[INFJ] - Fuss for birthdays | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Fuss for birthdays

missbee

missbee

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Mar 11, 2016
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This isn't a major issue but I was just thinking that because it's my birthday tomorrow I've planned... nothing really. I just love quiet time for thinking and relaxing! As with every other day in my life :)

But this weekend I can't shake this feeling of being a weirdo for it. It's so annoying because I feel like I need to explain myself?! Other types apart from NI dominants/auxiliaries just don't understand. Some people around me don't. It's not like it's this great marker of depression or anything if some types want to be alone and think on their birthday. It's a wonderful gift of generosity to give someone space. It is respectful. I feel like people are "not allowed" to not do something on their birthday, like it'd be breaking a major rule and you become some alien for it. Personally, it seems fake to me if people are only nice on my birthday or on valentines etc. I genuinely can't stand it :(

I don't have the energy to pretend. I can't believe I actually care about this right now. It's not even something I've ever even thought about until this year.

I know infjs are misunderstood by others. I wonder if anyone else here understands and whether or not there is pressure to almost celebrate your own birthday for other people when your real voice is screaming inside to be quiet and relax or even just to do nothing for yourself?
 
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Just live in the woods where there are no people. Problem solved


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missbee said:
This isn't a major issue but I was just thinking that because it's my birthday tomorrow I've planned... nothing really. I just love quiet time for thinking and relaxing! As with every other day in my life :)

But this weekend I can't shake this feeling of being a weirdo for it. It's so annoying because I feel like I need to explain myself?! Other types apart from NI dominants/auxiliaries just don't understand. Some people around me don't. It's not like it's this great marker of depression or anything if some types want to be alone and think on their birthday. It's a wonderful gift of generosity to give someone space. It is respectful. I feel like people are "not allowed" to not do something on their birthday, like it'd be breaking a major rule and you become some alien for it. Personally, it seems fake to me if people are only nice on my birthday or on valentines etc. I genuinely can't stand it :(

I don't have the energy to pretend. I can't believe I actually care about this right now. It's not even something I've ever even thought about until this year.

I know infjs are misunderstood by others. I wonder if anyone else here understands and whether or not there is pressure to almost celebrate your own birthday for other people when your real voice is screaming inside to be quiet and relax or even just to do nothing for yourself?
Click to expand...

Nah it's not weird, but if you act like it's weird then people will pick up on it and it will make things awkward if/when you try to explain. Spending the day alone is of course not the norm as we're kind of conditioned from childhood to view this as a time where people will come around us to celebrate our continued existence. Sometimes it seems more for the people around us than ourselves, which can often be the case for introverts when they are the focus of anything worth celebrating.

A few years ago I didn't tell anybody that my birthday was coming up. I got a cheap pizza, a slice of cake from the grocery, and a lot of beer. I happily spent the weekend holed up pigging out and vegging out. It was glorious, but also far easier to do while single.
 
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Sloe Djinn said:
Nah it's not weird, but if you act like it's weird then people will pick up on it and it will make things awkward if/when you try to explain. Spending the day alone is of course not the norm as we're kind of conditioned from childhood to view this as a time where people will come around us to celebrate our continued existence. Sometimes it seems more for the people around us than ourselves, which can often be the case for introverts when they are the focus of anything worth celebrating.

A few years ago I didn't tell anybody that my birthday was coming up. I got a cheap pizza, a slice of cake from the grocery, and a lot of beer. I happily spent the weekend holed up pigging out and vegging out. It was glorious, but also far easier to do while single.
Click to expand...

Yes! That's exactly the way to do it :D Except my family know my birthday and they're really the only ones I hang out with. I used to love love love my birthday in that way like most other types do presents, attention etc. so I suppose the weirdness is coming from changing into how I am from what I was before but not that I am this way if that makes sense.
 
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Sloe Djinn said:
Sometimes it seems more for the people around us than ourselves, which can often be the case for introverts when they are the focus of anything worth celebrating.
Click to expand...

Love this - so true!!

I actually look forward to my birthdays now (family/friends have finally got the message that I don't like them making a fuss over me) - it's one day (or several days) when I give myself total permission to be utterly selfish and to do what I want. No one occupies my head on that day :smile:
 
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When people find out it's your birthday and you didn't tell them

 
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