Down in the dumps. | INFJ Forum

Down in the dumps.

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by BenW, Jul 8, 2009.

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  1. BenW

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    How long does it take for you to get over a dissapointment related to romantic relationships?
    What do you do when you're bummed out?
    What do you do to pass time?
    What do you do to help yourself get past things?



    I'm pretty new to this, myself. ='(
    Still feeling pretty emo.
     
    #1 BenW, Jul 8, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2009
  2. sassafras

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    Depends. How deeply were you involved with the person? How long does it usually take you to get over a disappointment of a similar, emotional caliber? In general, are you the type of person to bounce back quickly from disappointments, or do you tend to sing the blues for a little while?


    I go for a hard run. The physical challenge gives you an instant high when you're done.

    I go about my daily life, and focus on getting as much done as I can; I look at goals I've been neglecting and get interested in trying new things. I go out and I meet new people.

    See above for ideas. Still, in my experience, as an INFJ, our emotional wiring requires us to just 'let it all out'. I think the important thing is to just let yourself feel sad for a while, but to do it with a bit of structure, otherwise it might take over your life longer than necessary. Take three days to just mope around the house, mourn, and be sad. After those three days are up, tell yourself: That's It! I've mourned the relationship, time to move on!

    Make sure you have the next seven days jam packed with activities, preferably, new ones. Go out, see people, force yourself into an environment where you have to keep things together, or better yet, where you can't help but have fun.

    Take comfort in knowing that everyone has felt like this at one point in their life, or another, and as shitty as it may feel, it will pass. Be thankful that you had the experience of a relationship, and now that its over, you can take the things you've learned and move on.

    Luck!
     
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  3. OP
    BenW

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    Thanks for the advice.
     
  4. Wyote

    Wyote (#/-\[]$ ([]`/[]'|'[-
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    Be a little selfish and do some things you want to do. Try not to fixate on things. Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel and then allow yourself to move away from it and then come back later if you need to.
     
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  5. RetardedMonkey

    RetardedMonkey Community Member

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    Hey Ben! I didn't know THIS is why you were sad. :( I'm so sorry you have a brokenheart. :hug: I'm going to try my best to help you by answering your questions.

    How long does it take for you to get over a dissapointment related to romantic relationships? It takes me about a full month. But that's only if I have no contact with them at all during that time and I completely distract myself with things or people that interest me.

    What do you do when you're bummed out? I sulk and feel sorry for myself. I only allow myself to wallow for a limited amount of time each day though. I say to myself "Self, you can cry and pout until noon. Then you're going to shower and take care of yourself then GET OUT OF THE HOUSE for at least 3 hours."

    What do you do to pass time? I watch tons of funny movies and listen to music. I clean, hang out with friends dive into my hobbies and start new ones.

    What do you do to help yourself get past things? I remind myself of the good qualities I do have. I honestly think of the reasons it wouldn't have worked out had that person and I stayed together. That helps me get over them easier because instead of focusing on "what could have been" I realise that we weren't meant to be. And I don't lose hope about one day finding someone special who is awesome and loves me.

    Hang in there Ben! You've got all us INFJ's to help you through this (me included) :D PM me anytime you need to talk ok. :hug:
     
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  6. OP
    BenW

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    Thanks, Wyote and Monkey.
    Don't have to to feel sorry for me, though. :p
    I have the pity part covered.
    Enjoyed the advice, though.
     
  7. Ketsugi

    Ketsugi Community Member

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    I just divorced in April. I'm only bummed out because I think about what could have been. I realized there is no point in doing that. I think that my life will be awesome again, just in a different way.

    I have issues with lethargy now that I don't have a husband to take care of. It's hard to get motivated. I am a INFJ Protector by nature; mother like. I miss that a lot.

    I try to think of all the things I want to do now that I have so much free time.

    When I am depressed, I make pampering myself the #1 priority. Nothing else matters for now.
     
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  8. Ketsugi

    Ketsugi Community Member

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    Oh and crying helps. I cry as much as possible. Though the past week has been my anger phase. I listen to angry music. A lot.

    It will pass.
     
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  9. just me

    just me GONE

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    No matter how bad things get, someone else always has it a lot worse.
     
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  10. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    How long does it take for you to get over a dissapointment related to romantic relationships?

    However long it takes for me to understand why the relationship did not work and accept that and then look forward to spending some time alone until I meet someone great. Usually it takes a few weeks. A few weeks of agonizing journaling and analyzing.

    What do you do when you're bummed out?
    Journal. Read. Visit family. Go out with friends and get smashed or have adventures.

    What do you do to pass time?
    See above.

    What do you do to help yourself get past things?
    I think about them. I don't accept feelings of negativity and misery. I don't allow myself to wallow. I analyze the problem, accept what's happened, and formulate plans to adapt, transform, move on and enjoy life.


    The disappointment usually heals with time. Sort of like a broken bone. You acknowledge it's broken, you treat the injury, and then you wait for it to heal.

    Don't wallow in disappointment, but take steps to move on and you'll heal.
     
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  11. Creon

    Creon Community Member

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    How long does it take for you to get over a dissapointment related to romantic relationships?

    Normaly about a week to 2 weeks. At my worst, it may take a month.
    But I tend to appreciate my freedom and free time quickly.

