[INFJ] - How do you cope under difficult emotions or stress? | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] How do you cope under difficult emotions or stress?

Kolmio

Kolmio

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Jun 5, 2014
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This topic probably has its own thread somewhere out there, but I'm interested about this, so here it goes.

How are you under stress or under difficult emotions? How do you cope with stress, depressive thoughts or emotional pain?

I tend to turn into a big baby under difficult emotions. It's frustrating. I don't through tantrums or cry my eyes out but all my coping mechanisms just seem to disappear. I'm left with nothing to fight back. This state of just letting the pain wash over me like a huge tidal wave is very painful and can take for hours. If the stress or pain is weaker I manage it by analyzing it through and usually come up a positive outlook on it. Sometimes I do something nice like take a long comforting shower or cook something good. When the feelings are not that bad I can spend time with my family and friends too and it cheers me up.

How about you?

I put this under the INFJ typology because I was interested if you have similarities in this or some way of coping that is typical for INFJs. Also, discussion about INFJs typical stress behavior is much appreciated. Thanks!
 
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I have a high frustration tolerance, but when my psychic walls are breached I tend to do several things:


  • Check my habits and routines. Am I taking care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally? Am I getting enough sleep, exercising, and nourishing my body with the right foods at the right times? I'm sensitive to processed food, so I also check to see what kinds of gook I've been eating recently. How often do I relax and indulge myself? Is my work-personal life balanced? How are my social ties and relationships? Is there anyone I can lean on for support or advice, or do I need to work on cultivating reinforcing relationships?



  • If all of that checks out fine, then I distance myself physically and psychologically from the stressor to try and see it more objectively. I listen to my favorite music, make a point to put some new physical activity into my schedule to get my mind off the stress, and use mindfulness and transcendental meditations to help disengage my emotional responses to stress. What is the stressor and why does it bother me? How much of my stress is coming directly from me (i.e., self-doubt, laziness, bad time management) and how much of it is coming from things around me (i.e, toxic or demeaning Others)? How much of it can I control and how much of it must I simply tolerate for now? Is there anything I can do to remove it or mitigate its influence on my life? If it's work related, who can I talk to about it to get some feedback or help? If it's personal stuff, then I either meditate, try to find out which of my wants and needs are unbalanced, or ask a friend for their advice.



  • If none of that helps, then I start either escaping into my own inner Wonderland or developing dissociative symptoms and protect myself with a cold cloak of utter indifference until the storm passes.
 
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How are you under stress or under difficult emotions? How do you cope with stress, depressive thoughts or emotional pain?

Not too good, i'm way too dramatic internally, ignore those thoughts it's extremely difficult, but i'm learning to channel them. This past monday i did pretty well regarding bad thoughts and emotions: After a pretty bad weekend, i had to get up really early to go home, i slept like 3 hours, because it was a horrible night and i couldn't sleep. I was about to explode then, my emotions were going wild, but i did my best to suppress that, and not take it on anyone. When i came home, i've noticed that my cellphone died, i lost everything, cool photos, contacts, and stuff like that. I had to go get some documents downtown, and i was running out of time, it would have been easy to say, fnck it, i won't do it, but i did it. However, the documents weren't there when i came, and i have to wait another week, so i basically made that trip for nothing. , i had to go to classes, everything went well, but i was boiling up in anger, the only thing that i wanted to do is to cry my fncking heart out(and i did it actually when i was in the bathroom), and hide in the sewers and die there, mostly because of what happened in the weekend, and my conclusions about that, but no, i was drowning in my own subjective emotions, and i knew it... I had to go work by night, so i stood there, (i live in the south hemisphere, so here is winter) too far from home, and i had to work by 7pm, and it was 4pm then, incomunicated, and with like 1 dollar in my wallet. So i took a bus, and i went downtown again, to wait there. I've noticed that i had a pencil and a drawing pad in my bag, so whatever, i will sketch... There's a really nice park with busts around there, so i started sketching them like crazy, every statue, whatever, full focus like never before, and for a while i forgot about everything, it was so nice, the emotions were still running wild, but i was going with them, the sketches were pretty good overall though i haven't showed them to my teacher. Then i just came to work, full of energy, attending 200 people all at once, and everything went well, i talked with a girl that was really nice and sweet, and i had some big laughs by the end of the day.

