Do you ever feel that you are unfairly "picked on" or "bullied"? | INFJ Forum

Do you ever feel that you are unfairly "picked on" or "bullied"?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by justme, May 21, 2010.

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  1. justme

    justme Two

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    I have been bullied my entire life. Even my own family picks on me. I have been a member of another online community for 11 years and I am bullied on there. I can post something on there and get flamed for it meanwhile another poster posts something similar and no one says a word. I thought that people on the internet would be more accepting of me because I am not as introverted online but still I am not accepted.

    I feel so ridiculous for being bothered by it but its really starting to get old. I just want to be understood and not have negative intentions attributed to my ever action when all I have is good intent. I want to be able to vent about things like other people are allowed and not be accused of having a "victim mentality", I am 33 years old I am still struggling to gain acceptance and get people to like me, that just makes me feel worse, it makes me feel childish.

    It seems I make people mad just by merely existing. Every word I say someone finds offense in it. I am accused of all sorts of things and I'm left standing there wondering what happened because I never mean to cause anyone harm.

    Am I the only freak of nature out there that can't seem to make friends even online and just ticks every one off? :m142:
     
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  2. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    Everything you I have dealt with alot too, though at some points I just give up and shut up. I've been very misanthropic and anti-social these past few days since I've been waylayer by trolls lately.
    This is something I wish too. I don't get it about how some people are allowed to complain worse than we do, but when we do it, its suddenly a big no no. As though we were marked at birth o_o. They see into our minds right away and know how to hurt us the worst, not to mention them wanting to hurt us in the first place, while leaving others alone. It's uncanny how it happens. Makes you feel paranoid after a while, noticing the disparity in treatment.
     
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  3. On my own path

    On my own path Community Member

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    :hug:

    I can relate to some of what you wrote here. I know the feeling of wanting to vent or just to sit and cry without being told of having a " victim mentality" or being judged. Sometimes I feel guilty about complaining or even expressing when I am hurt;some people sometimes just cannot see how hurt someone else is. It's as though any sadness felt is irrelevant and it can leave you feeling misunderstood, abjected, rejected, and a panel of other hurtful feelings :(

    It feels really bad when one does nothing to purposely bother anyone yet one is targeted and one's pain used as another person's amusement. Your different that they are and they treat you abysmally perhaps hoping that you become like them
     
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    #3 On my own path, May 21, 2010
    Last edited: May 21, 2010
  4. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    Not just irrelevant, but people actually get offended that we are sad, especially if its caused by them. I don't know of other types who get this treatment, but we ought to team up and rampage imo.
    If you are nice I know that gets you targeted, which makes it even worse.
     
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  5. RecklessDreamer

    RecklessDreamer Permanent Fixture

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    I used to be picked on alot, but now people just leave me alone completely. I like it this way, being unnoticed. Well... sometimes. Sometimes if feels like people don't even notice when I talk, which is not good.
     
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  6. Zero Angel

    Zero Angel Permanent Fixture

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    Humans like to insulate themselves against vulnerability through mockery and humor. It explains why kids can be so cruel.

    I have been bullied before, especially in late primary and early secondary school. However I feel its because I am not strong enough, or I have given off the wrong impression and emotional data. I don't really feel like a victim in the sense that there was a reason for it all, and it was all within my power to stop it. It's not really unfair when you look at it that way, everyone needs to discover their own source of power. It feels good that I am able to stand up for myself once in awhile.
     
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    #6 Zero Angel, May 21, 2010
    Last edited: May 22, 2010
  7. Jonathan

    Jonathan Community Member

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    Ha! I like this idea!
    In all seriousness, though, I've been there too justme. Especially with my own family. Sometimes it's like I can't say anything that won't offend someone, or I have to explain everything I say so that they get where I'm coming from. It gets exhausting, and usually doesn't produce any results.

    I read somewhere that INFJs have a complicated way of working through their issues. Because we're so in-depth about everything, we just want to talk through all the aspects of what we're going through and be honest with what we're feeling. This is probably what makes us look like we have a victim mentality. It's not that we're trying to say "Oh, poor me, I'll never stop being so upset and everything's against me," but rather we're just working through our thoughts until we can come out the oher side, which is what venting is supposed to be.

    I've come to the point where I'll only vent about things in writing, which really helps, or to people who are willing to listen without getting offended. I just think that maybe my thought process is too complex for people to want to deal with it. I don't want to be misundertood, but I often am, so I'm just learning to "give up and shut up" like DoveAlexa says.
     
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  8. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    Wow this is so weird! I just wrote a huge blog post about being a victim and this pops up right next to it. I'm all spent on this subject right now. I'll come back later.....but so weird.
     
