Ever been called, "Too timid"? (A bit of a vent session)

[acd]

This happened to me today.

So it is my job to help people with disabilities find jobs, and we work closely with state counselors who refer clients to our agency. I was sitting in my cubicle when I overhear this counselor talking to my coworker (they had just had a meeting with a client and were chatting afterwards). I hear this woman talking about herself (how awesome she is at her job and plus a ton of other self gratifying bs) and she starts telling my coworker that I am, "Too timid," and that she is concerned because she refers people with mental health issues and she doesn't think I can handle it. (Never mind that I've been getting people with mental illnesses and other disabilities jobs regularly in the 5 months that I have been working there.) I hear my coworker countering her and telling her I am doing well. So I had decided to take a mental note of the exchange and not say anything, but just to be aware.

My coworker calls me over and tells me all about it anyway. She and my director were there and both thought it was bs. They both said, "You are reserved, you take things in and you handle things more tactfully rather than forcefully and that's good. You're doing excellent, don't change for her." But I am miffed and want to "tactfully" confront this lady!

First off--they called it right--I am reserved. I don't just react, I take things in to process. Second of all-- I will never boss my clients around. I'm there to support them. I can't make them do anything, I can only advocate for them as needed and help them find the resources and confidence to succeed. I'm the one out hitting the streets talking her clients up to employers and taking her clients to job interviews-- not her.

Second of all, this woman has never seen me work with a client. She is only there for the initial meeting to sign paperwork-- maybe for 20 minutes. In the five months I've been there, I've probably spent two hours total with her and another client.

If she has something constructive to say, I am all ears. I am looking to learn and grow, but I just don't understand where she is getting this and she has never bothered to raise her concerns with me.

I feel like she isn't being fair. If my clients had a problem, she would be contacting me for meetings and she isn't. It doesn't seem like she is being professional, but that she has a personal bias. I don't know if its because I don't stop to chat with her after meetings---I have 20 other clients to work with and no time for that! I just don't get it.

Tldr: what does it matter if people are quiet and reserved so long as they get the work done? Why do people have an issue with this?

 

[the]

She probably fucked up and you seem like an easy target to turn the attention to.

 

[Gaze]

She clearly has a way too high opinion of herself. I've pretty much dealt with this for much of my adult life at work and in personal situations. I think it's silly and stupid when people say it. And they usually say it to feel better about themselves (maybe they're actually a little insecure) as if they think they are stronger, smarter, more competent, and tougher than the person they're accusing of being timid. It's also annoying, irritating, and patronizing. These are people too focused on the belief that in order to get things done, one must make a particular impression which is aggressive. It's just stupid. They need to get over it. I got sick of feeling as if something is wrong with me for it, or defending myself as if I owed someone an explanation for being reserved. I probably connect with people better because of it than those who overwhelm someone with a ton of energy without thinking about who they are relating with. Honestly, the issue is theirs, not yours. They just need to get over themselves.

 

[Nixie]

I suppose you could focus all your energy on the beyoch who is trying to cause you trouble, but why bother? Personally, I would be happy that the co-worker and the director both stood up for me. The fact that your co-worker had enough respect for you and your talent to stick up for you in front of the director, as well as, tell you face to face what the back stabber said about you, should tell you that they do think you are doing a great job. I wouldn't bother with the other woman at all. People like that live to cause trouble. If you confront her, you lower yourself to her level. She has this smug idea that she's so wonderful but you have the real deal--your co-worker and director telling you that they think you are wonderful.