Hoodie's ridiculous love life

[Hoodie]

I need someone to talk to. So I thought I'd ramble here!

There's this fellow whom I've had a crush on for... a long time: 7 - 8 years to be vaguely exact. The last couple years I sort of just gave up on crushing on him, after much conflicting thoughts and signals. It would appear that I'm too shy - or was too shy - to tell him how I felt. And if he liked me, well, I have a feeling he's also too shy to tell me.

Also it's a lot more complicated than that, and this is when it starts to get ridiculous ad perhaps creepy if you don't understand the situation. See, we're "cousins". We're not actually related, neither are any of our parents, but we were raised in a group of people that decided to be a family. So we grew up calling each other cousins, even though we're not related at all. But we always knew we weren't related. So another part of me thinks that perhaps he thinks people would think we were weird and so that's why he never made a move.

Now after a few years of not crushing on him, and instead taking my hormones elsewhere, things have changed ever so slightly. I'm louder, more confident, we have more things in common now, etc etc. Also I'm finding that very few guys can hold my admiration for a long period of time.

Now another part that's odd is - some back ground history - I take a fair amount of stock in dreams (for personal reasons). I've always had dreams about this crush since forever- which makes sense, after 7 years of constantly thinking about someone, you're going to start dreaming about them. But the dreams didn't stop when I "moved on". I got myself into a relationship with someone else and the dreams still came- I'd be kissing him or discovering that he liked me too and everything would be wonderful until I remembered that I was in a relationship with someone else.

Clues that he may like me: When he's around, he seems to hang around me a fair amount. When we were at a party with a bunch of friends, in pretty well all the pictures he's either beside me or looking at me.

Clues that I might like him still: Whenever I'm around him I actually feel like a woman. Which is a surprisingly nice feeling. Thinking about him with someone else makes me a tad queasy. Maybe it's just old emotions?

So, the plan is I'm HOPING on sort of telling him, because I can't keep going around like this.

NOW there's this OTHER guy I know who's in charge of a group I volunteer first aid for. We're both pretty shy.quiet in person. Just the other day he friended me on Facebook, and just last night he messaged me. It started out as a business text, but pretty soon we were just chatting. And we chatted for quite a few hours. I think he flirted with me at one point but I'm not entirely sure- I mean it had a wink face, so... Anyway, he's super adorable in both his personality and appearance. He tends to tease everyone and is rather sarcastic but he has such a soft side that I'm just getting to know <3 I'm really happy for the person that will eventually find this gem of a man, though I don't think he's the guy for me. Even though he's super adorable. And he's a paramedic. Him in his uniform my goodness. HOWEVER I'm hoping that me and him can be friends. It would be really cool to have a friend in this town.

Anyway that's my weird stuff.

 

[Siimplicity]

Omg @Hoodie I love you so much <3

If he's not your cousin....well? decidedly not creepy.
Queasy. yes well said. Ugh! I do not care for that feeling.

So, the plan is I'm HOPING on sort of telling him, because I can't keep going around like this.

love is a risk, but if you don't find out, won't you always wonder? I think it is a worthwhile risk in spite of my wheelbarrow full of heartbreaks. I would not change any of it. not for anything. I like where I stand today, what this teaches me. where it takes me.

<3

 

[James]

I need someone to talk to. So I thought I'd ramble here!

There's this fellow whom I've had a crush on for... a long time: 7 - 8 years to be vaguely exact. The last couple years I sort of just gave up on crushing on him, after much conflicting thoughts and signals. It would appear that I'm too shy - or was too shy - to tell him how I felt. And if he liked me, well, I have a feeling he's also too shy to tell me.

Also it's a lot more complicated than that, and this is when it starts to get ridiculous ad perhaps creepy if you don't understand the situation. See, we're "cousins". We're not actually related, neither are any of our parents, but we were raised in a group of people that decided to be a family. So we grew up calling each other cousins, even though we're not related at all. But we always knew we weren't related. So another part of me thinks that perhaps he thinks people would think we were weird and so that's why he never made a move.

Now after a few years of not crushing on him, and instead taking my hormones elsewhere, things have changed ever so slightly. I'm louder, more confident, we have more things in common now, etc etc. Also I'm finding that very few guys can hold my admiration for a long period of time.

