Lately I've been these conversations with my mom about my anxieties and such. My mom keeps telling me I have control issues when I tell her that I feel drive to change things when I see they could be better. It's my perfectionist qualities combined with my need to help others. I don't know how to explain to her that I am a much deeper and more complex person than she realizes and that I feel that I'm here to improve things. She thinks she sees me so clearly, but I think she has a hard time seeing past the daughter she thinks I am.
She has attributed some of my weaknesses to her parenting. I think this is partly true. I also think I repressed my Fe as a child in response to what I felt was neglect. She wasn't the best mother, almost obsessively paranoid that I would turn out like her (pregnant at a young age and doing drugs). I wasn't that daughter. Her personality break down said that hyper-viligent was more appropriate than paranoid, but I was a fantastic child and teenager.
I just don't understand my mom most of the time. She is also bipolar, a compulsive liar and if some of her stories are true (and I can tell that SOME of them have to be), then she was abused as a child. I have no doubt that my mom is a broken woman, but how much is her personality and how much is a result of her past (I also acknowledge that some of it is both)? She was also an abusive mother at times. I don't really know what to think.
She has attributed some of my weaknesses to her parenting. I think this is partly true. I also think I repressed my Fe as a child in response to what I felt was neglect. She wasn't the best mother, almost obsessively paranoid that I would turn out like her (pregnant at a young age and doing drugs). I wasn't that daughter. Her personality break down said that hyper-viligent was more appropriate than paranoid, but I was a fantastic child and teenager.
I just don't understand my mom most of the time. She is also bipolar, a compulsive liar and if some of her stories are true (and I can tell that SOME of them have to be), then she was abused as a child. I have no doubt that my mom is a broken woman, but how much is her personality and how much is a result of her past (I also acknowledge that some of it is both)? She was also an abusive mother at times. I don't really know what to think.