Don't know how much it contributes to the discussion, just felt the need to tell this.
 
I usually do very well…especially at work.
When I am at home or driving I can rage about certain things…I do this so it isn’t bottled up, which I find is healthier…actually studies have shown that people who use curse words when injured actually feel less pain, because you are kind of releasing a steam valve for your body and mind.
I work in surgery, which can be an overwhelmingly stressful place…sometimes life or death (I cannot think of anything more stressful than that except perhaps your own life or death).
I have a switch in my head that I can flip (that is the best way I can describe it) that turns off most of my emotions and puts me into medical professional mode where I fall back on my training and my 15+ years of experience in the medical field. I am actually pretty comfortable there too.
There are instances though where I have reacted later that day, to the stress that I ignored while I was doing my job…when I review my actions in my mind and it gives me time to think of the consequences of what took place…to view it from the human side of things, see it emotionally.
Especially small children…this is unavoidable…seeing children die is incredibly stressful and cannot be ignored.
When I worked in the burn unit a few years ago, we would get a good portion of patients who were children purposefully burned by their abusive parents or caretakers…some of them were forced to sit in scalding water in the bath…I won’t go into too much detail…but it made me furious…it made me want to literally kill their parent who did it.
I worked on a boy named Yousef (sp?) once…he was in the National news even…he was from Iraq…he was about 5…the rival tribe dumped gasoline on him while he was playing on his patio and set fire to him…he had 90% burns to his body. Him and his family were flown to the US and were being cared for by Dr. Grossman at the Grossman Burn Center in LA and while I was training there I had the privilege to work on him…Dr. Grossman actually had this boy’s family living with him at his house and did it all free of charge as there is no way they could ever afford such treatment…he is truly a wonderful and kind man…a rare person.
Anyhow…that is the type of stress that I have to deal with, usually not as extreme as that, but occasionally so.
I have learned to turn off my emotions in order to properly do my job…but there are always exceptions.
Overall, I feel I handle it pretty well.
 
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BrokenDaniel said:
I've noticed that i had a pencil and a drawing pad in my bag, so whatever, i will sketch... There's a really nice park with busts around there, so i started sketching them like crazy, every statue, whatever, full focus like never before, and for a while i forgot about everything, it was so nice, the emotions were still running wild, but i was going with them, the sketches were pretty good overall though i haven't showed them to my teacher. Then i just came to work, full of energy, attending 200 people all at once, and everything went well, i talked with a girl that was really nice and sweet, and i had some big laughs by the end of the day..
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I just read somewhere in the internet that it's typical for INFJs to start using their inferior function Se when under stress. They might start analyzing facts in their environment, using their five senses more, collecting sensory data more efficiently and use this as a coping mechanism. Like eat something really tasty and focus on the taste rather than the difficult emotions. Drawing something you see might do too? Interesting. It's nice to hear that everything worked out well.
 
1. If possible, hide away so that I can cry. If I'm on the spot I could try thinking about not crying, but it always backfires hilariously. this sort of stress arises by surprise.

2. When stress is layered upon my heart over a long period of time, it becomes emotionally constricting. I may bottle it up, and attempt to release it in othr ways. If the emotion moves into unconscious territory, there is a danger of outbursts leading to regret. This has not happened in a long time because I have adopted what many people call "mindfulness practices."

3. I put on my best Duchenne smile and party it out of my system. I become energetic and happy, hyper and carefree. Sometimes a little bit too carefree. This might be what MBTI-flavoured armchair theorists (such as myself) mean when they say that heavy stress activated the inferior (Se) function in the INFJ psychological type.