Now another part that's odd is - some back ground history - I take a fair amount of stock in dreams (for personal reasons). I've always had dreams about this crush since forever- which makes sense, after 7 years of constantly thinking about someone, you're going to start dreaming about them. But the dreams didn't stop when I "moved on". I got myself into a relationship with someone else and the dreams still came- I'd be kissing him or discovering that he liked me too and everything would be wonderful until I remembered that I was in a relationship with someone else.

Clues that he may like me: When he's around, he seems to hang around me a fair amount. When we were at a party with a bunch of friends, in pretty well all the pictures he's either beside me or looking at me.

Clues that I might like him still: Whenever I'm around him I actually feel like a woman. Which is a surprisingly nice feeling. Thinking about him with someone else makes me a tad queasy. Maybe it's just old emotions?

So, the plan is I'm HOPING on sort of telling him, because I can't keep going around like this.

NOW there's this OTHER guy I know who's in charge of a group I volunteer first aid for. We're both pretty shy.quiet in person. Just the other day he friended me on Facebook, and just last night he messaged me. It started out as a business text, but pretty soon we were just chatting. And we chatted for quite a few hours. I think he flirted with me at one point but I'm not entirely sure- I mean it had a wink face, so... Anyway, he's super adorable in both his personality and appearance. He tends to tease everyone and is rather sarcastic but he has such a soft side that I'm just getting to know <3 I'm really happy for the person that will eventually find this gem of a man, though I don't think he's the guy for me. Even though he's super adorable. And he's a paramedic. Him in his uniform my goodness. HOWEVER I'm hoping that me and him can be friends. It would be really cool to have a friend in this town.

Anyway that's my weird stuff.

@Hoodie I think if you have felt like this for a long time, then I hope things work out for you with this guy, he's not your cousin so I wouldn't feel bad about that. I think from how you describe things, that may well be what deterred him, he might he been afraid that you would see him that way. Would it cause any issues in your family/social circle ? In my experience people are usually more concerned with their own lives and are generally more accepting than we might think, but you know these people.

I think if you can find a good time/place to talk to him and have prepared yourself for the outcome (in either way) then at least you would have answered your question. As for the other guy on Facebook ? I think you maybe have to resolve in your own mind how you feel about the first and know where you stand there maybe? Sometimes people flirt just for fun, and sometimes it's because they hope it might lead to something. I was always fairly useless at things like that so I can't really help. Personally I don't usually put stuff like that in a message to anyone, unless I am flirting, and as I was with a long term partner until June i just never did.

It seems to me a lot of this is age related and maybe younger people just do all this, as standard. The only cautionary thing I would say, is 7 years or so seems a long time to have a crush on someone, though I understand why it felt strange/prohibited. I say that, as I'd be a little worried that you may have built things up in your mind somewhat over that length of time. So there is some potential to get hurt, or be disappointed even if he feels the same. That's me being negative though lol. Only you know how you feel and what you think. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[Hoodie]

I think that's what I'll have to do, @Pleiades! Thanks for responding <3

And @James I don't think the family circle would have a problem with it- in fact, most of them know that I had a crush on him. I think he's one of the only ones that didn't know. I kind of gave up on keeping it a secret around year 3 - 4. XP Thank you for your thoughts!

 

[Asa]

The EMT - I think what you may be feeling here is flattery. You don't sound interested in him, even though you acknowledge he is attractive. It's fun to feel liked by someone who is flirting in a respectful way.

Your relationship with your love interest is - wow- complicated. (Makes note to self: Never force kids who are not related to call each other 'cousin'.) I agree with others that you need to tell him. If the feeling is not mutual, discussing this with him with give you closure. If the feeling is mutual, it will be the beginning.

 

[Siimplicity]

family circle would have a problem with it- in fact, most of them know that I had a crush on him

support is good. I was wonderin'

 

[Hoodie]

@Asa I think you're right. It's definitely flattering me if he does like me.

