Emotional Control | INFJ Forum

Emotional Control

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by IndigoSensor, Jun 11, 2010.

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  1. Constantly

    11 vote(s)
    27.5%
  2. Often

    12 vote(s)
    30.0%
  3. Somewhere in the middle

    7 vote(s)
    17.5%
  4. Now and then

    4 vote(s)
    10.0%
  5. Almost never

    2 vote(s)
    5.0%
  6. I can't answer / I don't know / other

    4 vote(s)
    10.0%
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  1. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    I am curious to where everyone is at with this in a sense.

    When I say emotional control, I don't necessarily mean how good your control over your emotions are, but more how often you try and control them. Whether it is anger, happiness, sadness, infatuation, ect. how often do you question that emotion and try to control it, make it stronger, make it go away, surpress it. Basically make it into what you think it should be.

    I added a poll.


     
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  2. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    You can't really control emotions. You can only really be mindful of them and limit the control they have over you. To be mindful is accept the world for what it is, good and bad, and to make the best of what you have in the present moment. I'm not very good at being mindful of my emotions. They get the better of me 9 times out of 10. I'm working on it though because it is essential for the line of work I have chosen.

    Sometimes I would rather work with raw sewage than with the toxic feelings that exist in my own mind. Analysis is useless with emotions. Awareness is the best you can usually do. When Buddihists say that you only exercise freewill when you are using mindfullness, they aren't lying. Unless you are being mindful, you are just reacting the world and the circumstance and consequences of it. In essence, without mindfulness you are just an animal living from emotion to emotion, pleasure to pain, where every choice you make is one meant to serve the ego rather than finding your place and higher purpose. But even awareness of this fact does not embue a man with the skill to bring his mind to serentiy. That takes self discipline and faith, which are sadly two things I lost long ago and which I have spent the better part of my life trying to regain.
     
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  3. Barnabas

    Barnabas Time Lord

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    I fairly good a controlling my emotions, not just in the sense of holding them back, but also in bringing them forth. Preaching requires it, have you ever been bored out of your mind at church while the 75 year old pastor sounds like he's reading from a book.

    That preacher isn't usuing his emotions, he simply up there talking. You have to empart the feelings you have for what your saying to someone else.
     
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  4. Gaze

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    This^^^ quite often.
     
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  5. dneecey

    dneecey I am who I am.

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    I voted often. I know you cant control your emotions but I sure do try. Moreso, I try to control how I react to my emotions.
     
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  6. Roger

    Roger ...

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    I like to go with emotions. Sometimes i try to control and suppress emotions of anger. I think, we should go with emotions so we can identify in what state we are. Suppose if we are feeling good, then our emotions will tell us about it. If it is bad, then we will try to understand what's wrong within us. But if all we sit with bad feeling then it is not going to help us, we will get sick or anything.

    I voted for other.
     
    #6 Roger, Jun 11, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2010
  7. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    I'm not a very emotional person, most of the time I feel a sense of quiet contentment but that's about it. Maybe it's cause I've lived a charmed life. So either I am very good at controlling my emotions so it seems like I don't have many or a have so few that I don't need to control them.
     
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  8. Nucky

    Nucky Regular Poster

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    It's best to let your emotions speak and be felt whenever possible. The more you try to bury them, the more they will keep on re-surfacing over and over, often when it is most inconvenient.
     
  9. rawr

    rawr ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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    voted often.
     
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  10. just me

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    Depends on how many buttons are being pushed, by whom, and how they are pushing them. Talking mainly about emotional reactions here. I have learned I have to control myself, and the older I get the easier it gets. I guess the more I think of someone's acting like an idiot, the more mundane the entire situation becomes.

    However, there are all those hours getting over it afterward that bothers me more than I could explain. I have learned a man can verbally assault you and actually get away with it by using the old ploy: he said, you said, I said. It has become almost funny watching someone in my face screaming at me and threatening me, because I know my own capabilities and they don't. They think they have scared me or something and I just controlled my reactions, but yes I had to control them. Without control there is chaos.

    Having learned the art of self control during moments when things could go south quickly, I often question reality and laws. Is controlling oneself being oneself? I think so. However, when a specific law enters into the picture and you become the abused, it makes me want to move away from the madness. Where to move, though? Guess it is best just sticking it out.

    Without the intensity brought about by stupid laws it would not become a learning experience. I would guess, at least in my case, intensity to be key. After a while, the intensity goes away. Yesterday becomes just another hectic day of being assaulted by the world and its many idiocies. The world has a way of trying to make one feel at fault when someone else stepped over the line first. The main thing becomes doing whatever is necessary for everyone involved to walk away, as opposed to someone's being carried away.

    Yet, strokes and heart attacks are sometimes caused when someone lacks the ability to control emotions without too much physical stress on the body. Someone may appear to be taking things easily and under control, but time after time will often wear away at one's physical health. Guess in some strange cases it could manage to inhibit proper mental health over time, but that may be far and few in between.

    Guess I am saying control will have its price one day possibly, and who knows; maybe that is the true point of it all? Respect can play a big role in helping others, but stupidity is no excuse for overstepping one's boundaries. Treat people, their family, and their property with respect, and you are helping them to live a healthier and happier life.

    Someone said long ago, "Love is never having to say you're sorry". If you show up somewhere apologizing, maybe you shouldn't be there in the first place.
     