I could elaborate, but much has already been said. :)
 
Kolmio said:
This state of just letting the pain wash over me like a huge tidal wave is very painful and can take for hours. If the stress or pain is weaker I manage it by analyzing it through and usually come up a positive outlook on it. Sometimes I do something nice like take a long comforting shower or cook something good. When the feelings are not that bad I can spend time with my family and friends too and it cheers me up.
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I tend to feel like water restores me too, if I'm completely broken a long shower or bath will always soften the pain. I don't let it it was over me tho, I sorta accept it and let it be part of me and then I visualize the stress, pain, emotion or whatever it is I must deal with as an ocean, and then imagining it becoming a really calm and pleasant ocean, the kind where you float on the water without fear of swallowing water because the water is so calm and your entire being begins to feel at ease.


Kolmio said:
How are you under stress or under difficult emotions? How do you cope with stress, depressive thoughts or emotional pain?
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I appear fine under stress and my performance at the thing I must do actually improves, the only problem I have is releasing all the stress, which I am learning to do right now.

For me depressive thoughts aren't as prominent anymore as when I was younger, When I was around 15 or so I was in a pretty dark place emotionally, but eventually I just got tired of it all and now I tend to always be the guy smiling and seeing positive things where others failed to notice some. Ofc. I never lost my pessimistic view on things. but now a days I come up with the most positive view at the same time. Depressive thoughts are just thoughts after all, so if you work hard on changing your thought pattern you will eventually get rid of most of them. Challenge yourself with little games like coming up with 10 happy thoughts when you experience a depressive one. Dream about a positive and happy future where you feel content and smile at the fact you conquered all your hardships and finally realized your dreams. the more you focus on positive things, the less often negative ones will cross your mind.

Emotional pain / strong emotions I deal with through imagining them as an ocean and imagining the ocean becoming calm. And by focusing again on good things. Of course sometimes you will feel so sad you feel it in your throat and your barely able to speak. Moments like those are the toughest. because you are sad for a reason and the most direct way is to solve the problem by the origin, but that is not always as easily done as it is said.

For example, you cannot bring back the dead. and sadness resulting from feeling alone in a world where you feel no1 will ever be on your level of understanding will always be extremely difficult. Loss can be dealt with through faith that the person is in a better place then they were before and the conviction you will one day be together again, regardless of what you believe, even if you believe nothing, you will still be able to believe that maybe someday some how you will be near that person again even if it is through providing nutrition to the same plant.

The other one, is the most difficult, and frankly all I can think of there, is believe that even though life is what it is there are limits to how cruel it can be. And as such, you might be able to see a spark of hope that might mean you will one day meet someone who does have your level of understanding. And as human beings. I believe one of our most important emotions, no matter how dangerous it is, is hope. So if you deal with a negative emotion so strong that it is ripping you apart. Look for that spark of hope, and if it fades look for a new one and keep looking. Try to always live life to the best of your abilities, make of it what you can and reach up to your dreams, and if needed chain them and bring them down to the point they are actual goals! Achieve them and show to yourself and the people around you. Life is what you make of it, don't let it make you.

I hope my rambling helps you extrapolate the answer you seek. for my strength is not words. It's all the other things. ^^
 
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ArtFirst said:
I tend to feel like water restores me too, if I'm completely broken a long shower or bath will always soften the pain. I don't let it it was over me tho, I sorta accept it and let it be part of me and then I visualize the stress, pain, emotion or whatever it is I must deal with as an ocean, and then imagining it becoming a really calm and pleasant ocean, the kind where you float on the water without fear of swallowing water because the water is so calm and your entire being begins to feel at ease.
Click to expand...

Wow that's cool, I might try this imagination technique next time I get too emotional. Sounds very calming. It might be typical for INFJs to use their imagination for coping with difficulties.
 
