So, there is a lot to my current situation. Please hang in there with me. 
I am in my mid 30's and just moved overseas this summer to start a new job. I am at a weird place in life where I am (maybe?) coming to terms with my sexuality. I have been religious most of my life, which might be cause for blooming late in this area. I have tried in the past to ignore some of the attractions that I would feel towards other women and was hoping that starting over in a new place would help.
And then wham. The INFJ walks in.
There are a lot of fragments to this story and without sharing too much detail this is what you need to know: there are a lot of blurred lines.
She is in leadership at my current company, although she is not my boss. And she is in a relationship, more along the lines of a long term partnership, with a man. They do not live together, although they have lived abroad "together" for the past 10 years.
Shortly after meeting her, I assumed she was gay. A group of us actually all did, until we were informed that she had a male partner who she didn't live with and wasn't married to. It is something that has come up in conversation frequently as they appear (and I understand that appearances can be deceiving) to be activity partners but don't seem romantically invested. When we first met, I wasn't attracted to her and didn't think much of it.
And then we got to know each other. We spent an entire night drinking wine at her place and doing a lot of talking (reflecting back, she asked a lot of questions and I did a lot of talking). It was impossibly easy to talk to her and I opened up with her about being in a weird place with religion (something I am not open about). She asked me a lot of questions but in true INFJ fashion, did not share much. I have learned through later conversations that her family is quite conservative and religious and so we have shared many of those experiences. I've started to wonder if we might have more in common than we realize as she strikes me as possibly being closeted as well.
I feel like I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place. I would NEVER seek out someone who was invested in a relationship with someone else, so being deeply attracted to someone who a) is seeing someone and b) might not share the same feelings, is new. I don't ever want to be that person.
I've read a lot about the INFJ/ENFP connection and it has really been other worldly. I feel her in a room and that is not an understatement. We have a tendency to exchange long glances and I swear, I have never experienced anything like the INFJ eye contact. In some ways, it even scares me.
The more I have gotten to know her, the more tense I feel around her, so in some ways, I'm sure she senses that. She is impossibly smart, which I find both attractive and intimidating. I'm at the point now where I'm having trouble reading her. She is inconsistent in our interactions (but I am also). In a large group setting she will often ignore me, but stealing glances still occur. She seems to go out of her way to find ways to conversate with me one on one or in small groups, but I can't always tell why. She frequently texts me, which seems out of character for her. Sometimes it is out of the blue- lots of "ideas" of community togetherness initiatives we could start at our company. Those conversations many times end up becoming more personal in nature (nothing too personal- but about new places we've tried and liked in the area, places I should go, etc. It is always "helping" o or problem solving which I know is an INFJ thing)
However, when I text or contact her, sometimes her responses are more choppy and inconsistent. If she doesn't initiate the conversation, it usually won't last for too long. Then I overanalyze everything. HA!
I don't really know what to do. I can't fight the attraction to her. I don't REALLY want anything to come from it because it could only bring about drama and we are in a small community. But I so desperately want to know her better and wish I could be in a room alone with her without getting flustered. I think the key is going to be in getting to know her well enough that she no longer intimidates me, but it's hard to do when it takes so long for INFJ's to open up.
I know this is ridiculous, but for the love of God, someone please help me.
I am in my mid 30's and just moved overseas this summer to start a new job. I am at a weird place in life where I am (maybe?) coming to terms with my sexuality. I have been religious most of my life, which might be cause for blooming late in this area. I have tried in the past to ignore some of the attractions that I would feel towards other women and was hoping that starting over in a new place would help.
And then wham. The INFJ walks in.
There are a lot of fragments to this story and without sharing too much detail this is what you need to know: there are a lot of blurred lines.
She is in leadership at my current company, although she is not my boss. And she is in a relationship, more along the lines of a long term partnership, with a man. They do not live together, although they have lived abroad "together" for the past 10 years.
Shortly after meeting her, I assumed she was gay. A group of us actually all did, until we were informed that she had a male partner who she didn't live with and wasn't married to. It is something that has come up in conversation frequently as they appear (and I understand that appearances can be deceiving) to be activity partners but don't seem romantically invested. When we first met, I wasn't attracted to her and didn't think much of it.
And then we got to know each other. We spent an entire night drinking wine at her place and doing a lot of talking (reflecting back, she asked a lot of questions and I did a lot of talking). It was impossibly easy to talk to her and I opened up with her about being in a weird place with religion (something I am not open about). She asked me a lot of questions but in true INFJ fashion, did not share much. I have learned through later conversations that her family is quite conservative and religious and so we have shared many of those experiences. I've started to wonder if we might have more in common than we realize as she strikes me as possibly being closeted as well.
I feel like I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place. I would NEVER seek out someone who was invested in a relationship with someone else, so being deeply attracted to someone who a) is seeing someone and b) might not share the same feelings, is new. I don't ever want to be that person.
I've read a lot about the INFJ/ENFP connection and it has really been other worldly. I feel her in a room and that is not an understatement. We have a tendency to exchange long glances and I swear, I have never experienced anything like the INFJ eye contact. In some ways, it even scares me.
The more I have gotten to know her, the more tense I feel around her, so in some ways, I'm sure she senses that. She is impossibly smart, which I find both attractive and intimidating. I'm at the point now where I'm having trouble reading her. She is inconsistent in our interactions (but I am also). In a large group setting she will often ignore me, but stealing glances still occur. She seems to go out of her way to find ways to conversate with me one on one or in small groups, but I can't always tell why. She frequently texts me, which seems out of character for her. Sometimes it is out of the blue- lots of "ideas" of community togetherness initiatives we could start at our company. Those conversations many times end up becoming more personal in nature (nothing too personal- but about new places we've tried and liked in the area, places I should go, etc. It is always "helping" o or problem solving which I know is an INFJ thing)
However, when I text or contact her, sometimes her responses are more choppy and inconsistent. If she doesn't initiate the conversation, it usually won't last for too long. Then I overanalyze everything. HA!
I don't really know what to do. I can't fight the attraction to her. I don't REALLY want anything to come from it because it could only bring about drama and we are in a small community. But I so desperately want to know her better and wish I could be in a room alone with her without getting flustered. I think the key is going to be in getting to know her well enough that she no longer intimidates me, but it's hard to do when it takes so long for INFJ's to open up.
I know this is ridiculous, but for the love of God, someone please help me.
