[INFJ] - Do you value being loved or being understood higher? | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Do you value being loved or being understood higher?

I value being loved a lot higher. Why? Love is beautiful and life is wonderful through the eyes of one who loves and is loved.
 
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I think I value being loved far more than being understood. I don't think I could function being understood without being loved as much as I could function with being loved without being understood. Love is what got me through my times of being misunderstood, while being understood really didn't matter at the end of the day.
 
Haha, as soon as I am understood I'll get back to you. :)
 
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loved

It is my nature.
 
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loved

I don't understand why people put so much emphasis on being understood, to me acceptance is far more important that understanding. I would question whether any one human being can ever fully understand another one. Acceptance, on the other hand, is knowing that the other person will still always respect who you are regardless of whether they understand. This is unconditional love and nothing makes a person feel more secure than that.
 
La Sagna said:
loved

I don't understand why people put so much emphasis on being understood, to me acceptance is far more important that understanding. I would question whether any one human being can ever fully understand another one. Acceptance, on the other hand, is knowing that the other person will still always respect who you are regardless of whether they understand. This is unconditional love and nothing makes a person feel more secure than that.
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In reference to the bolded part: I wonder about that a lot. Personally, I lean pretty heavily toward it being impossible or at least near-impossible. And I agree with everything else you're saying.

Also, I don't feel like we're really meant to fully understand another person. That would make things pretty boring, wouldn't it? I like a degree of mystery. And a feeling of there being something else slightly deeper or beyond visibility.
 
When I was younger I valued being understood. Now I prefer being loved than understood because i can be wrong and still be loved. Who wouldn't want that.
 
Being loved, because love is such a precious thing. :)
 
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solongotgon said:
When I was younger I valued being understood. Now I prefer being loved than understood because i can be wrong and still be loved. Who wouldn't want that.
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Can attest to still having an infantile urge to shout at people for not "getting" me. However, those feelings are shrinking in inverse correlation to my desire to be loved before being understood.

e: To elaborate, it can be much harder and is much more contextually vague to love someone without understanding them than the other way around, so I find it more admirable. I should say that I myself try to put a higher priority on loving people than understanding them.
 
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I value both equally, its forgiveness.
 
Understood! I only develop love if I have a sense that the person understands me.
 
I guess loved cause it'd be like "I don't understand you, but I really enjoy who you are anyways."
 
I think in its extreme this is a little like thinking versus feeling. Usually we have a blend of both, so our love and our understanding interact and coincide to an extent.
It isn't that a feeling type cannot do the thinking necessarily - it may be exceptional. But, feelings decide more by harmony, thoughts by conceptual coherence. Love is a kind of harmony between two psychologies, and it can occur without a full conceptual knowledge of what exactly is the substance of those psychologies.

I won't say either that feeling types necessarily prefer the love though it's probably common. It's quite possible for our lower functions to demonstrate very strong needs, not necessarily our most mature ones. I could see someone with introverted feeling possibly answering that the only reason for a contact with the outside is to be objectively understood. Their feelings all grow out from the subject.
 
I think I would value being loved more.

Understanding would make for great conversation and a good time, but, from my personal experience, only someone who loves me would find my quirks and strange thoughts attractive. Even if they can't relate.

I feel that love is the only way you could appreciate and cherish something or someone you can't understand, and accept the illogical.


Ideally, I would want more love - with some understanding.
 
I would have said understood until I watched someone die once. Now I'd say loved.

Except at work. Then I don't give a flying fuck - just understand my intention and execute on it, please.
 
Understanding.

Love doesn't seem to mean a lot when you feel alone in a crowded room. A crowded room full of people who love you.

What good is it to me if you can't relate? Some words? Kind gestures? A card on holidays? What are you to me but a very nice alien?
 
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