Growing apart over the years | INFJ Forum

Growing apart over the years

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by just me, Jun 30, 2010.

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  1. just me

    just me GONE

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    Does this really need an explanation? Anyone wish to share their thoughts?


     
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  2. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    People change, and sometimes who they change into is no longer compatible with the same types of things they used to be. I have grown apart from a number of friends over the years. However I realise it is growing apart, and although it is sad in some respects, I do not let it bother me. Its strange though as it seems like the other party often does not see the growing apart and wishes to hang on. If I grow apart from someone, I can no longer connect to them and as such see no point in maintaining a friendship. Its quite frusterating when the other person simply does not get that.
     
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  3. Reon

    Reon Midnight's Garden

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    This is the one thing that I will draw from anything invented by Tyler Perry.

    Some people are meant to be in your life for a season and you just have to let them leave when it is their time to go.

    Paraphrased a bit but the concept is genuine. People change. You do. I do. We do. Your friends do. Sometimes things just fall apart, nothing wrong with that and sometimes it is for the best of both of you to move on. Just cherish the time you had together, that's the best thing to do really.
     
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  4. Gaze

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    Agree.
     
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  5. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    friend of mine once told me there's a reason why the people in your past didn't make it to your future~ perhaps a blessing in disguise.
     
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  6. Gaze

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    I always had this fantasy or ideal in my head that everything should last forever, and it would hurt when i imagined that it didn't or couldn't. Then i realized that it's not so bad. I think what makes it difficult is when one person wants to move on, and the other still sees a future with the person. But simply because one person wants to move in a different direction doesn't mean that what you've had was meaningless or any less important or significant. Maybe, there's something better waiting, and even if there isn't, you can enjoy the good times you had and take lessons learned with you.
     
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  7. Roger

    Roger ...

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    This is the key to get better things or save yourself from being hurt. Actually this is the thing you will won't want to see in your life.

    I am understanding this thing. I have experienced this. When one person wants to move on, then you have to detach yourself from that person. We are naturally attached with that person, so obvious other person will try to look with that person in future. But at this point, the other person should try to focus on their life. Should try to focus on the present moment. Problem is this idea should click in their mind. When someone wants to move on strangely, then we should start looking at our past insightful learning, not as bad moments. If you have asked for have best thing, then remember you can't have good things in your life. It is critical. Choice is choice & there is difference between good and best.

    Other way, i look at this universe really loves you. why? may be you have asked to bring better things in your life. So universe is trying to make a space in your life and so universe can put a choice of yours.
     
  8. Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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  9. Faye

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    I think you either grow together or grow apart, and it takes effort to continue to grow together.

    In happy marriages, both partners tend to perceive the relationship as getting better over the years, but objectively their circumstances stay the same (which is to say, they stay good, but they don't necessarily get better). I assume it is the same for non-married long term couples as well.

    The point is that if the reasons you originally got together aren't still there, then you will inevitably grow apart.
     
  10. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    When I consider someone a good friend, I am loyal to the death for them.

    My last good friend was very nasty to me over a long period of time. At every opportunity he would say the most critical and harsh things about how I run things at work. Eventually he ended up hating me because I would not take his advice on how he thought I should change my policies. Despite this, I was always loyal as a friend to him and tried to behave as though the workplace difficulties were compartmentalised to that environment only.

    In retrospect, I think my friend was trying to be manipulative and grew to hate me because I am virtually un-manipulable. My loyalty and keen interest for him to be happy lasted for a couple years after we last spoke in a friendly way. Over time my solicitude for his wellbeing has faded into indifference (or down to the level at which I care for strangers, which is not indifferent, but is very mild).

    I am very reluctant to consider people my friends anymore, since I know it sets me into a mentality which is very costly personally.
     
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  11. Gaze

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    Yeah, it's becomes easier to be indifferent when the friendship wanes, and the friend or partner doesn't accept when you don't think or view things the way they do.
     
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  12. yepunsarang

    yepunsarang Community Member

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    Well, I agree with many of your posts---that there definitely are "seasons" for some people. However, I realize that as I grow older, the people I chose to make friends with are people that I love intrinsically for being themselves. My deepest interest in people are their inner "essences" I guess you could say? People also who have the minds to keep their essences too.

