Forgiveness and Second Chances

[ElSuave]

This doesn't just go for a romantic point of view, but in any case--you can specify if you'd like.

How do you feel about the two?

Does everyone deserve it?

are there rules?

Do they go hand in hand (do you forgive AND give scond changes, forgive only, or give second chances with grudges held back)?

 

[Free Mind]

I can offer forgivness and second chances. I wouldn't say everyone deserves it but a vast majority does...But I am open to say everyone does. They go hand in hand sometimes. Not always of course. Different situations causes for different ways of dealing with it.

A rule?

Offer forgiveness only to those who are truly repentant of wrongs committed against you. And when you offer forgiveness, do so with honesty, for to do so grudgingly is not forgiveness but deceit.

 

[Oranguh]

Do people deserve it? I don't know if I'm arrogant enough to make the claim that people are entitled to anything really.

I'm usually pretty good at forgiving people, I mean, I usually forget about the past? But you know, people rarely change, soo. But as long as the intentions are good I know/feel it's mostly my responsibility to make the best of the situation, rights?

I don't know, I do what I want. It's very detached from any sense of entitlement if I think about it.... (yea... hmmm that's not very noble now that I think about it)

You know what, forget what I wrote. I'll just state this: It depends on the situation.

 

[Nixie]

I can forgive but I have yet to give a second chance. I don't allow others close and tend to be very loyal when I do. Break that trust and I have yet to find a way to rebuild it and have yet to find someone I am willing to make that effort for. I will forgive you and walk away without a second glance or allow you to walk away. Not without regret but still with purpose. I can be quite ruthless about cutting people out of my heart and soul.

There is the regular rejoinder regarding "it depends on the situation". It may be a series of events or one large event.

EDIT: Yea, I'm not talking about petty stuff. I have a pretty high tolerance for other's behavior. I know my particular poison is perfectionism and I can be harsh so I try not to splash that on the people I love. I would say that it also depends on the length of the relationship, blah blah blah as to when I reach that point of letting a relationship go. I don't usually operate from an overly emotional standpoint anyway--not that I don't feel emotions but rather I have tendency to dissect them first rather than act on them first.

 

[ElSuave]

I can offer forgivness and second chances. I wouldn't say everyone deserves it but a vast majority does...But I am open to say everyone does. They go hand in hand sometimes. Not always of course. Different situations causes for different ways of dealing with it.

A rule?

Offer forgiveness only to those who are truly repentant of wrongs committed against you. And when you offer forgiveness, do so with honesty, for to do so grudgingly is not forgiveness but deceit.

rule like :

in this situation its okay but in this no and blah blah

 

[ElSuave]

Do people deserve it? I don't know if I'm arrogant enough to make the claim that people are entitled to anything really.

I'm usually pretty good at forgiving people, I mean, I usually forget about the past? But you know, people rarely change, soo. But as long as the intentions are good I know/feel it's mostly my responsibility to make the best of the situation, rights?

I don't know, I do what I want. It's very detached from any sense of entitlement if I think about it.... (yea... hmmm that's not very noble now that I think about it)

You know what, forget what I wrote. I'll just state this: It depends on the situation.

This is what I mean when I said "rules" =b

can you describe some different situations?

 

[jn56uytrx]

How do you feel about the two?

I feel fine with them. I tend to respond to situations as they present themselves. Usually part of the current situation is my remembrance of what has happened in the past, but if the current engagement is positive enough to change my experience in a positive direction then I'll engage with that. So, forgiveness and second chances are not something I really decide on, but just something that happens when the situation develops in that way.

Does everyone deserve it?

No idea. I don't think about it in that way.

are there rules?

Again, I don't think about it in that way.

 

[6string]

Offer forgiveness only to those who are truly repentant of wrongs committed against you. And when you offer forgiveness, do so with honesty, for to do so grudgingly is not forgiveness but deceit.

The problem is how often are people truly repentant for having hurt you. Seems like the apologies from most high horse people, seem to be vain or putting it back off on you. Example might be, "I'm so sorry if you get offended by my ignoring you." Instead of apologizing for ignoring, they make it sound like it's your own damn fault for being upset about it.

