How do you maneuver friendships with the opposite sex? | INFJ Forum

How do you maneuver friendships with the opposite sex?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, May 24, 2010.

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  1. Gaze

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    How do you maneuver friendships with the opposite sex?



    Do you think that friendships with those of the opposite sex offer something different or unique which same sex friendships don't? Why or why not?


    Do you find it harder, as a woman to be friends with other women more than most?

    OR

    Do you find it harder, as a guy, to be friends with other men more than most?
     
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  2. Skathac

    Skathac <font color=#27A601>Community Member</font>

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    Take attraction out of the equation and it is about the same really. When I'm friends with a woman and I'm attracted to her the mental chatter can make the situation unbearable. Conversations may or may not be different, it really depends on the individual. Some of my male friends were more effeminate and some of my female friends were more masculine.

    I'd say probably the toughest friendship I ever endured was being attracted to a gay woman. Wonderful human being and try as I might, couldn't smack any sense into my heart.
     
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  3. Ergo Christobal

    Ergo Christobal Talking Lightbulb
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    I find it hard to find friendship with other guys, but quite easy to befriend girls. I have mixed friends, but when it comes to making new ones it's just harder with guys. Mostly I just don't relate. Plus, I can't participate in any small talk about sports, cars, or... Well that about covers everything.

    My ex-girlfriend had a lot of trouble with this...

    Like Skathac said, once there is a mutual "I'm not into you" on the table, friendship with the opposite sex is easy. I have a very strong friendship with a girl who liked me to start, and after I told her I wasn't attracted to her we worked out just fine.
     
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  4. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    I can't relate to other women most times so I naturally befriend any guy who come around. Naturally I'm mentally avoiding the whole attraction thing on my end, and I forget that it can be such a big problem on theirs. I kind of wonder if I should stop trying since I might just be hurting people I'm trying to befriend.
     
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  5. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
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    If there is no attraction on either part, I find friendship with women to be rather easy. I feel no pressure, and I end up seeing the friendship as no different than I would a guy. However, I have a hard time having a close female friend with no sort of attraction. It takes me a while to open up to someone, and if I do so with a woman, I usually have feelings/develop feelings for her (or vise versa) My friendships with women generally have to be at a superficial level.

    I have an easy time befriending guys. I don't understand half the things some guys are interested in (sports, mechanics, other stereotypical dude things) but I know enough to fake my way through conversations. Guys seem to want to be my friend more so than girls do. Maybe it's because I don't come off as threatening, and I can bullshit through boring conversations? I don't know. Also, I have an easier time opening up to my close guy friends because there is no attraction. I feel no pressure to watch what I'm saying because I have no want for a romantic relationship. Friendships with guys provide me needed support without unwanted attraction/sexual attention.
     
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  6. Skathac

    Skathac <font color=#27A601>Community Member</font>

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    Its been my experience that if its out in the open sometimes the friendship can still be salvaged Alexa. Every man is different, some have an easier time removing attraction from the picture than others. Attraction in and of itself is strange, not always physical, sometimes the oddest things make someone appealing as a friend or potential mate.
     
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  7. The Jester

    I talk to them. And I listen to what they have to say.

    No.

    No.
     
  8. That Girl

    That Girl Do you have my answers?
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    I grew up surrounded by men. By dad was a regular at a bar and thus I was a regular too. Drunken men fawned over me and taught me the ways of talking to them. My cousin was/is my best friend and we sit in silence, playing video games for hours. We have an unspoken code that runs how we communicate. Our sense of humor is skewed and most people don't understand why we find the Best Buy application to be so hilarious.
    I believe it is because of this that I have trouble being friends with girls. It's as if I'm the epitome of everything annoying an wrong to them. The other day I walked into my friend's house, went into the garage where two girls were sitting, and they immediately walked out. Coincidence you say? No, definitely not. They took one look at me as soon as my friends proclaimed "ANNA!" and disappeared into the living room.
    I've thought about why this happens to me for a long time I know it is because I'm awkward around girls. They think I'm a bitch because I trip over my words and don't know what to say. They take my silence as being stuck up. Also, I think they may believe I'm a superwhore because of the amount of guy friends I have. It doesn't occur to them that because I like video games, have the same mannerisms, and the same type of humor that guys just see me as one of the guys. I'm not the person they turn around and think about having sex with. I'm the person they call when they just want to hang out.
    Therefore, I think it's easiest to have friends of the opposite sex. One of my friends has a huge crush on me and the way I deal with it is constantly smashing his hopes by talking about who I like or reminding him what a good friend he is and how I'm glad we'll never be more than that. This may sound cruel but if you knew Kenny, you'd understand why this is necessary. The kid thinks he is God's gift to women.
    I don't have such a problem with my other guy friends. They just like having me around to hang out. They call me a third man (don't ask) as a mark of our friendship and the fact they don't see me as dating material. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of guys that have liked me over the years but I just don't stay friends with them for very long. I don't like the sexual tension. I know some people do but it drives me crazy.
    I think it is easier to talk to guys. They don't have the same type of dramas that girls do. They just hate on each other and tease all the time which is what I'm good at doing. You call a girl a bitch and she thinks you're being serious. You call your friend Dave a douchebag and blow him a kiss and he pretends to be mad at you for thirty seconds before throwing an equal harassment your way.
    I do have a couple of girls that I'm friends with but they're like me. They're introverted, like video games, and aren't so invested in feelings that such emotions run their lives. They don't mind my awkward silences because they understand I didn't grow up with a lot of girls around.
     
