First Signs of Something Wrong | INFJ Forum

First Signs of Something Wrong

Trifoilum

find wisdom, build hope.
Dec 27, 2009
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Have you ever questioned people's intentions?

If yes, what are your first signs of those?

(fyi, yeah, I am atm, but it's not about my specific case, today)
 
"It's not a scam!"

Also guilty conscience, when they think that you already think something is wrong so they go out of their way to avert suspicion at certain details, thereby drawing attention to the details. Basically they preempt a defense for something you haven't even questioned yet, which ironically leads to questioning it more than you probably would have in the first place.
 
All. the. time. It drives me crazy. I start to feel like a conspiracy theorist because of it. :D "Signs" usually start with questions such as "why didn't they call or get back to me?" What did they say this instead of that? What do they say A but do B instead? And it goes on and on. My mind then begins a never ending stream of what ifs. Not good. I'm a complete crazy person because of it :m187:
 
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They immediately get extremely cranky and snippy the second you start focusing on and talking about something other than themselves.
 
When they seem like they're being careful around you or when they have a reason to have negative intentions
 
I question almost everyone's intentions, including my own, all the time. I think most people are deliriously unaware of the deeper motivations that drive them and how they have personality "tells".

When the smile isn't reflected in the eyes
When someone seems evasive or dismissive about details
When you sense a layer of deception about their actions/in their words
When you become wary in their presence for no reason you can think about
When you see them treat other's badly
When they act casually about something serious
When their behavior seems geared toward getting attention
When they act like a "damsel in distress" or "constant victim"
 
Thanks :)
I....see a lot of people have the same tics as I am. ('what is unspoken and what is said and how do they say it')
When they seem like they're being careful around you or when they have a reason to have negative intentions

I question almost everyone's intentions, including my own, all the time. I think most people are deliriously unaware of the deeper motivations that drive them and how they have personality "tells".

When you sense a layer of deception about their actions/in their words
When you become wary in their presence for no reason you can think about

Yes, but how do you first begin to suspect that? Like, what did you see that make you think "....is he being careful around me?" "Wait, is there something I don't know here?"

Also, [MENTION=3096]Nixie[/MENTION], I too question my own intention. Just two days ago I realized I am evading against someone's attempt to pick me apart, and....I dunno whether that's good or not.

I never really consider my own 'tell' though. I wonder what is mine.
 
Just two days ago I realized I am evading against someone's attempt to pick me apart, and....I dunno whether that's good or not.

this is an interesting point because I realized I do this sometimes. I try to self protect but it comes across as hiding or deception. For example, I didn't want to be rude and share my personal criticism or feelings about something so I'll say that something was fine or ok. However, the person will probe and try to get more details as if i'm trying to keep a secret, when in my mind, I avoid something because I don't want to have to say something mean or rude.

Edit: Or I just don't want to reveal my true feelings of out respect so I avoid or resist someone probing.
 
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Since most people don't question their own intentions, I am usually wary until there is some indication of self-knowledge.

Among the self aware there are usually a good number of deceptive, malicious individuals. They are usually given away by one of three things:
1. False humility, which always ends up sounding like boasting about personal shortcomings.
2. Playing innocent/dumb/victim.
3. An ability to say deep, meaningful things very articulately without any coy-ness, reflecting a complete emotional disinterest in deep/meaningful things.
 
this is an interesting point because I realized I do this sometimes. I try to self protect but it comes across as hiding or deception. For example, I didn't want to be rude and share my personal criticism or feelings about something so I'll say that something was fine or ok. However, the person will probe and try to get more details as if i'm trying to keep a secret, when in my mind, I avoid something because I don't want to have to say something mean or rude.
Yeah. It's interesting when it's us doing that-- our mind races to find an explanation that will get us off the heat, an explanation that will make us better...
But at the same time there's psychological salience in play. We know our emotional state, the context behind our actions, our past and experiences...

It's interesting either way.
Since most people don't question their own intentions, I am usually wary until there is some indication of self-knowledge.

