Do you ever take over the pain of others | INFJ Forum

Do you ever take over the pain of others

Morgain

Morgain

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Do you ever take over the pain of others, physical pain but also emotions?

I was visiting a friend this evening who has had surgery yesterday. And while I saw her crawling in and out the coach I started to feel it myself. Really I even started to be more carefull with that bodypart myself, taking over her movements. I have the same when watching a movie about dancing for example. Afterwards I move and act like I'm one of the dancers in the movie. I take over the energy of the movie.

Also emotions I think. My friend started to talk about her (lack of) love life. And whenever she does that I start feeling horrible: a very soft femnine combination of fear, pain, lonelyness and vulnerability and self doubt. I start doubting about myself, feeling very insecure about my love life (or lack of it), starting to feel that I should start to do something about it, that love will not come while I'm sitting on my bud. But the question is, is this an emotion of myself that I have been hiding and that she brings back to life, or are it her emotions that I take over?? I'm searching my memory to find out whether I have felt this way when I was not in her presence but I can't remember anything. When I'm driving home the feeling fades away and when I'm alone I don't feel this way, and when I do feel self doubt and insecurity then it feels different...

What do you thing? Do I take over her emotions? Have you experience with it yourself? And if so, do you use your knowledge of there emotions to help them? And do you have a way to determine whether it is your feeling or theres and a way to keep yours and theres seperated?

:hug:
 
Send me a picture of that friend, I'll decide if I can do anything about the love life.

But yea, I have that too. And the feeling of not being able to help someone is just annoying.
 
The Jester said:
Send me a picture of that friend, I'll decide if I can do anything about the love life.

But yea, I have that too. And the feeling of not being able to help someone is just annoying.
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no dude, she is to old for you, she is my age :D lol!

Can you tell me more about your experiences?
 
Morgain said:
no dude, she is to old for you, she is my age :D lol!

Can you tell me more about your experiences?
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Oh damnit, never mind then! I don't date seniors.

E.g.: my best friend was dumped. He needs to talk about it, and appreciates it that I listen to him. I can't really say anything though, I just listen.
I can't DIRECTLY help him with his problem, I can only help him by listening.
I know it might help him, it's just frustrating to see him suffer.
 
A good friend of mine was recently going through a divorce.. And we used to talk about it so much that I thought I began to feel the agony and frustration of it to some lesser degree.. It was very uncomfortable. I didn't know how to help her other than to listen.
 
people sometimes think i'm reserved or stand-off-ish but really it's because i can be like a sponge to other people's feelings. especially if they aren't very self aware of them themselves. so i have to be careful or else it can be exhausting to be with people.
 
Empathy can be a killer and it's common for INFJ's to have trouble separating their feelings from others. It's probably why we need so much down time, it gives us a chance to sort it out.

Before I knew about empathy and what was happening I used to get called a downer by the very people who were bringing me down! I could be having a casual conversation with someone and on the surface everything was fine. Then I would start picking up the inner vibes of the person and feel, really feel, the anguish,pain,confusion or whatever they were hiding or repressing. Suddenly feeling so incredibly drained I could barely speak the other person would finally notice and say, "Hey, what's wrong? You are such a downer!" sheesh

It took me years to figure it out. Once you understand empathy you can figure out how to control the taps of your empathy which isn't an easy task.

I kind of chuckle when I read that INFJ's get their feelings hurt easily. It makes it seem like a lack of self confidence which it is not, not always anyway.
 
Always, all of it. I can site so many different occasions, but that would be a long wall of text. Just know that this happens to me all the time.
 
Morgain said:
Do you ever take over the pain of others, physical pain but also emotions?
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I don't but I'm a strong T and Fe is the inferior function for an INTP. I think I'm missing a lot but I imagine that it can be too much sometimes to be so empathetic. Overwhelming, perhaps, to be so tuned in to others. My INFJ wife feels the emotions of people around her. It's a gift, although sometimes a hard and painful one to experience directly.
 
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Morgain said:
Do you ever take over the pain of others, physical pain but also emotions?
Click to expand...

I never really experienced this with physical pain, but emotions? All the time. Too much empathy can be extremely draining. Over the years I've gotten better at not letting it overwhelm me all too much though.
 
Morgain said:
What do you thing? Do I take over her emotions?

Have you experience with it yourself?

And if so, do you use your knowledge of there emotions to help them?

And do you have a way to determine whether it is your feeling or theres and a way to keep yours and theres seperated?

:hug:
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:) I think you did

Yes I have

Yes I do :) bwahahahaha sometimes, my friends suddenly cry then I cry then they stop crying but I still do cry, I even think that I really take their emotions... like during our confessions, they were really in deep meditation. I know that because I can feel them so much that I can't stop crying. And I really felt bad that time I don't even think I'm crying for myself ahahahaha

I want to, but I don't think I can. All I know is that I have too much emotions but I don't know which is mine
 
The Jester said:
Oh damnit, never mind then! I don't date seniors.

E.g.: my best friend was dumped. He needs to talk about it, and appreciates it that I listen to him. I can't really say anything though, I just listen.
I can't DIRECTLY help him with his problem, I can only help him by listening.
I know it might help him, it's just frustrating to see him suffer.
Click to expand...

Precisely.
 
It is really hard for me. I'm not even sure that those emotions aren't mine. Every time it happens I feel a lot of resistence against the emotion so the question is: do I resist because it isn't mine, or because it is mine but I can't deal with the emotion? But since it only happens when the other person is telling me there problems and since it is a specific feeling for each person whouldn't that mean that it is theres?? :shocked:

have you ever been in a place where something bad happened? Like a concentration camp? I have visited two off those camps in my life and I felt awfull. I wonder whether I took over the emotion of the place or that I just made it up because "I was visiting a concentration camp"...

how do you guys know which emotion is yours and which you take over from others? Is there a difference in how it feels or some sort of sign?


ow and Shai Gar, I really enjoy your thoughtful input in my treads all the time!! Did I spell that right?? :shocked:
 
if i am physically close and i leave my heart area open to receive others energy then I can feel their discomfort and pain. but I consciously protect my heart chakra when this happens.

But more than physically, I take on other emotional and psychological pain which usually gets me into trouble or i get used for my empathy. I have become careful over the years but it is hard when it comes to friends and family coming to you for help and such. If i deny them then i look like a cold, uncaring person...when in reality i am just protecting myself and choosing to keep myself out of emotional manipulation.
 
solongotgon said:
if i am physically close and i leave my heart area open to receive others energy then I can feel their discomfort and pain. but I consciously protect my heart chakra when this happens.

But more than physically, I take on other emotional and psychological pain which usually gets me into trouble or i get used for my empathy. I have become careful over the years but it is hard when it comes to friends and family coming to you for help and such. If i deny them then i look like a cold, uncaring person...when in reality i am just protecting myself and choosing to keep myself out of emotional manipulation.
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yeah, I understand! It always seems to come down to two choices to me: or I try to help them but then I need to open up and feel there pain to be able to help, and feel bad myself or I close up and can't give any sollide help at all...
 
I've been reading about this. interesting stuff.
 
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