even one? | INFJ Forum

even one?

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by soulseeker, Dec 3, 2009.

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  1. soulseeker

    soulseeker Permanent Fixture

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    hi :)

    this is like a question/thought/idea/i don't know if it applies to most of us here or only me

    so.. i have noticed for years that i would have a lot of friends.. like really a lot when i first meet a group/class then i would eventually find the people who become closer to me than others but i still have that friendship with other people.. then after maybe a few months, i feel that those close friends don't like me. it's like they stay away from me. they talk to me but i really feel they don't want me.. i feel so bad because it's very hard to think and even accept that every time people would get to know me better, that's when they abandon me.. can't they just not be close to me so that i would feel less hurt?

    and i feel that no matter what happens it's like i'm the odd one out

    i don't really know if others notice but i do know that most people don't notice me being like that

    and i don't think i'm a loner.. i mean i do have many friends but i don't have those real close friends..

    why is it that i'm only asking for one even just one person who could be a real real friend to me (one who will be there for me and those things) and i don't even have that ONE person who cares for me like a lot (even relatives).. then it's so unfair how other people have groups of them..

    am i bad or what? :(:m142:
     
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  2. sookie

    On Holiday

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    No you are not bad at all. I have similar issues with being abandonded and have great difficulty trusting people. We find those true friends when we are able to overcome this fear and trust. You have to give trust to receive trust.
     
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  3. Roger

    Roger ...

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    Would like to add something to these quotes,

    You have to remove that negative belief about your friends. You believe that people are not going to like you, well, you are more focusing on your outward.

    I had this belief in the past, but i removed it. I replaced that belief with this thinking: I will make close friends in my life and i will receive best friendship from them. Now it is happening. I don't get hurt anymore.

    Another thing, you have to accept one hard concept of life, it is others choice to accept us as their close friend. We can't change others or we can't control others mind. This is real hard one to accept, but try to accept, as you accept it, there will be no hurtful feelings within your hearts about that concern.
     
  4. yumiii

    yumiii Community Member

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    Agreed. It happened to me before as well, but I've learned to let it go. Just try having a more optimistic outlook in your relationship with other people and pretty soon you'll find a group of people who're going to accept you as who you are. :)
     
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  5. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    Those self doubts are pretty normal especially if you are in your teens. Try to picture what a good friend would be to you and then project it, just throw it out there to the universe lol, so to speak. And while you're waiting for your true friend to surface, work on making yourself the friend you want to be.
     
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  6. Stellar Affinity

    Stellar Affinity Community Member

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    You know soulseeker, I've had to face the exact same issue as well. It really does feel like being stabbed in the heart. Maybe it was because I was always trying too hard? I'm not sure. But I've learned that not everyone is going to accept the real me for me and continue to be there once they discover the "real me" and I think that I'm learning to let that go. Maybe they just weren't right for you. There's got to be someone out there just like you who will see through your shell and accept the true you just because you are you. There has to be someone...there just has to be, at least one.
     
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    #6 Stellar Affinity, Dec 4, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2009
  7. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    I agree wholeheartedly with Sumone. You're a gem, and I'm sure some lovely, genuine people will discover your friendship before too long. In the meantime (and I wish I could have done this in my teens) just be the happiest you that you can be. Firstly, you will feel great. Secondly, the people who you feel have rejected you will have failed to impact on your happiness. Thirdly, the people who will be your true friends will find you at your happiest. Happiness is not dependant on other people, but it does make interacting with them much more fun. :)
     
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  8. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    There is already a lot of good advice on this thread, but I will add a little more. Concentrate on being the best "you". Try to stay positive and be comfortable with who and how you are. I think you are a great person too, and people will see and respond to this if you are realaxed and yourself. Easy to say and hard to do--keep trying!!
     
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  9. Beneath the surface

    Beneath the surface Regular Poster

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    I know what you mean. When I started college in September, I had the same feelings and doubts as you're having, and a few months on, I still have them. I remember how I would become extroverted to anyone I met and I'm not sure why I was like that when I'm the complete opposite, but it must have been down to nerves and a fear of not having any friends in my lessons, a fear of being unwanted. But then the conversation would dry up and I would be exposed for the extreme introvert that I am, and though we tended to be friends in lessons, people tended to hang out with their original friendship group outside of lessons. I have a friend from high school who I hang out with at break, but we only share 1 lunch period. For the other 4 lunch breaks I have, I am alone. At first, the prospect of walking into the canteen alone and eating lunch alone frightened me, but now I'm just used to it and I've managed to really detach myself from people and from this need to belong. Though selfish ones they may be, being a 'loner' at lunch has its advantages.

    You're not bad, it's alright to feel insecure and have the desire to belong- that is a fundamental human need. If someone abandons you, then they are not worth getting to know. Life is often unfair, but keep the faith that, one day, you will meet the friend of your life who accepts and loves you for who you are. You just need to keep trying. We are here for you if you need us. :hug:
     
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