Emotional labor and people-oriented jobs

[Gaze]

For anyone who works in people-intensive or service-oriented industries where you are having to regularly manage or deal with people's emotional responses sometimes in pressured situations, etc. whether in health, education, social work, customer service, etc. how do you or did you handle the effects of the emotional strain or labor required? How long have you worked in this area and if you left, what made you leave? Did you find peace in a non-people-intensive job or did you just retire?

My experience is that there is an imbalance in the expectations of these situations. You don't always get the proper or adequate training to deal with the social-emotional aspects of the job but you are expected to take on more and more and internalize the responsibility of other people's responses, with often very little consideration for how it affects your own mental health.

What do you think?

Methinks this thread may become a form of trauma bonding

 

[Elder]

how do you or did you handle the effects of the emotional strain or labor required?

Not so helpful, but common: Stress eating, binge watching shows, losing it with co-workers

More helpful: Writing about it here, exercising, taking more down time to reflect, doing some of my own growth work, learning to listen to what I need moment-to-moment

How long have you worked in this area and if you left, what made you leave?

In various capacities for 10+ years

Did you find peace in a non-people-intensive job or did you just retire?

I have felt peaceful in the past doing non-people-intensive work, with some family caregiving. At this point, I recognize it fills my cup to do some people/emotion-focused work, but my capacity is limited. I need a balance of it that doesn't fit easily into typical work schedules.

 

[Matty]

For anyone who works in people-intensive or service-oriented industries where you are having to regularly manage or deal with people's emotional responses sometimes in pressured situations, etc. whether in health, education, social work, customer service, etc. how do you or did you handle the effects of the emotional strain or labor required? How long have you worked in this area and if you left, what made you leave? Did you find peace in a non-people-intensive job or did you just retire?

My experience is that there is an imbalance in the expectations of these situations. You don't always get the proper or adequate training to deal with the social-emotional aspects of the job but you are expected to take on more and more and internalize the responsibility of other people's responses, with often very little consideration for how it affects your own mental health.

What do you think?

Methinks this thread may become a form of trauma bonding

I'm just throwing out opinions, without knowing much about the topic, but here goes.

Becoming emotionally involved in the issues of clients/patients/wards/etc seems unprofessional to me. I don't mean caring, considerate, and sensitive engagement should be absent, but becoming aggrieved, angry, sad, etc stands in opposition to impartial, fair, and objective assistance.

Doctors cannot become devastated by every cancer diagnosis, nurses cannot become impatient with every long recovery, social workers cannot become vengeful towards client's spouses, landlords, employers, etc. There must be professional detachment.

Some people might not find professional detachment easy, but perhaps the concept that one is there to help, not to become involved should be forefront in one's intentions.

 

[mintoots]

Educator since 2011 and middle rank management positions here and there since 2015.

Handling stress? Superb bonding with both co-workers and students even after graduation. This usually involves food. I am firm as a teacher inside the classroom but also cool enough to joke with them. I find that striking the right balance gets them to adhere to respect, and if you are generous in terms of knowledge sharing, they almost always reciprocate.

To maintain my sanity, I rely on fair rubrics and guidelines on grading. I need them especially whenever I am particularly swayed out of pure empathy. The articulated standards remind me that firstly, I am there to teach and that the metric system designed around it helps me evaluate them based on the course objectives and not for anything else.

The most stressful bits are when some students have profound issues and we involuntarily become part of their lives. I've managed some by distancing from those I am ill-equipped to resolve, i.e. kids with intense helicopter parents and/or kleptocratic kids with anxiety issues. I usually turn them over to authority that is distanced from them in terms of relationships. I've learned they are simply better trained for that.

I think mostly I've gleaned meaningful connections from many of these situations but I have also alienated several. There are some of the rare gems that I just continue to bond with no matter the fluidity of life. But before they graduate, it's important to stand by boundaries, compartments, and categories when it comes to relationships with them. I am always direct and unwavering to keep the communication lines clean. I tell them outright whenever I think they're crossing the line especially when we're still legally bound by strict teacher-student relationships. Once they graduate though, some of them remain mentees and inevitably, friends, and the dynamics change. I am able to let my hair down. I jest a lot as myself which pushes our relationship to evolve. It doesn't happen to everyone; just a few handful I connect with who may have similar values or issues as I do. Trauma bonding indeed.


