Do you ever take over the pain of others | INFJ Forum

Do you ever take over the pain of others

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Morgain, Mar 19, 2010.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 3 users.
More threads by Morgain
  1. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
    Donor

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Threads:
    114
    Messages:
    2,721
    Likes Received:
    467
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ again
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    Do you ever take over the pain of others, physical pain but also emotions?

    I was visiting a friend this evening who has had surgery yesterday. And while I saw her crawling in and out the coach I started to feel it myself. Really I even started to be more carefull with that bodypart myself, taking over her movements. I have the same when watching a movie about dancing for example. Afterwards I move and act like I'm one of the dancers in the movie. I take over the energy of the movie.

    Also emotions I think. My friend started to talk about her (lack of) love life. And whenever she does that I start feeling horrible: a very soft femnine combination of fear, pain, lonelyness and vulnerability and self doubt. I start doubting about myself, feeling very insecure about my love life (or lack of it), starting to feel that I should start to do something about it, that love will not come while I'm sitting on my bud. But the question is, is this an emotion of myself that I have been hiding and that she brings back to life, or are it her emotions that I take over?? I'm searching my memory to find out whether I have felt this way when I was not in her presence but I can't remember anything. When I'm driving home the feeling fades away and when I'm alone I don't feel this way, and when I do feel self doubt and insecurity then it feels different...

    What do you thing? Do I take over her emotions? Have you experience with it yourself? And if so, do you use your knowledge of there emotions to help them? And do you have a way to determine whether it is your feeling or theres and a way to keep yours and theres seperated?

    :hug:
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  2. The Jester

    Send me a picture of that friend, I'll decide if I can do anything about the love life.

    But yea, I have that too. And the feeling of not being able to help someone is just annoying.
     
  3. OP
    Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
    Donor

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Threads:
    114
    Messages:
    2,721
    Likes Received:
    467
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ again
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    no dude, she is to old for you, she is my age :D lol!

    Can you tell me more about your experiences?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  4. The Jester

    Oh damnit, never mind then! I don't date seniors.

    E.g.: my best friend was dumped. He needs to talk about it, and appreciates it that I listen to him. I can't really say anything though, I just listen.
    I can't DIRECTLY help him with his problem, I can only help him by listening.
    I know it might help him, it's just frustrating to see him suffer.
     
  5. acd

    acd Well-known member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Threads:
    143
    Messages:
    15,117
    Featured Threads:
    11
    Likes Received:
    33,349
    Trophy Points:
    1,377
    MBTI:
    infp
    Enneagram:
    9w8 sp/sx
    A good friend of mine was recently going through a divorce.. And we used to talk about it so much that I thought I began to feel the agony and frustration of it to some lesser degree.. It was very uncomfortable. I didn't know how to help her other than to listen.
     
  6. beetpoet

    beetpoet Community Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2010
    Threads:
    16
    Messages:
    169
    Likes Received:
    18
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    infj
    people sometimes think i'm reserved or stand-off-ish but really it's because i can be like a sponge to other people's feelings. especially if they aren't very self aware of them themselves. so i have to be careful or else it can be exhausting to be with people.
     
  7. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2008
    Threads:
    67
    Messages:
    3,866
    Likes Received:
    222
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    infj
    Empathy can be a killer and it's common for INFJ's to have trouble separating their feelings from others. It's probably why we need so much down time, it gives us a chance to sort it out.

    Before I knew about empathy and what was happening I used to get called a downer by the very people who were bringing me down! I could be having a casual conversation with someone and on the surface everything was fine. Then I would start picking up the inner vibes of the person and feel, really feel, the anguish,pain,confusion or whatever they were hiding or repressing. Suddenly feeling so incredibly drained I could barely speak the other person would finally notice and say, "Hey, what's wrong? You are such a downer!" sheesh

    It took me years to figure it out. Once you understand empathy you can figure out how to control the taps of your empathy which isn't an easy task.

