help please

[Grey Wolf]

hey guys. no time today to post a long one so a short one for now.

long story short, how do you tell if an ISFJ female is interested in you? what are the signs?

thanks haha. been a long time since i posted something like this..

 

[Grey Wolf]

so many likes but no replies?


well, very long story short, shes my colleague, we work together and see each other almost everyday and talk too.

met her only last week but she was my junior back in school though I did not know it haha. we talked about some of our mutual friends and really clicked. played a little with each other like just disturbing each other haha. then weekend came and I had to ask her something about work but didnt have her no so I found her on facebook, added her and messaged her online. we ended up talking throughout the weekend and learning a little more about each other. found out that we had quite a few similarities and continued playfully disturbing each other. I showed one of my friends some of the messages and she said it sounded like we were old friends haha.

anyway monday went back to work and talked using facebook messaging at work cos the politics there is insane and everybody expects the worst from others so no idea what will happen cos they might think wrongly. anyway, we chatted and worked together when we had to at work. we sit quite far away from each other in the office though we're in the same room haha.

today I decided to try the silent treatment and just ignore her in the morning when we had a course together just to see what will happen. I didnt talk to her at all and could see at first she was wondering what was happening. then she was also quite quiet and stiff. then halfway through the thing the broke the silence and talked to me haha. could see she was like a little probing cos it was extremely random and could like sense she was reserved. i talked back and we ended up talking like crazy again.. so much for my silent treatment..

then after that while i was doing work she walked over with a few other colleagues to put some stuff in the room near me. i looked up she saw me and mouthed something though i couldnt understand so i fb msged her again asking what? haha. then she told me that she thinks that some of the people there dont like her and was quite scared kept asking me if there was anyone behind me at first. then she said also that she saw some of the other people in the office giving us looks. to phrase it her way, "I think you and I got people talk as well" HAHA.

took awhile to understand haha. then she said that when we talk by ourselves some of them would exchange looks. and she also said that essentially even though we are senior and junior they are still like that haha. honestly, I noticed that before, just didnt want to say anything haha. surprised she brought it up.

yeah and that was today. and my friend came to pick me up so I asked her if she wanted a lift she said ok and she left her phone at the office and only realised it after we left so I passed her my phone to call her phone and now i got her no HAHAH.

so what do you all think? does she like me? I'm just curious haha. 'cos its really been a long time since i have been able to click like that with a girl and even longer since I was interested that way in a girl haha. but if I am going to do anything, I need to know that it will work, cos if it doesnt work out, i'm pretty much screwed cos we're in the same office and work closely together due to the job. I'm just gonna continue talking to her and see what happens but just wanted to get some opinions!

oh and she is really sharp and observant so I'm not sure if shes playing games with me too or probing haha.

wow longest post in so long. sorry guys! and thanks for any replies!

oh and yes, she told me herself that shes an ISFJ and I told her I am INFJ and she freely admits that she googled INFJ haha. and reading ISFJ descriptions it does sound like her haha

 

[CindyLou]

I would say that she does like you.

I don't like that you gave her the silent treatment though. Why would you do that? I don't understand your thinking there. What were you wanting to see happen?

 

[Azazel]

I second that: why silent treatment? I'd assume the worst because if I communicate with someone just fine and then being ignored out of the blue... very confusing! Better don't do it. If she's single then make a go, don't wait too long. Silent treatment is good only as a seducing tool, imo. Flirt with her if you know how, see how she responds.

And good luck!

 

[JGirl]

stop overanalysing and do it!

 

[It Doesn't Matter]

I know I won't be much of a help, but You have helped me so it's time to pay you back...

GOOD LUCK!

 

[Soulful]

She'll probably make more of an effort to speak with you, probably inquire into your well-being (apply her caring function a little more than she does with people in general), and generally may be a little more involved with you or attentive to you than she is to people in general. She may be more flexible with you than she typically is (more willing to stop and chat if she's in the middle of something), smile, laugh more, etc.

I'm sorry that's such general feedback. I don't know if I know the answer for the general type, but that's my guess.

 

[Sriracha]

What woman doesn't love a happy puppy? Just ask her on a date already.

 

[barbad0s]

Hue hue cute!! ISFJs are hawt.

Agreed with Sriracha, the time is ripe

 

[Grey Wolf]

I would say that she does like you.

