Does the INFJ male have feelings for me?
- Thread starter winterclover
- Start date
Feelings for you? Hrrm. What does that mean?
Well, this leads to my quandary from before. This person probably does have feelings for you, but if he isn't ready, is it right for one to invade their privacy? If he does he will come to you. If you are not willing to risk the chance of no answer, then look elsewhere. Literally, this person could call you in 60 years. If I were you, I wouldn't risk that much, and I would look elsewhere. But do not forget, for if he is truly interested, he will be back with a different answer.
But yes. If you really want a response, then tell him this. Be prepared for the answer of no.
Well, this leads to my quandary from before. This person probably does have feelings for you, but if he isn't ready, is it right for one to invade their privacy? If he does he will come to you. If you are not willing to risk the chance of no answer, then look elsewhere. Literally, this person could call you in 60 years. If I were you, I wouldn't risk that much, and I would look elsewhere. But do not forget, for if he is truly interested, he will be back with a different answer.
But yes. If you really want a response, then tell him this. Be prepared for the answer of no.
Hey, thanks for the reply! Haha, there's really nothing much to lose already since we're as good as strangers now. Yes, I'm preparing myself for the worst!
I don't think I will be able to 'look elsewhere' unless it's been settled with him. So yepp!
Prior to your confrontation, some signs that he had feelings for you: the effort to walk you home, initiating conversation, making any effort to spend time with you, catching him staring at you, incidental touching or contacting you in any form. INFJs don't spend time or effort on anyone they don't deem worthy unless they have to.
After all of that, if he did have feelings for you he probably no longer trusts you. Removing him from all social media was certainly a big thing to him. It is most likely a done deal.
After all of that, if he did have feelings for you he probably no longer trusts you. Removing him from all social media was certainly a big thing to him. It is most likely a done deal.
I don't really care about what he thinks (though that's your question), I think you should tell him.
Not for him, but for yourself. You said the following:
Tell him specifically why you cut things off. Because you liked him and couldn't live with the uncertainty. Those two things are the key. Make sure he understands that.
You can ask him what he thinks of you, but don't pressure him into answering at all. He might have feelings for you, but still be in doubt. As I said you'd tell him that you can't live with the uncertainty. If he picks that up, he'll make a decision at some point.
Worst case scenario, you get to move on.
Not for him, but for yourself. You said the following:
Do the talk you're planning. It will get you closure, whether he likes you or not. You'll finally be able to move on if he doesn't like you. If he does, you can continue.
Tell him specifically why you cut things off. Because you liked him and couldn't live with the uncertainty. Those two things are the key. Make sure he understands that.
You can ask him what he thinks of you, but don't pressure him into answering at all. He might have feelings for you, but still be in doubt. As I said you'd tell him that you can't live with the uncertainty. If he picks that up, he'll make a decision at some point.
Worst case scenario, you get to move on.
[MENTION=12978]winterclover[/MENTION]
It seems to me that you became a familiar face (school, group projects, train...) and he decided that you were friendly enough to befriend. It sounds like he made the decision to walk you home because: 1.) He received a good vibe from being around you and decided you were 'safe', and, 2.) he is a gentleman.
You slowly became friends but having a crush on him may have caused you to read into his friendly gestures a little too deeply. He may have picked up on how you were feeling and decided to distance himself. Why? He may not feel the same way you do. There could be other reasons, but I'm giving an opinion based on what you have provided here.
Plus, you withdrew from a project over a guy who isn't even your boyfriend? You are creating an issue where no issue even existed. He may view this as dramatic and may even view you as emotionally unstable. I'm not saying you are, I'm just stating how someone might view these actions.
I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to let it go. Accepted that it was a friendship gone wrong and move forward with confidence. Stop contacting him. Don't look for closure. When you see one another, be friendly enough but don't read into anything. You made that mistake before. Remember, this awkwardness is something that you created, therefore, you have the power to fix it.
It seems to me that you became a familiar face (school, group projects, train...) and he decided that you were friendly enough to befriend. It sounds like he made the decision to walk you home because: 1.) He received a good vibe from being around you and decided you were 'safe', and, 2.) he is a gentleman.