Among the self aware there are usually a good number of deceptive, malicious individuals. They are usually given away by one of three things:
1. False humility, which always ends up sounding like boasting about personal shortcomings.
2. Playing innocent/dumb/victim.
3. An ability to say deep, meaningful things very articulately without any coy-ness, reflecting a complete emotional disinterest in deep/meaningful things.

So your second paragraph is the exception for the first?
I don't disagree. I'm confused about number 3 though; why the former sentence reflected the latter?
And to be honest, I also did those at times (you probably wouldn't like me then :| *gently weeps to the handkerchief*)
Image crafting.*
So for me, the feeling is 'game recognizes game, sir/miss.'

*) Which can be confusing if you consider that honesty and/or complete bluntness is in itself a form of image crafting. SO!
 
Thanks :)
I....see a lot of people have the same tics as I am. ('what is unspoken and what is said and how do they say it')




Yes, but how do you first begin to suspect that? Like, what did you see that make you think "....is he being careful around me?" "Wait, is there something I don't know here?"

Also, @Nixie, I too question my own intention. Just two days ago I realized I am evading against someone's attempt to pick me apart, and....I dunno whether that's good or not.

I never really consider my own 'tell' though. I wonder what is mine.

There are a million possible ways someone could accomplish it, but it just clicks in my head. Usually something about their actions will stick out if it's out of the ordinary relative to what the situation would normally call for. It could be anything from a weird look, to changes in their tone of voice, to the fact that they are never around me but everyone else around me sees and talks to them a lot.
 
There are a million possible ways someone could accomplish it, but it just clicks in my head. Usually something about their actions will stick out if it's out of the ordinary relative to what the situation would normally call for. It could be anything from a weird look, to changes in their tone of voice, to the fact that they are never around me but everyone else around me sees and talks to them a lot.

I see. I can see that... >_<

god, this certainly made me paranoid.
 
Thanks :)
I....see a lot of people have the same tics as I am. ('what is unspoken and what is said and how do they say it')




Yes, but how do you first begin to suspect that? Like, what did you see that make you think "....is he being careful around me?" "Wait, is there something I don't know here?"

Also, [MENTION=3096]Nixie[/MENTION], I too question my own intention. Just two days ago I realized I am evading against someone's attempt to pick me apart, and....I dunno whether that's good or not.

I never really consider my own 'tell' though. I wonder what is mine.

Well it's a natural reaction to question whether you'll be believed or not, with the way that things are being described, especially with what Flavus Aquila said.

Suspicion harbors discord, and you may start wondering who is suspicious of you, and if you don't trust it's easy to find things wrong. This is why I usually give people the benefit of doubt until something actually becomes clear, or unless the situation has some actual risk.

Suspicion is a nasty thing. It will cause people to flip on you, or even to throw somebody else under the bus to get attention off themselves. People can start doing even more rotten things to improve your view of them. Because of this I figure that if you know you are true then it doesn't really matter what anyone thinks.
 
I agree that giving the benefit of the doubt is a fair strategy. However, I've also been in situations where I went into a situation very open and genuine, only to realize everyone else was playing a game. That made me feel so uncomfortable and tense, that lead becoming suspicious and being more distrustful of people in general. In other words, suspicious will often develop because others cause suspicion not because anyone goes in suspecting anything. And if you've had your trust broken and hurt on more than one occasion, its going to be tough to go into any situation with an open mind. Twice and three times bitten, a million times shy sort of thing.
 
I agree that giving the benefit of the doubt is a fair strategy. However, I've also been in situations where I went into a situation very open and genuine, only to realize everyone else was playing a game. That made me feel so uncomfortable and tense, that lead becoming suspicious and being more distrustful of people in general. In other words, suspicious will often develop because others cause suspicion not because anyone goes in suspecting anything. And if you've had your trust broken and hurt on more than one occasion, its going to be tough to go into any situation with an open mind. Twice and three times bitten, a million times shy sort of thing.

Yeah. Wondering can cause craziness and paranoia too, though.

I some times wonder, what's the point of being safe if accomplishing it puts you into paranoid misery? I've been there where I don't trust anyone and after a while it gets old. Yeah I'm protecting myself, but what kind of life do I have as a result?
 
Yeah. Wondering can cause craziness and paranoia too, though.

