Do you trust immediately or wait and see? | INFJ Forum

Do you trust immediately or wait and see?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by enigma, Dec 22, 2009.

Share This Page

?
  1. They have my trust until they screw up.

    17 vote(s)
    38.6%
  2. They have to earn it!

    27 vote(s)
    61.4%
Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 2 users.
More threads by enigma
  1. enigma

    enigma Armed and Fabulous!

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2008
    Threads:
    68
    Messages:
    1,275
    Likes Received:
    147
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    infj
    Enneagram:
    1w9
    SO I wonder, as an infj, when meeting new people, do you trust them and consider them 'ok' until they prove otherwise, or do you make them earn it, not really trusting them, staying wary of them until you are sure they are 'ok'?



    As a general rule I don't trust people b/c I have been hurt and stabbed so many times, So I consider everyone I meet a potential jerk until proven otherwise...
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  2. Faye

    Faye ^_^
    Staff Member Administrator

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2009
    Threads:
    311
    Messages:
    7,279
    Featured Threads:
    4
    Likes Received:
    4,620
    Trophy Points:
    892
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Gridania
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I'm the same. All strangers are potential a-holes, and even when you spend time around someone and they seem nice, they still can't be trusted. You have to really know a person before you can know how much you can trust them.
     
  3. Norton

    Norton XXXX

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2009
    Threads:
    0
    Messages:
    1,527
    Likes Received:
    524
    Trophy Points:
    667
    MBTI:
    XXXX
    Enneagram:
    XXXX
    Don't start out trusting someone. End up trusting someone.
     
  4. Tamagochi

    Tamagochi Sushi Destroyer
    Donor

    Joined:
    May 18, 2009
    Threads:
    15
    Messages:
    922
    Likes Received:
    367
    Trophy Points:
    622
    Location:
    Lithuania
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Hmm, I used not to trust people initially but later have learned that it's much better to trust them. It's because you change people with your behavior - if you do not show trust then others are more likely to betray you. It's also a much more lonelier experience to be paranoid.
     
  5. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2008
    Threads:
    249
    Messages:
    5,014
    Likes Received:
    713
    Trophy Points:
    245
    MBTI:
    It's an interesting question. There isn't very much time to decide either way, when I first meet someone, before my first impression instinct/intuition kicks in. The feedback I receive once this kicks in is what guides how I feel towards that person. I think (and I hope I'm correct in this) that my judgment of people is fairly accurate, and my response is based largely on this. With most people, I tend proceed cautiously - some because I still need to figure them out further, and others because they are not people I feel safe letting go with.

    On the whole, I think I experience people as either someone I'm drawn to or someone I'm uncomfortable around, and that's the lens I'm inclined to view them through. I need to expand this though, so that I'm able to accept that people are who they might be, jerk-like and all, without excusing or condemning them.

    ETA: It's not easy for me to trust someone though, and I think this stems from my standards of people and relationships (too high perhaps) and a sensitivity to people energetically that seems to dictate a large part of my interactions/relationships. But there are also things within myself that I'm sorting out, which, when sorted out, will ease all of this.
     
    #5 Soulful, Dec 22, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2009
  6. enfp can be shy

    enfp can be shy people vs the bad people?
    Donor

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2009
    Threads:
    36
    Messages:
    2,538
    Likes Received:
    288
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    enfp
    Enneagram:
    -
    As an ENFP, I trust by default, and have a really hard time, when I must decide to distrust, even when all evidence should convince me so. The reason is very simple: I put myself in other people's shoes, as much as I can, and so I believe that if they have reasons to act in non-credible ways, I should find their reasons and possibly help them. Distrust for me means to give up solving the problem, and just cross it with the red line of "[strike]not to be trusted[/strike]". That doesn't mean I believe everything people claim, but I believe in their good reasons, and I usually want to have explanation about what made them say it; did they really mean it, if not, why did they say it; was it a joke, or (sub)conscious manipulation etc. Another issue is that I tend to not divide people by credibility, because absolutely everybody tells both truths and lies in time. A statement deserves my attention, if another human bothered to make it.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Tamagochi and Moxie like this.
  7. Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,381
    Messages:
    28,309
    Featured Threads:
    94
    Likes Received:
    23,035
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy

    Agree completely.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  8. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
    Donor

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2009
    Threads:
    30
    Messages:
    2,107
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    246
    Trophy Points:
    622
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    The last time I flat out trusted someone, without the normal preliminary steps, I fucked myself over big time. So no, trust is something that is built up over time and even then, most people won't fully receive it.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  9. Afrelen

    Afrelen Community Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2009
    Threads:
    11
    Messages:
    484
    Likes Received:
    29
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    I give people the benefit of the doubt, but I, as a rule, don't take advice or act solely on the testimony of someone who has not earned my trust. So in a sense I do believe them. Trust is separate issue with me, however. That is because I see trust as two-way. I don't trust anyone who doesn't trust me, for example. It requires having both subjective and objective reasons to feel at easy sharing information with a person as well as receiving it. That is something that I know doesn't come easy to an INFJ and I'm no exception.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  10. Isis

    Isis Community Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2009
    Threads:
    5
    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    28
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    I haven't really been hurt that much and I don't think of people being out there to get me but I've always had this inner distrust towards people ever since I was a child. There's a huge part of me that wants to believe the best of people but I can't seem to shake that strong feeling that it is better to wait and see what will become of things.