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  9. Norwich

    Norwich insistent
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    Before I was married, very, very carefully. I have always been intrigued by how guys minds work. But on several occasions when I was engrossed in getting to know someone, I have been struck off guard by a guy making a pass at me. I hate hurting peoples feelings so this was awfully awkward.

    [/QUOTE]
    Do you find it harder, as a woman to be friends with other women more than most?[/QUOTE]

    I probably find it more difficult than most to be friends with other women. But only because I think it is more difficult for me to be in relationship in general. It doesn't matter whether the other person is male or female.
     
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  10. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    I dunno, once upon a time I had a male friend and everything was going on great, till it came to a point where I was manuvered into saying I had no romantic/sexual attraction for the guy. He then started being a real dick to me. Actually thats happened recently too. I am beginning to think that the only reason a guy makes friends with me is to get into my pants. Which is of course pretty natural thing for a guy to try and do.
     
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  11. Skathac

    Skathac <font color=#27A601>Community Member</font>

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    Hormones aren't the easiest thing to overcome for the cave man. While it is natural to seek a sexual partner in a female we find attractive, the effect of discovering the attraction is not mutual is different with all of us. I have difficulty in such situations as mentioned before, but I see no need to press the issue and make the woman uncomfortable. Some guys are indeed just dicks and shrouded in ulterior motives, but I stand by my previous statement that every man is not the same. Reckon its how we deal with the horny devil residing within.
     
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  12. Peppermint

    Peppermint Well-known member

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    I've made a point to avoid them in the future. The guy almost always professes attraction at some point which creates a lot of discomfort for me and makes the whole friendship really awkward. After the inevitable rejection, I'm labeled as a cold-hearted bitch. Yeah, no thanks.
     
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  13. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    It's always "our fault" isn't it? Even when there is no fault to be had. I've had people who were acting like platonic friends and when they find out I'm taken they go all pissy and tell me I should have told them the moment "they showed interest in me". BS! Until you actually ask me out, how they hell am I suppose to know thats what kind of interest I'm getting, if you're being all secretive and platonic about it?

    Also, its not very nice to tell EVERY guy who's just being friends with you, the second they so much as give you eye contact that "sorry, I have a boyfriend". That just screams "I don't like you and don't want anything to do with you, now go away now that I've given you this lame excuse".
     
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  14. The Jester

    I love the stereotypes in this thread.
    Seriously.
    Hate much? I just feel that some of you are quite
    sexist towards us. Anyway, I generally dislike
    stereotypes.
     
  15. OP
    Gaze

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    What are some of the stereotypes you are noticing?
     
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  16. The Jester

    The stereotype that a guy just wants to get in the pants of a woman, at whatever cost.
     
  17. Daeledin

    Daeledin <font color=#575EC1>NVs Fanboi</font>

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    I have a cheat code to being friends with the opposite sex.

    Open Run
    cmd
    setstatus gay_best_friend
    exit

    To add an extra advantage I don't have a hard time making friends with the same sex either. It works pretty much exactly the same because unless you're obvious guys can't tell one way or another. Even then after awhile they typically become cool with it because I'll have broken down stereotypes for them.
     
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  18. OP
    Gaze

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    Well, if you're a woman whose experience has been that most of men you've encountered have difficulty seeing you as just a friend and always seem to want more, then you're going to wonder whether if there'll ever be guys/men who will only have platonic feelings for you. So, it's not about stereotypes, it's about experience. If in 90% of cases, A=B, then it it's fairly easy and probably seems reasonable to make a judgment that all As will be Bs, even if there's a 10% chance that the other experiences you have will not have that result.
     
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    #18 Gaze, May 24, 2010
    Last edited: May 24, 2010
  19. The Jester

    Alright then.
     
  20. OP
    Gaze

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    Feel free to agree or disagree.
     
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