    What do you do when you're bummed out?

    I either sleep, or read my books.

    What do you do to pass time?

    It depends on my mood.

    What do you do to help yourself get past things?


    I believe I'm gifted in doing so. I just convince myself to get over it. If I fail to do it, then I just find a dependable news source and start reading about what's happening in the world.

    You'll be surprised how insignifficant our problems truly are. You just need a reminder. After an hour or so, you just feel the whole thing was unimportant, and you get on with your life. Self-absorption is the curse of western society.
     
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  12. Bored Now

    On Holiday

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    How long does it take for you to get over a dissapointment related to romantic relationships?

    I hate to admit it, but I get over it pretty quickly. I rationalize that I'm better off. I actually like being single a lot. Two weeks, tops. There have been exceptions to this rule, but they were super special.


    What do you do when you're bummed out?
    Destroy. Get every reminder of them away from me. Burn love letters. Remember all the bad times. Anything to pump up my self esteem...


    What do you do to pass time?
    Dance, Cook. Write, live life. Or all the stuff I couldn't do in the relationships.

    What do you do to help yourself get past things?
    Same as above. Forgive and forget. With emphasis on the forgetting.
     
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  13. myself

    myself Permanent Fixture

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    a broken bone can heal harder than it was before

    does this happen with our emotions? do we harden? maybe it's better to think of it as a wall we build around our hearts. when the wall is removed we are vulnerable.

    i am in the process of rebuilding my self and i feel like it'll be harder to let love in from now on. this breaks my heart. i feel like i'm giving up my ability to love. i have to do this in order to get over this girl. i find no fault in her. i just have to somehow stop feeling and caring for her. it rips me apart. i am trying to deal with the present and move on, at the same time i feel like i'm moving into a desert. lonely and desolate.

    playing guitar and singing helped me a lot today.
    being alone is good. chatted with my buddy on facebook and that helped too.

    lot's of good advice has been posted in this thread.
     
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  14. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Everything that happens to us touches us and changes us. Maybe we do become more hardened, or maybe we change and become more insightful.

    We are affected and we do change, but we get to decide how we are shaped.
     
  15. Korg

    Korg Well-known member

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    It varies from relationship to relationship. I've been indifferent after 4 days and, on the other hand, I will probably never totally get over my first love despite it having ended six years ago.

    I analyze my emotions as if it were computer code causing my brain to behave a certain way. Understanding why I feel the way I do is important to me. Once that's taken care of, I force myself to make corrections in my behavior and then get on with my life.


    Internet, movies, write, think, creative endeavors.

    I force myself to behave in ways that will advance my life in a positive way instead of getting swallowed up in depression.
     
  16. Hinsoog

    Hinsoog Community Member

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    Whew, it seems like it takes me A LOT of thorough introspection. In fact, if this is your first or one of your first, you may even find yourself triggering those thoughts well into the future. But take heart, you will soon find that once you have gone through your reflections and have had a bit of time to detach, you will be surprised to find yourself enjoying the activities you normally love again, free of that baggage much sooner than you are thinking, and that's a good feeling.

    One thing I want to mention is that the advice you often hear is to move on to someone else quickly to take care of those feelings most effectively, and I just want to make clear that I don't think that is necessarily the healthiest thing at the speed that others seem to suggest. It seems like those people often do that to sort of protect themselves from introspection as though they were damaging themselves with it. I think for people of our personality types, that that time to soak in our thoughts about those experiences for a while is just necessary.
     
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    #16 Hinsoog, Jul 9, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2009
  17. Hinsoog

    Hinsoog Community Member

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    Yeah, worded very well by Myself... You will probably develop some pretty good callouses over this, and I have eventually decided that that isn't necessarily a bad thing... I relate strongly with what Myself said about how painful the necessity of "walls" is, and it had wrenched my heart hard... In a way, those walls don't always seem like they must be healthy, especially for how thickly calloused I am, or I suppose how calloused I try to be, but, like I said, after a while, they seem like they are natural as well as important to keep the power of those attachment feelings at bay.
     
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    #17 Hinsoog, Jul 9, 2009
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  18. Detective Conan

    Detective Conan Doesn't Cast Shadows

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    It depends how deep the romantic relationship is... if it's one that went on for a month or two, not that long... maybe three months. If it's a longer relationship with a deeper connection ... geeze, it took me a year to get over my first GF after 3 years of dating.

    I do stuff. I wrote poetry and longer stories, played video games, did extra school work. Whatever I could to get my mind off her.

    I do ... stuff XD same as the above.

    I just have to remind myself of the bad times and how bad things got. Remembering the worst in a situation helps me not want it again.
     
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  19. Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    I fight. And I fight really hard.
    Not the typical sense of fighting as in physically but I push myself to my limits swimmin, fight in games, argue for the sake of arguing.

    Other than that, I like to go out to take photos with friends, sepnd as much time alone as possible. Maybe you could do those. And as little contact with the person as possible. Though that might not help in the long run.:/
     
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  20. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    I will mope and be depressed for weeks, like now. The problem is, is that it stops me doing the things I should be doing, like exercise and keeping busy. It's so hard to go training or out anywhere because I know I have to face people. I have to put up that pretend exterior and that takes so much energy. No one wants to be around someone who is depressed or down so I don't burden people with it.
     
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