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    #10 just me, Jun 11, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2010
  11. rbecca23

    rbecca23 Regular Poster

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    I used to be in denial about how much of an emotional being I really am. It got to the point that my emotions would eventually spill out of me uncontrollably, and I would be completely overwhelmed.
    Now I try to understand them more, but I'm not comfortable displaying things about myself that I don't understand - emotions being at the top of my list. I don't know why I try to control them to such an extent, but I think it has something to do with being afraid of them. At the same time, I am a very passionate person, and I feel things differently, so maybe it's because I can't put words to my feelings that makes being emotional so frustrating.
     
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  12. just me

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    Nothing wrong with being a little afraid of one's emotions. Learning one's capabilities can often lead to more respecting one's emotions than actually fearing them.

    I have learned a lot about my own self I used to wonder about, thanks to Jung and Meyers, etc. That doesn't make the difficulties I have communicating what I mean any easier, though. I find a lot of times people just do not listen long enough to understand without butting in with their misunderstanding. I see things right or wrong and want things at least right before I want to go a step farther. I do get a bit emotional when someone jumps in before I can finish with my methodical way of communicating what I am trying to do or say and in what manner I see as the right way, but HAVE to control things all over again. Hope none of you have to face the same difficulties.
     
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  13. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    ^ this completely!

    My emotions are so strong all the time, it would be madness to let them run wild. I would be going from extremely happy to extremely sad several times a day and be to dependent on what other people say or do

    I think mindfullness is the best way to deal with them. Not surpress them or try to change them, but just accepting them and watching them in a gentle way.
     
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  14. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    I think one of the things that I can do on my blog, is share thoughts and feelings that have been processed. Online, I suspect people see me as honest, caring and supportive. This is all very honest of me, and a blessing to be able to express this about myself here. In real life, I find I actually feel quite awkward about expressing my emotions and am very controled. Even joy and happiness. I generally am only expressive around my children and my boyfriend. Around others irl though, I am polite and genial, but distant. It never means I don't care, but feel rather awkward at sharing feelings because I may seem intense or relate words to feelings or life from a spiritual standpoint. This can often lead others to seeing me as a bit different, or that I have a different perspective. This has in the past caused problems with connecting and relating to people, so I generally save that side of myself for my "in house" family, and my "forum" family. Emotions as they stand, for me generally, I have them, feel them deeply but don't always understand them or like them. And, there are really only a couple of issues that I find I experience acute Fi for, and they are simply just my own personal triggers in life. Thank god I've not got many, lol.
     
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  15. just me

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    Sharing here actually helped me to get sleep last night. I cannot share locally, either, it seems. This morning I am tired before I walk out the door. Praying or reading from somewhere I feel accepted pleasure from helps a lot, too.

    The only time it really bothers me badly seems to be when I am "pushed". Holding that inside is so unfair to myself, yet a necessary evil. Guess it feels like being an unopened coke and someone has shaken you, then they go away and you have to meltdown back to your mindset where you were before.

    After a visit to the cemetary I feel somewhat better; at least more calmed. A little reading out loud to the dead that seem to understand better. At least they will listen and give one time to say what they are trying to say. At rest now they are, loved ones and strangers alike, and now I go for just a little rest. Things will soon be back to normal for me.

    Maybe I was a bit harsh to the lawkeepers out there. Maybe the law is flawed like governments are flawed......and like I am.
     
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    #15 just me, Jun 11, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2010
  16. Jonathan

    Jonathan Community Member

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    I like to use my emotions to learn more about myself and whatever I'm thinking about at the time. Emotions have brought me to many realizations that I would not have had unless I was completely within an intense emotional state. Of course, it also helps me to understand my emotions; why I'm feeling what I'm feeling.
    This usually comes out best in writing. When I write things down on paper, my emotions are so much more understandable and structured. It's almost like a graphical representation of my evolving emotions over a period of time.
    Most of the time, however, I'm pretty serious. My emotions are usually distant until something comes up that causes my emotions to amplify. At that point, I try to control how they are coming across to others, since I don't want my emotions to negatively affect someone else, so I try to spend time alone when my emotions become intense.
     
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  17. just me

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    Words of wisdom from a seventeen year experience....
     
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  18. aeon

    aeon Ooh, a bunny!
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    I voted "almost never" because I learned the experience of trying to redirect my emotional experience, in any number of ways, was one of the most psychologically hurtful, unloving things I could do to myself.

    Simply being aware of my emotions, being present with them, and seeking neither to hold or reject them, to accept them as they are, and in turn, my Self - this I value.

    That said, just because that occurs doesn't mean I also choose to control my actions born out of those emotions. Especially when I am feeling fear and hurt, I have tremendous difficulty remaining still with my self. I am not grounded in those times.


    cheers,
    Ian
     
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  19. just me

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    Just curious my friend.....about anger directed at you personally?
     
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  20. OP
    IndigoSensor

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    To answer my own thread, I said "constantly". I think I am trying to be mindful of my emotions, or at least that is my intention with them, but I might be going about it the wrong way. Every single emotion that passes through me I process to see if it is valid or warrented. The issue with me is if it does not pass that test, then I will attempt to change it. Simple things that require a small change I can do fine. It is major things that I have a problem with and I become extremely flustered when I can not do it. In hindsight I often get angry at myself because in my attempt to rationalize and control a certain emotion, I in a sense created another that I didn't see. It becomes more problamatic with people I interact with simply don't understand that when I say "I don't want to talk about it" I mean it. There is a reason I say it because I am attempting to control an emotion. Same situation when I want to be left alone. If people listen, I am fine, if not it makes things FAR worse.

    The fact of the matter is, to me emotions are illogical and the negative ones are completely and utterly useless, and I am powerless to do anything about it.
     
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