    Some people really don't get my trust fully, I have a very strong inner feeling that they just cannot be fully trusted, even if they do appear as wonderful people. It's not even that I believe that they want to hurt people intentionally. It's more that I somehow know that they will break the trust eventually even if they don't have any malicious intentions, they just can't help it.
     
    #10 Isis, Dec 22, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2009
  11. Afrelen

    Afrelen Community Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2009
    Threads:
    11
    Messages:
    484
    Likes Received:
    29
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    That would probably stem from distrusting the unknowable. Being simply human we do not have the obvious empirical access to another persons thoughts that we have with our own and, as a result, we distrust other human beings out of that barrier.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Isis likes this.
  12. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2009
    Threads:
    289
    Messages:
    10,794
    Likes Received:
    1,933
    Trophy Points:
    453
    MBTI:
    Meh
    Enneagram:
    Meh
    I trust everyone from the beginning, unless there is something about their character that makes me uneasy.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  13. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2009
    Threads:
    48
    Messages:
    2,879
    Likes Received:
    619
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ.
    Enneagram:
    4 x 6 (I think).
    For myself, I so badly want to see the best in others, and even though I feel this way, I rarely trust completely if at all...

    I might share some things, but the truth of me, (vulnerabilities etc.) are kept to myself until trust has been earned.

    Meanwhile, I try and enjoy everyone for what they're worth, and pay attention to my intuition at all times. (and try not to fight with it because I don't like what it's telling me) ;)
     
  14. Stellar Affinity

    Stellar Affinity Community Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2009
    Threads:
    5
    Messages:
    306
    Likes Received:
    16
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4
    I never trust anyone right off the bat. Definitely not like me at all. While I never dislike a person when first meeting them (unless they really give me a reason to) and I do easily see the good in anyone right off the bat, there really is no way that I'll allow them in so soon. I feel like once I let a person in, they're pretty much there for life. That's why it's probably so difficult. It takes quite a bit to break my outer shell and I'm pretty suspicious of new people and strangers. Well...hmm...maybe not suspicious. Just careful. So no. Must be earned. : )
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  15. SweetDreams

    SweetDreams Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2009
    Threads:
    8
    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    11
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    inf?
    Enneagram:
    Unknown
    For me trust is something which is earned over time. Even then,there
    are things about me which i don't really share with anyone.
    It's sort of as if have an internal radar which allows me to determine
    how much i can tell someone.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Ria likes this.
  16. Moxie

    Moxie Absent-Minded Professor

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2009
    Threads:
    45
    Messages:
    1,519
    Likes Received:
    149
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    I used to trust everyone immediately until they gave me cause not to - but now, I've been hurt to much, and although I do trust them, I trust them in very small ways and probably examine their behaviors too much. Interesting question!
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  17. ceri

    Donor

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2008
    Threads:
    7
    Messages:
    132
    Likes Received:
    16
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    6w5 / 5w6
    This pretty much sums up me.

    I tend to require people to earn my trust and once they've done that, they'll get the benefit of the doubt until something major ruins that trust. I also stick to the idea of two-way trust being required.
     
  18. Skoffin

    Skoffin <font color=#00EE99>She Whose Name We Do Not Speak

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2009
    Threads:
    26
    Messages:
    787
    Likes Received:
    68
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INTP
    I used to be fairly trusting but in recent years I have grown more cynical about people and find myself incapable of trusting anyone. Now I simply assume everything is a trap.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  19. Wyst

    Wyst Are you there?

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2009
    Threads:
    57
    Messages:
    1,915
    Likes Received:
    229
    Trophy Points:
    622
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    Do I immediately trust? Sure.

    But there are different levels of trust, right?
    I trust the person I sit next to at a coffee shop not to put down their copy of New Moon and bite my neck. I trust friends of friends not to give my phone number out if I give it to them when they ask for it. I trust my waitress not to steal my credit card number when I give it to her to pay for my meal. I trust people with all kinds of things in all kinds of situations. That being said, there is an inner level of trust that no one is implicitly granted access to right off the bat.

    Some people have been granted access, others are still in observation, and then there are those who will eternally be locked out. But just because I don't fully trust a friend with the core of who I am inside doesn't mean I wear soul-kevlar when I'm with them. I let them know, 'yeah, I'm having a tough time right now' 'oh, i'm sorry, what's been going on?' 'oh, i'm just going through some stuff right now'.

    I don't say this cynically, but I am convinced that as much trust as I grant someone, no matter how loyal they are, and how hard they try to understand, there will be times when my closest most trusted confidant will be locked out. Not because I don't trust them but because they wouldn't be able to understand even if I told them. It's either out of concern for them, because I don't want them to worry about me, that I don't tell them everything OR because I'm not ready to actually deal with what's going on inside me - to talk about it makes it real and will force me to experience what's going on inside of me.

    No mere human can know me and completely understand me. I don't even understand or trust myself half the time.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #19 Wyst, Dec 23, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2009
  20. soulseeker

    soulseeker Permanent Fixture

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2008
    Threads:
    77
    Messages:
    1,112
    Likes Received:
    109
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    i kind of... not trust that easily but, i also feel :m192:bad when other people feel bad about me not trusting them. because maybe some people that i know feel that i dislike them because i don't trust them that much. So, i don't really label them as a person:m051: not to be trusted at first.. because that would somewhat limit me from knowing them.

    well maybe i trust first but not the full trust as in tell secrets and everything trust.. maybe i just give them like the trust and respect i think all people deserve.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
Loading...

Share This Page