You slowly became friends but having a crush on him may have caused you to read into his friendly gestures a little too deeply. He may have picked up on how you were feeling and decided to distance himself. Why? He may not feel the same way you do. There could be other reasons, but I'm giving an opinion based on what you have provided here.
Plus, you withdrew from a project over a guy who isn't even your boyfriend? You are creating an issue where no issue even existed. He may view this as dramatic and may even view you as emotionally unstable. I'm not saying you are, I'm just stating how someone might view these actions.
I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to let it go. Accepted that it was a friendship gone wrong and move forward with confidence. Stop contacting him. Don't look for closure. When you see one another, be friendly enough but don't read into anything. You made that mistake before. Remember, this awkwardness is something that you created, therefore, you have the power to fix it.
It sounds like you're both a bit fucked in the head with your feelings of insecurity and need time to sort that shit through independently.
My advice? Tell him you care for him, and tell him to deal with his issues. Then, go deal with your own issues until he comes back around to you. If he doesn't, then he's not interested, and you've avoided an even more long-winded and painful interpersonal ordeal.
My advice? Tell him you care for him, and tell him to deal with his issues. Then, go deal with your own issues until he comes back around to you. If he doesn't, then he's not interested, and you've avoided an even more long-winded and painful interpersonal ordeal.
To be honest I see his actions as being polite...But since you have feelings for him, you read too far in to the polite actions. Honestly he doesn't deserve an explanation, but if you feel if that is what you need to do in order to find closure, it may be worth it, but I hope you will be okay afterwards.
You're both young and shy and awkward.... just...... make moves on him. Just hug him and tell him you want to spend more time together. Kiss him on the cheek, even. Something. Anything.
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And scare him away. Hrrm. This mistyping thing is a problem, because when I say INFJ I mean the recluse. When you say INFJ, I don't know what you mean.
They aren't even on talking terms and you want her to make the moves on him?
Specifically, hugs and kisses? I don't think this is the best advice, which is exactly why I hope she does take it (with updates, please).It's all nice and sweet until someone screams SECURITY!!!
They aren't even on talking terms and you want her to make the moves on him?
It's all nice and sweet until someone screams SECURITY!!!
You have no idea how many threads pop up along the lines of "Does he/she like me? Perhaps if I sit and stare at them from afar long enough, magic will happen! Tee-hee!"
No. Just go up there and break the ice, security be damned!
Okay, maybe the hug and kiss are a bit much out of the gates, but least she could do is show interest and ask the guy out(OP was removed so now I can't go back and reread what the situation was).
Half-joking aside, the talking to each other part should have been a given.
XD
I do wonder if the police officer will take the explanation of "Horatio from the INFJ forum told me to do it..." as she's getting booked for sexual assault.
And yes, I agree. Communication, or a lack thereof, seems to be a common theme in these type of threads.
Haha, sorry I removed the original post. I wasn't very comfortable having all those details on the internet. I am really excited though! This Wednesday I'm going to walk up to him and ask if we can talk. Throughout this week I've done a lot of thinking and I guess I have nothing to lose, so I just need closure before we graduate and never see each other again.
I am still hoping for the best, yet at the same time preparing myself for the worst. I know it has seemed like I have been reading too much into our relationship, and that he just saw me at a friend. Then again, I'm the one who knows him in person, and I know his tendencies. Tendencies that cannot be explained or felt just by words posted here.
Thank you for all the replies! I'll be sure to update about the outcome!
I am still hoping for the best, yet at the same time preparing myself for the worst. I know it has seemed like I have been reading too much into our relationship, and that he just saw me at a friend. Then again, I'm the one who knows him in person, and I know his tendencies. Tendencies that cannot be explained or felt just by words posted here.
Thank you for all the replies! I'll be sure to update about the outcome!
Hey everyone, I just talked to him. It was nothing after all! He said he knows he was being misleading, so he stopped halfway through. Just glad there's closure now!