I used to start with masks but idk, somehow, somewhere, I gained the confidence to be myself that even if I am thoroughly candid, I don't feel that they threaten my position or value as their teacher. It helped that I grew aware of my capabilities, which included keeping them in line and protecting my boundaries. I generally have an idea of what to say to them to keep them on their toes. When I see a kid pulling out the victim card, I always know how to sniff them out of it. Intuition helps a lot. There are plenty of them in a classroom setting and only just one of me so it's important to be very aware of each of their individual tendencies. Weirdly, it's easy to tell whenever I interact with them enough. I can sniff out the bad apples almost instantly. There was never any two personalities that were so overly similar so that is widely fascinating for me.

Tldr
Generally, it's a balance between acceptance and intolerance that keeps them focused. The standards really help a lot but it's also very important to gently place them where they better belong once it is obvious that the skill sets do not match. Some of them still like to persist even so, so I also try to show them the way. It would be slightly different from those advanced enough to immediately stand on their own two feet. It's important to be sincere at all turns because these kids are like vampires, they really can tell if you're lacking authority and that is never good news.

 

[dZpADTLrPmX4c]

how do you or did you handle the effects of the emotional strain or labor required? How long have you worked in this area and if you left, what made you leave? Did you find peace in a non-people-intensive job or did you just retire?

Customer service & management, though only for two years.

Handling upset or abusive customers and being sweet wasn't normally a problem. I did need time to unwind from being 'on' though and my past jobs didn't allot enough time for that.
My deciding reason for leaving my last place was people asking me to do things I didn't agree with or commit to things I didn't believe in. They were small things in a way, and not at all illegal or outside company policy, but not small to me.
My next job will likely still be in that field, which isn't thrilling but in time I may be able to work remotely on computers (studying for it) or write for a living.

I agree with SometimesYeah up to a point. Which is to say, detachment shouldn't be 'building a dam' but learning 'how to parasail'.
It's nice to see somebody offer a perspective from outside though. Sometimes they see things people closer-in may not.

 

[Wyote]

The standards really help a lot but it's also very important to gently place them where they better belong

Yea, in the trash

 

[mintoots]

Yea, in the trash

 

[slant]

I think you need a good sense of boundaries to work closely with the public, because you will encounter emotionally immature people who act in socially inappropriate ways.

People focused jobs have been difficult for me because I have poor boundaries and will internalize when people act in inappropriate ways instead of regaining control and authority. People who are the most successful in these roles do just that- they do not allow the emotional volatility of strangers impact how they behave in turn and they don't take it home with them. At the very least if you are going to take home stress from your job whatever it is, find an outlet. For me I like to use the energy in physical ways- running, punching bags, screaming into pillows. Find a way to let it out and let go of it.

I used to think I could not handle customer facing jobs and I have avoided them for a long time. But I realize now it's all more of a deficit in my own coping mechanisms that has made these jobs difficult. I've endured years and years of abuse by my caretakers and in pretty much every moment of my waking life and I endured all of that, so in comparison, the things that customers can do to me really pales in comparison.

Frankly, I view most of society as very mentally weak and entitled. That explains why they freak out so easily when things don't go their way. It is the result of a consumerist society instead of a producer society. Most people would feel having to do manual work was degrading and if you ask Americans to walk more than 3 miles at a time they'll feel they're being tortured.

What I most hated about working in customer service was not the customer but the actual company. As pouty as people can be, a lot of the time they are right. Companies I would work for would be extremely inefficient and rip off customers and then it was my job to calm them down. Well that's not going to work, I can't just make up facts. I would actually recommend our clients go to our competition, right in front of my managers. Never got fired either because they needed me. If I could find a company that I believed in, I probably wouldn't be frustrated working with customers because my job wouldn't involve so much lying, which I can't do. I absolutely cannot lie. One day a company will get sued and lose everything because of my inability to keep a lid on secrets.