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  9. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    you won't be bullied here, you can be yourself.. people are pretty nice and accepting of personal differences here. i'm really sorry you experienced that, btw. i was never bullied, but i felt left out sometimes, just because of the way i am, the way i think. and it's not childish to want to fit in, it's a basic human desire, probably one of our most fundamental. people feel most content when they believe they belong somewhere, and most discontent when they feel like they belong nowhere. there's no reason to be ashamed to want something that everyone wants, but few admit. i hope you're doing alright *hugs*
     
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  10. Matariki

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    Yes, I can relate with the OP, I have also been bullied for most of my life. Unfortunately I don't have the solution to your situation because I'm currently in it. My sympathies are with you, stick around here on the forums. This is a good place to be. Hopefully you might be able to find the answer here.
     
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    #10 Matariki, May 22, 2010
    Last edited: May 22, 2010
  11. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    Many people in the world have a predator instinct. Like sharks that smell blood, or cats that see something creeping about, they strike - oftentimes, I suspect without fully knowing that they are doing it.

    Among humans, I think bullies are 'set off' by two things: fear and niceness. Fear appeals to some more sick bullies, niceness indicates there will likely be little resistance.

    What could possibly help is to 'give off' some predatory characterisitcs - not in a nasty way, but just enough so that bullies don't consider you 'prey.'
     
  12. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    I don't know about the predator thing, it either makes the people who knew what you were like before want to take you down a notch, thinking you've gotten to big for your britches, or it'll alienate the few people who DO want to be nice to you. I had that problem in grade 6, I was very cold and somewhat haughty from being bullied and wouldn't respond to it as much, but instead people I would be made to work with would assume I was a bitch. Friends were nicer but still they didn't appreciate the attitude change. I stopped that after the grade.

    At work though I avoid getting pushed around by others by repeating the same behaviour. Its okay in work because people expect you to be all about the job anyways, and they recently took my friend away so I have no reason to be nice to my bosses now :(. I actually think my boss is afraid of me some days. She avoids telling me to do anything as much as possible XD. FTW!
     
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  13. Zero Angel

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    Good description. It really does explain why many of us INFJ can appear cold or can even appear scary when need be -- bullying and other forms of adversity has given us a layer of emotional armor that protects us against vulnerability/exploitation, though at the expense of interpersonal relations.
     
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    #13 Zero Angel, May 23, 2010
    Last edited: May 23, 2010
  14. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    I imagine a lot of us can do that "I am going to f-ing KILL YOU" look by now.

    Reminds me of one hilarious time where I was mad at someone for saying something really nasty and just STARED at them while they kept talking in the hopes of explaining themselves. I never said a word for a good 5 minutes as they just kept responding to my unsaid words. Amazing how sometimes you don't have to say anything to get the job done XD.
     
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  15. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    I have noticed that when people try to get my attention - and I give it to them they get uneasy very quickly.

    (I think I like noticing it in some sadistic way... but not too sadistic - I think I like knowing that I'll kind of be let alone more).
     
  16. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    I admit, I love the power trip feel
     
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  17. Faye

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    I used to get made fun of, picked on, and bullied all the time as a child. It was extremely easy to get a reaction out of me, but after I became taller and quieter, people left me alone.

    Also, I may have been kind of intimidating as well.
     
  18. Skathac

    Skathac <font color=#27A601>Community Member</font>

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    I just recently took this test that branded me an INFJ, after reading through all these descriptions a lot of things in my past and present make a lot more sense. I happen across this message board and your thread is the first one to pop out at me.

    Humans can be pretty cruel creatures when you get right down to it. Last time I fell prey to a bully Clinton was in office. What changed from then and now? I've worked in the world, have a few very close friends and numerous acquaintances. Had my fair share of confrontations but they never turned violent and I never walked away with an excessive amount of distress.

    Nobody has anymore power than what you allow them to have over you. Doesn't matter if you are 4'5 or 7'10, a big man can be bullied just like a small woman can be a bully. The internet makes it even worse with its anonymous nature, people are more likely to cut deep because they aren't worried about suffering any repercussions. The way I dealt with it was to build my own suit of emotional armor and express myself to others as a blue collared run of the mill redneck. On the internet I can drop the facade for the most part, after living in the armor awhile the more colorful nature of the persona rears its head now and again.

    Words and looks still sting, but after getting comfortable with the persona over the past decade it is a lot easier for it not to show. Sadly this limits me in that the people I would prefer to identify with don't view me as I am and the others I don't like being around for extended periods of time.

    My family picks at me incessantly, but now I pick back and its more of a friendly back and forth. I came to understand certain people are going to pick at you if you are close to them, if you value any relationship with them then you have to find a common ground.

    Justme you speak of getting bullied on the internet, I'm surprised you've stuck in there as long as you have bud. I generally start off being nice and helpful but when things turn south I either get mean or ghost depending on if the discussion is worth it. I don't believe there is any one way you can go about adapting to this cruel world we live in, you have to find what works for you in a given situation.

    Facing fears can help sometimes. I used to be afraid of crowds, went to Mardi Gras and now they don't make me quite so nervous. Hope something in that long ramble can help you bud, feeling that confrontation is around every corner is a rough way to live :(
     
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