Hi fellow INFJs! Do you relate?

[ringobingostarr]

Dear fellow INFJs,
Isn't so so so hard to be an INFJ? I mean, NiFe... they don't really work well together... it's strange how we exist haha... it makes sense that we are the rarest! It's also crazy how I recognise whenever someone is feeling down or depressed. It's like this sort of empath mastermind intelligent 3,000+ EQ superpower. I have this friend named Sawako and I can just tell by how she acts when she is so sad I wish I could help her, but she never opens up to me! It breaks my little INFJ heart when I cannot be her therapist. I even wrote a poem for this:

sawako, my dearest friend,
when you don't tell me your sad,
my hearts shatters and comes to an end,
please open up to me when you are feeling plaid.

I couldn't think of a rhyme for sad, because Ni haha >_< but you fellow empaths should know how I feel... I'm also thinking about becoming a psychologist because of how much I understand the human mind, it's almost like cheating being an INFJ in that field.

 

[Wyote]

Welcome to our little corner of the internet @ringobingostarr

 

[John K]

Dear fellow INFJs,
Isn't so so so hard to be an INFJ? I mean, NiFe... they don't really work well together... it's strange how we exist haha... it makes sense that we are the rarest! It's also crazy how I recognise whenever someone is feeling down or depressed. It's like this sort of empath mastermind intelligent 3,000+ EQ superpower. I have this friend named Sawako and I can just tell by how she acts when she is so sad I wish I could help her, but she never opens up to me! It breaks my little INFJ heart when I cannot be her therapist. I even wrote a poem for this:

sawako, my dearest friend,
when you don't tell me your sad,
my hearts shatters and comes to an end,
please open up to me when you are feeling plaid.

I couldn't think of a rhyme for sad, because Ni haha >_< but you fellow empaths should know how I feel... I'm also thinking about becoming a psychologist because of how much I understand the human mind, it's almost like cheating being an INFJ in that field.

Welcome to the forum Ringo!

Some thoughts. These may be off centre or over the top for your particular situation, but given your interest in psychology …..

It’s important to feel clearly that your friend’s sadness is her own, not yours. Your reaction to it is yours not hers and she has no obligation to it. That is always the baseline though we rarely express it as clearly or as consciously as this. To cross over these lines is to cross personal boundaries and needs consent and some care - again this doesn’t usually happen in such a conscious way but has to be implicit for both of you at the very least.

It’s hard when your emotional radio receiver is picking up strong negative emotions from a friend. INFJs have to learn how to turn this volume down though or we can become stressed by it and actually start to experience the other’s negative emotions as though they were our own. It distorts our judgement and we can get hurt, or we can inappropriately cross the other’s boundaries. This can result in a rejection and a cooling of the relationship. It can go worse than that though if you both become codependent on each other which can happen all too easily in these situations.

I think the starting point for an infj wanting to help others this way is to know and manage our own boundaries. This is to make sure we are not overwhelmed by bringing other folks’ emotions deep inside us in an uncontrolled way.

For me this isn’t just theory - I have had some hard experiences with this problem.

 

[Matty]

Welcome.

It's a bit foreign to me how INFJs react to others' emotions. I guess by analogy, it's similar to how I react to inefficiency, counterproductive rules, ineptitude, etc. I get stung into action, to get things into order.

Perhaps, INFJs react to negative emotions, poor relationships, and discord similarly. I can only imagine it's frustrating because addressing/changing people's subjective states is so indirect, and often near impossible.

I can only suggest a certain detachment from things one cannot change, or have no responsibility for, or prerogative to become involved with. Just as I have to ignore poor management in most of the businesses I have to deal with, INFJs may just have to ignore the feelings of people outside their closest acquaintances.

 

[ringobingostarr]

Welcome.

It's a bit foreign to me how INFJs react to others' emotions. I guess by analogy, it's similar to how I react to inefficiency, counterproductive rules, ineptitude, etc. I get stung into action, to get things into order.

Perhaps, INFJs react to negative emotions, poor relationships, and discord similarly. I can only imagine it's frustrating because addressing/changing people's subjective states is so indirect, and often near impossible.

I can only suggest a certain detachment from things one cannot change, or have no responsibility for, or prerogative to become involved with. Just as I have to ignore poor management in most of the businesses I have to deal with, INFJs may just have to ignore the feelings of people outside their closest acquaintances.

Welcome to the forum Ringo!

Some thoughts. These may be off centre or over the top for your particular situation, but given your interest in psychology …..