Also we weren't exactly forced to call each other cousins, but yeah XP And I just remembered there was something else I forgot to mention. He's never had a girlfriend (though he might have had some... flings that I'm mostly unaware of). He's often expressed that if he had a girlfriend he'd feel responsible for her- and he's mentioned in the past that he's just not in a place where he can do that (I don't remember how I happened upon this information, but I do remember him saying that to someone- people often wonder why he remains single). So I'm kind of worried that even if he does like me, he'll not want to pursue a relationship. Still, I'll never know if I don't say anything.

Does anyone have any suggestions on HOW to approach a life long friend about liking them? Someone mentioned that sometimes it works to say something sometime like "I really like spending time with you" and if I'm feeling especially brave "and sometimes it feels like more than that". I really have no idea how I'm going to do this.

 

[Jet]

Does anyone have any suggestions on HOW to approach a life long friend about liking them?

In the natural flow of conversation drop the line, "I can't believe you didn't realize I had a huge crush on you back in the day!" Then if he is like omg me too you can feel out if any of the feelings remain, but if he is like ummm okay then you casually play it off as a silly youthful fantasy.

 

[Asa]

At this point (7-8 yrs!!) I would find a quiet space to be with him, or ask him to meet up, and just tell him how you feel. I know that is very hard to do, but why risk misinterpretation? There are endless ways you could word this to make it softer for you to say.

If this is not an option for you, a thoughtfully written letter mailed to him may be an option. Confrontation, without confrontation, and more meaningful (and romantic) than texting or messaging on social media. If you want to be sure to receive an answer (whether yes or no) and move this forward, you're going to have to open the lines of communication, though.

I am already nervous with you, but it sounds like he will be kind.

 

[sassafras]

I agree with @Asa. Communicating your feelings clearly and concisely is the best way to go about it. If you've been dancing around each other for eight years, and your interest in him hasn't gone away, I would say that this is something worth exploring and see if he feels the same.

Mind you, if you guys have been in each other's lives for so long and you're something of a pseudo-family, I would definitely double check to see where your feelings are and what you expect from the relationship. The reason I'm mentioning this is because you also talking about this super adorable paramedic. This gives me the impression that maybe you're open to exploring your options or maybe trying to choose which of these guys to pursue. Given the history with the pseudo-cousin, it would be a shame to open up, get involved and then realize your heart wasn't quite in it as much as you thought it was. I speak from experience. It's ridiculously easy to get caught up in the does-he-doesn't-he? aspect of the courtship and not consider the reality of what it would be like to be with this person. Having great chemistry together is a fabulous thing, but make sure you actually WANT a relationship with this person... and that you have a realistic view of what you two would be like together... before you take the leap.

Best of luck to you, hoodie!

 

[Hoodie]

I guess you're right, @Asa!

@atree I'm so worried about finding out that I don't actually like him anymore. I was in a relationship where I wasn't attracted to the guy really at all and it was not a good thing, and I really don't want to make that mistake again. However I was pretty faithful to this 7 year crush for the entirety of the crush, non of this "oh but maybe I like this guy over here instead...." and "oh what about this guy?"- it's only been in the last couple years that I had given up on the possibility of a romantic relationship with him, and moved on-ish. Now my crushing's are all over the place. But then I think my subconscious never really got over him, because of the dreams I kept having during the other relationship, and now. So hormonal emotions aside, I'm pretty sure I would love to spend the rest of my life with him. But I'm also now doubting myself again. Part of the problem is that we don't see each other a whole lot anymore, so any feelings for him I do have tend to get subdued in between times. Though when I'm around him they tend to start coming back. For instance a little while ago I probably wouldn't have felt anything if I thought of him with someone else, but now that I've been around him a little more again, it would make me feel queasy.

Another thing is in general I've been finding I don't crush on people as strongly as I used to. I think partly that's due to stress/depression(?). I just haven't been finding attractive people attractive these days, in any way. And I'm someone that tends to always have a crush on someone. But I think that's starting to get better now.

I think in the past we wouldn't have worked too well together. We had almost zero things in common. But now it seems like our lives might be aimed in a similar direction. It's really hard to tell with everything though.

 

[sassafras]

Mmm, that's normal. The uncertainty, I mean. As humans, we can never be sure of anything. There is always the possibility that things won't work out the way we plan them. We may fall out of love with the people we're with or they might fall out of love with us. It may turn out that we've read the situation all wrong and the relationship may never take off the ground.

