10 different groups of people who talk to me and wonder what I'm up to walking around alone. Christ. It feels like a lot of people know and care about me because I am outgoing and friendly around them, but they only know me on a very thin and superficial level. It feels very strange and empty, and is a bit of a nuisance. It makes me very socially anxious and afraid of going into public at times and is something I've had to work on over these past few years. I try to make the best of it and appreciate my vast collection of connections nowadays. I try to really milk my abilities with this. As an example, I'm now working as the District Liaison in my local Rotaract. I've realized that being friendly, open, and engaging is sort of a talent that not too many people have to the level I do.
I've talked enough lol. Hope my story came of some interest to you.
