ENTP Emotions

[z523x4gr98j]

I would like to get a good idea of how ENTPs usually experience emotion so I can better understand my boyfriend. I've noticed that even though he has no trouble displaying emotions as he feels them, he has a really hard time pinpointing and articulating them.

We had an intense emotional discussion the other day. At one point I asked what he was thinking, and he said, "That I have the emotions of a pre-schooler." I asked what he meant, and he said that he only felt simplistic feelings. He's happy when I'm happy; he's sad when I'm sad.

Whenever he cries around me, it's hard for him to say exactly what caused him to be sad. I usually have to try to figure it out for him. And sometimes, he'll cry and I'll start saying things to make him feel better, and all of a sudden he'll interject with a joke, and I'll look to see him grinning as if he was never upset in the first place. His moods can reverse that quickly.

I told him a couple of days ago that I didn't think it was necessarily a bad thing if his emotions were childish. They don't seem stunted, but innocent. I think having his feeling in the tertiary position makes the manifestation of his feelings more authentic. They're not at the forefront of his consciousness, but they come from a deep place of caring. I told him that his feelings didn't have to be complex to be meaningful, and that I found them beautiful in their simplicity. He thanked me for saying that, as if I had just reassured him of something he was self conscious about.

I don't want to try to force him to experience his feelings differently. But I would like to know how to help him understand them. He says his feelings are like kids running around and screaming "look at me!" in his head, and he doesn't even know how to begin to deal with them.

 

[acd]

I think it's normal for people to not totally comprehend all of their feelings. I don't even comprehend all of my emotions, and I'm an infp and supposed to be an expert on that...

If he is a good guy and not emotionally stunted or living in torment over his feelings, then what is the problem?
Sometimes you just have to let people be who they are and experience things however is natural to them.
Just accept him. It sounds like you guys have a good thing going.

 

[z523x4gr98j]

The problem is I think he buries a lot of emotions instead of dealing with them. And in the past, it's caused him to spiral into depression and make bad decisions with potentially bad consequences.

He was diagnosed with depression and takes anti-depressants. He never went to counseling, and I'm not convinced that a chemical imbalance in his brain was the cause of his depression. I think it was a natural reaction to how lonely he was at the time, and his attempts to find connections with all the wrong people.

I would like to know that if we ever broke up in the future (though I hope we never will), I won't have to worry that he'll fall into the same unhealthy cycle. If I could help him understand his emotions and deal with them in a healthy way, I would know that the relationship helped him grow. It's important to me for there to be a lot of mutual growth in a relationship.

If he is a good guy and not emotionally stunted or living in torment over his feelings, then what is the problem?

He lived in torment over his feelings for a while, and then decided to try to "deaden" his feelings. This led to bad decisions and unhealthy relationships.

Even though he's in a better place now, under the surface I think he still hasn't dealt with a lot of those old feelings.

 

[Paladin-X]

[MENTION=933]Seraphim[/MENTION]

That sounds almost exactly like me!! Maybe I really am an ENTP?!

From what I researched about ENTPs is that they seem to have a child-like innocence to them. My feelings are pretty basic. It's hard to answer questions like "how does that make you feel?" or "what are you feeling". Most of my emotions are empathy based. I feel what others feel to a degree.

Ne doms think rapidly and thought processes / moods can change just as quickly. I can be pissed off, yell, cry, laugh, all in the span of a few seconds.

Ne thought process is non-linear, web-like. One thing branches to another and another. Moods can change alongside where ever the thought goes in the web.

ENTPs value respect/admiration. Accepting him for who he is usually all it takes to turn that frown upside down.

I only decided to be an ENTP today, so I might be talking out my ass. Otherwise I typed myself as INFJ. So what do I know?

PS. It takes a real man to cry and not cowardly hide them like a little bitch. Oops, that was a little harsh...

NOTE: I should probably add that I am diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, so that may or may not affect how my emotions are perceived.

 

[Paladin-X]

He was diagnosed with depression, I think a couple of years ago, and takes anti-depressants. I don't think he needs them. He never went to counseling, and I'm not convinced that some chemical imbalance in his brain was the cause of his depression. I think it was a natural reaction to how lonely he was at the time, and his desperate attempts to find connections with all the wrong people, who treated him like crap.

In my completely unprofessional opinion, depression is not caused by a chemical imbalance. While there is in fact a 'chemical imbalance' when one is suffering from clinical depression, I see it as the physiological manifestation of depression, rather than the cause. It's complicated, but essentially, depression is learned or is the result of inefficient energy use in the brain (there is a myriad of things that affect this). Also, in Ne types, they are the highest brain energy consumers of all the types. I keep referring to energy usage because I see depression essentially as a low state of energy (sadness and other symptoms are a by-product, imo).

Essentially what I am getting at, is that you are probably right.