Then again, things might also go *better* than planned. We might spend the rest of our lives falling more and more madly in love with one another each and every day. We might have children together, grow old together, go travelling around the world and see all sorts of wonderful things and do all the things that we love with a partner that we love.

There are no guarantees things will work out one way and not the other.

This is the risk. And everyone takes these risks upon themselves whenever they want to embark on a new relationship. It's a human thing. We can't side-step around it.

The only thing we can do is ask ourselves is if the person---and the relationship-- is worth the risk. If we can take on that kind of risk. The rest is just taking a leap of faith and finding out for ourselves what's on the other side of this prospect.

Like I said before, if this has been following you around for eight years, maybe this is your heart's little way of telling you take that leap and see what happens. But only you will be able to tell if you're ready for that or not. Me? I say that once you done your homework, checked it twice and there's nothing else holding you back but your fears, it's probably a good indication that you should jump in with both feet.

I was just wondering why you mentioned the other guy.

 

[Hoodie]

Yeah, I think you're right, @atree! Thank you for the advice!

 

[Littlelissa]

Definitely tell him...and let the chips fall where they may.

 

[Hoodie]

I am a stupid, stupid, stupid individual.

after five months of no strong feelings towards anyone, RIGHT after I decide that I need to tell my long lost crush (we're going to call him "K" from now on, for clarity) that I used to like him and that my subconscious might still like him- my brain decides to fall for the adorable paramedic (whom we'll call "D"). I am seriously about to strangle my hormones. I feel so damn conflicted. Like I'm constantly stuck trying to figure out if I like K or not, and if he likes me. And now that I've decided I want to tell him, I finally start falling for someone that might actually be falling for me at the same time. I feel like a jerk because I feel like I'm leading D on or something... but I'm just talking to him, I think. I mean, idk. I feel like a jerk. I really just wish I knew what to do with myself.

Any advice is always greatly appreciated. <3

 

[Jet]

Oh hoodie. You can like more than one person at a time, you can even date more than one at a time ... until you become exclusive (at least hat is what they tell me).

Don't rush anything. Just see if time brings clarity.

 

[sassafras]

Sometimes our subconscious mind can put obstacles on the path we're nervous about taking. Sometimes we feel genuine affection for two people at once. Sometimes we have no way of telling which is which.

We human beings can be so funny sometimes.

I agree with @Jet. It's time to get some clarity on the situation. You can definitely date both of them at the same time if that is what you feel comfortable doing and it fits your personality.

If it were me, however, given the history with the closeness of family/friend ties, I'd probably pursue the paramedic first before I'd pursue someone I have that kind of history with and attempt to juggle more than one guy at once. To be clear, there is nothing wrong with casually dating both of these guys--that's nothing you have to feel guilty about. Just saying, from a strategic point of view, dating both in this case has the potential to be messy.

 

[Hoodie]

Thank you @Jet and @atree. <3

I think the best idea right now is to lay low and let my emotions sort themselves out. I guess I keep panicking because D seems to be interested in me and I'm worried I'm going to end up hurting him or doing something dumb or I don't even know. It just feels like something's happening really fast.

 

[Jet]

Thank you @Jet and @atree. <3

I think the best idea right now is to lay low and let my emotions sort themselves out. I guess I keep panicking because D seems to be interested in me and I'm worried I'm going to end up hurting him or doing something dumb or I don't even know. It just feels like something's happening really fast.

Oh girl, I get the feeling ... but from a purely statistical standpoint either one or the other (or both) will fizz out naturally within a fortnight then you will have your answer.

 

[Hoodie]

UPDATE

Kinda really am liking D now. A lot. And so naturally now I'm having trouble seeing what his feelings are and such... ANYWAY We've been talking a far amount over FB, and we realized that we're both doing nothing tomorrow. So I sort of asked if he wanted to hang out. And he sort of might have agreed to it. I don't want to get too excited 'cause anything could happen, but anyway. That happened. But in the meantime I'm like "wait, how do I do the socialize thingggg? >.< " If we do see each other tomorrow, I'm pretty sure it's going to be sooooooo awkward and gahhhh but I think it'll be worth it but stiiiiiiill.