When I'm extremely stressed, I feel like I want to jump out of my skin and the only thing that helps is that I run like a mad woman. It's not unusual for me to go out for a hard run two or three times a day when I'm feeling like this.

I also stress clean. Every surface, every closet, every drawer, every corner is spotless and neat and organized. It helps me think. In fact, my thoughts are more scattered then usual when stressed, so it helps if I write them out and give myself a play-by-play about what to do. The act of writing things down is calming to me... unless I get obsessed with how neatly and how exactly I write it out. I have a tendency to go a little OCD with stress.

If the stress is way too much, my gas tank runs depletes and I pretty much shut down. I get mopey and depressed and start over-analyzing myself. I get bogged down in figuring out how to solve the problem, collect information on the problem, but don't actually take any action on it. I want to sleep all day, eat junkfood and not talk to anyone. My mind races a mile a minute but I can't make heads or tails about what I'm thinking. I have too many thoughts, too many ideas, and I'm unable to decide on which one I want to commit to.
 
When I find myself disappointed in others, say a coworker, I redirect my focus to a positive relationship. For example, I will send the boss an email praising another coworker instead of talking bad about the disappointing coworker.
When attacked I tend to focus too intensely on facts that support my side.
When depressed I drink.
When offended by horrible people I write nasty responses online. But I don't do that one anymore. People don't care.
Now I DO something about it instead, like adopt a puppy mill survivor who at seven had never seen grass. She is happy now. No worries.
 
Kolmio said:
Wow that's cool, I might try this imagination technique next time I get too emotional. Sounds very calming. It might be typical for INFJs to use their imagination for coping with difficulties.
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The more vivid and detailed the better :) When I do it I see everything from the colors to the depth and feel the whole thing, water temperature, water line, pressure, movement and the strokes of the wind included.
It also helps if you keep the emotion your coping with to a less detailed version, and only improve the details on the calm version ;) Imagining zooming in will also increase the intensity/experience whilst zooming out will decrease it.

So if you feel reaaaaaaally bad, form it in your mind and decrease size/lower volume/decrease sensitivity then mold it into something pleasant and increase/enlarge it. :) thats basically what I do in the form of an ocean.

If what you're dealing with is a memory, so If you saw/hear/experienced something in real life, doing this with your memories will help too. So zooming out from the experience, distancing it in your mind and turning down the volume, decreasing the size and decreasing sensitivity, but then instead of molding it into something else, imagine getting rid of the tiny/soft ball of memory and tossing it into a white sun deep in your mind where it will disappear.


If I deal with less strong emotions such as feel impatient or annoyed when someone is talking to me, then I have a specific imagination for dealing with that, I imagine a sakura/cheryblossem tree where I look up into its leaves translucent leaves and see god rays/Crepuscular rays shining through from the sun. Then a leaf falls, slowly and perspective follows it until it hits a small mirror like puddle of water where it makes the tiniest ripple on impact which slowly disperses.
 
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I completely withdraw myself, I write about all of it frenetically, I meditate, listen to mellow music & most important I work out with Dance music blasting in my ears...Then I go home & pass out in bed
 
Riding a horse that is trying to throw you off its back usually picks me up. All my other concerns pretty much go out the window. The key is to stay on.
 
I don't cope it very well. It makes me depressed and a crybaby. All I see is a thick, big wooden door which is locked and doesn't open, no matter how many keys I try. It's like an endless dark cold ocean which is suffocating me. Sleep helps the most and a healthy diet.
 
I guess you could say I tend to go for the unhealthy route to cope with my stress.

I push all my problems aside and try to forget about them. I fill that void with doing things that I find enjoyable so my mind can be at peace.
 
I don't show anything different to others who are not in my inner circle. If I cannot discuss it or it is something only I can deal with, I try to break it down into manageable parts. If that is impossible and I am just stuck, i play the flute and I paint. A lot. Landscapes, mostly but sometimes dark stuff. Always seems to help me focus through the stress.
 
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