 

[subwayrider]

That sounds almost exactly like me!! Maybe I really am an ENTP?!

You do kinda strike me as one.

 

[Paladin-X]

You do kinda strike me as one.

I had the same thought!

 

[subwayrider]

I had the same thought!

I see you've changed your type. Something about the ENTP description resonated with you deeply. It's often that kind of revelation that is most reliable... or at least convincing.

Seeing as our two types are ideal romantic matches, according to some theories:

[video=youtube;49Y5UcT6lZY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49Y5UcT6lZY[/video]

 

[Paladin-X]

I don't want to try to force him to experience his feelings differently. But I would like to know how to go about helping him understand them. He says his feelings are like kids running around and screaming "look at me!" in his head, and he doesn't even know how to begin to deal with them. Yet he fits the bill of the "sensitive guy," so it's not like he has an aversion to feelings. It's confusing.

Socratic method would be the most effective. You can describe how you discern your feelings to him, especially in some kind of concrete way.

I am seeing an ENFJ girl that is attempting to do the same for me. One example is she asked me if I had a good sleep. Usually I respond with a very nondescript 'I slept ok'. However, this time, I told her that I did not understand how to discern if I had a good sleep or not. She asked if I woke up tired or groggy. I said no. Then she said I had a good sleep.

I need to understand the logical boundaries/criteria in order to discern a vague abstract concept. Otherwise my internal understanding is blurred into a spectrum of similar thoughts/feelings/concepts.

 

[CindyLou]

I see you've changed your type. Something about the ENTP description resonated with you deeply. It's often that kind of revelation that is most reliable... or at least convincing.

Seeing as our two types are ideal romantic matches, according to some theories:

[video=youtube;49Y5UcT6lZY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49Y5UcT6lZY[/video]

LOL! Funny, that scene in that movie came to mind when I was thinking about a past ENTP relationship. That was exactly how he acted too, at times.

 

[Quiet]

I would like to get a good idea of how ENTPs usually experience emotion so I can better understand my boyfriend. I've noticed that even though he has no trouble displaying emotions as he feels them–by being affectionate, crying openly, or jumping up and down and giggling like a kid–he has a really hard time pinpointing and articulating them.

We had an intense emotional discussion the other day, during which we both cried. At one point I asked what he was thinking, and he said, "That I have the emotions of a pre-schooler." I asked what he meant, and he said that he only felt simplistic feelings. He's happy when I'm happy; he's sad when I'm sad. It must seem to him like his feelings are crude compared to my Impressionistic emotional landscape.

But whenever he shows emotion, it pierces me to my core because it's so pure and childlike. We effortlessly connect in an emotional way I always had to dig for with my ENFP boyfriend. I felt just as deeply for the ENFP, and he was very affectionate, but he was always filtering his feelings. He had some grand ideal of how the perfect boyfriend would feel/act, and he acted accordingly. So it was hard to have a genuine heart-to-heart with him. He also had a strong aversion to negativity, to the point where he'd pretty much ignore it if I brought up my childhood of neglect and abuse.

My ENTP reacts sympathetically if I talk about my childhood, even when I just casually mention something or try to make a joke of it. "Aw, I wish I could have been there to comfort you back then," he'll say. It caught me off guard at first, which in retrospect is kind of sad. On Thanksgiving, I told him how he nurtured me in a way no one else ever had before, and how he helped me heal just by showing how much he cared. We were in the car, and I was looking out the window and musing aloud, until he said "Now I'm tearing up, that's manly..." I looked up to see that there were, indeed, tears in his eyes. And then I started crying because I'm always caught off guard by how freely he lets his emotions flow with me.

Whenever he cries around me, it's hard for him to say exactly what caused him to be sad. I usually have to try to figure it out for him. And sometimes, he'll cry and I'll start saying things to make him feel better, and all of a sudden he'll interject with a joke, and I'll look to see him grinning as if he was never upset in the first place. His moods can reverse that quickly, just from hearing the right reassuring words.

I told him a couple of days ago that I didn't think it was necessarily a bad thing if his emotions were childish. They don't seem stunted, but rather pure and innocent. I think having his feeling in the tertiary position, instead of secondary like my ex, makes the manifestation of his feelings more authentic. They're not at the forefront of his consciousness, but they come from a deep place of caring. I told him that his feelings didn't have to be as deep and complex as mine to be meaningful, and that I found them beautiful in their simplicity. He thanked me for saying that, as if I had just reassured him of something he was self conscious about.

I don't want to try to force him to experience his feelings differently. But I would like to know how to go about helping him understand them. He says his feelings are like kids running around and screaming "look at me!" in his head, and he doesn't even know how to begin to deal with them. Yet he fits the bill of the "sensitive guy," so it's not like he has an aversion to feelings. It's confusing.

