An INFJ that I like (we might even be friends because we sure do talk a lot) told me a couple of years ago that she always felt like Christmas never was what it should be (singing carols etc). I don't even know if she would remember it but I do. Anyway I recorded a video of me playing "Silent Night" for her on the piano and telling her Merry Christmas. Is giving it to her a good idea or too stalky/weird? Also will she judge me harshly if my talent level is just o.k. and not great?
Good or bad idea?
- Thread starter INTP in exploration mode
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Give it with confidence and without expectation ;-) She may surprise you.
Wish you well.
Wish you well.
Soulful, vulnerable and thoughtful.
And something she can keep forever.
This is swoon worthy!
Dooooooooo it!
This will definitely top her charts of most romantic moment
And something she can keep forever.
This is swoon worthy!
Dooooooooo it!
This will definitely top her charts of most romantic moment
It could go either way:
Either she'll love it, or she'll question your intentions in doing it.
(It's difficult to predict with INFJs).
Either she'll love it, or she'll question your intentions in doing it.
(It's difficult to predict with INFJs).
I actually agree with this. She would not hurt your feelings outright but might distance herself afterwards.
I think that's really sweet.
I agree with the above quotes, hence my hesitation. I don't like to do anything that doesn't feel 100% honest to me.
I sent the video but I did it for the right reason. The truth is that this has been the worst year of my entire life. I have had deaths of some of the most important people in my life with immense pain and suffering involved. I have had the breakdown of many long term relationships and everything just seems so dark. I have all these nihilistic feelings and no faith in anything. I question everything about myself, what I feel, what I believe, the people in my life and why I make the choices I make. It's not always easy to turn the search for absolute truth to yourself. It is a very difficult place to be when the theoretical becomes reality .The one constant has been this person has been there for me. In my darkest moment, when I felt like I was all by myself, they made me feel OK and I just want them to know that I am forever grateful. I don't know if I would have made it without them. So I sent the video and I sent it to a lot of other people because what this person has taught me is that maybe I shouldn't hide what I am and my video made a lot of people happy. It was the right reason.
Maybe it's an existential, or midlife crisis. I don't know. I just look around and see all these people who have already stopped living and I can't do that. Not with everything I've been through. I am totally in the moment with every thing realizing that tomorrow either myself or someone else might not be here. No boundaries. The problem is right now is that I am so overwhelmed and confused that I don't know one thing that I believe is true other than this person makes me feel OK and I'm terrified of what my world would look like without this friend. Honestly that's not really fair to this person and so they won't need to distance themselves because I will be doing it for them. Thanks to everyone for their input.
@INTP in exploration mode : I liked your solution. Sending your video to many people immediately changed the tenor and made it seem less like a personal gift to your INFJ. I am very sorry to hear about all of the things you have been through. It's a good thing that she is in your life. Your INFJ should stay with you as long as you remember to treat her well and not overuse her. She helps you and makes you feel okay but she is not your therapist. If you feel like you are going through an existential crisis, you might need something more directed than a friend. The good side effect of having a good therapist is that you will have another sounding board and your INFJ and you might begin to have more fun together. Everyone needs help sometimes. There's no shame in getting help when you need it.
I think the honesty in presenting your gift was that you couldn't know for certain how it will be received. Even if Christmas isn't your thing, doing things for others to make them happy is certainly part of "peace on earth to men of good will." (Albeit sans the "Gloria in excelsis Deo.")
If your friend takes issue with your gift, it won't be because of you insincerity.... as little consolation as that may be. You have believed and hoped in the sincerity of your friend.