Do you like to initiate things?
- Thread starter Gaze
- Start date
Short answer... no!
It's something that has come across my mind a lot recently, and struggle with.
It is also so very important for me to develop initiation professionally (which I am working on), for some reason initiation on a personal basis is a lot easier. Probably because reaching out to others in the latter is more meaningful vs. survival in the workplace.
I have no qualms with others initiating and me propagating the convo... I can listen and ask the right questions forever...
P.S. My psychologist says its fear of rejection and need for control of the situation naturally.
It's something that has come across my mind a lot recently, and struggle with.
It is also so very important for me to develop initiation professionally (which I am working on), for some reason initiation on a personal basis is a lot easier. Probably because reaching out to others in the latter is more meaningful vs. survival in the workplace.
I have no qualms with others initiating and me propagating the convo... I can listen and ask the right questions forever...
P.S. My psychologist says its fear of rejection and need for control of the situation naturally.
I like to take the first step when it is a situation in which I enjoy leading, especially where there is plenty of reciprocity going on.
I like other people to initiate when I don't expect much reciprocity or a balance of give-and-take.
I like other people to initiate when I don't expect much reciprocity or a balance of give-and-take.
Just as [MENTION=4956]charlene[/MENTION] I am not sure I like initiating, I just do it. I'm often the one to say to friends, let's do A or B. However, if I'm the one doing this all the time, meaning no real reciprocity, it gets tired. I prefer (in relationships) for the other person to reciprocate so that I don't feel as if I'm chasing someone if I'm initiating things all the time. It's nice to have a give and take.
I have to because if others share my interests, they're being awfully quiet about it.
But...I also guard things that matter to me quite a lot so I'll back off at hints they're not interested rather than wait to find out for sure.
It's a good job I like my own company.
But...I also guard things that matter to me quite a lot so I'll back off at hints they're not interested rather than wait to find out for sure.
It's a good job I like my own company.
One thing I dislike about initiating things is that it can make you feel as if you're imposing your choice on someone. And worse, when the other person is too passive, it makes you feel alone in the decision making. I prefer collaboration to saying "this is what we're going to do." However when you seek feedback or consensus I notice many will think this is a weaker or submissive approach. But if someone doesn't initiate or make a suggestion, then sometimes things never get done.
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Depends on what and why.
I'm pretty good at being visionary and getting things started from nothing, I kind of like that in a sense.
Rarely is my initial vision the best way to do things but it at least puts some bones down to build on, something that a lot of people seem to have trouble with, the "Where do I start?" and "How do I even?" problems.
I'm pretty good at being visionary and getting things started from nothing, I kind of like that in a sense.
Rarely is my initial vision the best way to do things but it at least puts some bones down to build on, something that a lot of people seem to have trouble with, the "Where do I start?" and "How do I even?" problems.
The worst thing that happens when you don't lead is that the group falls apart. Everyone puts in their opinion and so, sooner or later, everyone is confused. And a lot of people are overconfident or narcissistic, but have bad judgment. Those are the worst!
....I have definitely experienced some of what everyone are saying here.
I......can initiate, but....
....I would prefer it if I like the things I initiate
but on the other hand, having attachment and/or some sort of intention can also push me to initiate.
However, if I'm seeing that others are the initiating kind of type;
I usually back up and take supporting role, asking questions or suggesting.
Because I don't want to be seen as annoying or nosy or pesky.
OR, at the same time, I don't want to be seen as vying for responsibility / status.
And at the same time, if things are important, I sometimes get stunned and become inactive / paranoid / paralyzed.
I like the freedom to decide,
I hate the responsibility. (Sorry, am still immature in that aspect)
I like me 'moving',
I.....am bothered if I'm carrying 'others' (what if it goes bad???)
I......can initiate, but....
....I would prefer it if I like the things I initiate
but on the other hand, having attachment and/or some sort of intention can also push me to initiate.
However, if I'm seeing that others are the initiating kind of type;
I usually back up and take supporting role, asking questions or suggesting.
Because I don't want to be seen as annoying or nosy or pesky.
OR, at the same time, I don't want to be seen as vying for responsibility / status.
And at the same time, if things are important, I sometimes get stunned and become inactive / paranoid / paralyzed.
I like the freedom to decide,
I hate the responsibility. (Sorry, am still immature in that aspect)
I like me 'moving',
I.....am bothered if I'm carrying 'others' (what if it goes bad???)
I don't care. If I want it, I go for it. I wanted [MENTION=6964]Colt[/MENTION] from the beginning and I went in for a sneak attack and waited for him to bite. He's the only one I've gone after. I usually went for guys who went for me.
As for opportunities? Yeah, I like to intiate them on my own. Especially friendships or job opportunities. I found a place near my house that was hiring and I went in and charmed the owner until he hired me. I seize the dayyyyyy!
As for opportunities? Yeah, I like to intiate them on my own. Especially friendships or job opportunities. I found a place near my house that was hiring and I went in and charmed the owner until he hired me. I seize the dayyyyyy!
I agree with so many of you! I think it complete depends on what's being initiated.
Professionally - yes! I initiate it, seek it out, and love it.
Socially - yes/no. I tend to initiate, as I like to bring people together (and also do what I like), but I hate being a host/leader with my friends. I worry constantly about everyone's happiness, are they having fun, am I spending enough time with them...it's way too stressful, and I end up not enjoying the thing I really wanted to join.
Intimately - no. no no no. Like [MENTION=1593]floatingbridge[/MENTION], I've been thinking about this a lot lately too. I think I even come across as "don't you initiate!" to the other person...but I certainly will not seek out a person, or seek out any time of emotional/physical contact- which completely irritates me...but I just can't! On the surface, I don't feel like I fear rejection, but I can't figure out any other reason that I would be so hesitant!
Professionally - yes! I initiate it, seek it out, and love it.
Socially - yes/no. I tend to initiate, as I like to bring people together (and also do what I like), but I hate being a host/leader with my friends. I worry constantly about everyone's happiness, are they having fun, am I spending enough time with them...it's way too stressful, and I end up not enjoying the thing I really wanted to join.
Intimately - no. no no no. Like [MENTION=1593]floatingbridge[/MENTION], I've been thinking about this a lot lately too. I think I even come across as "don't you initiate!" to the other person...but I certainly will not seek out a person, or seek out any time of emotional/physical contact- which completely irritates me...but I just can't! On the surface, I don't feel like I fear rejection, but I can't figure out any other reason that I would be so hesitant!
I know, it's almost like they think I'm going to talk their ear off if I find them or something...