I don't like that you gave her the silent treatment though. Why would you do that? I don't understand your thinking there. What were you wanting to see happen?

well, I dont like to use it myself actually haha. I did it just to see how she would react cos I really dont know what to do anymore. and as far as I know it might just stir and ISFJ into action, which is what happened, just not exactly the way I expected haha

I second that: why silent treatment? I'd assume the worst because if I communicate with someone just fine and then being ignored out of the blue... very confusing! Better don't do it. If she's single then make a go, don't wait too long. Silent treatment is good only as a seducing tool, imo. Flirt with her if you know how, see how she responds.

And good luck!

honestly I have no idea how to flirt sadly... hahahaha. quite funny eh haha. and I'm 21.. single wise I'm actually not sure if she is single :/ but I think so eh? on her fb page she puts married but to another girl and looks like her close friend though no idea man haha

stop overanalysing and do it!

how to! honestly no idea how to ask HAHA

I know I won't be much of a help, but You have helped me so it's time to pay you back...

GOOD LUCK!

hahah thanks!!

She'll probably make more of an effort to speak with you, probably inquire into your well-being (apply her caring function a little more than she does with people in general), and generally may be a little more involved with you or attentive to you than she is to people in general. She may be more flexible with you than she typically is (more willing to stop and chat if she's in the middle of something), smile, laugh more, etc.

I'm sorry that's such general feedback. I don't know if I know the answer for the general type, but that's my guess.

well she does talk to me more in a way I guess but at work when theres people around we tend to try to avoid talking too much or like sitting too close or anything like that now. she knows i know and i know she knows it HAHA. its kind of a mutual understanding LOL. enquire about well being wise.. so far she hasnt, but then again nothing really came up so cant tell haha. flexible wise yeah we'll play a fool when no ones watching. not always though again..

What woman doesn't love a happy puppy? Just ask her on a date already.

HAHAH suggestion on how to do it? I really have no idea haha

Hue hue cute!! ISFJs are hawt.

Agreed with Sriracha, the time is ripe

cant deny that !




cos the thing is that shes stuck here for the next 2 years so I dont want to mess it up for her as well. and I'm afraid she'll say no and if she says no whats gonna happen at work, cos we do have to work fairly closely together.

also, I have no idea how to ask her out... believe it or not I have never actually asked someone out on a date haha. was thinking of asking her if she wanted to get dinner after work.. maybe next week? tomorrows too soon right? haha thats if I ask haha.

and again, I have no idea if shes attached. if shes attached I sure as hell am disappearing.. and yes, past experiences have not been kind to me so I really dont know what to do...

 

[Azazel]

I don't know how to flirt either (and I'm older than you are), so don't worry :laugh: I found out that when I'm nice and smiling people assume I'm flirting, which is bs, of course. But I guess that's how it gets done in the normal world

 

[Sriracha]

Ask her to have coffee with you after work sometime. The nice thing about "after work" dates is that if it is not working out, you are not obligated to spend more time with them and can leave. If it is working out, you can ask if she would like to get a bite to eat.

ISFJs are "doers", we don't flirt verbally ... we flirt by "doing." If she is touching you, she is flirting with you. If you are walking into a coffee shop together, open the door and touch her back as she is walking by. If her attention is elsewhere, touch her arm before you speak. Make eye contact with her and smile often. ISFJs know the "look of love" when they see it. LOL Bashfulness in a man is sweet, don't be embarrassed by it. Learn how to act when you are bashful (especially since you will be avoiding eye contact ... don't do this.) The ISFJ loves the innocence and vulnerability in men. (Remember, we want to mother everyone or make others feel protected.)

 

[CindyLou]

LOL I'm the worst flirt too. Terrible. It's fun though.