I some times wonder, what's the point of being safe if accomplishing it puts you into paranoid misery? I've been there where I don't trust anyone and after a while it gets old. Yeah I'm protecting myself, but what kind of life do I have as a result?

You're right, it's not healthy to spend most of your time wondering about motives. It can drive someone crazy and lead to extreme paranoia. Trust me, I know. Been there done that, know it's not healthy or a good way to live. On the other hand, I also want to be careful. I learned that I do have a right to protect myself and not be so open all the time. What I find problematic is too often, people want you to be open and reveal yourself to them. People have done it here where they keep expecting you to share personal things about you, and let them in so to speak but they don't know what they are asking. For one, it assumes that you owe your privacy. It also implies you have an obligation to be an open book to them just because they are curious. They don't consider the consequences of their expectations. And sometimes, they don't understand it's also a matter of boundaries. I try not impose on anyone else, and I (naively) expect others to do the same. In the past, I thought it was simple as being open, but when trust is broken, you're not going to be as "here I am!" anymore. You're going to be more cautious and careful. I think when you realize you're one of the few if not the only one who is not in on whatever is happening and that you maybe the joke behind everyone's back, you lose interest in being seen as being in on anything. You don't care as much about being open anymore. You feel less obligated to explain your right to protect yourself. Too many people have taken liberties with openness, so yeah, I stay away. Too much abuse. No thanks. :D
 
[MENTION=1669]Framed[/MENTION]

Curious people can eat my foot. They can want all day long - I reveal what I feel I need to, and when. If this is a problem then I don't need them anyway. It ends up being their problem and not mine.

If a person can't actually harm me then there's no need to worry about their demands. If they can and would harm me then they aren't a person worth having around to begin with, which reflects more on them than it does on me. If we're meant to hang out and be close then I'll find out about it.

I've not been betrayed by a close friend because I'm incredibly good at picking them. I've become very careful about latching onto somebody out of a need for contact - this is what has gotten me burned. I don't need anyone. I let in who I want, and I'm either not concerned about losing anything or am willing to lose everything. Some times it's about risk vs reward and just throwing everything to the wind, because really, what can I do?

I've learned that there's always somebody good enough to trick you and you're never actually secure. You just put speedbumps in the way and hope for the best. Like the story I read about a hacker who told his friend he could break into a new server that had just been set up. The hacker goes online but there's no way he can get through the security. So what does he do? He makes a fake ID card, pins it on, drives to the office, walks right in like he belongs there, secretary doesn't stop him, he unplugs the server box and walks out with the entire thing.
 
Yes, I tend to do that a lot, even with myself usually, but not always in the way I'd expect I would.
 
People have a tendency to paint a picture at the drop of a hat. Some pictures are down right beautiful. However, some pictures seem a little dark with things I cannot interpret.

Some folk would be better off in a business deal if they just kept their mouth shut. When they start jumping to conclusions and trying to accuse you of things you cannot believe, it is time to just end the deal before the really true colors come out.

Some folk are going through extreme times and just need someone to talk to. Some people, no matter how bad your situation, has it worse. People, I'm talking about every single time.

Everyone is different and everyone needs someone or something. When we get too big to know how to perceive this and react accordingly, how are we so different?
 
I question almost everyone's intentions, including my own, all the time. I think most people are deliriously unaware of the deeper motivations that drive them and how they have personality "tells".

When the smile isn't reflected in the eyes
When someone seems evasive or dismissive about details
When you sense a layer of deception about their actions/in their words
When you become wary in their presence for no reason you can think about
When you see them treat other's badly
When they act casually about something serious
When their behavior seems geared toward getting attention
When they act like a "damsel in distress" or "constant victim"

I was going to write an answer but Nixie pretty much nailed it for me.

I have noticed that as I become emotionally healthier and learn more about myself more that I make less time to actively notice these things. I am in a very selfish place in my life right now (over compensating for my early 20's likely) and I just don't make time for anything or anyone that grates me the wrong way. Red flags pop up really easily for me and as soon as they do I immediately dismiss the person I am dealing with. I do find that I alienate people this way but I don't want to help people sort through their own motivations for what they're doing right now.