Does an intj have hope of fully understanding an infj? | INFJ Forum

Does an intj have hope of fully understanding an infj?

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by Keirouen, Jun 4, 2014.

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  1. Keirouen

    Keirouen Community Member

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    In the deepest possible way, can an intj hope to understand how an infj thinks and feels? Is an intj capable of experiencing a wide spectrum of emotions as intimately as an infj naturally does?

    Or is it that, if an intj manages to feel what an infj feels -the intj has now become an infj?

    Can an intj resemble an infj when the intj has accepted his or her sensitivities and volnurabilities?



    What more than anything else sets an intj and infj apart when it comes to friendships and intimate relationships?
     
  2. muir

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    I think that INTJ's stand to gain much more from a relationship with INFJ's than INFJ's do

    It's like the tinman befriending the scarecrow to learn how to have a heart, but what does the scarecrow get in return?

    INTJ's tend to respect competency but the things INFJ's are particularly competent at are not always so easy to define and therefore it is easy for INFJ's to go unappreciated by INTJ's

    So if an INTJ is basking in the warm glow of the INFJ's heart and the INFJ is not appreciated in return....how sustainable is that?
     
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    #2 muir, Jun 4, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2014
  3. Tin Man

    Tin Man "a respectable amount of screaming"

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    A brain?

    C'mon, you set that one up. It was impossible for me to resist.
     
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  4. sassafras

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    There's a difference between 'understanding' and 'becoming' an INFJ. You don't change your type. Barring some kind of head trauma or serious acid trip, you don't re-order years and years of habitual thought processing and switch out linear thinking Te for holistic thinking Fe. You can simulate one or the other with Te+Fi and Fe+Ti auxiliary-tertiary pairs, but it's never that 'neat.'

    I think fundamentally you can understand anyone if you spend some time with them and are a little more open to their thinking. It starts with acceptance.

    That being said, INTJ and INFJ do have the same underlying push-pull of Ni+Se. The following is ganked from personality cafe user, Cegorach:


     
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  5. muir

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    Lol

    True....but...INFJ's already have a brain

    The 'brain' i beleive that INTJ's can offer is their competency; but INFJ's are generally speaking also competent people (they are conscientious and want to do a good job)

    The point i'm trying to make in all this is not to drive a wedge between INTJ's and INFJ's but to try and plant a seed in the minds of any INTJ's reading this who are considering relations with an INFJ

    If you want it to be reciprocal...and i know it would be lovely to live in a world of unconditional love etc....but unfortunately the world is such that often both sides in a relationship must pull their weight and there needs to be both give and take.....then what i'm saying to INTJ's is that if there is something they appreciate about an INFJ...if there's something that draws them to the INFJ...even if it is not easy to immediately put your finger on it....think about what it is and express appreciation for it

    I think INTJ's can struggle with that because they place things in a competency hierarchy and if they have not placed the thing the INFJ does well in that hierarchy because it is difficult to define then the appreciation won't be there (on a conscious level anyway)

    INFJ's are loving people who have a warm fuzzy side...so discover your warm fuzzy side or there will only be one sided warm fuzzyness and i think that can cause problems...once again it will be the INFJ that misses out
     
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    #5 muir, Jun 4, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2014
  6. invisible

    On Holiday

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    you have your own special gifts, you dont need to worry about comparing to the standards of others.
     
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  7. invisible

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    maybe SOME infjs have a warm loving fuzzy side.

    :spider:
     
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  8. muir

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    You just need to get past the fangs and it's all warm fuzzyness!
     
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  9. Tin Man

    Tin Man "a respectable amount of screaming"

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    You could say the same about every relationship. Mutual appreciation is important, no matter the type.

    There's also more than one type of appreciation. You don't always need to say it with words. I express caring in my actions and the people who know me accept that. I also accept that others will show this through loving remarks or physical gestures.
     
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  10. ThomasJ79

    ThomasJ79 Well-known member

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    Unlike what most think, I don't really think there is that much of a difference between the two types. Keeping the big picture of typology in perspective: INTJs place the impersonal before the personal and INFJs place the personal before the impersonal. Unhealthy types will accentuate these differences or perspectives.

    Both will have similar feelings, but I speculate that the INTJ will try to dismiss many of them as irrational/illogical while the INFJ will try to understand them and use them to better connect with others. An INTJ should learn to accept more of their emotions and an INFJ should learn to not accept too many of theirs.

    Yes, they are very similar and there is overlap. A healthy INTJ will not suppress emotions, but learn to deal with them.

    An INFJ is emotionally needier than an INTJ. We are much more comfortable talking about our feelings and the feelings of others. My INTJ friend looks like he wants to run away when I start talking about feelings.
     
  11. muir

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    I wholeheartedly agree

    Here's the rub...

    INTJ's expect people to just know that they are appreciated

    What i'm saying is it wouldn't hurt you too much once in a while to express that some way (other than just being around someone) to your potential or actual INFJ partner

    ....the sky won't fall on you and it is not a sign of weakness
     
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  12. Tin Man

    Tin Man "a respectable amount of screaming"

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    There are many times I feel uncomfortable when someone expresses love in a physical way or when a partner expects me to need reassurance and appreciation, but it only feels smothering. I may want them to show they care by offering logical solution to a problem I'm dealing with, but they find that hard to believe.

    How is this any different from helping someone with a project when they wanted a hug? Show I show and expect love only on their terms?

    I do agree with you and try to show appreciation in a way that's desirable to loved ones, but these questions are often on my mind.
     
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  13. muir

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    It's good stuff...we're outlining a kind of potential chasm that can open up between these two types

    The problem solving thing is interesting though...it reminds me of that book: 'men are from mars, women are from venus' which makes a case for men always wanting to solve problems while women sometimes just want to be sympathised with lol

    Regarding the answers to these things...i can't say for sure; i'm no expert and every case will be different

    Although a BIG hug straight from the heart...you know...one of those big wrap-around, envelope them into your being with kindness kind of efforts, followed by some eye contact and a big grin would never go amiss with an INFJ
     
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  14. Eventhorizon

    Eventhorizon Permanently relocated
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    Great question. I counter with the question of, are feelings of importance? If so, why?
     
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  15. say what

    say what I like soft things...so soft!

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    I was told this once...but they were referring to my chest pillows.
     
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  16. LucyJr

    LucyJr Well-known member

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    Its hard to "read" a INFJ. We "escape" from any box any time.
     
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  17. Somewhereelse

    Somewhereelse Regular Poster

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    INFJs helps INTJs to open their heart and learn a different way of living, to love and to be loved (to a moderate level). INTJs help INFJs set a boundary of their overwhelming emotions and force them to act more on their judgments instead of purely on their feelings.

    The interesting part is the communication. As an INFJ, I found the process of rationalizing "feelings" and "emotions" to an INTJ is both challenging and rewarding (well, somewhat).

    I think both sides benefit.
     
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