So I (F32) was dating this really sweet and kind guy (M31) for 4 months. Although it’s only been a short time, we did spend a lot of time together and we had a healthy “relationship.” He was consistent, sweet, and really good to me. I had to end it due to lifestyle incompatibility (he drank to the point of passing out on occasions for weddings/bdays, although he didn’t drink everyday, and spent a lot of money on friends even if he still had a considerable debt). He wants to celebrate uninhibited for the next 3 years before he and his friends settle down(hence the large amount of drinking and spending). I value moderation and some sense of safety; I have anxious tendencies and realize I couldn’t keep up with him, I ended it 3 weeks after finding out the drinking and money red flags. We ended it really well and both agreed that if I couldn’t accept his occasional getting passed out drunk, it wouldn’t work out for the long term. The last time I passed out from drinking was 10 years ago. I understand he isn’t an alcoholic and does only this ridiculous behaviors because he is super social and loves to be the life of the party (he wanted me to try a rave for New Years and try ecstasy). I ended it two weeks ago, this is the first time where really I had to end something that wasn’t “bad.” How can I move forward? In hindsight, as someone who was abused when I was a kid and is healing from trauma, I feel like I’m finally choosing kind and somewhat emotionally available men. I just need to fine tune better so their lifestyle and core values align with mine.