Unfortunately, when I do feel an honest apology from someone, I do forgive. Only to be kicked down again, the next time they feel like being a BLEEEPIN dick. People don't change. Though some do care enough to try. But those folks are few. But I suppose that's why those few are still worthy to be forgiven.

 

[ElSuave]

The problem is how often are people truly repentant for having hurt you. Seems like the apologies from most high horse people, seem to be vain or putting it back off on you. Example might be, "I'm so sorry if you get offended by my ignoring you." Instead of apologizing for ignoring, they make it sound like it's your own damn fault for being upset about it.

Unfortunately, when I do feel an honest apology from someone, I do forgive. Only to be kicked down again, the next time they feel like being a BLEEEPIN dick. People don't change. Though some do care enough to try. But those folks are few. But I suppose that's why those few are still worthy to be forgiven.

=) So you forgive even if you believe they may not be one of the few?

 

[Galileo]

does everyone deserve it?

are there rules?

Do they go hand in hand (do you forgive AND give scond changes, forgive only, or give second chances with grudges held back)?

No, not everyone deserves it, but most people do, to me it really depends on what they do wrong. people who cheat on me will get no second chances whatsoever, but people who don't live up to expectations, say things they shouldn't have or so on definitely get them. people who betray my trust in certain ways will also get them, depending on what they've done.
yes there are rules. if you get a second chance and then proceed to do the exact same thing again then a 3rd chance is not forthcoming.
while I might not be able to forgive straight away, I always try to keep my feelings to myself. I don't mistreat a friend after i've given a second chance.

I don't forget though, what they have done always stays with me.

 

[Oranguh]

can you describe some different situations?

Mmmmmmmm...........

Situation one: I can sense that the intentions are genuine, so forgiveness and second chances are definitely an option. I also have general interest in seeing the situation becoming better. (aka I like that person). This will result in me definitely granting second chances (+ experience from the previous encounter).

Situation two: I can sense that the intentions are genuine. But I really didn't like that person to begin with because (plethora of reasons possible). In this situation I would just use the "excuse" of past experience as a scapegoat to cut off further possibilities of mediation.

Situation three: I can't get a hint of genuine interest. The person will probably not be accepted into positions that can possibly result in my negative well being. They'll probably be regarded more as tools and they will notice it.


Situation four: Genuine interest + haphazard reputation. but I have interest in them = interesting game.

Situation five: No genuine interest from them... but I'm interested in them. I'll probably adapt or change them or do something creative, I don't know, but usually my interest in others trumps how "trustworthy" anyone is.

Situation... I can go on and on... so I'll just stop.

DISCLAIMER: Any of these situations can also probably contain sub categories and therefore cannot be traced back into reality with 100% accuracy.

 

[6string]

=) So you forgive even if you believe they may not be one of the few?

only when I believe their apology is pure. Otherwise their faux attempt to calm the beast, just fuels the fire.

But then again... Like [MENTION=3323]Oranguh[/MENTION] said above, when people have true intentions (not talking about those we dislike anyway), forgiveness is easier. A person's intentions are always taken into account. I always try to see the other person's point of view, but they damn well better be trying to understand mine as well... Lol

 

[Kgal]

It's good for your heart and well being to forgive.

Foryour safety and respect of you personal boundaries it's best to Not forget. I'm not saying hold a grudge. But Watch. Observe. If it happens again and again learn to protect yourself.

With regard to a trusted friend's betrayal someone once told me to forgive them but from now on know that when around a scorpion- they can bite.

I think it comes down to trust.

 

[Phage]

How do you feel about the two?

I hate giving second chances, because then people get the implication that they have an amount at which they can fuck up and still be home-free. So I try to withhold second chances until they prove themselves worthy of it.

Because of morals and what not, I believe in forgiveness. My definition of forgiveness is to forfeit all resentment and grudges toward the other person for the action of crime.

Does everyone deserve it?

Well, yes, everyone should have a chance to contend for forgiveness and a second chance. However, whether they "deserve it" depends on an individual's rules.

Are there rules?