I think i know exaclty what you mean. The emotions are childlike and pure in many of the ENTPs and INTPs that i know. The caring is truly heartfelt. I think the key is learning to process these emotions and experience into feelings and wisdom.

I find this hard- i have often struggled with trying to process my emotions. I find it easier to accepts others emotions than my own at times. Sometimes i find others emotions hard to deal with too. It takes me a long time to process emotions. In the moment they can feel quite foreign and confronting. Especially negative emotions. When i was younger i would try to just ignore these at times. I learned that i could not be free from something i had never faced though. Sometimes i dont know what im feeling. I guess what really helped was understanding that i could feel emotions fully without having to be overcome by them or 'lost'. I allow myself to give in and feel, and know that in time it will pass and i will understand. When im feeling very emotional i like to be alone to process and feel. I really need space to myself. I find that ENTPS prefer to be around people when they are feeling emotional and use the imput of others to process their emotions. This has caused conflict with between my ENTP friends and I at times. I want space and they need to talk. I think they get a lot out of sharing, brainstorming and analysing with others- Ne-Ti-Fe-Si. I have learned to accomodate this but it is still hard at times

 

[Trifoilum]

Wait, NTP or NFP?

Assuming we are talking about normal and/or general depiction, not healthy / well-developed ones OR unhealthy/underdeveloped ones:

ENFP tend to be highly saturated and vivid; the purity is not 'childishness' but more like, neon-like emotions.

ENTP.... They can express their thoughts well with good eloquence. They also can do the same with emotion-based thoughts, or 'emotion' disguised as logic, (I hope you can get what I meant..it's something akin to Fe), BUT like their fellow introverted cousin, recognizing and expressing pure emotions are different kinds of devil. It's not that he's not emotional, or sensitive, but one may have harder times recognizing them and expressing it accordingly. (as in, very very low Fi. The Trickster)

To put it in colors...
Dark Blue, Sky Blue, Indigo, Ultramarine Blue, Cobalt Blue, >>>> NTPs tend to blur them all into Blue.
Maroon, Blood Red, Vermillion, Scarlet >> NTPs tend to blur them all into Red.

So it can be highly confusing at times, when there are myriad of feelings.
Of course, as an NTP develops, so is their emotional radar and the words to express them. They will and can distinguish one feelings from another, and respond properly.

 

[z523x4gr98j]

@Seraphim

That sounds almost exactly like me!! Maybe I really am an ENTP?!

From what I researched about ENTPs is that they seem to have a child-like innocence to them. My feelings are pretty basic. It's hard to answer questions like "how does that make you feel?" or "what are you feeling". Most of my emotions are empathy based. I feel what others feel to a degree.

Yeah, from what he says his emotions seem to be empathy based. He said once that love, to him, means being happy just knowing that I'm happy. The only time he's gotten angry at someone since I've known him, it was on behalf of a friend whose feelings were being hurt by another friend of his.

PS. It takes a real man to cry and not cowardly hide them

True words. And it makes me feel very close to him.

In my completely unprofessional opinion, depression is not caused by a chemical imbalance. While there is in fact a 'chemical imbalance' when one is suffering from clinical depression, I see it as the physiological manifestation of depression, rather than the cause. It's complicated, but essentially, depression is learned or is the result of inefficient energy use in the brain (there is a myriad of things that affect this). Also, in Ne types, they are the highest brain energy consumers of all the types. I keep referring to energy usage because I see depression essentially as a low state of energy (sadness and other symptoms are a by-product, imo).

Essentially what I am getting at, is that you are probably right.

In my completely unprofessional opinion... I think that in most cases the symptom is being treated instead of the cause. But I also think there are some people out there for whom the chemical imbalance is the primary cause... they're just nowhere near as common as the prescriptions being doled out to anyone who feels a pang of sadness.

I find that ENTPS prefer to be around people when they are feeling emotional and use the imput of others to process their emotions. This has caused conflict with between my ENTP friends and I at times. I want space and they need to talk. I think they get a lot out of sharing, brainstorming and analysing with others- Ne-Ti-Fe-Si. I have learned to accomodate this but it is still hard at times

I never thought to ask him if he prefers to be alone to process feelings, or with me. I do think that when I'm there, I'm able to pinpoint the issue for him while he struggles to. But then, sometimes he'll say he needs to stop talking with me for a while and clear his thoughts.

Wait, NTP or NFP?

NTP–he definitely has a heavy use of Ti.

To put it in colors...
Dark Blue, Sky Blue, Indigo, Ultramarine Blue, Cobalt Blue, >>>> NTPs tend to blur them all into Blue.
Maroon, Blood Red, Vermillion, Scarlet >> NTPs tend to blur them all into Red.

I like the color metaphor. It definitely seems to be the case–and that's probably why he thinks his feelings are simplistic. He probably has more nuance to his emotions, but he just can't distinguish them from one another except in general terms.