    I kind of chuckle when I read that INFJ's get their feelings hurt easily. It makes it seem like a lack of self confidence which it is not, not always anyway.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  8. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2008
    Threads:
    280
    Messages:
    10,016
    Likes Received:
    533
    Trophy Points:
    755
    MBTI:
    INF
    Enneagram:
    messed up
    Always, all of it. I can site so many different occasions, but that would be a long wall of text. Just know that this happens to me all the time.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  9. Norton

    Norton XXXX

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2009
    Threads:
    0
    Messages:
    1,527
    Likes Received:
    524
    Trophy Points:
    667
    MBTI:
    XXXX
    Enneagram:
    XXXX
    I don't but I'm a strong T and Fe is the inferior function for an INTP. I think I'm missing a lot but I imagine that it can be too much sometimes to be so empathetic. Overwhelming, perhaps, to be so tuned in to others. My INFJ wife feels the emotions of people around her. It's a gift, although sometimes a hard and painful one to experience directly.
     
    sumone likes this.
  10. Nela

    Nela Community Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2009
    Threads:
    5
    Messages:
    678
    Likes Received:
    26
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I never really experienced this with physical pain, but emotions? All the time. Too much empathy can be extremely draining. Over the years I've gotten better at not letting it overwhelm me all too much though.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  11. Matariki

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2009
    Threads:
    106
    Messages:
    3,491
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    498
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    N/A
    Enneagram:
    N/A
    Yes.

    Only when I must.

    Pain is the number one thing I fear in life.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  12. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    26 huh? Send me a picture, I'll decide if there's anything I can do about her love life...
     
  13. soulseeker

    soulseeker Permanent Fixture

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2008
    Threads:
    77
    Messages:
    1,112
    Likes Received:
    109
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    :) I think you did

    Yes I have

    Yes I do :) bwahahahaha sometimes, my friends suddenly cry then I cry then they stop crying but I still do cry, I even think that I really take their emotions... like during our confessions, they were really in deep meditation. I know that because I can feel them so much that I can't stop crying. And I really felt bad that time I don't even think I'm crying for myself ahahahaha

    I want to, but I don't think I can. All I know is that I have too much emotions but I don't know which is mine
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  14. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    Precisely.
     
  15. OP
    Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
    Donor

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Threads:
    114
    Messages:
    2,721
    Likes Received:
    467
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ again
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    It is really hard for me. I'm not even sure that those emotions aren't mine. Every time it happens I feel a lot of resistence against the emotion so the question is: do I resist because it isn't mine, or because it is mine but I can't deal with the emotion? But since it only happens when the other person is telling me there problems and since it is a specific feeling for each person whouldn't that mean that it is theres?? :shocked:

    have you ever been in a place where something bad happened? Like a concentration camp? I have visited two off those camps in my life and I felt awfull. I wonder whether I took over the emotion of the place or that I just made it up because "I was visiting a concentration camp"...

    how do you guys know which emotion is yours and which you take over from others? Is there a difference in how it feels or some sort of sign?


    ow and Shai Gar, I really enjoy your thoughtful input in my treads all the time!! Did I spell that right?? :shocked:
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  16. Solongo

    Solongo Well-known member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2009
    Threads:
    36
    Messages:
    2,089
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    434
    Trophy Points:
    230
    MBTI:
    INFJ all day
    if i am physically close and i leave my heart area open to receive others energy then I can feel their discomfort and pain. but I consciously protect my heart chakra when this happens.

    But more than physically, I take on other emotional and psychological pain which usually gets me into trouble or i get used for my empathy. I have become careful over the years but it is hard when it comes to friends and family coming to you for help and such. If i deny them then i look like a cold, uncaring person...when in reality i am just protecting myself and choosing to keep myself out of emotional manipulation.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  17. OP
    Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
    Donor

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Threads:
    114
    Messages:
    2,721
    Likes Received:
    467
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ again
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    yeah, I understand! It always seems to come down to two choices to me: or I try to help them but then I need to open up and feel there pain to be able to help, and feel bad myself or I close up and can't give any sollide help at all...
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  18. Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,380
    Messages:
    28,271
    Featured Threads:
    93
    Likes Received:
    22,768
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    I've been reading about this. interesting stuff.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
Loading...

Share This Page