Yes of course, everyone has their own tolerances. These things act as "rules".

Some of mine are:

• If you commited some "crime" against me, then depending on which of my rules/moral codes you have broken, you will be forgiven or not.
• If you are not forgiven, you may wait and ask/argue your case and reasons again. I will re-evaluate my decision, then decide again.
• If I don't forgive you, good bye.
• If I forgive you, it could still mean good bye. However, forgiveness means you may enter the running for a second chance.
• So you are pursuing your pitiful dream of a second chance! Well, be consistent and be sincere, then with my INFJ intuition, I will sense your honesty and accept you once again!
• If you are trying to get a second chance and you half-ass it. Fuck you. Have a nice life!
  

Do they go hand in hand?

They are related, so yes in a way, but just because I have forgiven does not mean you are in the running again. It means, I have let go of grudges and resentment toward you. For another chance, you have to go through a rigorous process, from me at least, to prove you are sincere.

 

[Oranguh]

But still~~~~~ Personal rules can be bent... Especially mine. Possibilities are boundless. I imagine myself in the shoes of someone who has done another wrong... If I can sense possible ways to make things better (which I probably can) I think I'd invest the effort in it. Personal rules can be bent. Gwahahahahah

All things relative, bending till it breaks, merely to acknowledge that it's possible.

 

[randomsomeone]

Forgiveness is out there...it is a priviledge and not a right. Second chances do not exist, not in the purest sense. We can never turn back the clock and undo life. At best we can only learn and go forward.

 

[not sure]

This doesn't just go for a romantic point of view, but in any case--you can specify if you'd like.

How do you feel about the two?

Does everyone deserve it?

are there rules?

Do they go hand in hand (do you forgive AND give scond changes, forgive only, or give second chances with grudges held back)?

I believe both forgiveness and second chances are worthwhile concepts. No one deserves forgiveness or second chances but every case should be considered on its own merits. If by second chances it is meant that I leave myself vulnerable to the same harm then no. My second chances are that I allow you to remain in my life or I don't deliberately put obstacles in your way even though I could. I can forgive, sometimes with difficulty, but not forget so it takes time and action to win my trust back. For me personally, there are no rules. I trust my instincts. My forgiveness is my own to give and I am not swayed by other people's ideas or even some idealized notion of forgiveness. I try not to hold grudges and try to view forgiveness and second chances as gifts to myself and the offending party. Not every case of forgiveness requires a second chance. Sometimes it is enough to say go in peace.

 

[dream echo]

Holding on to anger when someone has wronged me is so detrimental to my own well-being, that, in time, I do forgive the other person, "deserving" or not. In truth, I find forgiving myself to be far more difficult.

As far as second chances go, I proceed with cautious reservation. Not every action warrants a second chance, and it is sometimes necessary to simply move on.

As far as forgetting, I would need a lobotomy. I merely try to not allow my pain to cloud my future judgement in similar situations. However, this is often easier said than done.

 

[ElSuave]

Holding on to anger when someone has wronged me is so detrimental to my own well-being, that, in time, I do forgive the other person, "deserving" or not. In truth, I find forgiving myself to be far more difficult.

As far as second chances go, I proceed with cautious reservation. Not every action warrants a second chance, and it is sometimes necessary to simply move on.

As far as forgetting, I would need a lobotomy. I merely try to not allow my pain to cloud my future judgement in similar situations. However, this is often easier said than done.

i tend to block this out sometimes...I forget what side I'm in...

 

[Chamomile]

I rarely truly forgive. They have to demonstrate not only they're aware of what they did, but the repercussions of what they've done. They have to take responsibility for the entire scope of the resulting situation, otherwise I'll still be upset with them for naively stumbling around breaking things and making other people own it for them.

Even when I forgive, I never truly forget. I don't try to remember, I don't hold onto it, and I don't let it fester inside me. I always make sure I'm at peace with it. Every once in a while I forget until someone reminds me, but since my trust is hard to earn, I feel as if I'm not protecting myself if I forget. It just feels unwise. It may be unfair not to forget, but if they hurt me, I have the right to remember and protect myself accordingly IMO.