Hi all,
I’m not sure whether this may get any attention or you may think that I’m being silly or whatever.
I recently discovered that I’m an INFJ and having read a lot about it online, it all makes sense. Everything. Especially as I’m a Cancer by horoscope, I believe this makes me extra emotional, and prone to overthinking and worrying more.
My main problem at the moment is understanding my relationship/friendship with a male friend. We have been flirting for over a year and have talked about the concept of becoming more than just friends. In May this year, we progressed to the next level and everything seemed great at first. This friend has a bit a baggage and struggles a lot with self esteem and confidence. I believe that there’s more to it but he won’t discuss it, and often gets worked up.
We had an argument after the first night we spent together and things started to spiral out of control. He felt that he couldn’t cope with the situation and that it didn’t help his anxiety. This was all as a result of me finding old messages from an ex that he had not spoken about and I just wanted to talk about our future etc. This resulted in the typical INFJ “door slam” on my part and he took it very poorly. He stated that it was too much pressure and that I didn’t trust him. After thought, he felt that he couldn’t progress with the relationship further and thought that he would only hurt me because of the way he is, and that he thinks we’re not compatible. I obviously tried to console and make amends but his stubbornness won. Actually, he just didn’t listen.
Over the past month, we have been talking as “friends” and often it leads to arguments about our relationship and how it didn’t work. He has recently claimed that he “loves” me and just doesn’t want to hurt me, hence not want to be with me. He genuinely believes that we will break up and never be friends again. He has also said that he thinks I am far too good for him and that I deserve better. I do not think the same obviously and only want to be with him because it’s him. This has been very difficult to process as I have deep feelings for him but cannot understand why I am obviously not good enough to be with him regardless.
As you can imagine, the friendship is on the rocks and I’ve been struggling with mood and self esteem as a result. Over thinking hasn’t been helping, especially at night, and I just want to fix things but nothing seems to work.
Please can anyone advise on something that I may have done or whether my INFJ character has had a big role to play? I’m not sure whether I came across as too caring or too passive. Or is this just him and actually I’m fine and have done nothing wrong?
I know that this is something that will probably not work out but I am finding so difficult to hear all of the positive things he says about me but still not want to have a relationship.
I have spoken to a couple of friends already and they had nothing positive or helpful to say.
Please help.
Many thanks.
I’m not sure whether this may get any attention or you may think that I’m being silly or whatever.
I recently discovered that I’m an INFJ and having read a lot about it online, it all makes sense. Everything. Especially as I’m a Cancer by horoscope, I believe this makes me extra emotional, and prone to overthinking and worrying more.
My main problem at the moment is understanding my relationship/friendship with a male friend. We have been flirting for over a year and have talked about the concept of becoming more than just friends. In May this year, we progressed to the next level and everything seemed great at first. This friend has a bit a baggage and struggles a lot with self esteem and confidence. I believe that there’s more to it but he won’t discuss it, and often gets worked up.
We had an argument after the first night we spent together and things started to spiral out of control. He felt that he couldn’t cope with the situation and that it didn’t help his anxiety. This was all as a result of me finding old messages from an ex that he had not spoken about and I just wanted to talk about our future etc. This resulted in the typical INFJ “door slam” on my part and he took it very poorly. He stated that it was too much pressure and that I didn’t trust him. After thought, he felt that he couldn’t progress with the relationship further and thought that he would only hurt me because of the way he is, and that he thinks we’re not compatible. I obviously tried to console and make amends but his stubbornness won. Actually, he just didn’t listen.
Over the past month, we have been talking as “friends” and often it leads to arguments about our relationship and how it didn’t work. He has recently claimed that he “loves” me and just doesn’t want to hurt me, hence not want to be with me. He genuinely believes that we will break up and never be friends again. He has also said that he thinks I am far too good for him and that I deserve better. I do not think the same obviously and only want to be with him because it’s him. This has been very difficult to process as I have deep feelings for him but cannot understand why I am obviously not good enough to be with him regardless.
As you can imagine, the friendship is on the rocks and I’ve been struggling with mood and self esteem as a result. Over thinking hasn’t been helping, especially at night, and I just want to fix things but nothing seems to work.
Please can anyone advise on something that I may have done or whether my INFJ character has had a big role to play? I’m not sure whether I came across as too caring or too passive. Or is this just him and actually I’m fine and have done nothing wrong?
I know that this is something that will probably not work out but I am finding so difficult to hear all of the positive things he says about me but still not want to have a relationship.
I have spoken to a couple of friends already and they had nothing positive or helpful to say.
Please help.
Many thanks.