    So more than completely changing, the people that are dearest to me are those who develop themselves. As I develop too, there's a lot to talk about with them. The only way you can maintain relationships (friendships) with people is when there's a mutual understanding of the inner person. That of course, takes trust, time, and a great deal of love.
     
  13. OP
    just me

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    There are those that see things a bit differently out there, now aren't there?

    "The only way you can maintain relationships (friendships) with people is when there's a mutual understanding of the inner person."

    Hoping that to mean both persons, it has been almost impossible for anyone to understand my inner self; at least to fully understand. They understand what they see, while I understand more what I feel from my seeing. Being open has caused me much grief. I can be as an empty plate on a table, yet want to keep everyone's glasses filled for them.

    Not one to stay the course??
     
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  14. under skies

    under skies Community Member

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    "Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."
     
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  15. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    Staying close over the long years usually takes effort on both parties parts, whether we are taking about mates or friends. Many of us make the mistake of thinking we don't have to do much maintenance on our long-term relationships and they will just stay a solid as they were in the past. This is a huge mistake, and one that many people make! In a friend it's sad, in a mate it can be devastating.

    The years really pickup speed as you age and suddenly you find that you have been "living life" all those busy years, and you have grown apart. It's actually kind of natural, as we all change as we age, even if we are not aware of it. Awareness, constant maintence, and willingness to work at things are needed to keep from growing apart in most cases. Usually, by the time you realize you are not "together" on things anymore its too late.
     
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  16. OP
    just me

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  17. aeon

    aeon Ooh, a bunny!
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    In my experience, growth is inevitable. It may come in the form of an oak tree, the twisting vine of ivy, or a gnarled root of ginger.

    Just like all of those plants, we choose where to direct our energies and resources so as to best meet our needs. The freedom of that choice means that some trees are straight and tall, and some bow like the willow - each an expression of their nature.

    So as a plant will turn toward the sun, so may we turn ourselves to witness our partners. We have the choice to direct our efforts in this way. We may also choose otherwise.

    Each must bloom in their own way, but neither should hoard the soil, use leaf to block the sun from the other, invite weeds between them, or strangle the other with tendril. One provides support to the other when they are frail and of wilt.

    Gardens are like relationships in that they must be cultivated lest the plants within not thrive and bear fruit.

    Shoot, stem, leaf, and flower are all forms, but none are the plant in whole. Is the beauty of another in their flower and fragrance? Do we love them for this? What of the coming of autumn and then winter when all turn brown and go to seed? What of our love then?

    Do we, as milkweed, present as thistle? Do our leaves, shiny and green, make for a bitter salad?

    Intertwined we must be, rooted in that which nourishes.

    Growing apart is the result of a garden ill-tended.


    Namaste,
    Ian
     
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    #17 aeon, Jul 2, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2010
  18. the

    the Si master race.
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  19. OP
    just me

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  20. OP
    just me

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    Yes, each an expression of their nature. Very true.

    There are plants that grow much faster than others. There are seeds that move about by the fowl of the air and the winds and rain. Some seeds fall upon unnatural ground, yet thrive. Others fall upon good ground, yet die. Some are meant for a resting place or home for the fowl of the air; some, strictly for food. The nature of each can differ greatly.

    It is written, one can tell a tree by the fruit it bears. Some trees blossom much younger than others. Some trees offer shade for animals and people to shade themselves from the hot sun. They may keep their leaves all year and little else will grow beneath them, yet they have their purpose. They may offer sanctuary for the fowl of the air during the colder months of the years. Other trees may lose their leaves as it becomes cold as to allow the warmth of the sun's rays to reach beneath its limbs.

    The growing apart may very well be the absence of a gardner and care, but some by their very own nature may never be meant intertwined. Try as we will, it all may seem feeble at best to try. As the winds come, those that are not properly rooted may very well fall. Those that fall can actually nourish the others over time. There is much to be learned from nature, and you have given me much more to ponder. I thank you.
     
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    #20 just me, Jul 3, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2010
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