Do you forgive & Forget? | INFJ Forum

Do you forgive & Forget?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Neva, Mar 2, 2010.

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  1. Neva

    Neva Regular Poster

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    Do you forgive, but not forget?

    Do you forgive and forget easily?

    I could forgive, but NEVER forget. It definitely depends on the situation, but in most cases, it's hard for me to forget.

    Another question, Is there a difference if you're forgiving a friend compared to forgiving someone you like or love?
     
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  2. Barnabas

    Barnabas Time Lord

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    God doesn't ask me to forget, but so long as I'm forgiven how could I possibly hold a grudge.
     
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  3. DevilDoll

    DevilDoll Beware! I Bite...

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    It depends on the situation. I try my hardest to forgive and If I truly do I will then forget. However, it is very hard for me to completely forgive some things. Little things, sure. The bigger things like cheating, abuse, and lies are what get me. I have a very hard time putting that behind me and being able to trust that person again. In fact, I have only ever managed to completely forgive one person who did something along those lines and it took years.
     
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  4. OP
    Neva

    Neva Regular Poster

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    That's so true! For me, it all starts with lying. If someone lied to me, then that's the end of it. That's because I believe if someone could lie to someone who they say they care about, then they could cheat and do much more worse things to that person. Trust is a HUGE deal for INFJs I think, we take time to trust someone, but once a person takes our loyalty and us being so trustworthy to them for granted then again I believe everything should be over between me and that person.
     
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  5. enfp can be shy

    enfp can be shy people vs the bad people?
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    That sounds scary. I'd rather not mess you guys at all, if it's like that. I don't believe in the sets "liar" and "honest". There are no such people. Only in math problems there are.. And such setting sometimes leads to paradoxes.

    My suggestion: I don't forgive, because I try not to judge, in the first place. Not saying that it always works, but most of the time it does. Yes, people act sometimes in ways that deliberately hurt me. Okay, well, that's part of the system to deal with.
     
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    #5 enfp can be shy, Mar 2, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2010
  6. Roger

    Roger ...

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    Yes, i can forgive and forget my friends or anyone who is really honest with me. There should be realization and should be able to understand the thing.

    Both are very nice qualities and are healer for any relationship. Plus it makes any relationship long lasting. Here any relationship, i mean, friendship, marriage and any family relationship.
     
  7. Roger

    Roger ...

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    Forgot to write something in previous post, yes, I can't forget true help or any thing with full of love and truth.
     
  8. Siamese cat

    Siamese cat Madame Cat strikes again

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    I can forgive, but have a very hard time forgetting although I really do try to. And if I forgave someone but didn't forget, that not forgetting part always stays only with me, I don't like to talk about it or to let that someone know that I can't forget.

    Will I easily forgive or not depends not only on the actual sustained wrongdoing, but on the way a person acts after it, and the reasons s/he had for doing it. I'm aware that I'm fallible too, and as I know I would like someone to forgive me so I'm generally inclined to forgive someone too.
     
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  9. ceri

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    I can forgive (and not hold a grudge) if the other person involved makes an decent effort to make up for it some way (whether that be an apology, or something more involved). However, i never forget.
     
  10. Liv

    Liv Community Member

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    I can usually forgive...but again once trust is gone it takes a very long time for me to believe the person again.i never ever forget, no matter how much i want to, sometimes if the person means too much to me i can ignore the past but usually end up regretting that,as not forgetting is really a safety mechanism.
    It also depends on if the person is truly sorry. I tend to forgive large once off mistakes easier than malice and offences which have built up and become over time.
    Often people think i forgive too easily, yet what most people dont know is that my perception of the person is usually irreversibly changed when i feel seriously wronged by them.
     
  11. soulseeker

    soulseeker Permanent Fixture

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    I forgive a lot but I never forget..NEVER EVER

    and I take almost everything too personally

    my relationship with that person can be fixed but it will never be the same again
    (it actually depends if I was really really really hurt ... but if not, then I wouldn't really say I would forget completely because I don't usually forget the feelings that I feel .. but if it's something minor like bumping me then.. it's okay).

    some of my friends get confused because they think that I dismiss conflicts too easily but . it doesn't mean that if I don't say anything I don't feel anything anymore.
     
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  12. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    I have been wondering about this a lot and you said it all!

    I never forgive, I try not to judge. There are always to sides to a story, I try to understand the other side and when I do understand, I don't judge so there is nothing to forgive. When you forgive you actually say "yes I think you did something major wrong to me but I'll do you the favor to put sand over it. I don't believe anyone can do something wrong. It is not an absolute fact. Everything is relative. Why did this person do this? Why did he lie to me? Is it because I don't allow him to tell the truth? What part do I play in the issue? Who is this person on the inside? How sincere is he?
    I look at how it relates and not at how "wrong" it is.

    But that doesn't mean I'm not hurt and it is not easy to forget that. But in time i will forget and it depends on the behaviour of the other person how soon that will be.
     
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    #13 Morgain, Mar 2, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2010
  13. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
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    I expect to know everything going through someone's head if they did something major. If I believe they have a high probability of doing it again then I walk away.

    If someone comes to me and apologizes, if it was a really big deal then I definitely expect more than that, I expect them to explain their situation. If their actions make sense to me, then I will forgive. I doubt I would forget because that implies ignorance on my part to some extent. Although, I wouldn't be unfair when contrasting future situations to that prior event. If enough time passed without a repeat offense then I probably would forget, but it certainly isn't something passive on my end, the other person has to prove it.
     
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  14. Krumplenump

    Krumplenump Community Member

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    Do you mean 'so long as I forgive how could I possibly hold a grudge.'?
     
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  15. j e s s i e

    j e s s i e Buried Myself Alive
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    I forgive, even if it takes an eternity. But I'll never, ever forget.

    I remember everything everyone has ever done to me that hurt, even if they weren't aware of it. This makes me an extremely grudge-prone person. But if it was only one or two instances in a friendship, and they own up to it and apologize, then I can forgive them eventually.
     
  16. under skies

    under skies Community Member

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    I am the same way: forgiving but never forgetting.

    For example, if a friend did something to me that wasn't very nice, I probably wouldn't end the friendship or anything. I'd just sort of go around it, and then next time they upset me, I'd be dealing with the emotions from all of the previous times, as well.

    I think I am probably too forgiving, but I have a huge weakness in that things continue to bother me, basically, forever. There's no blame but still a lot of emotion.
     
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  17. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    it's hard for me to forget, but i will try to forgive if the object of contention isn't anything major. and i actually forgive strangers more easily than people i love - the people i love i expect more out of.
     
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  18. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
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    I forget a lot of things unless they hurt me in some big way. I forgive even more. I hate grudges because they only make me unhappy when I think of said person.

    I'm a lot happier when I forgive and 'forget'. Give it a year or two, and I'll probably let anyone back into my life. That doesn't mean I let people walk all over me, just that I'm a lot happier when I'm not pissed off.
     
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  19. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    I echo what others have said: I will forgive, but it takes me a long, long time to forget. It's like that, "Oh, I'll remember you next time" thing. I won't allow it to cloud my judgment, but I will be wary and concerned.

    "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

    For very good friends, though, I learn to know what's part of their character and what's not and I learn not to have high expectations of them in certain areas because of what they've consistently done in the past. Like one of my friends? We can't make plans within a week or less because she won't keep them. It made me angry before, but now I expect she won't keep that promise...but it's a pleasant surprise when she does actually keep that promise.

    So if it makes sense: I don't forget, but I learn to live with who you are, if you're important enough to me to do so.
     
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