Only when I'm around it, which is probably more than the average person... being a nurse and all. Believe it or not, babies die on a regular basis. Some too young to live on their own outside the womb. Some are far enough along that other babies have survived at that same gestation, but for whatever reason, they didn't make it.
I've had adult patients come close to dying, usually it's serious enough to bring them to our Operating Room. Some mothers have to go to the ICU, they get there looking like death, then 3 days later are walking around on our unit like nothing happened. Pretty crazy.
My most recent experience with death was last night / early this morning. Our 13 yr. old golden retriever died. He was fine on friday, old, but totally fine--eating, drinking, running around, wanting treats. But Saturday he stopped all of that. Refused to eat or drink, threw up when my mom offered him a banana, couldn't walk. I knew he was on his way out, but it's still hard to fully except, you know? He died in peace, in his sleep. Never really in terrible pain (normally he's a big baby and tells you when he's in pain, so I'm pretty confident in this assumption). It happened exactly how you'd hope it would, peacefully. But it still hurts. :'''(
He's been a part of my life since middle school, so it all feels kind of weird... :'''''( </3
Anyways, yeah... *clears throat* Death is a recurring topic in my life. As an adult, the only funerals I've been to have been for babies. But I feel blessed to be a blessing to people when they're going through some of the most horrific moments of their lives. As a nurse, you can never make it all better. What you can do, though, is make the environment the family is mourning in as comfortable and safe as possible. Tending to whatever medical needs in a very delicate way, and reading the environment well enough to make appropriate decisions. Tricky balance.
I've lost babies on Christmas day, there have been both expected and unexpected deaths on my unit. I don't care what way you look at it, the death of a baby is one of the most tragic life events EVER. When I tell people that the first cry of their baby is one of the most beautiful sounds in the world, they only *truly get the weight behind my words* if they've gone through the loss of a baby in some way shape or form. Not that they need to get it (in that way)... but, it is something I feel like I get, to an extent. And in OB, you want a nurse that 'gets it' enough to help you during the whole process. You feel less alone that way, I think.
I have the pictures of two of the little angels that are waiting for us in heaven on my wall (photos from their memorial pamphlets), along with other things that have touched my heart. And right now, I'm listening to Ed Sheeran's, Give Me Love. Because I need it. Man, today sucks. It seems like.. when there's a death, all the other deaths/losses just jump back into your heart. You know? :'''( </3