 

[Rocksony]

Oh yeah, I once fell for a ISFJ or P, pretty badly too. I'm quite young so I don't know a whole load about relationships but I just want to let you know what I learn't from my experience with her. She was beautiful, the arty type, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I worked up the courage to speak with her and it was the hardest thing I ever did. It went well enough but it was hard to keep going. We had our moments when she smiled at me or touched my arm and I felt great. I really thought she had a thing for me because before she was shy, reserved, aloof. My attention to her seemed to have boosted her self-esteem and she became more outspoken. I kept telling myself at the end of the year I'd ask her our, I promised myself I would do this. When I was at a party later on that year I saw her making with this other guy and well, I was utterly shattered. Looking in hind sight, I have come to realise that she would not have gone out with me in the first place, even if I'd asked. I think she was too conscious of her place within the school and how I would affect her standing with her friends. This hurt, but you have to take into account that she may not think the way that you do. You may utterly idolise this woman but keep an open mind and try not to get too caught up with the intensity of your feelings. Take a step back, reassess, if you are unsure then there is probably a reason for this. Search your feelings you know this to be true

This quote may be helpful too:

'Women don't want to be loved later, they want to be loved now.' (a quote from somewhere, not really sure where)

 

[Azazel]

LOL I'm the worst flirt too. Terrible. It's fun though.

At least you realise/understand when someone flirts with you, don't you? Because I don't... unless it is painfully obvious or someone points it out for me. I lack that something and it's quite horrible sometimes!

 

[Grey Wolf]

Ask her to have coffee with you after work sometime. The nice thing about "after work" dates is that if it is not working out, you are not obligated to spend more time with them and can leave. If it is working out, you can ask if she would like to get a bite to eat.

ISFJs are "doers", we don't flirt verbally ... we flirt by "doing." If she is touching you, she is flirting with you. If you are walking into a coffee shop together, open the door and touch her back as she is walking by. If her attention is elsewhere, touch her arm before you speak. Make eye contact with her and smile often. ISFJs know the "look of love" when they see it. LOL Bashfulness in a man is sweet, don't be embarrassed by it. Learn how to act when you are bashful (especially since you will be avoiding eye contact ... don't do this.) The ISFJ loves the innocence and vulnerability in men. (Remember, we want to mother everyone or make others feel protected.)

nah she aint touching me haha. and yeah we do have quick eye contacts like sharing a secret joke or laugh and we smile quite a bit but mostly when no one else is around cos then rumours will start and we'll be screwwweeeddd. your last sentence might explain some stuff.. I'll type that below..

Oh yeah, I once fell for a ISFJ or P, pretty badly too. I'm quite young so I don't know a whole load about relationships but I just want to let you know what I learn't from my experience with her. She was beautiful, the arty type, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I worked up the courage to speak with her and it was the hardest thing I ever did. It went well enough but it was hard to keep going. We had our moments when she smiled at me or touched my arm and I felt great. I really thought she had a thing for me because before she was shy, reserved, aloof. My attention to her seemed to have boosted her self-esteem and she became more outspoken. I kept telling myself at the end of the year I'd ask her our, I promised myself I would do this. When I was at a party later on that year I saw her making with this other guy and well, I was utterly shattered. Looking in hind sight, I have come to realise that she would not have gone out with me in the first place, even if I'd asked. I think she was too conscious of her place within the school and how I would affect her standing with her friends. This hurt, but you have to take into account that she may not think the way that you do. You may utterly idolise this woman but keep an open mind and try not to get too caught up with the intensity of your feelings. Take a step back, reassess, if you are unsure then there is probably a reason for this. Search your feelings you know this to be true

This quote may be helpful too:

'Women don't want to be loved later, they want to be loved now.' (a quote from somewhere, not really sure where)

yeah I know that feeling.. last girl I like ended something similiar I guess so I'm extremely cautious now, which is why I posted here anyway haha. I wasnt getting anywhere analysing this on my own.. and yeah I am unsure if she likes me.. cos she does the sorta thing a friend does.. but then again she doesnt do this for any1 else in the office so I go a little crazy HAHAH

At least you realise/understand when someone flirts with you, don't you? Because I don't... unless it is painfully obvious or someone points it out for me. I lack that something and it's quite horrible sometimes!

sounds EXACTLY like me man! word for word! I went out with friends before where at the end of it all my friends would 0.o at me cos a female friend was flirting with me the whole night and I noticed nothing HAHA


ok anyway today got even more interesting.. I got to work in the morning and 15 mins later I could hear people gossiping like crazy. a little background here, I hate that. politics. period. so i started to get annoyed and then I looked around the office and thats pretty much all I saw. so I withdrew into myself and kept quiet. then I had to go observe something with her and another colleague. I kept quiet more than usual and could see she noticed it a little but we started talking more.