It’s important to feel clearly that your friend’s sadness is her own, not yours. Your reaction to it is yours not hers and she has no obligation to it. That is always the baseline though we rarely express it as clearly or as consciously as this. To cross over these lines is to cross personal boundaries and needs consent and some care - again this doesn’t usually happen in such a conscious way but has to be implicit for both of you at the very least.

It’s hard when your emotional radio receiver is picking up strong negative emotions from a friend. INFJs have to learn how to turn this volume down though or we can become stressed by it and actually start to experience the other’s negative emotions as though they were our own. It distorts our judgement and we can get hurt, or we can inappropriately cross the other’s boundaries. This can result in a rejection and a cooling of the relationship. It can go worse than that though if you both become codependent on each other which can happen all too easily in these situations.

I think the starting point for an infj wanting to help others this way is to know and manage our own boundaries. This is to make sure we are not overwhelmed by bringing other folks’ emotions deep inside us in an uncontrolled way.

For me this isn’t just theory - I have had some hard experiences with this problem.

aw man guys damn, i wasn't expecting some hard-hitting cool advice on my fictional situation, though to be honest for INxJs i guess that makes sense. kinda wanted to enter with a bit of a bang yknow. wasn't gonna snitch too soon but to prevent anyone else from pouring their heart (or mind) out, i'm not an INFJ, im an ENTP also agree with you on the theory thing, though not the same, i am impacted by my type as well

 

[Wyote]

i'm not an INFJ, im an ENTP

Why would you lie about this

 

[ringobingostarr]

Why would you lie about this

just being a silly little goose! also my first mistype was INFJ 1w2 125, so it was kind of fun to get into the INFJ grindset again

 

[ringobingostarr]

Why would you lie about this

actually, if you don't mind the question, how do you get a signature on here? i have been looking around to no avail

 

[Wyote]

actually, if you don't mind the question, how do you get a signature on here? i have been looking around to no avail

 

[ringobingostarr]

View attachment 90128

oh huh, i see, i do not have that on my screen, but thank you anyways!

 

[Wyote]

oh huh, i see, i do not have that on my screen, but thank you anyways!

You may need to post more first or it's broken, this place is janky.
@Lady Jolanda may have a fix idk

 

[Sandie33]

fictional

i'm not an INFJ, im an ENTP

Welcome to the forum

 

[ringobingostarr]

Welcome to the forum

haha, thank you!

 

[Matty]

I was starting to wonder why someone would lie about their MBTI type, but about 0.2 seconds into wondering, the mental doorslam happened.

 

[ringobingostarr]

I was starting to wonder why someone would lie about their MBTI type, but about 0.2 seconds into wondering, the mental doorslam happened.

fair! the reason is not too deep either: i wasn't going to stay on this forum, and it was meant to be a satirical representation of the INFJ posts I was seeing on here and in media. no hate to actual INFJs, i just found it funny! but outside of it, as i looked around this place is not at that bad as the first glance. the people seem nice, i think...

 

[Wyote]

the people seem nice, i think...

What makes you nice
Other than the hilarious satirical mockery of entire groups of individuals, of course

 

[ringobingostarr]

What makes you nice
Other than the hilarious satirical mockery of entire groups of individuals, of course

i'm a bit confused on what you mean, did i say that i was nice? i believe that is up to determination by others to say, though i guess i could say i am cold at first meeting and get warmer quickly haha! nice sarcasm, though

 

[Wyote]

i'm a bit confused on what you mean, did i say that i was nice? i believe that is up to determination by others to say, though i guess i could say i am cold at first meeting and get warmer quickly haha! nice sarcasm, though

I was asking directly, what do you think is nice about you, from your own perspective?
What causes you to be cold at first?

I'm just curious. I'll accept your answer if you don't want to elaborate.

 

[Matty]

fair! the reason is not too deep either: i wasn't going to stay on this forum, and it was meant to be a satirical representation of the INFJ posts I was seeing on here and in media. no hate to actual INFJs, i just found it funny! but outside of it, as i looked around this place is not at that bad as the first glance. the people seem nice, i think...

You have satire confused with lying.

 

[ringobingostarr]

I was asking directly, what do you think is nice about you, from your own perspective?
What causes you to be cold at first?

I'm just curious. I'll accept your answer if you don't want to elaborate.

Ah yes I understand, I guess some "nice" things I would say about myself is that I try to put others needs above my own, to give all that I can within reason and I always try to lighten things up (even if it isn't always that funny).

I am not sure what causes me to be cold. Someone I have seen before said that it might be a SO7 thing, though that is all that I know.