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[INTP] Female confused about INFJ male

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by randomnamedude, Mar 17, 2019.

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  1. randomnamedude

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    So, bit of a weird situation, but I've become friends with an INFJ guy online over the past 3 months. At first, I mostly just messaged him memes and jokes and he kept a fairly firm boundary with me and was a bit insistent that we weren't friends, kinda like acquaintances.

    We are on a discord together. His girlfriend is on the discord too. I don't know her well. Anyway, last week we played a game online together while he streamed. No one else could play with us so it was just us. He was hardly talking to me because he was talking to the people on twitch. He stopped the twitch mid stream, and called someone. I was a bit confused, but I quickly realized it was his girlfriend on the phone. She was jealous that he was playing with me and kinda freaking out. He said that we have never been in the same state, let alone slept together, and evidently she plays games with guys she has slept with and it hurts his feelings a bit, but he's not even interested in me anyway. He offered to talk about it later and we played another game or two and stopped.

    He sent me a message kinda just saying that he appreciated me playing, but obviously his girlfriend is jealous, but thanked me for playing just the same. I waited a bit and sent this really long message, that I was a bit stressed from hearing that, and I hope he didn't leave his mic open on purpose. I got out of an abusive relationship 6 months ago and I'm not really looking for anything or to cause problems. That I'm not here to be in a love triangle. That I am not interested in him either. I can't in good conscience talk to him knowing she is jealous, but I encouraged him to have a serious conversation with her because we didn't cross any boundaries and it's not fair to him that she is affecting his ability to do things he enjoys. I apologized if I did anything to cross any lines.

    He somehow magically eased all the stress I had, and assured me that her getting jealous wasn't anything to do with me as a person, just that she has this issue and she has done it many times before. He said they're working through the issue together. The only thing I really know about her is that she's an INFP. I believe she is around 24. He and I are both 28. Anyway, he said that actually, we are friends (since he kinda denied it before) and he said talking to me is therapeutic for him because all his other girl friends want to talk to him about guys or problems, and I just banter and meme and bs and it's fun.

    So, over the past week, since that got thrown out there, we've been talking kinda nonstop. He sends me pictures of his food, he runs work ideas past me, we ask each other random questions. I encourage him to take care of himself and do things for himself that he enjoys like music, since he takes care of other people so much. It's been nothing but that all week, aside from one little blip. I made a joke and his reply kinda shut me down, and I didn't want him to think I was flirting with him, so I sent him a message just clearing the air that I didn't mean anything by what I said, was just a joke, I want him to be happy, and I'll refrain from jokes like that in the future. And he replied that I take him too seriously, like way too seriously, and sent me a goofy emoji. Another thing that happened is he made another way to connect with me online because he was afraid I would bail due to some drama on the server we're on. And he said friends don't abandon one another. Overall, I feel like he asks me girlfriendy type things and makes it clear he is prioritizing talking to me. He currently works two jobs, 80+ hours a week, and doesn't have a lot of free time, but he always makes time to talk to me and makes it clear sometimes he's doing nothing but chilling in bed talking to me and relaxing. He told me that he and his girlfriend live together, but I'm not sure if I believe that. I think he might live with his parents and she is long distance. However, I don't live very far from him at all. But this is all speculation and he doesn't really talk to me about her.

    Anyway, last night, we were on discord talking (we usually type) and he was playing some music. One other person came in for a bit, then left, but it was just him and I for the majority of the time 2.5 hours). He sang me a fairly romantic song on guitar. He is very into music. Now, yeah I'm an INTP, but I am a girl. A cute guy singing me a romantic song is gonna do something. With the way he is, he HAS to know that. Right? That's what my brain tells me. And my gut reaction is to be upset, especially since my recent abusive relationship. He has to know what doing that will do to me. But, he's honestly already made me a better person. I usually look at things logically, but he reminds me that people are people and they have feelings. And it's impossible to be angry with him for doing that last night because he's a person with feelings too.

    With what he does for work, he takes care of everyone all day. I've never felt so genuinely about anyone ever in my life. I want him to be happy. But, the way I am, I cannot stop overthinking this. I definitely think I should pull back, because if they really are long distance and having issues, me being in the way will create drama and potentially distract him from their failing relationship, and I will also get hurt here. It's really fucking hard to cut back though. He is a puzzle to me I want to figure out/get to know, and he makes me feel less robotic. We have so many things in common. After the singing thing last night, I'm afraid I can't pretend I don't have feelings for him anymore. But his girlfriend definitely saw us in a channel together last nightnigh might have freaked out on him. He is away doing something today and we actually haven't chatted at all today. Can anyone shed any light into what he's feeling? Because fuck if I know lol.
     
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  2. OP
    randomnamedude

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    It won't let me edit my post anymore but I don't think they've been together much more than a year if that. He also tells me often I'm a really good person, and that I'm funny, logical, sweet. I'm definitely physically attractive but he's never commented on it. He said I have good self awareness with issues and problems I have, and my biggest issue is that I get in my own way sometimes because I'm too smart.
     
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  3. Hostarius

    Hostarius Level 10 Cynical Optimist

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    What's he's doing is infidelity. He's having conversations with you that he should be having with his girlfriend; he isn't a 'good guy' at all in that respect.

    If's he's willing to cheat on her, he'd cheat on you.

    Yes, pull back, because it's not worth getting involved with this guy since he doesn't have the spine or integrity to either leave his girlfriend or close it down with you.
     
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  4. Milktoast Bandit

    Milktoast Bandit That is all

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    Be careful with this kind of thinking. Seems like you're trying to minimize his current relationship to justify the pursuit of your own relationship with him.

    I agree with Ho. It's time to make like a fetus and head out...
     
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  5. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    End it now.

    He's cheating on his girlfriend emotionally, making his relationship your business, and probably trying to get in your pants.

    [​IMG]
     
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