after that the perm staff very kindly during lunch time decide to get all the full time staff to go for a nice lunch while we part timers stayed behind cos no one told us anything. and apparently they have some sports thing tomorrow. I got really annoyed at that point cos I realised then that they viewed us as expendable and not part of them and essentially didnt give a rat's ass about us. during lunch I posted on my fb that I was regretting my decision to be there. she fb messaged me quite quickly telling me she wondered that everyday herself if she should have came here. i got really annoyed, not at her but every1 else in general so I told her I was going to hide in my little hidey hole in my mind and wont reply her till night time. she replied me and tried to cheer me up, i think thinking that I would reply her but I didnt then I think she started to realise I was serious.

just nice about half an hour after that a colleague wanted to show her, me and another colleague something at a work station. that work station only has 1 chair but there were 4 of us and my place was furthest away so I walked over and when I was walking over she was helping me to take a chair over. I asked her since when was she so nice (just disturbing her, she knows that) and said thanks. she just smiled and sat down. kinda touched by that actually haha. then throughout the thing I could see she was keeping an eye on me. 'cos we had to move to another station and so I hung back, quite far back, letting them walk first. she walked in front of me, about 10 feet away? cos I hung back and I could see her fractionally turning her head around.

she had a meeting after that and she sent me a message just before she left asking me not to emo and llike what was there to be emo about! then she said bye on the message too. Smiled at that. that actually made my day cos we just got each others' phone nos ystd and did not use them yet. i said haha i was doing work and bye. I came home, and saw she fb messaged me asking me why I was emo today haha. nice too. replied her, now just waiting for a reply!

what do you all think?
@ Sriracha does that sound like what you would do if you liked a guy? haha

and yes, I am extremely cautious here.

but I was thinking of asking her if she wanted to have dinner next monday after work. what say you guys?

 

[Azazel]

[MENTION=599]Grey Wolf[/MENTION] I'd say ask her because it's easier than flirting, it spares all those awkward steps be prepared for anything, though! And be confident (or pretend that you are lol)! Good luck on that!

 

[Grey Wolf]

@Grey Wolf I'd say ask her because it's easier than flirting, it spares all those awkward steps be prepared for anything, though! And be confident (or pretend that you are lol)! Good luck on that!

haha my confidence level when doing such things is 0 or actually -100 HAHA. first time asking believe it or not. so blatantly anyway haha.. when should I ask? asking through fb message is pretty much the easiest way for me to ask though...

oh! and my intuition is screwy and useless when it comes to things like this... almost as if it goes no way man you're doing this on your own.. and I have no friends there who would notice enough. I ask any1 that at work and I can assure you I'll be screwed the next day

 

[Azazel]

haha my confidence level when doing such things is 0 or actually -100 HAHA. first time asking believe it or not. so blatantly anyway haha.. when should I ask? asking through fb message is pretty much the easiest way for me to ask though...

oh! and my intuition is screwy and useless when it comes to things like this... almost as if it goes no way man you're doing this on your own.. and I have no friends there who would notice enough. I ask any1 that at work and I can assure you I'll be screwed the next day

So would be mine but it's life Fb is the easiest but imo too impersonal! I don't like that, there's some sort of wall between you. It's better to do it the old traditional way. Ask her for a coffee first, as I think Sriracha has previously mentioned. That's just perfect! IF it goes well then a dinner. More like a lunch. THEN dinner. I'd do that if I were you. I pursued my own happiness too, you know, so if I could do it so can you

 

[Grey Wolf]

So would be mine but it's life Fb is the easiest but imo too impersonal! I don't like that, there's some sort of wall between you. It's better to do it the old traditional way. Ask her for a coffee first, as I think Sriracha has previously mentioned. That's just perfect! IF it goes well then a dinner. More like a lunch. THEN dinner. I'd do that if I were you. I pursued my own happiness too, you know, so if I could do it so can you

the problem is that nowadays we get little private time together cos we're constantly working with other people and they gossip as if every time they gossip they get paid a bonus. which is why I dont want to give them any more ammunition. cos I'm not even sure if this is allowed hehe. she doesnt drink coffee sadly.. but at the same time we have been chatting almost non stop sometimes. like I just chatted with her for about 2 and a half hours through fb chat haha. thats like our go to now cos not much choice also since face to face hard haha. and lunch same problem...people see, they start to talk, we die.. hell yeah! sounds good hahaha